The Head of Security and the woman exchanged glances. “You threatened violence to another sentient being,” the Head of Security said.
“I don’t think so. I may have implied it but I don’t think I actually threatened it.”
“But you said…”
“I think I’d review the conversation carefully, if I were you.”
The woman stepped forward. She was not Capellan for she had fine, light brown hair streaked with red, tied up in an elaborate coiffure and skin the colour of milky tea. Her face was had a slightly predatory look with a sharp nose, high cheekbones and long, pointed jaw. Her eyes were a startling gold colour. From want I could see of her body, for she was wearing a long dress that resembled a cheongsam, her proportions were similar to humans. Similar but not the same for she sported an impressive pair of breasts that sat higher on her chest than a human woman’s would. All in all, though, she was a very attractive female.
“Perhaps if Sir MacAdam could explain the problem,” she said in a soothing tone.
“And you are?”
“Forgive me. I am Madam Flerrionna Pressicallita. I am the hotel Manager.”
I bowed. “I am honoured to meet you Madam Pressicallita. May I thank you and your staff for the excellent work you have done in decorating this suite. It can’t have been easy designing an environment that would make an Earthman comfortable.”
Madam Pressicallita was taken aback. “Thank you. Forgive me but you don’t appear to be violent.”
I bowed again. “It is I who must beg your forgiveness. I have no intention of bring violent with anyone but I needed to get some attention and, being a stranger, I have no idea of how your communication system works. This gentleman…” I indicated Inner-Piety, “…claims he represents the Lottery Commission. He has shown no proof of that and his actions suggest he isn’t. I suspect he is a kidnapper for he is holding me prisoner in this room. I need to contact the Commission to find out if his claim is true and whether he has the right to treat me as his property.”
Inner-Piety drew himself up and glared at me. “I am exactly who I say I am. I am Sir Goes-with-God Inner-Piety and I have been charged with ensuring that Sir MacAdam…” he practically spat the words, “…is fully conversant with his duties and responsibilities as the Lottery Winner.”
I turned to Madam Pressicallita and shrugged eloquently. “You see the problem. I have won the Lottery because my, er, footprint, rose to the surface of this whatever-it-is. I didn’t ask to win it. I was accosted on my doorstep in the middle of the night. I was told I had to leave immediately. At great personal cost, I have had to abandon my life on Earth and the only reason I did that was because I was told that the consequences of not doing it would be worse. As far as I can see I have no ‘duties’ other than those I have contracted to do, and no ‘responsibilities’ ditto. I certainly did not contract to be held prisoner for the duration of my stay here, nor to take part in activities that are designed more for his benefit than mine.” A sudden suspicion flashed into my brain and turned to Inner-Piety. “Does your itinerary include a tour of Geretimal?”
“Why, yes.”
I grinned humourlessly. “Then you can kiss your breeding programme goodbye.” There was a gasp from the assembly. “I did some research. Capella is a binary star. It emits lots of radiation, including x-rays. Humans are very intolerant of x-rays. We use them in hospitals to examine people’s insides. The staff who operate them wear lead aprons and stand behind lead-lined walls because even a slight overdose of x-rays can render a human infertile. A heavy overdose causes cancer and, ultimately, death.”
Inner-Piety was staring at me with wild eyes. His hands clenched and unclenched spasmodically. Sir God-is-All was eying him warily. I turned back to Madam Pressicallita.
“I’m sorry to have disturbed you but you see I need to contact somebody who will arrange an itinerary that won’t kill me.”
Madam Pressicallita gave me an enigmatic look.
“Would you take Sir Inner-Piety to the sick room,” she said to her Head of Security. “He looks decidedly unwell.”
Sir God-is-All nodded.
At that moment, Hermes returned. He had the cat basket which was covered in a cloth and a large bag.
“The door was open,” he said apologetically, placing the basket on the floor.
“Thanks, Hermes,” I said. “Any problems.”
“Oh, they’re fine… which is more than can be said of me.”
He held out his hand. Three long scratches adorned the back.
