by Emma Lea
“Meredith,” he said, his voice softening. He pressed his forehead to mine and nuzzled his nose along mine. “That doesn’t mean that what we have has no value to me.”
“What does that even mean, Jamie?” I asked, close to tears with frustration and hurt.
Jamie rolled off me and laid down on the mat beside me. He took my hand in his, weaving our fingers together.
“I don’t know, Mer,” he said, “except that I’m not ready for it to be over.”
Jamie
I clung to Meredith’s hand, letting the feel of her skin against mine ground me. Things were moving too fast. For the last ten years, nothing had changed and now everything was changing.
She had looked so vulnerable as she told me that she was leaving the Guard. I knew how important it was to her and how hard she trained to make sure she wasn’t a liability because of her size and gender. Everything she had known was being taken away from her and she thought that it would mean that I no longer wanted her either. My heart clenched at the thought that she didn’t know how I felt about her. The fact was, I didn’t even know how I really felt about her. I had never sat down and analysed it. All I knew was that whatever we had was not done.
But then, was the decision already being taken out of our hands?
Meredith knew nothing about who I really was and as much as I wanted to tell her, I couldn’t. It had to remain a secret. What sort of relationship could we even have with such a thing? Would she even want to be with me if she knew the truth? A prince-in-exile wasn’t exactly a catch, not for someone like Meredith. I was an alien living in her country at the pleasure of her queen, who could choose to deport me at any time. If I became a liability or a security risk, Alyssa would have no other choice.
“I’m not ready for it to be over either,” Meredith said quietly beside me, “but I don’t know how it’s going to work once I’m no longer in the guard or even living in the palace.”
“You’ll still be a lady in waiting,” I said.
Meredith snorted and I turned my head to see her roll her eyes. “It won’t make sneaking off together any easier. Right now we have legitimate reason to hang out, once I’m out of the guard, I won’t see you.”
She turned her head and looked at me, her face a picture of sadness. I reached up to cup her cheek. “We’ll work it out agapoúla mou,” I whispered before brushing a soft kiss across her lips.
She sighed into me and I rolled over so that I was facing her. She did the same and I pulled her close, tucking her head under my chin. It wasn’t very romantic. The training mats smelled like sweat and something else unidentifiable. We both wore the biometric suits that we trained in with only our hands and faces uncovered. The lights overhead were bright and harsh and there was a coolness to the big warehouse-like building. But there was nowhere else I’d rather be.
“So what was your meeting with Benjamin about?” she asked as she snuggled up under my chin. “Was it just to talk you into losing the beard?”
I chuckled and wove my hand through her hair, letting the red-gold strands slide through my fingers. “It did take some convincing, but no. The meeting was about Danika.”
Meredith stiffened in my arms. “What about her?”
I shrugged awkwardly because of the way we were laying. “Benjamin wanted me to give her a run down on the tour.”
“She’s coming with us?” Meredith asked, rolling away from me and looking at me with narrowed eyes.
“She is,” I said, sitting up and looking at her curiously. “You don’t like her?”
“I don’t know her,” Meredith said, rolling up into a sitting position as well. “Which is exactly why I don’t like the thought of her coming with us.”
“She seems experienced—”
“That’s not the point,” Meredith said, her eyes flashing. She got to her feet and began to pace. “There is a palace full of guards that we could bring with us. It’s goes against all our protocols to have a new and untrained member on the team for the tour.”
I slowly stood, confused by Meredith’s apparent instant dislike for Danika.
“Is this because she is to be your replacement?” I asked.
Meredith swung toward me, her eyes flashing and her hands planted firmly on her hips.
“She’s my replacement?”
Whoa. Okay. How could I extricate myself from this minefield and keep all my body parts intact?
“I don’t know?” I hedged. “I just assumed—”
“Yeah well you know what they say about assuming,” she spat and then stalked away from me. “What on earth is Benjamin thinking?” she muttered to herself. She swung around to face me once again. “Does Alyssa know? Has Alyssa even met her?”
I opened my mouth to answer, but Meredith turned away from me again and resumed her angry pacing.
“It’s just not right,” she said under her breath.
I stood back and watched her. Was it wrong that I liked seeing this fierce side of her? I knew she was angry and probably hurt too, but I couldn’t help but admire the fire that had ignited in her. Meredith in a pique was magnificent.
“Meredith,” I said, trying to bring her attention back to what we were supposed to be doing.
She looked over her shoulder at me, her eyes sparking like blue fire. “What?”
“Let’s train,” I said.
I could see how tense she was and training was the only way I knew how to relax her. We were the same like that. The physical exertion would do us both good because I was just as tense as she was, if for a different reason.
“Fine,” she said and shook herself as if she could physically shake off the irritation that plagued her.
We took our positions on the mat and circled each other. Meredith was focussed, her eyes darting over my body watching for the slightest hint that I was about to make a move. Meredith may have been smaller than me in both height and weight, but she was a skilled fighter and I would trust her with my life if it came down to it. I understood the reasoning behind her being removed from the team, but she would be missed. And that wasn’t just my feelings for her talking.
