“How dare you suggest…”
“Sir Chairman,” my voice was sharp. “One or more of your employees has already tried to murder me. I don’t intend to let it happen again. Madam Pressicallita, I assume this suite is under surveillance?”
She looked surprised. “Yes, but…”
“Under surveillance?” the Chairman thundered. “How dare you? This is an unforgivable breach of protocol.”
Flerrionna drew herself up to her full height and stared frostily down on him. “Sir, it is a matter of standard practice to maintain full surveillance of the Lottery Winner’s suite. We have made a considerable investment in this suite and the safety and comfort of our guest is of paramount concern.”
“Madam Pressicallita, would you please ensure that the surveillance record of this afternoon is held in a safe place and, further, in the event of my untimely demise, that its contents are made public?”
“With pleasure, Sir MacAdam.”
“This is outrageous. I demand you erase all traces of this conversation. If not, I will take this to the owners. I will also ensure that future Lottery Winners are housed elsewhere.”
Flerrionna shrugged. “That is your privilege. The expense of setting up these suites costs us money anyway and disrupts our normal business.”
“But… but… think about the honour of hosting the Lottery Winner.”
“I prefer to think of the lost business. Perhaps, many years ago, the honour was important but, these days, the bottom line is more significant.”
“Madam Pressicallita, I’m sorry you’re losing money because I’m here. While I appreciate the opulence, I would have been perfectly happy with somewhere less luxurious. This is not an environment to which I would ever personally aspire.”
She shrugged. “It’s part of the deal. We are obliged to provide an apartment representing the height of luxury of the Winner’s native culture. Quite a lot of research is required and that, too, costs money.”
“You mean the Commission doesn’t provide any assistance, even with information.”
“Not a bit.”
I turned to the purple-faced Chairman. “Well, Sir Chairman, do we have a deal.”
He seemed to slump. “It would seem we have. I will have the contracts drawn up.”
“Before the Ceremony would be helpful,” I said.
“It’ll be done before the Ceremony,” he said with a heavy sigh. “Come, Hringe, we have work to do. Madam, Sirs, if you will excuse us?”
As I closed the door behind him, Hermes and Flerrionna started dancing round and round holding hands.
“I don’t believe it,” Hermes chortled. “Ten million Pions a year for life.”
“And his spaceship fully fuelled and provisioned.”
“Don’t forget the free servicing.”
“Nor the automatic upgrade to the ibic every ten years.”
“If I can interrupt this inappropriate celebration for a moment,” I said tiredly. “There’s still some unfinished business. Anyway what’s ten million Pions in real money?”
Hermes gave me an old-fashioned look. “A lot.”
“Crawford you were magnificent,” Flerrionna said. She slipped her arms round my neck and kissed me soundly. I was too taken aback to respond.
“Why, thank you, Flerrionna. I appreciate it. You’re pretty special yourself.”
“Not really.” She looked slightly embarrassed.
I recovered my aplomb and pulled her to me. “You are. Very special.”
“Oh.” She flushed.
Hermes almost elbowed her aside to grab my hand and pump it up and down. His grin was so wide, I feared his teeth might fall out.
“She’s right. Magnificent doesn’t describe it. I knew you were special the moment I clapped eyes on you and you have proved me right with a vengeance.”
“Thanks, Hermes. And thank you, Flerrionna. I wouldn’t have been able to do it without your support. No, I mean that. Right now you are the only two beings I trust in the entire galaxy. I may be one in 57 septillion but you are numbers two and three.”
“Thank you, Crawford,” Flerrionna said, snuggling up to me and kissing my cheek.
“That's what friends are for,” Hermes added.
“Now I would dearly love to do something to celebrate, but I’ve more pressing needs. Do you have lawyers, legal representatives, here?”
“Yes, of course.”
“Can you find the very best one money can buy and ask him or her to accompany me tomorrow? Come to think about it, it should probably be all day.”
“Why, if I may ask?” Flerrionna said.
