by S. Young
As if sensing her defiance, Lucien repeated the command.
Um, it may be better at this point to just humor the angry lykan.
Keeping her back to him, Caia drew Sebastian’s shirt over her head and heard Lucien’s intake of breath. She tried not to be pleased at how she affected him, but it must’ve been a female thing because she couldn’t help but want to wag her tail in smugness. Instead she quickly threw Lucien’s black shirt on, which drowned her even more than Sebastian’s had.
He looked somewhat appeased by her obedience, but still blazing angry.
“And why are you here?” he bit out.
She braced herself for war. “To get Jaeden back. We’re coming with you.”
Lucien had a hold of her so quickly, he gave her whiplash. “Like Hades you are.”
“You can’t stop me,” she replied calmly.
His face crumpled, losing all anger and filling with desperation. “Caia, I can’t go into this worrying about your safety.”
“You need someone, a magikal someone, in there with you. And I need to do this.”
Lucien shook her none too gently. “It is not your fault they took her.”
“Yes. It. Is.”
“Caia—”
“I’m not arguing with you, Lucien. You either let me go with you or I’ll use my magik to keep you here and go it alone.”
His eyes narrowed dangerously. “You’ve not got that kind of power yet.”
Caia tensed at the challenge and smiled humorlessly. “You wanna bet?” And with that, she drew her focus and energy carefully into seizing hold of Lucien. He gasped as his hands dropped from her upper arms and he was gently pushed back by an invisible force. She smiled at his surprise, which seemed to infuriate him back to his senses. He made a move toward her, only to bounce off an invisible barrier between them.
“Caia,” he warned as he hit at the barrier.
Her amusement faded as he walked the length of the room trying to escape the shield she’d created around him. Marion had taught her this the day she returned, and Caia had picked it up with surprising ease. But watching Lucien growl and hiss and spit in his growing failure, Caia felt terrible, caging him in. She didn’t want to do this to him.
The barrier disappeared, and Lucien regained his hold of her. “Don’t ever do that again.” His hot breath rushed across her face and she closed her eyes, not wanting to see his dislike of her.
“Caia, look at me,” he demanded.
She shook her head.
“Look at me.”
Slowly her eyes fluttered open. Lucien didn’t look angry anymore. Sad. Awed. Scared.
“You’re not disgusted?” she whispered.
He shook his head. “Not happy either, though.”
“I don’t want to do that to you, Lucien, but I will. To protect you, to protect Jaeden, I will.”
She felt him tremble and knew he was trying to remain calm. He definitely didn’t like not getting his own way. He let go of her and dropped heavily onto one of the beds, his elbows braced on his knees, his head buried in his hands. “Fine,” he said wearily.
Caia wanted to rejoice. She had won a battle with him. She would get to be there to see Jaeden out of the clutches of her twisted uncle. She would make sure Lucien would get home safely too.
And then she could get on with her life. “Before we get Jaeden back, we need to talk.” Quietly she settled into a threadbare armchair in the corner, distancing herself physically from him.
He looked up, his eyes searching. “About what?”
“Us.”
He nodded and exhaled loudly. “Is this about the Center?”
“Partly.”
Unnerved, Caia waited for him to say anything, but he sat immobile, like stone, so stoic now compared to the writhing animal he’d been fifteen minutes before.
“I think the air should be honest and clear between us before we rescue Jaeden.”
“Agreed.” He shifted casually so that he lay across the bed, his back pressed against the headboard. Caia looked away, hot flashbacks scoring across her mind. Damn it. It was the whole mating thing, she assured herself. The attraction between them would always be there because of that.
Caia swallowed and managed to look at him, annoyed by the mischievous light in his eyes that told her he knew what she was thinking.
“From the beginning, here’s the truth.” She tried to maintain eye contact. “I had a crush on you almost from the start. A huge, embarrassing, adolescent crush.” His lips quirked smugly and she bristled. “Enough of that.”
He chuckled. “The attraction was mutual, believe me.”
Caia didn’t want to hear that. She especially didn’t want to feel elated at the news.
“Anyway,” she said, trying to sound all business, “you have to think how it was for me, Lucien. I hadn’t had anyone in my life, and then all of a sudden, there was the pack. And you. I felt safe with you.”
The quiet vulnerability in her voice was obvious, and Lucien shifted, sitting straighter, more alert. “Good,” he said hoarsely.
“No. Not good—”
“But—”
“Lucien, please listen. It wasn’t good because I was devastated when I learned about my mother and father and the Midnights. I was torn up, and not just because of the truth … but because you, my safe place … hid it from me.”
He swung his legs off the bed, leaning forward, his eyes full of anguish. “You said you forgave me.”
“I do.” She nodded quickly. “I understand why you did it. I would’ve done the same thing to protect the pack. But it still doesn’t change the fact that my feelings for you were no longer quite the same as before. But …” She looked away embarrassed. “I was still attracted to you, still respected and admired you. And yes, I eventually forgave you. Learning about my powers also took my mind off it, off you, for a while. But then Jaeden was taken, and when we realized she’d been gone for a long time, I … you can’t tell me it’s not my fault.”