She came at me fast and my mind was consumed by alternately defending myself and going on the offence. I felt the stress leech from my muscles as we grappled. Meredith was a smart fighter, using her head and physics to get the upper hand over an opponent that was bigger and stronger than her. I had to concentrate on her and not let the earlier conversation with Benjamin invade my brain. Compartmentalisation. It was lesson we learned early on. We had to in order to do our job effectively.
We were both breathing hard when Meredith caught me unawares. She had me on the ground and pinned before I realised what she was doing. I tried to lever her off, but she had me locked down tight. She grinned down at me, the mask of worry that had been on her face earlier was wiped away. If her beating me in a bout was what it took to do that, then I was willing to fall on my sword any time she needed me to. Not that she would appreciate me telling her that and not that I was in any way letting her win. She had pinned me fair and square, a fact that she was very well aware of.
The door to the training room opened and Meredith looked up. I couldn’t see who walked in, but whoever it was made Meredith loosen her hold on me. I took advantage of the distraction to flip her over and under me. She grunted with the impact and I grinned down at her.
“Am I interrupting?” a female voice said from the door. I looked up and saw Danika smirking at us.
It was Meredith’s turn to take advantage of the distraction. She didn’t reverse the hold like I thought she would. Instead she wriggled out from under me and jumped to her feet, walking away from me and toward the bench where her bag sat.
“Just training,” I said, getting up more slowly.
“Oh,” Danika said, “sorry to interrupt. I was just wondering if we could go over—”
“It’s okay,” Meredith said, slinging her bag over her shoulder. “We’re done here. He’s all yours.”
/> I gritted my teeth to stop my jaw from hitting the floor as Meredith walked out of the room without looking back. What was that?
“I don’t think she likes me,” Danika said with a smirk as she watched Meredith leave.
Yeah. I didn’t think she did either. I also didn’t think that was the only thing going on with her.
Meredith
I walked into the familiar study and breathed in the comforting scent. My father was bent over his desk, just the lamp on the table lighting the room. This place had so many memories for me - good memories. I had often sat on my father’s lap as he worked. He would tell me about what he was doing and even though I didn’t understand a word of what he was saying, the sound of his voice was a comforting balm for whatever had sent me scurrying into his office. Usually a disagreement with my mother.
“Hey daddy,” I said quietly.
My father lifted his head and smiled at me. He looked tired but that didn’t dispell the joy that I saw on his face when he saw me.
“Hello, kitten,” he replied, leaning back in his chair and stretching his arms above his head. “What are you doing here?”
I shrugged and stepped closer, trailing my fingers along the leather bound tomes that lined his bookshelves.
“I just wanted to see you.”
It was true. Whenever my life felt unsteady, visiting with my father always brought stability. Right now the very ground under my feet felt like it bucked and swayed like an earthquake and I needed something to ground me.
“Come and sit,” he said, standing from his office chair and leading me over to the big leather chesterfields that were as familiar to me as he was. We sat next to each other and he put an arm around me, pulling me close. “Talk to me.”
I didn’t know where to start or what to say. With a sigh I laid my head on his should and looked up at the picture of our ancestor that hung above the fireplace and sighed.
“Why didn’t Louis become king instead of Jacques?” I asked.
My father tilted his head to the painting of Louis, the first Duke of Monterey, and took a moment before replying. “I suspect it was the same reason I didn’t claim the throne when Edward died.”
When Alyssa’s father and brother were killed in a hunting accident, my father was the next one in line for the throne - a little known fact at the time.
I turned to look at him. “And why was that?”
“Because I knew that even though I could be a good king, Alyssa would make a better queen.” He sighed and I felt it rumble in his chest. “Edward and I discussed it before Jacob was born. If he died before he produced an heir, he wanted me to take the throne. But I knew that I couldn’t do that to Alyssa. There may not have precedent for a female to take up the title and responsibility of head of state, but I knew if anyone could make it work, it would be Alyssa.”
“So Louis?”
“Louis probably knew that Jacques would be a better ruler and so he threw his support behind Jacques’ claim.” He turned to look at me. “What’s this about kitten?”
“I don’t want to leave the guard,” I said, truthfully. “I don’t want to be a countess.”
He exhaled slowly but I didn’t feel any censure in it. “Remember when you first came to me and asked me if you could join the guard?”
I smiled. I remembered. I had my whole argument rehearsed for why I should be allowed to join the royal guard and I was prepared to argue for as long as it took for him to agree. “Yes,” I said, “I explained to you why I was the best person to be by Alyssa’s side.”
He smiled gently at the memory. “I was so proud of you that day. Do you remember what I told you?”
“You said that I could join as long as I knew that one day I would have to take on the responsibilities of my own family,” I said softly.
“I know you love the guard, kitten,” he said, shifting so that I was looking into his eyes. “But both Alyssa and I need you for a greater calling.”
