by Tia Souders
As if to prove her point, over the next twenty minutes, she tried to focus on the nuanced romance of Romeo and Juliet in her literature class. She really did, but she found nothing more mundane than the tale of the two star-crossed lovers who foolishly lost their lives for each other. I mean, how lame was that? Hadn’t they ever heard of self-perseverance?
After raising her hand and excusing herself to the restroom, she retrieved her purse from her bookbag and hurried into the ladies’ room and locked the stall door behind her. Pulling out the journal, she stooped on the toilet like a bird and opened it to the last entry she had read in full.
The worst part of Auschwitz was not the beatings, nor the hunger pangs, lice, the humiliation, nudity, or pain. Nor the constant fear. It was being forced to aid in the killing and disposal of your own people, but what choice did we have? Refuse and you were killed. Another Jewish prisoner would be there instantly to take your place. We were disposable. There were so many of us, and so there was no point in refusing. Either I do as I was told or someone else would have to. And so began my involvement as a Sonderkommando...
Abby finished only half of the passage before pausing. Bile rose in the back of her throat. She pressed a hand to her stomach, trying to quell the rising nausea.
This was the reason she skimmed through these entries. They were unimaginable, excruciating to read.
“What exactly are you doing?”
Abby jumped, practically falling off the side of the toilet as she lost her balance. Glancing up at the sound of the voice, Cammie peered over the next stall, her gaze focused on the journal in Abby’s hands.
Snapping it shut, she stood and moved the book behind her body. “Me? What are you doing?”
A resounding thud echoed in the stall next to her as Cammie disappeared from sight and dropped to her feet, then banged on Abby’s door. When she opened it, Cammie stood there, rigid, cheeks pink with anger. “Why are you hiding in here? And what are you reading?”
“Nothing.” Abby tried to sidestep her but had nowhere to go, cornered in the tiny stall. “Why are you in here checking up on me?”
“Um, because you’ve been in the bathroom for over twenty minutes. Class is almost over.”
Taking her off-guard, Cammie gripped the book with one hand and extracted it from Abby’s fingers. Even as she stood on her toes, thrashing at the air, trying to get it back, Cammie’s height proved a greater advantage as she held it out of Abby’s reach.
“Tell me what this is?” Cammie demanded.
“I can’t.” Abby glared.
“I’ll read it for myself and find out.” Cammie turned and held the book out, opening to a random passage. “What the—?”
Abby lunged toward the journal, ripping it from her grasp. “It’s an old diary I found in my grandmother’s things. It’s no big deal.”
Cammie frowned, her green eyes wary, which made Abby wonder what she read. “Well, why in the world are you leaving in the middle of class to read it? I know she just died and you two were super close. Closer than us,” she said, gesturing between them. “But you’re acting really weird.” She paused and narrowed her eyes. “It’s like there’s more going on.”
Had she always been this perceptive?
When Abby said nothing, Cammie stepped forward and placed an arm around her. “I know we’ve never been besties like Sara and Trish,” she said, referring to the other girls they hung out with at school. “Like, we’ve never been the kind of friends that share secrets and do each other’s makeup or gossip about boys, but...” Cammie bit her lip, looking unsure of herself. “I figured maybe we could be... I don’t know. Closer now. I know you need a friend, and I’m here if you need me. Whatever’s going on, you can tell me, and I can help, or at least try to. But you can’t keep pushing me away.”
Abby said nothing for a moment. Was she really that crappy of a friend?
Of course, she was. She had reserved most weekends for family, and that was great and all but maybe a little bit strange, too. There was something wrong with an eighteen-year-old girl saving some of the best years of her social life for an almost-eighty-year-old woman. But her family had always seemed to hang on so tight, and Abby had never minded. But now that GG was gone, Abby was left with a big gaping hole in her heart.
Abby tried for a smile, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “Yeah. I’d like that,” she said, hoping she sounded genuine. She might be emotionally drained at the moment, but Cammie was right. Abby needed to let her in. She needed a close friend.
