by Tess Oliver
I’d gone home and pulled out the bottle of tequila. I was passed out long before Rocko got home from work. He’d asked a couple of times what had happened, but I’d had no energy to answer. In my tequila stupor, I’d slept through the night and right into the middle of the next day. I was glad I had.
I pulled on my shorts and plodded to the kitchen. The coffee pot was cold. I stuck a cup of it in the microwave, pretty sure the blast of caffeine wouldn’t do much for my aching head. The beach was sunny, but it might as well have been a gray and gloomy day. It felt as if my limbs had been filled with cement. If this was what it meant to be in love with someone then I’d been smart to avoid it all this time. Who needed this shit? Not fucking me. My brothers could have their all-consuming, hardcore love relationships. I was better sticking to my old plan, plenty of sex and little commitment. And, after that little pep talk, I felt even worse. This had been a royal kick in the ass, and something told me it was going to take me a long time to stop feeling the sting.
My reheated coffee in hand, I yanked the rusty beach chair out, set it in the yard and plopped down on the seat. The inside of the moldy house was closing in on me, and I figured the fresh air would ease the pain in my head.
The front door opened and shut. “Rocko?” I called into the house.
The screen slid open. Rocko walked out and looked down at me. “You look like something the tide brought in.”
“Feel like it too. Why are you home so early?”
He chuckled and sat down in the sand to watch the parade of bikes and skaters on the path. “Not sure. Rice sent everyone home for the day. Problem with the inspectors or some shit like that. We’re starting a betting pool on how long until that stupid fuck has a nervous breakdown. He walks around kicking shit and cussing like a snotty kid having a tantrum. But that’s not all. You won’t fucking believe this. He’s hired himself two monstrous looking dudes with the scars and tattoos to match.” He lifted his hand and curled it into a fist. “One of the dudes has nostrils big enough to shove my whole hand up without him fucking noticing. Not that I would, of course. But you get the picture.”
“These guys are part of the crew now?”
He shook his head. “Nah, they’re kind of dressed like him, but sleazier, like they got their suits at some buy one get one free warehouse. They don’t do anything but walk around with their fat fucking arms folded. Today, I was minding my own business, doing my work, and this big shadow dropped over me. I stopped my torch and looked back. One of Rice’s beasts was standing there watching me work.”
I sat forward. “What the fuck? Is he using them for intimidation? The union needs to hear about this.”
“That’s just it. You know, as the only welder I keep to myself, mostly, but every day, new crews show up to replace other guys who have been there from the beginning. I sat with some of the new crew to eat lunch and do a little spying. Turns out he’s been sending away the union members and hiring on free agents, guys who just travel from job to job without a union card or a company to refer them. Under the table workers.”
“Rice must be losing his shit with this project. You should get out of there, Rocko. You know job sites like that are fucking dangerous. Safety codes being broken left and right.”
“I can’t. If I do, we’ll have to give this place up. And I’d have to go home to my parents. Can’t do that, bro. My mom makes me clean my room and eat healthy breakfasts and then she grills me about the girls I’m seeing. Or she asks me why I’m not seeing any girl and then she whines about not having grandchildren.”
I laughed. “There are worse things than that.” I’d missed out on all those things, and the thought of someone caring about your breakfast and your love life and whether you were happy or not, sounded nice to me. My brothers and I always looked out for each other, even living in different states, we checked in on each other a lot. Mostly because we’d all chosen dangerous job paths and because we only had each other. There were no parents or grandparents left to check in on us. Only now, Gage and Luke had found significant others, women who cared about their safety and their happiness.
“I’ll try and stick it out. If things get too sketchy or one of those bodyguards slash intimidators steps over the line, I’ll walk.”
“Rice should probably stop and cut his losses now. He’ll never pass inspections with a crew of carnival workers. That’s all good news for Greg and Maverick’s.”
Rocko dragged his eyes away from two girls who were zipping by on skateboards. “And—?”