“I know,” Hermes said. “Crawford has a nasty, suspicious mind. He’s thinking that, perhaps, the esteemed Chairman will be reluctant to honour his agreement and, buried in the small print will be a clause that gets the Commission out of paying anything at all.”
I shrugged. “The thought had crossed my mind.”
“Oh,” Flerrionna said. “Hmm, I know just the being. I’ll get him over right away.” She went to the communicator.
“What next, boss?” Hermes said.
“Boss?”
“You did offer me a job.”
“Did you accept it?”
“I am, now.”
“But you’ve got one already.”
“Only until tomorrow.”
“Oh?”
“If you’ll have me, I would like to come with you.”
“You’ll resign?”
He shrugged. “After three hundred years, it is probably time for a change.”
“How long will you live for?”
“If I am fortunate, maybe another two hundred.”
“But I’ll be lucky if I live for another fifty.”
He shrugged again. “Then perhaps I’ll retire… to Earth.”
“Earth?”
“It seems like an interesting place.”
Suddenly I laughed. “Hermes, you’re a wonder. I can’t say how glad I am that you’ll be coming with me.”
I stuck out my hand and we shook, grinning like idiots.
“What’s up with you two?” Flerrionna said, coming back into the room.
“Just welcoming my new employee,” I grinned.
“Employee?”
“Hermes is going to pilot my fancy new spaceship.”
“But…”
“I know… you don’t need to know how to fly one, the ibic does it for you. But Hermes has been a space traveller for three hundred years. You can’t build that sort of experience into an ibic.”
“Well.” She looked wistful. “Congratulations. The lawyer will be here in about half an hour. I’ve also taken the liberty of calling a tailor. He’ll be here later.”
“Tailor? Oh, yes, the proposed shopping expedition that started all this.”
“Quite. You still need some clothes. The ones you’re wearing are a trifle… quaint.”
“Good word, quaint. I suppose they are. Okay, I agree I need kitted out like a proper Geretimalian gentleman but I’m wearing my suit for the Ceremony.”
“Come again?”
“I’m going to go in full native dress.” It wasn't really. Full native dress would be dress tartan complete with skian dhu but I didn’t even own a kilt. “I think it’ll cause quite an impact.”
“Native dress?”
“You’re a cunning devil,” Hermes said. “You are right. It will cause a stir.”
“Why? Is it risqué or something?” Flerrionna said.
“Quite the opposite. It’s plain and drab and dark.”
“May I see it?”
I dug it out of my suitcase. It hadn’t travelled well.
“It needs ironing, I’m afraid.”
“I’ll call the housekeeper,”
I held put on the jacket and held the trousers against me.
“You’re right, it is plain and dark, and you’re right it’ll cause a stir.”
“Good. I’m a simple man from a simple planet far out on the edg
e of the galaxy. I want to appear like that.”
Hermes gave a horse laugh. “You are far from a simple man and your planet is far from simple. Your politics give me a headache. About the only true thing you said was that you live on the edge of the galaxy.”
Flerrionna sighed. “I wish… never mind.”
The door chimed. It was the housekeeper. I explained about ironing my suit and she promised she’d attend to it immediately. No sooner had she left than the lawyer arrived. He gloried under the name Honesty-in-Trust Beloved-of-God. I hid my smile. Flerrionna urged us into the bedroom before speaking.
“Sorry,” she said, “but I thought this conversation should be private.”
“The bedroom’s not under surveillance? That’s a relief,” I said.
With prompting from Hermes and Flerrionna, I told my story to the lawyer. As I spoke his eyes grew wider. I’d got to the bit where I started having suspicions about Sir Inner-Piety when he stopped me and produced a communicator.
“May I have your card?” He slipped it into a slot then made me say that I wanted to employ him as my legal representative. He then inserted his own card and stated he accepted me as a client.
“Now they can’t torture any information out of me,” he grinned. “Just as well for I suspect I’m going to hear something I probably shouldn’t.”
“Interesting,” I commented. “We have much the same system.”
I told him the rest of the story. When I’d finished he was looking very pensive.