“But it isn’t.” He launched himself off the bed and strode toward her. He bent down and grasped her hands, his silver eyes pleading with her. “You have to believe that.”
“I believe that you believe that. But I will always blame myself, and I can’t stop that. I’m sorry.”
Her Alpha cursed and then tugged on her hands. “What are you trying to tell me here?”
Caia heaved another sigh. “That night … we … well …”
“Had sex,” he offered bluntly.
She nodded and continued. “Yes. It was—I was scared and sad, and you were there making me feel safe again. I wanted to be with you, I want you to know that.”
She felt his hands stroke her skin softly, seductively, and had to fight from shivering.
“I want you too,” he said.
“Don’t. That’s not where I’m going with this.”
“Then where are you going with this?”
She decided to be just as blunt with him. “Not telling me about the mating was the last straw with you, Lucien.”
He tensed and she caught the angry fear in his lupine gaze. “What does that mean?”
“I was a pawn for my mother, for my uncle. I’m even a pawn for the Daylights, I’m not stupid. I’m their ultimate weapon. But that night, I realized I was pawn for you too—”
“Caia, no—”
“Yes. I was, Lucien!” She threw him off, standing up and pacing away from him. “You kept everything to yourself when you had months to tell me. And you didn’t even have an excuse because by then, you knew me. You knew me. And you didn’t trust me. You wanted to control me like you control the pack.”
“That’s not even close to the truth!” he yelled, his whole body thrumming with anger. She was pushing him to his limits.
“I don’t take it personally, Lucien,” she replied calmly. “It’s what an Alpha does. It’s who he needs to be for the good of his pack. And again … I forgive you.”
His tension eased. “Then
you will …”
Caia shook her head. “I can’t be with you like that. All my life my choices have been taken away from me. Sent away from the pack. Brought back to the pack. Hidden from the truth. I won’t have that choice taken from me too. And I won’t have my choice to go to the Center taken away from me either. Even though Marita wants me for Daylight ends, I can’t see the wrong in that. I can protect the pack, and every other Daylight creature, by going to the Center and becoming the best I can be and taking down the bastards who have stolen my choices from me. You got to kill Adriana and avenge your father. Well, I want to avenge my father.”
“By leaving me, by leaving the pack?”
Caia nodded. “After Jaeden is safe and home, I’m leaving with Marion.”
Lucien made a choking noise, his hand clenched in his hair in frustration. “Caia, do you not know what this means? This will destroy the pack as we know it. This will lead to a Lunarmorte after my death. The pack will be in disarray.”
Her heart cracked a little at his argument. “Because you can’t have children with anyone but me?”
She didn’t need him to answer, and he didn’t. What had she been expecting? Of course his family line was the most important factor here! Not declarations of love. She wasn’t even sure she loved him, so why should he say it to her? And would it make her stay? She didn’t want to contemplate the answering yes that was buried in the back of her mind.
“I’m sorry, Lucien,” her voice cracked. “I have to put the good of all before the pack.”
He snorted. “How heroic.”
“Don’t.”
“Don’t what? You’re drunk on your power and nothing else matters.”
Caia flinched. How could he think that? “I guess you don’t know me very well,” she whispered.
Lucien chuckled, low and incredulous, and when he looked at her again, his eyes were flat and emotionless. He had never looked at her like that before. “I guess I don’t. But you don’t have to worry about me interfering with your plans. The pack means everything to me, and I won’t have anything to do with someone who puts it last. I don’t want a mate like you. Not ever.”
A fierce, sharp pain throbbed in her chest.
After a moment of staring into those blank eyes, Caia numbly turned from him, pulled his shirt carefully over her head, and replaced it with Sebastian’s. When she turned back, Lucien remained like stone, his eyes not even flickering over her change.
“We have one thing left in common, Lucien. And that’s our desire to get Jaeden back. Can you do this one thing with me?”
He nodded sharply, militantly, and resumed Alpha mode. “I’ll call the others in.”
His heart was beating ferociously, and he hoped the others couldn’t hear. As they sat in the motel room going over their plans, Lucien was near sweating with the exertion it took to remain cool and aloof. The others were all aware of the tension in the room, of the cool politeness he was showing Caia. He could feel Ryder’s worried gaze and tried to shrug it off.
It was over.
He couldn’t believe it. For most of his life, he’d fought the fact that his dad had taken away his choices and given him to Caia like a toy. But then his father had died, and Lucien knew he had to protect the pack at all costs, even if that meant becoming mate to a half-lykan, half-magik young woman who had no attachments in this world.
He hadn’t expected to fall in love with her.
And now he hated her for being able to walk away so easily when he felt as if his soul was split in two. Lucien tried to concentrate on the plans to get Jaeden back—Jaeden, the sweetest, kindest young female in the pack, who loved the pack, who would do anything for the pack, who had been taken because of a young half lykan, half magik who would sooner have glory than give a shit about the pack! Jaeden deserved his concentration. She didn’t deserve to be put on the back burner while his hands still itched to claw the life out of Sebastian as he stroked Caia’s arm in comfort. Was she in love with the young lykan boy? Was that why she was leaving?