“And what?”
“And Noelle. Did you forget about the goddess you’re seeing?”
I didn’t answer and took a drink of coffee.
“Holy shit, she dumped you. Seth Barringer got his ball sack pummeled. Seth Barringer got his heart of steel dented. Seth Barr—”
“Shut the fuck up, Rocko. My head’s already pounding enough without you yammering at me.”
He turned his attention back to the beach, but there was a smile glued to his face. “Imagine fucking that. Barringer has joined the mortal world like the rest of us. Sucks doesn’t it?”
I took another drink of coffee. “Big time.”
He stood up, and I lifted my arm to block the blizzard of sand that came off of him. “You know, of course, what you have to do. You need to get back on the horse. Or should I say back on the pussy. Grace and Terry are having a bonfire party tomorrow night. There’ll be plenty of new fresh faces huddled around the fire pit. It’ll be a good place for you to start.”
“Yeah, I think I’ve got a pity date with Jose Cuervo tomorrow night. Not really in the mood for anything else.”
“Bullshit. You can bring Jose with you.” He glanced up at the blue sky. “It’s hot as hell today. I’m going to get changed and go in the water. Join me. It’ll wash away that sad puppy dog face you’re wearing. It’s depressing the hell out of me.”
The sun wasn’t helping my head, so I took up Rocko’s suggestion, pulled on my trunks and grabbed the fins. Hot temperatures and an easy-going tide had driven most of the beach visitors into the cool, green waves. By the time Rocko and I swam out far enough to catch a few curls, he’d met, flirted with and invited two girls, college coeds no less, who’d been swimming nearby to join us. One of them, Brandi, had short, white blonde hair with round blue eyes and an astounding pair of breasts. She was having a hard time treading water, or at least she claimed she was. She held on to me like a buoy, which, of course, pissed off Rocko because he’d already zeroed in on her as one of his conquests.
“Seth, huh?” Brandi said, clutching my forearm as if it was her life jacket. “You look like a Seth.”
“Didn’t know the name came with a special description.” I realized five minutes after reaching our destination in the water, that I didn’t really want to be out there, and I was definitely not in the mood for flirting and meeting new girls. I was sure this funk wouldn’t last, but I was also sure I needed to get over this first. I needed Noelle out of my system completely. I just wasn’t sure how to do that. But staying here at the beach was probably not going to help.”
Rocko was lifting the second girl, Riley, up on his shoulders because she claimed something squishy had touched her leg.
“Hey, if this job goes south for you, what are you going to do?” I asked Rocko, ignoring the girl attached to my arm and the girl with her thighs around his face.
“I hadn’t really thought of that. Man, you are such a fucking downer today.”
“Yeah, reality bites. I’ll probably just head up to Montana to see Gage. Nothing really to keep me here. But only if you have to bail out of the rental too. Guess it’s all up to the job.”
“Shit, I hate the thought of spending summer with my parents.”
“You guys are leaving soon?” Brandi asked me. “We just got here. You should stay for awhile.” She lifted a finger and dragged it along my chest. “Something tells me we could have some wild fun together.”
I forced a smile. “I
have no doubt of that.” A figure on the shore caught my attention. A wave slapped my back, but it was the girl on the beach who pushed the wind out of me. She’d tied her long dark hair up in a ponytail, and it whipped in the breeze, a strand cutting across her lips, those lips that had come to me a dozen times in my tequila dreams the night before.
She pushed the hair away and a look of profound disappointment crossed her face. I took Brandi’s hand and transferred her death grip to Rocko, who looked more than pleased to have a girl on his shoulders and one on his arm.
“Where are you going?” Brandi asked.
“Back to shore.” A wave curled up behind me, and I rode it back to the beach. Noelle was already trudging back toward the boardwalk by the time I wrenched the tight flippers off my feet.