“And I have big news,” Cammie grinned, then clapped her hands. “I got into George Mason! So, we’ll be going to the same college in the fall.”
“That’s awesome.” Abby wrapped her arms around Cammie in a hug.
College.
For the first time since her grandmother got sick, she thought of college. It had consumed her thoughts prior to her diagnosis. Like any other soon-to-be-graduate, she craved independence and couldn’t wait to start a new chapter in her life. But with GG gone, everything seemed different. All her plans forgotten.
Her grandmother wouldn’t get to see Abby graduate next month. She wouldn’t be there to drop her off that first day of school. She’d share absolutely no part of Abby’s future because she was gone, and the thought of it burned her gut like acid.
Cammie’s eyes brightened, oblivious to Abby’s plight. “Does this mean you’ll go to the baseball game with me tonight? To celebrate?”
“Um, I’ll think about it.” Abby murmured, then started toward the bathroom door with Cammie by her side.
Pushing her grief aside, Abby took Cammie’s distraction to her advantage and tucked the journal behind her back, grateful it had been forgotten. She’d finish reading the entry later. The last thing she needed was to answer more questions about the journal.
CHAPTER EIGHT
Abby snapped to attention. Her head jerked forward, her gaze leaving the doodles on her notebook to focus on the blackboard at the front of the class.
“Miss Bridges, are you with us today?” Mr. Delgado asked, staring at her with razor sharp focus.
“Uh, yeah. Yeah, sorry.” Abigail cleared her throat and picked up her pen, ready to take notes on...well, whatever they were talking about.
Mr. Delgado clasped his hands in front of himself and lifted his brows, waiting, for what, she wasn’t sure. With a cursory glance to the classmates around her, she noted the stares, devoid of any clues from their blinking eyeballs as to what they were talking about.
When her eyes met Kaden’s, shock crackled in her veins. She had forgotten they shared this class. Hadn’t he mentioned it at the park?
He glanced away so fast she wondered if she imagined him watching her. Then again, half the class was staring, likely enjoying her discomfort as Mr. Delgado waited for an answer to a question she hadn’t heard.
Glancing back to the front of the class, she watched him cross his arms over his chest, his mouth flattening into a line of disapproval. “We’re waiting for your answer to number five.”
Frowning, her gaze flickered back to Kaden. The muscle in his jaw ticked. Something about his expression bothered her, but she had no time to contemplate it now.
Abigail glanced down to her blank notebook paper. Nothing but random squiggles covered her page. How had she not done a single problem while the rest of the class worked?
“Um...I didn’t get that one. I was having trouble with it.”
Mr. Delgado sighed and moved on, calling on someone else who rattled off the answer, but Abby didn’t have the mind to care. Too many other things clogged the pipes of her thoughts to worry about one tiny math problem. Regardless, she tried to focus but found it nearly impossible, preoccupied with thoughts of GG, Lawson, and the deposit box key. When the bell rang several minutes later, signaling the end of class, relief swept through her as she made her way toward Kaden.
“Miss Bridges?” Mr. Delgado’s stern tone stopped her. “I expect the problems we did today durin
g class to be done tonight in addition to your homework and turned in tomorrow. Got it?”
The heat of embarrassment rose to her cheeks as she nodded. “Sure.”
She needed to get a grip. First, she completely zoned out during the chemistry quiz second period, only to turn in a nearly blank test. She forgot her health homework, and on top of it all, she completely missed out on today’s calculus notes. Doing the classwork, plus their homework tonight should be fun.
Way to go, Abby.
She turned away from Mr. Delgado and noted Kaden’s retreating form. Hurrying, she caught up and jumped in front of him, blocking his path. “Hey.”
“Hey,” he said but didn’t meet her gaze.
He moved around her, heading for the door, but Abby wasn’t letting him get away that easy. She swung her backpack over her shoulder and rushed to his side to stop him. “What’s wrong?”