“Quite a tale. I agree with your analysis.” He closed his eyes. “Yes, there’s about an 83% chance the Commission will renege on the whole deal and a 98.7376% chance they’ll renege on part of it, probably the ‘insurance policy’. Now, can you repeat the terms of the deal so I can record them, please?”
Hermes and Flerrionna remembered more than I.
“Some deal. Ibics tend to be conservative. I’d say it was a fairly safe bet they’ll sabotage the whole deal. What do you need me to do?”
“Be with me tomorrow,” I said. “I’ve no idea when they’ll give me the contract but I bet it’s when I’m busy and distracted.”
“You’re not a lawyer, yourself, by any chance?” he said with a grin. “A whole day of my time will be expensive.”
“You heard the terms of the deal. I’d say it was in your interest to make sure it was honoured.”
He laughed wryly. “Since you put it like that… Okay. Flerrionna knows me so I’m not going to cheat you. I must admit I’m not very fond of the Commission, myself so let’s say 1% of your first year’s income.”
“From the Lottery only. Any other income I make doesn’t count.”
“You must be a lawyer in disguise. I agree.”
We agreed the fee formally and agreed to meet at a quarter to eight. I held out my hand. He looked at it askance.
“After a deal, it’s traditional in my culture to shake hands,” I said.
He shook my hand. “I like that idea. It makes it more personal, touching skin.”
“That's the idea. You can tell a lot from a person’s handshake.”
“Hmm, I’d love to discuss that with you but I’m already late for a dinner appointment.”
“Is it dinner time already?” I said once he’d gone.
“Yes,” Hermes and Flerrionna said together.
“Well, if I’d any money, I’d buy.”
Flerrionna laughed. She had a delightful laugh. “You don’t need any money. You’re the Lottery Winner.”
“Not till tomorrow.”
“You are today in this hotel. Anyway, my treat.”
“Gratefully accepted.”
“Same here,” Hermes said.
The cats, who had been sleeping in a corner, decided it was time to wake up. Perhaps they’d heard the word ‘dinner’.
“Can the cooker thing make some plain meat or fish?” I asked.
“We can find out,” Flerrionna said. She poked around for a while. “There’s chicken and pork and something called tunna.”
“Tuna,” I said. “That’d be fine.”
The cats gobbled it up and meowed for more but, being cats, ignored it when it was offered.
“That’s very odd behaviour,” Flerrionna said.
“There’s no such thing when it comes to cats,” Hermes said with a laugh. “All their behaviour is odd. They behave one way on one occasion and exactly the opposite the next.”
“Not quite, but close,” I said.
The tailor and the housekeeper arrived at the same time. My suit looked superb and I said so. The tailor, a small, round being with no hair, an orange complexion and bright, black eyes was intrigued.
“May I ask what it is?”
“My best suit,” I said. “Native clothing from Earth.”
“May I see?” He poked and prodded for a bit. “Interesting. What’s it made of?”
“Mostly natural animal fibre with some artificial stuff.”
“Interesting finish, being matt like that. Is it dyed?”
“Yes. Look, I’ll let you look more closely later but I’m getting hungry.”
“Right. Sorry. I tend to get carried away. I’ll just fetch my samples.” He wheeled in a portable rack of clothes of all colours and styles. “What occasions are you dressing for?”
“May I,” Flerrionna said.
She had an intense discussion with the tailor which I ignored. I had clothes for three situations; comfort, social occasions, and work. I had backups for each. Other than that, my interest in clothes was precisely nil. My musings were interrupted by Flerrionna.
“Right, Crawford, decision time.”
She held up a Nehru suit in mid blue with all sorts of colours chasing through it.
“I like that. When would I wear it?”
“A semi-formal occasion such as dinner.”
“Okay. Next?”
I rejected the next one. It was purple and I hate purple. The next one was bright red so that went, too.
“Do you like the style,” the tailor asked.
It was a loose-fitting shirt tied at the wrists. The trousers were baggy and tied at the ankle.
