by Diana Currie
When we park outside the restaurant Adam rushes around the front of the car to open the door for me. I'm careful as I step out so I don't flash my white satin panties at him. He smiles when I take his hand for assistance and he doesn't let it go until we are seated at a quiet table in the back of the restaurant. The waitress takes our drink orders and leaves us alone, sitting across from one another with wariness showing on both our faces. I know why I am nervous tonight, but I have no clue why Adam suddenly appears to be commiserating with those feelings.
"Have you eaten here before?" Adam asks as a way of breaking the silence between us.
"Yes, but not in a few years."
"What's there to do in Statesboro, anyway?"
I smile at him and bite my lip. "In high school my friends used to come out here to hunt for dinosaur bones."
Adam laughs and I see the tension in his shoulder relax a little. "Is paleontology a hobby of yours?" he teases.
"Not exactly. I have a story, but it involves Tommy."
"Amanda, I've told you already. You don't need to try to shield me from your ex husband. I know most of your stories will include him; it doesn't bother me. I want to learn everything there is to know about you, and I especially want to hear about your dinosaur hunting."
I roll my eyes at him. "Okay. So in the 1970's an archaeologist found a mastodon bone right outside the city limits. It had another piece of bone fragment stuck in it, like a hunter would have on the end of his spear. They aged it to be almost 14,000 years old which was evidence for scientists that the mammals were being hunted in this area by Early Americans."
"That's fascinating."
"We learned about it in Science class junior year so of course all the guys wanted to organize a camping trip in Statesboro to see if there were any other bones or artifacts that the archaeologists missed."
"Did they find anything?"
“Are you kidding me? Tommy and Brett spend more time setting up the tents than they did digging in the dirt! They brought one shovel and a colander from Mrs. Miller’s kitchen to sift the soil. The whole excavation was a bust. None of the girls would help and just sat around the campfire teasing the boys as they argued over who had to do the manual labor. They got discouraged quickly and gave up, but were completely filthy by then. Nikki wouldn't let the guys back into the tents until they cleaned up so they all skinny dipped in the lake."
Adam laughs. "That's hilarious. Why did you think I wouldn't want to hear that story?"
"Well, because when the guys returned from the lake they were really cold. It was March and the water was freezing for goodness sake. So you know, us girls helped warm them up in our tents," I admit blushing.
"Oh, I see. Your mastodon hunt became more of a make out party?"
"We were seventeen."
Adam takes that as a definite yes. "So if you were with Tommy, which guy did Rebecca hook up with? Eric wasn't there?"
"I wish he had been! It might have saved them years of grief. But no, he wasn't so Rebecca shared a tent with Brett’s cousin Joe. I seriously doubt he even kissed her. Brett and Nikki had a little more fun, but they've always hated each other. That was a hook up purely out of boredom and convenience."
"And you and your friends came out here more than once to hunt for dinosaur bones?"
"Yeah, every few months junior and senior year. At least that's what we told our parents. There was a lot more skinny dipping and making out than there was archaeological digging."
"You were a wild teenager, Amanda," Adam says impressed.
"I'm sure you have some good stories too."
Adam smiles with a gleam in his eye just as the waitress returns to take our orders. I ask for crab cakes and Adam gets a filet. She stares at him a little too long but he hardly notices her. I like that he can't seem to take his eyes off me. We talk some more about what we were like in high school; share more stories. Over our meals I admit to him that I plan to talk to Tommy in the morning about what's been going on between Adam and me. He seems surprised that I'm willing to tell Tommy about us.
"I can't take this any further hiding it from him," I explain. "If it were him seeing somebody I would want to know."
Adam's face tenses up and he dabs his mouth with a napkin. "I'm glad you're going to talk to him. And now I'm even more thankful that we came here tonight because I need to talk to you about us too."
His tone is worrying and I say nothing in response to his words.
"Don't look so scared," he replies smiling briefly. "I'll pay this bill and then we'll take a walk?"
