Plays 5

by Tom Stoppard

  Maggs Roger Gartland

  Joe Christopher Price or Andrew Read

  Russian Patrick Gordon

  Directed by Peter Wood

  Designed by Carl Toms

  Lighting by David Hersey

  Presented by Michael Codron

  Act One

  Scene One The Pool, Wednesday morning

  Scene Two The Zoo, Wednesday noon

  Scene Three The Rugby Pitch, Wednesday afternoon

  Scene Four The Office, Thursday morning

  Scene Five The Shooting Range, Thursday afternoon

  Act Two

  Scene One The Office, Thursday evening

  Scene Two The Studio, Friday morning

  Scene Three The Zoo, Friday noon

  Scene Four The Office, Friday afternoon

  Scene Five The Hotel, Friday evening

  Scene Six The Pool, Friday night

  Scene Seven The Rugby Pitch, Saturday afternoon

  Act One

  SCENE ONE

  We are looking at part of the men’s changing room of an old-fashioned municipal swimming-baths. It is ten o’clock in the morning. The cubicles are numbered, and they have doors which conceal occupancy although they don’t meet the ground. There is a wash-basin or two, a place to shave facing front. Four of the cubicles have to ‘work’. There are four ways of coming and going: ‘Lobby’, ‘Pool’, ‘Showers’, and, for the sake of argument, ‘Upstage’.

  The lobby doors have MEN in reverse on the glass. Signs saying POOLS, SHOWERS, GENTS and EXIT may be used. One of the showers is evidently in use – we can hear it. When we encounter this scene, Wates is shaving. He is a black man, an American, who is normally impressively tailored and suave but at present is dressed in cast-offs and looks as if he spent last night on a park bench. His tackle is basic – shaving brush, shaving stick, old-fashioned safety razor.

  Before anything else happens we have a short radio play. What we can hear is two people (a man and a woman, Hapgood) talking to each other on shortwave radio. The voices have a slight distort.

  Radio OK, we have a blue Peugeot … stopping.

  Single male.

  It’s not Georgi.

  Anybody know him? No briefcase, repeat negative on briefcase.

  Are you getting this, Mother? – we have the Peugeot but it’s not Georgi.

  He’s crossing the road. Fancy tracksuit, running shoes. No sign of the follower. Are you getting this? – target is approaching, negative on Georgi, negative on briefcase, negative on follower, give me a colour.

  Hapgood (on radio) Green. You should be seeing Kerner.

  Radio Negative. They changed the plot. Confirm Green.

  Hapgood (on radio) Green. Tell me when Kerner shows.

  Wates (live) If he shows.

  Hapgood (on radio) Tell me when Kerner shows, he’ll be walking.

  Wates (live, no emotion) Kerner is thirty thousand feet up on Aeroflot, I feel sick.

  Radio Who is that?

  Hapgood (on radio) Wates – just shave.

  Wates (live) Yes, Ma’am.

  Radio Target inside. Negative on Kerner. Target in lobby. Ridley has seen him. Still negative on Kerner. Do I hear yellow? Mother, give me a colour, we’re still – OK, we have a walker.

  OK, we have Kerner … three hundred yards … affirmative on briefcase.

  Target’s got his key.

  Hapgood (on radio) Say when.

  Radio Four – three – two –

  The lobby door opens.

  You’re looking at him.

  A man enters from the lobby. He wears a colourful tracksuit and running shoes. He carries a towel rolled up into a sausage, we assume the swimming trunks and cap are inside. He carries a key on a loop of string which might make it convenient to wear as a pendant. He is otherwise empty-handed. We call this man Russian One, because he is Russian and because there are going to be two of them.

  Russian One enters Cubicle One. (This numbering has nothing to do with the actual numbers on the cubicles, it is only for our convenience.) Russian One enters his cubicle and closes the door behind him.

  Ridley enters from the lobby. He is carrying a briefcase (but the briefcase may be inside a sports holdall.) Ridley now goes on a perambulation. The essence of the situation is that Ridley moves around and through, in view and out of view, demonstrating that the place as a whole is variously circumnavigable in a way which will later recall, if not replicate, the problem of the bridges of Konigsberg (and which will give Russian One time to undress).

  Back to the Plot. Russian One, dressed to swim, leaves his cubicle, locks it, swings his towel up and over the lintel and leaves it hanging there, and goes off to the pool. When he has gone Ridley posts his briefcase under the door of Cubicle One, and pulls the towel off the door. (As a matter of interest, the Ridley who posts the briefcase is not the same Ridley who entered with it.) Ridley enters Cubicle Two and closes the door behind him. The towel appears, flung over the lintel, hanging down. Wates continues to shave. The shower continues to run. Kerner enters from the lobby. He carries a briefcase. He has a towel and a key. He looks around and posts his briefcase under the door with the towel showing (Cubicle Two). Kerner pulls the towel off the door and tosses it over the door into the cubicle. Kerner enters another cubicle (Cubicle Three) and closes the door behind him. A moment later his towel appears over the lintel.

