Tarrin was a little surprised by the vehemence in her voice and in her words. She really did believe what she was saying. She really thought that once he got his memory back, those memories would have him choose to be a Were-cat again no matter what happened to him as a human. He knew he couldn't make an honest, thorough decision until he got back his memory, but he was a little dismayed that those memories may take away his ability to choose. He remembered what that Goddess lady had said, that once he got his memory back he'd want to change back again. That he'd feel unnatural the way he was now. Was that really true? Would regaining his memory really make him not want to make a true choice between his old life and his new one?
That was an irrational thought, and he knew it. He couldn't decide which life was the better one until he could remember them both. If he'd choose to be a Were-cat with his former memory, didn't that mean that despite the strife and ordeals he had suffered, he had found true happiness in that life? Wouldn't that be enough of a reason to change back? After all, he had children and something approaching wives in that other life. Wouldn't returning to them make him very happy indeed?
Probably, but not until he really got Jesmind for her behavior. He was tempted to tell her he was staying human just to rub her nose in it a little bit. He still intended to keep an open mind about that future decision, but he did feel a little better about whichever choice he made. He could choose either of them and have a very good chance to be happy. Either as a Were-cat or as a human, he could continue on after that choice and probably have no regrets, because he knew he'd be happy with the choice he made. No matter which path he chose.
So, if he couldn't lose no matter which way he decided to go, why worry so much about it? He should approach it like Mist said, just enjoy the time he had as a human and leave the heavy thinking for later, when he had all he needed to make that decision.
"I'm glad someone told me that, Mist," he said with a grateful look, standing up. "I think I will go enjoy myself. And the first thing I'm going to do is go over there and play with my children."
"I think they'd be happy to have you. Just watch out, Eron likes to claw when things get rough."
"I'll keep that in mind," he said. "If you'll excuse me."
"Go right ahead," Mist said with a smile, stepping aside to let him pass. The two Were-cats sat down on the bench he and Auli had been occupying, and Tarrin did just what he said. He went over and played with his children. He did so for hours, playing games, chasing them, talking with them, and just spending quality time with them. He came to know Eron very well, and found him to be a rather hyper boy, but also possessed of a sharp mind and an almost unnatural awareness of things. He also had a good memory, allowing him to remember those tiny things that he noticed that others did not. Him and Jasana were very close, siblings by more than blood, and they complemented each other well. He was very proud to have such talented and capable children as them. Just as he had with Jasana, Tarrin formed an immediate bond with Eron, finding the kind of love that only a parent could have for a child in his heart. No matter what, Eron was his son, and he would love him. Be him human or Were-cat, with him or away from him, dead or alive, it was an eternal bond that could never be broken. Tarrin realized that Eron was much different from Jasana in that he didn't show Jasana's devotion to him. He was sure that Eron liked him, liked being with him, but it was more like he was a friend of the family than his father. Mist was all the family that Eron had ever known, perhaps that was why he acted like that. He knew that Were-cats were alot different from humans, and their children were also much different. Was Eron's behavior part of that? Tarrin suspected that it was. It didn't make Tarrin love him any less, though.
After the two children had thoroughly worn him out, he lay with them in the lush grass off one of the gravel paths, looking up at the few clouds that were drifting in the afternoon sky. A glance showed him that both Were-cat females and Sapphire were still sitting on the bench, and to his surprise, Sapphire was talking with them. Then again, why should it be a surprise? Sapphire was a dragon, a mighty and powerful creature, but she also liked to talk with people smart enough to keep up with her. He felt that both Mist and Jula qualified. Sapphire didn't stay very long after that, saying something to the two of them and flappping off. Sapphire obviously felt secure leaving Tarrin in their company, and he didn't really expect her to compeletely suspend her own life to shepard him aorund.
"That one looks like a bunny," Eron bubbled, pointing into the sky with his little clawed finger. Tarrin was truly surprised that Eron had managed to sit still for nearly ten minutes, as they looked up into the sky. Perhaps after all that running, even Eron needed to stop and rest a little bit.