“Yes, it looks comfortable. But not the colour.”
“No problem. I have other colours.”
I chose a russet-coloured one. So the parade went on. The tailor seemed to have a never-ending supply of clothes despite the size of his rack, which I suspected it was like the Tardis or Terry Pratchett’s luggage. In the end I selected about ten sets of clothes ranging from the blue Nehru suit to sleeping robes. The tailor measured me carefully.
“I can have half these completed the day after tomorrow and the rest two days after that.”
“Anything I could wear tomorrow?”
“What occasion?”
“Rehearsal for the Lottery Ceremony.”
“Comfort then. I think I’ve got a lounging suit, the russet one in almost your size. I could probably drop it in later tonight.”
I glanced at Flerrionna who nodded.
“That would be perfect.”
“Just leave it at the desk,” Flerrionna said. “And charge the hotel.”
“Certainly. Thank you for your business.”
“Thank you for your time,” I said as he wheeled his rack out.
“Did I really buy ten sets of clothes?” I said.
“You did,” Flerrionna said.
“Should I tell him how much they cost?” Hermes said.
“No. Don’t spoil his fun.”
“If I’ve bought ten sets of clothes, how come I’ve got nothing to wear to dinner?”
“How like a woman.” Hermes said with mock exasperation.
“Watch it buster,” Flerrionna said. “We’ve got two restaurants, one formal and one less so. We’ll use the informal one. Shall we meet in, say half an hour?”
“You sure about that? You wouldn’t like to make it an hour?” Hermes said.
“Crawford, your new employee is getting uppity,” Flerrion
na complained.
“He’s not mine yet.”
“Chicken. Half an hour… I’m low maintenance.”
She left.
“Low maintenance you’re not,” Hermes said to the closed door.
“What was that?” I said.
“Nothing. Who’s first with the facilities?”
“You go. I’m going to have a drink. I think I need one.”
I poured myself a Scotch and sipped it standing up. The cats were having their mad half hour. First one, then the other, came charging out of the bedroom, rushed across the public room and skidded to a stop in the kitchen. There they would settle into hunting pose, pounce on an imaginary prey, then charge back to the bedroom. I smiled. In all the insanity going on around me, the normalcy of their insane behaviour was a relief. Hermes appeared from the bathroom, fully dressed.
“Unlike you I don’t even have a change of clothes,” he said ruefully. It was Ziggy’s turn to career through the public room. “What’s up with them?”
“Mad half hour.”
“I daren’t ask.”
I showered and shaved; more water this time, but still that odd feeling just below the sensation threshold, and I had a mirror. I studied my reflection. I looked tired and not a little shell-shocked. In my room I dug out a shirt and pair of trousers that weren't too badly wrinkled and wondered, idly, why the maid or whoever hadn’t hung up my clothes. We made our way to the dining room and met Flerrionna in the hall. She had changed into a long, slinky dress of shimmering red that left her arms and shoulders bare and emphasized the curves of her figure. I barely repressed a whistle of appreciation.
“Both of you in half an hour. I’m impressed,” she said with a smile.
“Low maintenance,” Hermes grinned.
“I’m more impressed with your dress,” I said. “It suits you perfectly.”
She blushed and ducked her head.
The restaurant, although the décor was alien, resembled a restaurant on Earth. There were tables and chairs placed a discreet distance apart. The lighting was low and, as befitted a top-class hotel, there was no canned music. The place was busy; most of the tables being occupied by the same variety of colourful beings I’d seen on the street. There was, however, an undercurrent I couldn’t place for a while until I remembered going to a dinner in honour of a senior manager who was retiring. We’d gone to one of the city’s finest restaurants and it had the same undercurrent… that of money. There was no need to be loud or ostentatious. All that was required was a slight gesture and one’s request was fulfilled. The head waiter, a Capellan in a vermillion robe with a dazzlingly false smile, greeted us respectfully and a waitress, a slim, willowy girl with emerald hair and pale green skin, led us to a quiet table near the back. There she left us.
I Won A Spaceship Page 10