“Being a countess is a greater calling?” I scoffed.
He nodded solemnly. “You know what the queen is trying to achieve in Parliament. She needs a bill to pass that will make it legal for an entailed title to pass to daughters and not just sons. We have a unique opportunity with your grandmother’s title to prove her case. Up until now there has been no one to take the title and Bellemere has suffered for it. If you take it up and prove to the Parliament that this is a viable bill, it will go a long way to getting it passed.”
I felt the responsibility of what my father was telling me settle on my shoulders like a physical weight. Up until now I had viewed the title as little more than a courtesy and a way for my mother to get her wishes. Now that Daddy had put it in perspective I understood that there was more going on than just what was happening in my own little world. I might not want the title but by taking it up, I would be paving a way for other women in my position who did want to take a title, to get their inheritance. How could I turn away from that?
I stretched my neck up and kissed my father’s whiskery cheek.
“Okay Daddy,” I said. “I’ll do it.”
“Thank you kitten,” he said and beamed down at me. “I knew I could count on you.”
Chapter 5
Jamie
For the next few days we were all consumed with the logistics of the queen’s first international tour. Advance parties were sent to Monaco to prepare the hotel suites we would occupy and organise on-the-ground transport. We would only be in Monaco for a few days before boarding a small fleet of yachts to cruise the Mediterranean. I had seen Meredith in the course of our jobs but she had not come back to our regular after-hours training sessions. Stubborn redhead. I wished she would just talk to me. I understood that she felt threatened by Danika’s presence but that was no reason to avoid me. We still hadn’t really sorted out what was going on between us or what we wanted to be going on between us.
Maybe that was for the better.
I liked Meredith. A lot more than I was willing to admit even to myself, but that didn’t negate the secrets I was keeping from her. Was it fair to engage in something with her when I knew there was no future for us? The simplest solution was to just tell her and let her decide whether she cared enough about me to see where this whole thing would go. But I couldn’t do that. There was too much at risk. Revealing my true identity to her would inevitably tip off whoever was hunting me. I couldn’t do that and risk bringing the danger to the queen. Or Meredith. I couldn’t risk her in all of this.
“Are you ready to go?”
I looked up from my luggage - luggage that was identical to Will’s luggage - to see Cody leaning against the door of my suite.
I nodded. “Yeah. Let’s do this.”
Meredith and I would be flying to Monaco separately from the royal party. The whole body double ruse would be for naught if people saw the four of us together. It had been decided that Meredith and I would keep out of the public eye as much as possible unless we were impersonating Alyssa and Will.
I followed Cody out of the residential wing and toward the staff entrance of the palace. Freddie was waiting for me when we exited the doors into the pre-dawn light. We hugged briefly, slapping each other on the back as good friends did. He pulled me aside and Cody took my luggage to give us some privacy.
“I’m sorry,” he said and I frowned at him.
“What for?”
He sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. “I should have listened to you about the whole groomsman thing.”
I grinned and slapped a hand on his shoulder. “They found me because they were looking for me. I’m out with Alyssa enough that they eventually would have put it all together.”
“I still feel bad about practically outing you.”
“I was happy to do it. You have been a true friend to me Freddie, right from the start. I don’t know how I would have lasted this long without having you in my corner. It was a privilege for me to stand up at your wedding and I won’t stand for you apologising f
or it.”
“Well, for what it’s worth, I hope my actions haven’t brought the house down on you.”
I grinned at him. “Maybe I want the house to be brought down.” I sobered as I searched his face. “Things are bad at home, you know? I desperately want to do something but as long as I am still in hiding my hands are tied.”
It was Freddie’s turn to slap a hand on my shoulder and squeeze encouragingly. “The day will come, Chris, when you will be free and when you are, I know you are going to do great things.”
Hearing the diminutive of my name was a jolt. Nobody called me Christophe or Chris, but Freddie knew I needed to hear it. He had always been the kind of friend who knew just what would shake me out of a funk. The last few years had meant that we hadn’t been as close as we could have been, but it hadn’t lessened the strength of our bond.
“Thanks Freddie,” I said, my voice rough with emotion.
Before he could say any more, Meredith walked out of the door and stopped, staring at the two of us. She had been weirded out by Freddie asking me to be in his wedding party. She obviously didn’t remember those first few weeks that I spent hiding in her parents’ castle or the fact that Freddie and I had become such good friends.
“Mer,” Freddie said affectionately, scooping her up in a hug. I envied his easy and public affection for her. I wanted to pull her into my arms and hold her until she softened against me and spilled all her secrets. She had been standoffish and sullen around me since Danika had interrupted us and I was determined to get to the bottom of it.
“What are you doing here Freddie?” she asked when he put her down. “Why are you not on your honeymoon with your lovely wife?”
“Alex refused to leave until the queen was officially out of the country.”
Meredith rolled her eyes. “Of course she did. Well I guess we know who wears the pants in your household.”
“And I wouldn’t have it any other way,” Freddie said with a wide smile.