"What are clouds made of, papa?" Jasana asked.
"Clouds are just fog way up in the sky," he told her.
"How do you know?" Eron asked.
"Your grandfather told me," he said. "He went to the SkydancerMountains once, and he told me that the clouds are low enough that the peaks of the mountains are inside them. He climbed up one of them and found out that clouds are really just fog that doesn't burn off with the daytime sun."
"You mean if we were really far away, fog would look like a cloud?" Eron asked.
"I suppose it would," Tarrin agreed, impressed anew with his son's keen observational ability.
"Have you ever been to the mountains?" Eron asked.
"No. But there was this one time," he said distantly, staring up at the sky. "I, I remember...climbing up the side of a huge rock wall, so high that it climbed into the clouds." He blinked, and then winced as a shock of pain hammered in his head. That had to be another memory. This one came with images, a dark stone face, seeing black-furred hands, huge hands, digging into the stone with their claws....
His hands.
Tarrin held up his arm and looked at his hand, comparing them. That furry hand was almost three times bigger than this one. Truly huge, and tipped with claws nearly as long as his little fingers were. So, that was what his hands had looked like. They were definitely Were-cat, that was for sure.
"Mama told me about that," Jasana said. "She said you did that in the desert."
"I guess I did, Jasana. I really can't remember."
"How can you remember that, but not remember anything else?" Eron asked.
"I only have little bits and pieces of my memory, son," he answered. "And sometimes someone will say or do something that makes me remember a little bit more. Like it jars my memory."
"Oh. If I hit you in the head, wouldn't that jar all your memory back?"
Tarrin laughed. "It'd probably knock me out," he told him. "No, it wouldn't do any good, son. They've already tried that."
"Oh. Are you sure they hit you hard enough?"
"I'm sure," he laughed again.
"I'm hungry," Eron complained.
"Me too," Jasana agreed.
"Well, so am I," Tarrin chuckled. "So let's go get something to eat."
After collecting up Jula and Mist, they went down to the kitchens and got some food. Tarrin stepped back and more or less unleashed his children on the hapless cooks and servants, who struggled to keep an eye on their cooking and keep the two of them out of trouble at the same time. Eron was definitely the worse of the two, trying to put his hands in everything, getting underfoot, and doing his best to disrupt the entire kitchen. They finally decided on what they wanted, and they left the kitchens with plates full of food and a staff of exhausted, frazzled cooks.
Tarrin's good mood evaporated when, as they turned a corner, they found Jesmind standing squarely in the middle of the passageway. She was fully erect, her arms crossed before her, a very aggressive stance, and the look on her face reinforced that assumption. Jasana went up to her and tried to get her to pick her up, but Jesmind ignored her daughter, keeping a withering gaze on Tarrin. Jasana's crestfallen look was lost on her mother, and Tarrin realized that she wasn't going to let him pass without giving him a piece of her mind.
Sighin
g, he handed his small plate of fresh tarts to Jula. "Here, you take this," he said. "I get the feeling I'm about to lose my appetite."
Jula gave him a compassionate look, then nodded and took the plate.
Mist, however, proved to be more than just an acquaintance to him. She marched right up to the larger Were-cat and looked up at her. Tarrin couldn't see her expression, but it made Jesmind's furious look waver. "Get out of my way," Mist said flatly to her.
Tarrin learned one thing at that point. Jesmind was afraid of Mist. She reluctantly stepped aside, glowering at the smaller Were-cat as her ears seemed to strain to lay back, but did not. He didn't really understand Were-cat society very well, but it was obvious that Mist occupied a higher rung than Jesmind. That, or Mist would kick her butt if she didn't obey her, one or the other. Probably both.
"Come on, Eron," Mist said. "I think your father needs to straighten out your aunt."
Eron obediently came up and put his little hand in hers, and then padded up the hall. Jula stepped back after beckoning to Jasana, and the little girl evacuated the area between her parents.