“What do you think, Lucien?”
He looked at Ryder, ashamed that he didn’t know what he’d said. “About what?”
“A quick bite before we go?”
He hadn’t missed anything important.
“Sure.” He nodded.
Jaeden. He clenched his fists. It’s all about Jaeden.
28
Lunarmorte
They decided to leave Sebastian’s car at the motel and take only Lucien’s truck. He drove with Ryder and Aidan up front beside him. Caia sat in the truck bed with Sebastian and Christian, enjoying the wind that tangled with her hair and beat against her face.
Lucien hadn’t spoken a word to her that he hadn’t needed to utter. Hate, she could deal with. It was an emotion; it meant that he cared enough to at least do that. But the blank indifference was like a knife cutting her into pieces. She’d thought she hadn’t known who she was before she came back to the pack. The pain of that was nothing compared to this new hurt.
“We’ll get her, Caia, don’t worry.” Sebastian drew her into his side, misinterpreting her silence. She glanced up at him, and then at Christian who twirled his wedding band around and around on his finger. His face was drawn and anxious, his eyes sad. He looked so exhausted.
“If we get her back,” Christian suddenly spoke, “it doesn’t change what’s happening here. What we’ve decided to ignore.”
“What do you mean?” Sebastian whispered in confusion.
“We’ve been happy to hide ourselves away, protected by Marion. But while we’ve been doing that, how many other brothers and fathers and husbands have had to hunt down their loved ones … or bury them … or die dishonored because they failed those under their protection?” He choked, and Caia knew he was filled with as much guilt over Jaeden’s predicament as she was.
He looked up at Caia now, his blue eyes so like Jaeden’s, burning with determination. The tension rioted through the entire truck. They were all listening to Christian’s words. “This isn’t just about us anymore. You’re the reason we even have a lead on my sister. And if we find her, Caia, if we save her, then that’s because of you. You can’t just let power like that go to waste.” His eyes flickered toward Lucien who kept driving but had visibly tensed.
Caia wondered if the others had been eavesdropping on her and Lucien’s argument. “You have to do what you can to bring the Midnights under control and end this war. Even if it means leaving the pack.” Yes, they had been eavesdropping. “I for one wouldn’t blame you.”
A single tear rolled down her cold cheek. “Thank you,” she whispered, and he nodded before turning away and closing his eyes to the wind.
So maybe she had destroyed the person she could have been for the pack. But Christian was right. Leaving the pack wouldn’t take away who she was—it would just change what she was going to be, and maybe for the better for everyone.
When the icy sensation she’d come to know as Ethan crawled through her skin like tiny bugs, Caia made Lucien pull over. They sat on a road that ran through woodland, and like a virtual tour in her head, she could see that one mile to their left, through thick trees, past a small creek and a deer that chewed casually on foliage, was an L-shaped house built like a large shack. To the rear, where they would enter from the woods, a small porch door was guarded by an energy she could now attribute to a daemon. They would be safe from the front where another daemon stood guard; they would have to take care of it.
Caia concentrated and walked through the back door and into the home in her mind. It was dark, stark, and dismal with the distasteful residue of Midnight magik in every corner. The sitting room with its beat-up sofas and broken TV was empty. Caia strolled past, checking the two bedrooms, also empty. Finally, she turned the corner and walked into the large kitchen. The floor in the center was completely devoid of furniture, the kitchen itself consisting of plain white cupboards and counters running along the walls. But she wasn’t interested in that.
Coming back to herself, Caia glanced at the males who waited expectantly by the side of the truck.
“There are two daemons.” She nodded. “One at the back, one at the front. We’re going to enter from the back, so the daemon there will be the trickiest to take out without alerting the other one. Ethan’s not there, but Jaeden still is.”
Christian drew in a breath of relief. “So all we have to do is deal with two daemons and we have Jaeden home free.”
Caia nodded. “If we move quickly. I suggest that you”—she gestured to Christian—“Sebastian, Aidan, and Ryder all change. Lucien and I will remain human to get Jaeden out.” She glanced up at Lucien to see if he agreed.
Despite looking annoyed that she had taken control, he nodded.
“Good. Now let’s talk strategy … ”
Once they had formulated their plan, the four males changed, and Caia and Lucien walked into the woods. They said nothing to one another, but the tension remained thick around them. As the trees whispered behind them, Caia gave the four large lykans who padded toward her, a bolstering smile. Sebastian, tawny and beautiful, padded over to her, brushing his face against her leg affectionately. She patted him and ignored the ever-growing coolness from Lucien.
“No heroics,” he said between clenched teeth. “In and out. I mean it.”
“Of course.”
A quarter of a mile from the house, they went into stealth mode, moving so quietly no one could hear them. Hopefully, that included the daemon they were closing in on. Caia kept checking ahead of them to make sure there was still only the two beasts. Nothing had changed.