She followed him out the door and into the hall. “You’re not still mad at me for hitting you, are you?”
Kaden stopped mid-stride. “No.”
“So, then why are you annoyed with me?”
His gaze flickered to hers, then away again. “Who said I’m annoyed with you?” He started to walk again.
“Uh, you’re kinda obvious.”
She hooked her thumbs through the arms of her bookbag and continued to follow him, imploring him with wide eyes.
Sighing, he finally glanced over at her. “You have no clue, do you?”
“Not the slightest.”
“Yesterday, right before you left...” he trailed off like she should understand.
Her forehead creased in concentration, and Abby tried to recall what he was talking about. Did she say something to offend him? All she could think about was finding the business card for Lawson.
“You asked if I wanted a ride to school,” he finished for her.
Abby clasped a hand over her mouth and gasped. “Oh, no,” she mumbled, then smacked a hand to her forehead. “Oh, my gosh. I am so so sorry. I totally flaked. I forgot, I swear. That was before I—”
“No, it’s cool.” He shrugged and kept walking.
“Hey, no. Wait,” she said, stopping him. “I really did forget. You can’t be mad at me. It’s a rule.”
“A rule?” A smirk touched the edges of his mouth, and Abby realized with a jolt she wanted to see him smile. Even though she hardly knew him, she didn’t want him mad at her.
“Yeah. I get a free pass. You know, it’s a bereavement rule. I’m allowed to be spacey.”
“Uh-huh. So, first you break park rules, then you try to kill me with your vicious yellow car, and then you stand me up for our date. Now you want me to pretend none of that happened because your grandma died?”
“Exactly. Minus the date part.” Abby’s nerves twisted in her stomach. “I never said it was a date.”
“Fine. We can go out. You don’t have to beg.”
Abby frowned. “I wasn’t... I didn’t...” she trailed off as Kaden beamed, clearly amused by riling her.
With a sigh, she crossed her arms over her chest. “So, are we good?”
“Sure.” Kaden rocked back on his heels, eying her with unwavering scrutiny. “I’d love to know what’s going on in that head of yours.”
“What?” Abby took a step back. The seriousness of his expression disarmed her.
“Your head.” He reached out and tapped the side of her head. “I can tell this thing is running a million miles an hour, like a rat in a wheel. Do you ever give it a rest?”
Abby swallowed. “I have a lot going on right now. There’s this thing... I can’t tell anyone about and... I’m sorry.” She closed her eyes. “I’m just preoccupied. But did you just compare me to a rat?”
When she blinked her eyes open again, he grinned and shifted his gaze from her face to the fists by her side. In slow motion, he reached out to her like she was a caged animal, easily frightened and ready to run, and placed his hands underneath hers. His fingers moved, brushing her skin and uncurling her nails from the flesh of her palms. The warmth of his touch eased the rubber bands in her chest, stronger than any painkiller.
“So, I take it you’re not mad? About my forgetting to pick you up?” she asked.
He shook his head, saying nothing.
Nerves mounting in the silence, Abby shifted on her feet and began to blab as a way to ease the beating of wings in her belly. “That’s the second time I’ve had to ask if you were mad at me in the last three days—the entire length of our knowing each other. Two out of three. That’s some record, huh?”
“Two of three days for you, maybe. But I noticed you long ago. The night in the park wasn’t the first time.” He released her hands and took a step back and smiled. “I’ll see you tonight at six.”
“Tonight? For what?”
“You don’t remember? I’m coming to dinner.”
Abby screwed up her face, confused. “You’re coming to dinner?”
Kaden shrugged. “Okay, yeah. I guess I can come.”
“Wait a minute. I—”
“Gotta go.” With a grin, he turned and waved goodbye.
Abby dropped her arms by her side. “What just happened?”
CHAPTER NINE
April 14, 1943
After we arrived at Auschwitz and they separated us, my father and I shuffled forward, away from the cattle cars.