I jogged up next to her. “They’re just a couple of girls that we met while we were swimming out there.” I spoke fast like a little kid trying to explain why the cookie jar was empty.
She kept walking. “Seth, you don’t have to explain anything to me.”
“Then why the heck are you stomping away from me?”
“I wanted to talk, but you were busy. What you do is none of my business.”
I grabbed her hand and she stopped. Her eyes were glassy as she faced me.
“I want it to be your business, Noelle. Fuck, I want to go back in time forty-eight hours, back when I could stand in front of you and I mattered and I knew that I could pull you into my arms and kiss you. I want that. I fucking want that time before the letter. That’s the only difference between now and then, the letter.”
Her long lashes shaded her cheeks as she dropped her sad gaze to the sand. Her thin shoulders lifted and fell as if she was taking a breath to steel herself for what she needed to say. Her dark brown eyes glittered in the crisp light of the day as she lifted her face. “I can’t.” She swallowed back a sob. “I can’t leave him yet. You are amazing and witty and breathtakingly handsome and so damn fun to be with and you make me feel everything that I hadn’t felt in a long time, but I can’t do this yet. I came here because I needed to tell you that. I’m sorry, Seth.”
I nodded. “Yeah, all right. Then that’s it.” I looked around the beach at nothing in particular. There was already a crazy amount of people and towels and bright umbrellas. I faced her again. “It was good. Just to let you know, it was really good. I’m going to miss it.”
Long strands had loosened from her ponytail and they whipped across her cheek as she peered up at me for a long, silent moment. Then she dragged her gaze away and headed back toward the path.
Feminine laughter mingled with Rocko’s deep grating voice. I turned around. The three of them were walking toward me, and I released a sigh of irritation that they could not have missed. Apparently, I’d created a monster with my friend Rocko. I’d always shown him a side of me that was all about good times and never about harsh realities, like the reality that all these years I’d been an asshole when it came to girls.
“We’re all going up to the house to have some beer,” Rocko said. “You coming?”
“Not right now.” I glanced back up toward the path. Noelle’s long legs carried her back to her house and away from me. Away from me for good, it seemed.
Rocko pointed out the house. “It’s right there, girls. Make yourselves comfortable. I’ll be right in.”
They walked on ahead of him.
“It’s done for good?” Rocko asked following the direction of my gaze.
“Yep. Her heartbreak is still too fresh.”
He clapped his hand on my shoulder. “Along with yours, I see. Shake it off, bro. Now come up to the house and have some beers.”
“Not in the mood, Rocko.”
He blew out an annoyed breath. “Fine, but you’re coming with me tomorrow night. I’ve got to get you out of this black mood or this whole fucking summer is a bust.”
I followed Rocko to the house and made my excuse that a friend needed my help on his boat. Greg had texted me earlier, but I was feeling like crap and I’d told him I probably wouldn’t make it out to the marina today. Now it seemed like the best place to be.
***
Greg was just packing up his stuff as I reached the boat. He looked at me from behind dark sunglasses and a heavy layer of sun block on his nose. He pointed to his white nose. “The doctor told me I had a spot on my nose that I needed to cover or I’d be losing the nose soon. I keep forgetting. Noelle told me she wanted proof now that I was wearing it.”
“That looks like proof to me.”
He pulled off his sunglasses and wiped them on his shirt. “Now if I could just figure out how to keep it from greasing up my shades.”
“You’re heading out already then? Sorry I didn’t get out here, I was—”
“You don’t need to explain, Seth. I figured that letter yesterday sent Noelle back into that little fortress she’s built for herself.”
I stepped down on the deck. The box with the steering wheel, still sealed shut with packing tape, sat on the captain’s chair. I wondered if Greg would ever open it. He seemed to sense what I was thinking.