Jesmind didn't waste any time. She blocked the passage again after Mist passed and pointed at him. "How dare you bring my daughter within spitting distance of that Sha'Kar!" she accused hotly.
"And how would you know that, unless you were following me?" Tarrin retorted. "Isn't that exactly what I told you not to do?"
"Make me," she hissed. "You're too weak to tell me to do anything, cub."
That was just about enough. "There are many kinds of power, Jesmind," he said with a glare. "I may not be able to make you stop following me around, but I can make sure it stops. Go pack your things, Jesmind. You're going to be spending the next few days in an inn."
"You wouldn't dare," she declared indignantly, stepping up to loom over him.
He didn't even blink. "I would dare," he replied evenly, completely unafraid of her. "If you won't leave me alone, I'll see to it that you're not here to bother me."
"If you do that, you're never going to see your daughter again," she hissed.
"An empty threat," Tarrin said grimly, taking a single step back. He'd never seen her get this belligerent before, and he was starting to doubt his seeming immunity to her wrath. "Jasana can't leave the Tower. If you go, Jesmind, you go alone. Remember that."
Tarrin realized almost immediately that that was the wrong thing to say. He'd just threatened Jesmind's rights to her daughter, and since she was half animal, the protective instincts concerning her children were very powerful. Jesmind's eyes erupted from within with a brilliant greenish radiance, making her eyes two glowing slits of evil green. With blazing speed, Jesmind reached down and grabbed him by his new shirt and then hauled him off the ground. She held him at arm's length, cocking back her other arm with her claws extended, as if to hit him with it. Tarrin responded out of reflex, causing his staff to come out of the elsewhere and appear in his right hand. With exceptional aim, he jammed the long weapon straight down and struck the top of Jesmind's foot, cracking the bones in the top of it. Jesmind hissed in pain and let go out of reflex, and Tarrin took a quick two steps back and levelled his staff at her in the end-grip. He was still too startled to be afraid, shocked that she would do such a thing.
Hurting her was probably taking things a little too far. With a growling cry of pain and outrage, Jesmind reached out towards him with those claws leading. Tarrin reacted quickly by jabbing Jesmind squarely in the face with his staff, snapping her head back and faltering her reach towards him. The Were-cat grabbed the staff with her clawed and and wrested it aside, but Tarrin didn't abandon his hold on it quite yet.
"Stop it!" someone shouted, and then someone grabbed the staff. Someone short. Tarrin and Jesmind both looked down to see a teary-eyed Jasana, grabbing the staff and tugging on it with all her might. "Don't fight! You promised me you wouldn't fight anymore!" she accused in a sobby voice.
Tarrin let go of the staff like it was a live snake, not wanting to even accidentally hurt his daughter. To his surprise, Jesmind did the same, and the little girl yanked the weapon away. "I hate it when you two fight!" she cried. "Just stop it!"
"Cub, I--" Jesmind started in a contrite voice, but Jasana threw the staff down and ran down the hall, her bawling audible almost down to the stairs. She was running towards the stairs leading up to Jesmind's apartment.
Tarrin felt both embarassed and a little foolish. Jesmind probably wouldn't have hurt him. There was no reason for him to react that way. She was just trying to scare him, that was all. Jesmind was looking towards her daughter. "I'm, sorry," he apologized. "I shouldn't have hit you."
"I shouldn't have grabbed you," Jesmind said in a reluctant voice. "I'll go talk to her. Jula, stay with him. We can't leave him alone."
Jesmind rushed off after her daughter, and Tarrin sighed. Picking up his staff, he tried to figure out how that had gotten out of control. She had made the mistake of grabbing him, and he'd made the mistake of threatening her parental duties with Jasana. He hadn't meant it as a threat, only as a way to deflate her threat to withold his time with his daughter. But after he thought about how he said what he said, it certainly did sound like a threat. So both of them were at fault.
"Well, that was exciting," Jula said in a calm voice as Tarrin sent his staff back into the elsewhere. He was getting really good at that.