My father bowed his head, while tears silently streamed down his face. This lack of composure, so unlike him, scared me more than the smoke or the flames because I’ve never seen him cry.
“I’m sorry,” he said, unable to meet my eye. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, son.”
One of the Jewish prisoners told the man next to us to lie about his age. “Do you want to go to the crematorium? See that smoke?” He nodded in the direction of the brick building with the black smog. He turned to my father and me, but before he could say anything else, a man with a clipboard—clearly a doctor—assisted by SS Officers, questioned us. Our age and health, to which my father did not lie. He’d always prided himself on being a man of integrity, and I suppose that was all he had left.
The seconds of scrutiny felt like hours, and when they finished, they broke up our group, yet again. They separated me from my father.
“Be brave,” he whispered to me. “Keep hope.” He moved into the first group, and a part of me wanted to go after him, to throw myself alongside him, no matter what that meant because I couldn’t lose everyone. I couldn’t be on my own. I was sixteen. Nearly a man, but I suddenly felt like a little boy—not near old enough.
I didn’t run after him. I didn’t follow. Instead, I stood there and watched as my father shuffled along while my group was ordered to move alongside the train tracks. And as we neared the ditch with the flames, my stomach sunk because I knew...
In horror, I watched as the front group—the one where my father marched headfirst to his own death—arrived. I watched as an officer put a bullet in his head, then threw him into the pit. Some of the children, too young to work in the camp, were wrenched by the arms and thrown in alive.
It wasn’t until I took the butt of a gun to the head a second later, I realized I was screaming. I wobbled on my feet and fell to the ground, choking on my own vomit. A man behind me prodded me to get up, and somehow, I managed. The fear of being thrown into the fire with the burning flesh propelled me forward. Just as we neared the pit, the officers told us to make a righthand turn where we arrived at our bunkers.
I had survived. At least for one night.
ABBY SHIFTED HER GAZE to her speedometer and nudged the gas pedal a bit further. She had been engrossed in the journal, sipping her chai tea at Daily Grind and perfectly content in her solitude when she realized she was late. For a dinner she hadn’t even scheduled.
She glanced at the clock again, like the numbers might magically change. In reality, she hardly knew Kaden so the thought of upsetting him shouldn’t bother her. But it did. And that revelation was more frustrating than any
thing.
She had a secret to unveil. The last thing she needed was a boy interfering in her life. Who did he think he was? Inviting himself to dinner. Served him right for being overly confident.
The biggest problem was not her being late so much as her being late meant he had either shown up and gotten angry and left, or he was spending time with her parents. Alone.
Abby wasn’t sure which was worse.
When she pulled into her driveway ten minutes later and hurried out of the car and into the house, she stopped in her tracks as she entered the dining room. Glancing up from the table, plates empty and smeared with remnants of their meal, her mother and father glared at her with barely restrained anger. Kaden sat next to them, and when he turned to her, he flashed her a smile for the briefest of moments before it faded, and he glanced over at her parents with sad eyes.
Abby frowned, as her mother reached out and patted his hand.
“Where were you?” her mother asked. Her eyes turned to steel as she waited for an answer.
Her father crumpled his napkin and threw it onto his plate, glaring at her.
“Um. I, uh, had a project at school I needed to work on, and I totally lost track of time,” she said, thinking it wasn’t entirely a lie.
“Why didn’t you answer your phone?” her father asked.
Abby frowned, reached into her purse, and pulled out her phone to reveal five missed calls from her mother. “Oh. I must’ve forgotten I put it on vibrate. You know, library rules and all.” Abby chuckled, then straightened and cleared her throat at her mother’s answering scowl.
“You remember Kaden, right?” Her mother crossed her arms over her chest. “You asked him to come to dinner?”
“Well, I...” She swallowed and ran her hands through her hair, lifting it off her neck out of habit, then let it fall, trying to think of an explanation.