“I guess the letter threw me too. It was a weird moment in time seeing that envelope.” He stopped for a moment. His words had stuck behind a tight throat again. “Like for a brief second in time, Hayden was still alive and just writing to tell us we’d see him soon. I know that’s how it was for Elle, seeing that letter. It had to be shocking and heartbreaking all at once.” He stepped up to me, that familiar sage-like scent of weed surrounding him and that kind, easy-going grin on his face. He put his hand on my shoulder. “Give her time, Seth. She’ll come around.”
“She let me know today that she wasn’t ready for this. There’s a good chance my stay down here is going to come to an end sooner than I thought. Time is something I don’t have.”
“That’s a shame. I’ll really miss having you around.” He lowered his hand and picked up his ice chest. “I’ve got to get to the shop. Grace said we were busy, and I told Noelle to take the day off.”
“Mind if I stay and work for awhile. Helps take my mind off things.”
He waved his arm around the boat. “Be my guest. Much appreciated.” He stepped onto the dock and then stopped and turned back to me. “If Noelle isn’t all that important to you then it’s better that it ended before it really got started. Better for her, at least. But if this is important to you, which I get the sense it is, then stop letting her call all the shots. Noelle’s not fragile. She never has been. If it’s something you really want, then push aside your pride and make that clear to her.”
Chapter 21
Noelle
It was always like sitting on another planet, the beach at dawn. The new morning sun was still just a yellow and orange smear in a layer of fuzzy clouds. It was so early some of the stars hadn’t gone to sleep yet. They twinkled in a patch of navy blue sky where the light of sunrise hadn’t yet reached, making it seem as if the Earth still had one foot on each side of the fence between night and day.
I pulled the hood of my sweatshirt up over my head and shoved my hands in the pockets. My fingers rested on the folded paper, the letter. I’d read it five more times, and after the last time, when I’d folded it up neatly and pushed it into the top drawer of my dresser, I’d promptly pulled it back out and read it again. Now I carried it with me for no particular reason except to know it was still there.
When Greg heard that the surf was going to be good, he’d gotten it in his head to take the boards out at dawn and beat the summer crowds. At least a dozen other hardcore surfers were out with us. Most of them knew Greg and were thrilled to see him out there. He rarely took his board out, but he could still carve a wave with the best of them. Still feeling blue about everything, I had opted out of getting in the water and went only to watch. It was always a blast watching Greg out on the waves, doing the thing that he loved best.
As more light covered the beach, Duke pulled out of his sleepy stupor, and the ball throwing be
gan. We’d be long gone before the lifeguards arrived, so Duke was free to roam and play.
I got up and walked with my dog, hoping to warm up my arms and legs. It was still early enough in summer that the temperature difference between night and day was stark. In a few hours, people would be wading in the water to keep cool, but right now, in the flimsy shadows of dawn, the water looked cold and uninviting . . . like my heart.
Summer had started off so grandly. For the first time in two years, I’d allowed myself to step past the pain. I’d allowed myself to smile and laugh and even fall for someone. And I really was falling for Seth . . . and hard. I’d pulled back fast for that reason. The letter had picked me up and transported me right back to that place I’d been before, where nothing in my life seemed right and caring for someone other than Hayden seemed utterly wrong.
Duke and I walked several lifeguard towers away from the surfers before turning around. Greg was riding his board to shore as we got back. He was shaking his head to get water out of his ear, something he’d been told by his doctor to avoid.
Duke and I caught up to him as he reached the shore with his board tucked under his arm. He leaned his head over and tapped the top ear to push water out the other side.
“Did it work?” I asked.
“Nah, damn it. I took a spill and lost the damn earplug. Sounds like I’ve got a lot in there too. I’ve got some of those drops at home.” We walked up to his towel, and he peeled out of his wet suit. “You missed out on some good sets.”
“I know. I sort of regretted not bringing my board once I saw you out there having so much fun. But my enthusiasm for everything, except moping, of course, is at an all time low.”
We sat down. The colors in the sky were like a collage of watercolors that no artist could duplicate. The low warbling cries of pigeons and gulls had started up to announce the coming day.