I simply nod. Despite his reassurance I'm nervous again. And we've been having such a lovely dinner. What does he need to talk to me about before I confess our relationship to my ex husband? My mind is swirling with speculation as we exit the restaurant.
The city streets of Statesboro are quiet this time of night; families all at home for the evening. We walk east towards the park and Adam takes my hand in his again. He finds a wooden bench just inside the park and urges me to sit next to him.
"What you said this morning really bothered me, Amanda. How could you think I'd accept a date with another woman? I'm only interested in dating you."
I thought we'd gotten past this misunderstanding but apparently Adam is still upset about it. I smile reassuringly at him. "We've said a dozen times that this is casual," I say gesturing between us with my hand. "I don't want you to feel trapped waiting for me if it isn't what you want." It kills me to say it, but I have to be fair to him.
He doesn't like that answer at all, abruptly standing up and beginning to pace. "Amanda, I need to know why you've been holding yourself back from me. If it's really because you're worried about how Tommy and your kids will react then okay, I can continue to wait, but if you're dragging your feet because you're just not sure how you feel about me then I have a right to know that."
I open my mouth to object; how could he think I'm unsure of my feelings for him? But Adam doesn't let me speak, he holds up his hand to silence me and I can see from his expression that there's a lot more he needs to get off his chest. He continues pacing.
"I've been in a relationship before where things were bad for a long time but I refused to believe I'd failed. Amanda, I need to tell you a little more about what happened in Chicago."
"Okay," I mumble, stunned.
"Lindsey and I met at a party during my undergrad. We dated casually for a while; I was busy with classes and she was happy not to label us as anything. We saw each other most weekends and after a semester I thought I'd fallen in love with her. She said she felt the same but I knew my feelings were stronger than hers. We became a couple regardless and for a while it was good."
He glares at me and I just nod again, mouth hanging open like a cod fish. I have so many questions but it's clear that talking about this is difficult for him. How long I've waited to hear more about this awful woman in Chicago that hurt Adam so severely! I don't dare interrupt him now.
"So from the beginning I was more committed to her than her to me. I knew that, but I loved Lindsey, even if she didn't respect me the way someone does when they truly love the other person. I kept waiting for the situation to improve. A lot of bad things happened over the next few years that I don't want to burden you with now, but I made a lot of mistakes in the name of what I thought was love."
No Damn it! I want the details but Adam abruptly sits down next to me again and takes my hand in his tightly. He looks really nervous and distraught. All I want to do is tell him everything is going to be okay, but I still don't know the exact source of his grief. It's so frustrating.
"What I'm saying is that with Lindsey I didn't know when to cut my losses and just get out. When it ended I got hurt very badly and I know I can't go through that again," he says with a long sigh. Then he looks me straight in the eye. "Amanda Sommerer, I think that I'm falling in love with you and if you don't feel the same then you need to tell me now. If you don't love me then I need the truth, because I couldn't bear
getting any closer to you or your kids if there's a good chance I'll get the rug pulled out from under me again."
I hear myself gasp when Adam declares he loves me; it is very unexpected. Although all the signs were there, I just haven't let myself believe it until now. He loves me, no wonder he was willing to wait for me to figure my shit out. He loves me and he's scared I don't feel the same? I realize Adam's holding his breath, his brilliant green eyes searching mine, waiting for me to give him some indication of how I feel now that he's poured his heart out to me.
"Oh, Adam," I whisper, reaching up with my other hand to cup his stubbled cheek. "You silly, beautiful man! I need no more time to figure out how I feel about you. I already know that I love you! I'm just so afraid of getting hurt too. It's been torture for me to keep from telling you the truth but I thought it was the only way to protect you and my family."
Adam smiles and leans his forehead against mine, closing his eyes. "I know this is happening fast and that you're scared, baby. We can keep our relationship a secret from everyone in Swainsboro if you want; I've already promised you that. I only need the truth to be out between you and me."
"I think I can handle that. The truth is that I love you, Adam Brickman, and it feels damn good to say it out loud."