"I didn't mean for that to happen," he sighed.
"It's nothing major, Tarrin," she told him. "Jesmind is probably going to respect you a little more now. You fought back against her, and she'll have to respect that. The fact that you're you will make her see that if she gets physical with you again, she's going to hurt you because you're not just going to fold up as soon as she tries to intimidate you. She's not going to hurt you, so she can't do that again."
"Maybe, but I'm really sorry Jasana got so upset."
"Jasana wants you and Jesmind to be a family with her," she said soberly. "That girl has alot more human in her than most. Most are like Eron. He likes you, but you're not quite so central in his life. I think you noticed that."
"I did," he agreed.
"Jasana's alot like a human child. She wants her mother and her father. Eron knows that you're his father, but it doesn't matter to him quite as much. The mothers are all the family that most Were-cat children ever know. Few even meet their fathers until they're adults."
"I didn't know that. Who told you?"
"You did," she said with a smile. "Now, let's get you back to your room where Sapphire can find you."
There were consequences of what happened, he was sure of that. It also didn't take very long to find out what they were, for both of them.
He wasn't there to see it, but Jula came down and told him what happened not long after he returned ot his room. Jenna had gone up there and basicly thrown a fit on Jesmind, ordering her to back off and warning her that she would be exiled from the Tower if she could not control herself or obey Jenna's orders. That his sister had the nerve to do something like that was one thing, but to have Jesmind agree was something completely different. He'd marvelled many times since coming back to Suld at how much his sister had changed, and that act had to be the biggest indicator. The mild, meek Jenna he knew from Aldreth would never have done that.
Tarrin didn't escape unscathed. Jenna unleashed her temper on Jesmind, but Tarrin got it from Sapphire. She railed at him for quite a while about keeping himself safe, about not antagonizing Jesmind since Auli was probably antagonism enough, and how he had nearly ruined her day by nearly getting himself killed at Jesmind's hands. Tarrin tried to explain, tried to tell her that it was all just a big misunderstanding, but she wouldn't hear of it. She somehow managed to make him feel guilty over the inconvenience and hardship his actions had placed on her, rather than the fact that he'd just gotten into a fight with someone that it was not wise to annoy. Then again, Sapphire was a dragon. She'd had that me mentality long before she'd met him. Big and powerful creatures tended to t
hink that the whole world revolved around them anyway.
Others weren't quite so fast to chide him, however. Allia came in for a visit not long after he returned to his room, and she told him that he should have hit her harder. Keritanima blew the whole thing off as yet another in a very long string of spats between the two of them. The circumstances had changed slightly, she had joked, but the end result never did seem to change.
For his own part, he was a bit sorry that it had come to that, sorry he'd made that mistake, but he wasn't sorry about holding his ground. He knew that if he knuckled under to Jesmind, she would just use that crack to split all his defenses in half and overwhelm him. Jesmind seemed incapable of taking him seriously, and he was pretty sure it was that Were-cat mentality that the others had described to him. They based almost their entire society on personal strength. She considered him a part of that society, but since he had lost all his strength, he had comparably lost all his position. She saw herself as over him now, and she probably was very upset that he wasn't obeying her. After all, to her, it was what he was supposed to do. She was thinking of him as a Were-cat, not as a human, and that was where all the problems were coming from. It was even worse because she didn't even want to think about treating him like a human, he was sure of that. He'd gotten to know Jesmind pretty well from Jula's descriptions, and he knew that if she told herself to think of him as a human, it would hit on that very raw nerve about his precarious position, at least in her eyes. If she thought of him as a human, he may decide to stay so. That was an irrational concept, but he knew, he just knew, that it had gone through Jesmind's mind at least once already. Unable to accept him as a human but unable to treat him like a Were-cat, it left her in a very bad trap. And it was a trap that was only serving to drive the two of them apart. Tarrin wasn't the Tarrin she'd once known, and his change in personality was not meshing well with her treatment of him.
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