“Oh, dear. I’m sorry, Hermes. You’d better see a doctor.”
He shrugged. “I’ll be okay. The last one didn’t kill me.”
The cats chose that moment to start complaining. I removed the cover to find both Ziggy and Stardust glaring at me reproachfully. As I opened the basket, Hermes closed the suite door. The others were staring in astonishment.
“What… what are these?” Inner-Piety gasped.
“My cats… domesticated felines… pets.”
“I forbid it… you can’t have… wild animals. You will dispose of them immediately.”
I stood. “Perhaps, you should restrain me,” I said to the security chief, “for if he says one more word, I’ll punch his nose.”
“It is a bit unusual,” Madam Pressicallita said soothingly. “Perhaps, if you were to explain…?”
I sighed. “They are domesticated animals for whom I’m responsible. Given time I would have found homes for them, but I was told I didn’t have time. I was not prepared to abandon them to die so they’ve had to come with me. It’s not ideal for me, for you or for them but I had no choice.”
“They are domesticated?” Madam Pressicallita said.
“Oh, yes. Hermes, did you bring the litter tray?”
“In the bag.”
“They will not foul the suite,” I said to Madam Pressicallita. “They can eat, for a short time at least, food similar to mine but plain; without seasoning or spices. They may cause some damage to your furniture and I apologise for that in advance.”
“But…” she looked at Hermes hand.
“Cats are predators. They have sharp teeth and claws. They are also survivors and don’t take kindly to being manhandled. Their bite and scratches are rarely fatal.”
“Rarely?” Hermes said, looking a trifle pale.
“Ziggy’s and Stardust’s won’t be. They’ve been properly looked after.”
“I’m pleased to hear it.”
Stardust meowed so I squatted and petted her. Her tail went up and she wound herself round my legs alternately purring and giving her greeting call.
“Conversely,” I said. “They are very loving and friendly animals and appreciate lots of attention.”
Ziggy was sniffing round Madam Pressicallita. She looked at me enquiringly. I told her how to stoke him. She half bent, half squatted. It did interesting things to her cheongsam. Ziggy looked up and meowed.
“He approves.”
“They communicate?”
“After a fashion. Once you get to know cats, you’ll find they’re very expressive animals.
She continued to stroke Ziggy.
“Its hair is very soft.”
“It’s called fur and, yes, it is. I’ve no idea why.”
Ziggy’s tail was up and he was purring loudly.
“You’ve made a friend,” I said. “That noise is called a purr and it indicates he’s happy. The tail held straight up indicates the same thing. If a cat comes to you with its tail sticking up, it means he’s pleased to see you.” I gave a short laugh. “Mostly because he hopes you’ll feed him.”
Madam Pressicallita straightened. Ziggy complained loudly.
“Although it’s technically against hotel rules, I see no reason why they can’t stay providing they remain within the confines of the suite.”
“Thank you,” I said.
“That does it,” Inner-Piety exploded, his face livid. “This is an abomination… a travesty… I shall see it ends at o
nce.” He shook his fist at me. “You will regret this.”
Before anyone could react, he left, slamming the door behind him.
“What a pity,” I said insincerely. “We seem to have upset him.”
Madam Pressicallita suppressed a giggle.
“I don’t think we need you any more,” she said to her security chief.
“Would it be possible…?” he said, nodding at Stardust who was sniffing at his shoes.
“Go ahead,” I said.
He squatted down and petted Stardust. She arched her back and purred.
“Goodness,” he said. “I see what you mean. They are uncommonly soft to the touch yet, underneath, I sense a toughness.”
“Exactly.”
He straightened. “Well, I’d better be going.”
“I would appreciate it if you didn’t mention them outside this room. You saw Sir Inner-Piety’s reaction. It would be unfortunate if word got out that the hotel was harbouring wild animals. In fact…” I turned to Madam Pressicallita, “…is it likely he’ll try something silly like returning to harm them? He isn’t best pleased with me.”
“I don’t think so but it wouldn’t hurt to take precautions. Pious, would you keep an eye on the suite, please.”