"I'm in love with you, Amanda Sommerer, and I will do anything to make you happy."
Tilting my chin up I gently kiss each of Adam's closed eyes and then bring my mouth down to his. His arms wrap tightly around my waist and yet I can't seem to get close enough to him. My arms lock around his shoulders as he opens his mouth to me and we devour each other. Adam's tongue expertly tangles with mine and when we both gasp for air he moves his mouth to my neck, ear, and shoulder. My fingers tighten in his hair when he kisses right behind my ear. Pulling his body closer to mine I somehow find myself practically straddling his lap.
I feel like a teenager again; lost in a sea of emotion and lust that I haven't experienced for such a long time. My skirt has ridden up dangerously high thanks partly to my position across Adam's legs and partly from his hand that is running up and down the back of my thigh. Luckily it is dusk in the park and no one else is around because I don't have the willpower to make him stop. Adam moans loudly when I pull his earlobe with my teeth and the sound is such a turn on. His response makes me brave, and my heart beats faster as I very carefully slide my left hand down his chest, putting just enough space between us so that I reach my goal. Adam breath hitches as my hand boldly covers his groin, cupping him snugly.
"Fuck, Amanda," he hisses in an irresistibly sexy voice. His head dips down and I feel his lips close over my breast. Even through the material of my dress, it makes me crazy.
"God, you feel good, Adam."
I've thought about sex many times since my separation with Tommy. I even gave in to my desires a few times right after our split when Brett made himself readily available. But the thought of possibly having sex with Adam is nothing like what I felt with past experiences. The way he is holding me, tugging at my clothes like he wants to rip them off, I can see why so many of my friends made irresponsible decisions in college. I don't think I could say no to anything Adam asked me right now even if he tried to lay me down here on the park bench.
I don't even realize my hand is still on Adam's erection until he reciprocates, catching me by complete surprise and sliding his hand under my dress. His finger softly rubs over my panties in a delicate, teasing way. And it's my undoing.
"There's a hotel a few blocks away," I whisper against his lips.
He continues kissing me, a groaning sound coming from deep in his throat. "I think you read my mind, baby. But would you rather I took you home? Or to the B&B? Wherever you're comfortable; I want to do this right."
"No, Adam. We can't go back to my house. I'm sorry, it just feels too weird. And I would die of embarrassment if the other guests caught me in the B&B with you."
Adam's kisses cease but his hands stay firmly on me. "Okay. Maybe we should just slow down," he offers.
"No!" I nearly shout. "I need you too. I was serious about that hotel. It's the Quality Inn three blocks from the restaurant."
Adam chuckles happily at my enthusiasm. "Are you sure you don't need to tell Tommy about us before we take this step?"
"I'm talking to him tomorrow. The intimate details are none of his business. Besides, I think he's already screwing someone else that he hasn't told me about."
"Really?" Adam asks pulling back to look in my eyes.
"It's okay," I assure him. "I've been suspicious for a few weeks and I could just tell when I saw him this morning. It reaffirmed my belief that Tommy and I are not meant to be together... to know that I don't feel betrayed or anything. I want him to be happy. It sort of feels like I've been released or something to know he's finally moving on."
Adam smiles. "Alright. Let's go get a room."
The drive to the hotel is more than the few blocks I mentioned because Adam didn't approve of my recommendation for the motel. He used his Smartphone to find the Holiday Inn right off highway 80 and booked the nicest room they had available. When we finally walk into the hotel suite I feel like it is prom night all over again. I am excited, nervous, and have an underlying feeling like we are doing something elicit. I mean, it's late at night and we're arriving with no luggage for goodness sake. Just like on prom night, I tell my conscience to take a hike. I don't want to be a responsible adult tonight; I want to follow my heart.
Adam places his wallet and keys on the dresser and loosens his tie. Standing ten feet away I bite my lip, watching him. My body is humming with need in a way I've never experienced before. The feeling is now so much more intense than when we were in the park. I want him so badly that I can hardly contain myself. Adam is watching me carefully and I really wish I knew what he was thinking.
I divert my eyes from his intense glare and catch my own reflection in the mirror over the luggage table. My cheeks are flushed, my eyes bright, and I'm smiling. I can't seem to wipe the grin off my face. To think a day ago I was worried Adam might be thinking about other women and tonight he's told me he loves me. Standing in front of the mirror I reach behind my neck to remove my necklace.
"Allow me," Adam says crossing the room to stand behind me. I smile at him in the mirror and he reciprocates.
We look so strange together, him tall and sexy, me a little plain and ordinary except for my eyes which are wild with excitement. I still don't see why Adam took such a strong liking to me so quickly but I think I'm finally beginning to believe it regardless. The way I feel about him is similarly fairy tale in nature. I was drawn to him the moment he walked through Thatcher's front door. And I love him in a manner I once worried couldn't be real. I'm finally experiencing a love that I feared existed only in my imagination.
"I know it's been a long time for you," Adam says gently, breaking my train of thought. "Please tell me if I do anything that makes you uncomfortable."
Our eyes lock in the reflection of the mirror. "I've never felt more comfortable with anyone," I assure him.
Adam's expression relaxes and he places my necklace on the table. His fingertips trail up my bare arms causing goose bumps to rise. He slowly lowers the zipper on my dress all the way down to the base of my spine. Then he looks up at my reflection to gauge my reaction. My cheeks are flushed but I smile at him reassuringly. His fingers push the sleeves off my shoulders and we watch together as my dress falls to the floor. His hands return to my arms and his eyes assess my body.
I feel naked despite the bra and panties I wear. My hands come up automatically to cover my soft midsection and fading stretch marks. I've become comfortable in my own skin over time, and the changes to my body resulting from twice experiencing childbirth are like motherhood badges of honor. I don't despise them and have no problem carrying them around, but it's been a long time since anyone else has seen this much of me.
Embarrassed I spin around in Adam's arms to face him. Like he knows exactly what will soothe
me Adam kisses my lips tenderly and whispers, "You're so beautiful, Amanda." He cups my cheek with one hand and the other skims down my back.
My hands have begun shaking but still I manage to bring them up to Adam's chest and begin unbuttoning his dress shirt. Adam kisses my neck, sweeping my long hair out of his way. I push the shirt off his shoulders and he shakes the material from his arms. My hands slide up his chest, through the hair covering his sternum, and up around the back of his neck. He wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me tight against his body. I can feel his erection pressing against my lower belly and it stirs my desire even more.
"Take me to the bed, Adam," I whisper.
He complies immediately, kicking off his shoes and then backing me up until my legs touch the mattress. I reach for his belt buckle and whip it off as fast as I can. Adam is kissing my neck and face as I unbutton his pants. I am about to push them to the floor when Adam says, "wait."
I pull back wondering what I've done wrong as Adam slides his hand into his pants pocket and pulls a condom out. He shows it to me, smirking, and the guilty look on his face makes me giggle. I'm not at all offended that he brought a condom on our date tonight. On the contrary, I am immensely grateful that he came prepared.
"You're my good little Boy Scout, Adam," I purr. He smiles brilliantly and kicks his discarded pants away.
I feel myself being pushed swiftly onto the bed and then I'm on my back. Adam removes my heels and his socks. My heart is beating wildly... this is really happening. I'm going to make love with Adam. Those prom night butterflies are back but I have no reservations about what we're about to do. Being with Adam has always felt right, and with the one exception of wishing I'd called the kids earlier to say goodnight, everything about tonight is perfect.
My arms reach out for Adam and he comes willingly, covering my body with his so I can feel most of his weight. His skin is warm and smells divine. Adam kisses me hungrily as my fingernails rake across his back. We roll from side to side, both impatient to remove the remaining clothes from the others' body. Finally, when nothing more is between us Adam pushes himself up to a kneeling position and takes a good long look at me. I refrain from covering myself again and distract myself by taking the opportunity to study him too.