“And it might be an idea to personally check every so often,” I added.
“Of course. Consider it done.”
“He doesn’t need to check personally,” Madam Pressicallita said when he’d left.
“Possibly, but I think we was quite taken with them and, right now, I think I need every friend I can get.”
“I agree,” Hermes said. “I don’t know him personally but I know who Sir Inner-Piety is and he has powerful friends.”
“So do I,” Madam Pressicallita said a trifle grimly. “Was everything you said true?”
“It was. Sir Inner-Piety indicated, in no uncertain terms, that I was, to all intents and purposes, his prisoner. I wasn't to leave this suite without his express permission. I wasn’t to talk to anyone without his permission. When I demurred, he threatened me with physical violence and possibly worse.”
She nodded. “Please excuse me. I have some calls to make. I’ll return shortly.”
I bowed to her again. “I’ll look forward to that. I’m very grateful for your assistance.”
She waved a nonchalant hand and left.
“Quite the charmer,” Hermes said in an amused tone. “Not bad for a back-woods boy.”
“What do you mean?”
“Only that you’ve, to use one of your expressions, charmed the pants off Madam Flerrionna Pressicallita and, if you play your cards right, that could be literally.”
I flushed. “I wasn't really thinking about that. I was simply trying to get her on my side. But, now that you mention it, she’s a very attractive woman.”
“She is.” He sighed. “I’ve had my fantasies about her over the years. However… what exactly did Sir Inner-Piety say?”
“I’ve already given you the gist of it. It wasn’t just what he said, it was the way he said it. He treated me as if I was some sort of puppet. I got a bit uppity and he threatened me… and I mean seriously threatened me. Told me he’d make my life a misery if I didn’t do exactly what I was told. I lost it at that point and phoned security. I think my subconscious had become suspicious as, while we were waiting, I accused him of corruption. From the look on his face, I was right.”
“Ah, yes, your human suspiciousness.”
“Yes… well… I more than suspect there’s some dirty work afoot. Perhaps he gets a cut if I’m seen on TV by septillions of beings wearing the latest creation from Noddy’s Fashion House or wherever. And if he’s got a finger in these pies, how much else of my itinerary was arranged for his benefit not mine. The clincher came when he admitted the tour of Geretimal was still on the agenda.”
His face paled. “Oh, shit. I promised that wouldn’t happen. You put it in the contract. I told them. Believe me, I honestly did.”
“Don’t worry, I believe you. You took it out so someone put it back in. I suspect that someone was Sir Inner-Piety and I’ll bet he’s getting a hefty whack to include certain ‘interesting’ places.”
“Oh, shit, again. Sorry, I don’t usually swear but I don’t like this at all. Didn’t he know what x-rays will do to you?” He grinned at my surprised look. “I do my research, too, and Dear is my ibic.”
“You’re a devious bastard,” I grinned back. “Fortunately.”
“Right. I need to make some calls, too. Madam Pressicallita may have friends in high places but I have friends in low places and sometimes that’s better.”
He strode off to the bedroom, pulling out his communicator as he went. I sank back in an easy chair. This trip wasn't turning out to be much fun. I felt very alone and very afraid. I was a thousand light years from home in an environment more alien than I could have imagined… I couldn’t even venture outdoors without risking my health. It seemed that, at every turn, danger beckoned and I was entirely dependent on Hermes and, hopefully, Madam Pressicallita. I felt very sorry for myself. Ziggy jumped onto my lap and started to purr.
“Well, Zig, it looks as though it’s you and me and Stardust against the universe,” I murmured.
Ziggy yawned, put his head between his front paws and closed his eyes. His faith in me was impressive. I only hoped it wasn't misplaced.
Chapter 4
I was nodding off when Hermes returned. He was looking both grim and pleased at the same time.
“You were right,” he said. “I have no proof as yet but I have found out that my instructions were intercepted and never got to the lawyers. Your itinerary was arranged by Sir Inner-Piety personally. That, in itself, is unusual. Normally there’s a team of beings working on it. I have managed to alert some people and they have agreed to escalate things enough to start an investigation. Oh, and Sir Inner-Piety got there first. He’s been ranting and raving about savages breaching Lottery rules and illegal importation of wild animals and that you are unfit to be a Lottery Winner. He has friends so some have listened.” He grinned wolfishly. “The trouble is that there is no precedent for declaring a lottery null and void. I mean it isn’t as if anyone could be accused of rigging it. Your name came up fair and square.”
“Thanks, Hermes. I appreciate your help. I’m sorry to have dragged you into this mess.”
He grinned. It wasn’t a pretty sight. “I am having the time of my life. I shouldn't say this but it’s about time the Commission had a shake-up. I suspected that there was a lot of fiddling when the last winner was declared. He did not question it, though. To him it was the experience of a life-time and he did not care what his itinerary was.”
“I’ve just had another thought. You said there was fierce competition to be part of the breeding programme. I wonder if that’s equally corrupt.”
He started. “I hadn’t thought of that. Excuse me, I need to make some more calls.”
I pushed Ziggy from my lap, ignoring his protests, and wandered into the kitchen to make a cup of coffee then remembered I didn’t know how. Actually I was hungry and wanted something to eat but didn’t know how to do that either. I was feeling thoroughly fed up Hermes returned looking even grimmer. I’d only just let him in when the door chimed again.
“I’ll get it,” he said.
He returned with Madam Pressicallita.
“I’ve no idea what time it is,” I said, “but I’d offer you both some lunch if I knew how to work this cooker.”
Hermes grinned. “That’s a polite way of saying you are hungry.”
“Guilty as charged.”
“I will take care of it.”
“It’s early afternoon so lunch would seem to be appropriate,” Madam Pressicallita said.
“In other words you would like me to make you some, too?” Hermes grinned. “Is the cooker programmed for you?”
“Probably not but my metabolism is similar to Sir MacAdam’s so I’ll have whatever you’re making him.”
“What’s on the menu, Hermes?”
“The usual. Chicken, beef, pork… Oh, and there is something called Scotch Broth.”
“Soup,” I exclaimed. “That’s a good idea. Does it do bread and cheese, too?”
He peered a bit. “Yes. All sorts of things made with cheese.”
“It’s a very versatile food. Okay, Scotch Broth with bread and cheese. Not haut cuisine but good and filling and easy to eat.”
“I don’t think I’ll ask what it’s made of,” Madam Pressicallita smiled.
“Probably better not to until you’ve tasted it,” Hermes agreed. “I once had a passenger who produced a mouth-watering dish. I made the mistake of asking what was in it.” He shook his head sadly. “I wished I had not for it turned out to be the sexual organs of a slimy amphibian that lived in a swamp and ate decayed flesh.”
“I assure you that my choice isn’t quite so gruesome,” I said with a laugh.
We sat at the dining table and tucked in.
“I must say, Sir MacAdam, that this is delicious,” Madam Pressicallita said after taking a few mouthfuls.
“Madam Pressicallita, it is my hope that we are to be more than just hotel manager and guest. I would be honoured if you would call me by my given name, Crawford.”
She blushed slightly and looked down. “I would like that… Crawford. In which case I am Flerrionna.”
“A beautiful name,” I said. “It suits you perfectly.” Hermes was grinning ironically. “And our chef… and co-conspirator is… actually I don’t know his real name but we agreed on Hermes.”
Hermes’ grin was even broader. “That is my real name.”
“Huh?”
“It is my real name. I really am called Hermes.”
“Never.” Suddenly I burst out laughing. The others looked at me in astonishment. “Sorry. Just a silly thought. When Hermes introduced himself he asked if we had a name on Earth that meant ‘bringer of tidings’. The only one I could think of belonged to a god who was worshipped, along with many others, a long time ago. They were a corrupt bunch and forever squabbling and fighting. I just had the daft thought that, perhaps, they were based on the Lottery Commission.”
I Won A Spaceship Page 8