  Ridley leaves Cubicle Two, bringing Kerner’s briefcase with him, and also the towel. He chucks the towel over the door of Cubicle One. With the briefcase he disappears in the direction of the showers. The shower cubicle may be in full view, in which case we see Ridley delivering his briefcase to the occupant. Russian One leaves the pool, wet of course, and re-enters his cubicle.

  Ridley comes back into view, from the showers, without the briefcase. He goes to the pool.

  Russian Two enters from the lobby. He is the twin of Russian One, and dressed like Russian One. He carries a similar rolled-up towel. However, he also carries a briefcase. He glances round briefly, and notes the towel on Kerner’s door (Cubicle Three). He posts his briefcase under Kerner’s door. He enters a cubicle, Cubicle Four.

  Merryweather, a boyish twenty-two-year-old in sports jacket and flannels, enters from the lobby. His manner is not as well calculated as Ridley’s had been. He is at first relieved and then immediately disconcerted by the absence of Russians.

  Russian One now dressed, leaves his cubicle, carrying his rolled-up towel but leaving the briefcase (which Ridley posted) behind. Russian One leaves to the lobby.

  Merryweather, whose idea of making himself inconspicuous has been, perhaps, to examine himself in Wates’s mirror, follows Russian One out to the lobby.

  Kerner, dressed, leaves Cubicle Three, with the briefcase which had been posted there, and leaves to the lobby.

  Russian Two reappears, from Cubicle Four, and enters Cubicle One to collect the briefcase which had been posted there by Ridley. As he leaves the cubicle, Ridley re-enters from the pool.

  Russian Two leaves to the lobby. Ridley follows him out.

  Wates has finished shaving. He is packing up his shaving tackle. The shower stops running. There is a pause, and then the occupant of the shower, Hapgood, approaches, somewhat encumbered by a briefcase (Kerner’s original) a leather rectangular clutch handbag with a shoulder strap, and an umbrella which she is at the moment taking down and shaking out. From her appearance, the umbrella has been an entire success. She comes down into the light and leans the umbrella carefully against the cubicles, and stands pensively for a moment. She is apparently too preoccupied to acknowledge Wates, who is himself preoccupied with something which makes him shake with silent laughter. He is putting a heavy steel wrist-watch on his right wrist. (Note: All the foregoing action may be done to music and lightly choreographed.)

  Wates Young guy in a sports coat, college haircut, nasty wart on the back of his right hand, no, left, it was in the mirror.

  Hapgood Merryweather.

  W
ates Merryweather, right. Followed the man in, followed the wrong man out, meanwhile Merryweather’s man turns around and leaves with the goods. Sort of dummy.

  Hapgood Yes, he is rather.

  The lobby doors open. Ridley enters in a somewhat excited, even delighted, state.

  Ridley (greeting her) Mother.

  Hapgood This is Ridley.

  Ridley You didn’t tell me it was twins.

  Hapgood This is Wates.

  Hapgood puts the briefcase on the ground, then lays it flat. She undoes the catches and raises the lid. During this Wates and Ridley shake hands.

  Wates Ben Wates.

  Ridley (friendly) Ridley.

  Hapgood has stood up, taking from the case a flat white cardboard box, a few inches square, the sort of thing that might contain a computer disc, which is what in fact it does contain. However, she is not the slightest interested in the box. She stands staring down at the open briefcase.

  Hapgood (bad news) Wates.

  Now Wates looks at her and at the briefcase.

  Wates Oh, Lord.

  Hapgood Where’s yours, Ridley?

  Ridley In the Peugeot.

  Merryweather returns, looking sheepish. Hapgood tosses the disc-box back into the briefcase.

  Merryweather Sorry, Mother – I –

  Hapgood Where did he go, Merryweather?

  Merryweather Actually, I lost him – a taxi came round the corner –

  Hapgood He’s in the taxi?

  Merryweather nods.

  Ridley (to Hapgood) Chamberlain’s cab, I love it. Listen, how the hell –

  Hapgood (politely) Be quiet, Ridley.

  She is opening her handbag and taking out a small radio transmitter/receiver.

  These gadgets are going to get quite a lot of use and evidently the state of the art has arrived at a radio which is no larger and somewhat slimmer than twenty cigarettes. The radio speaks quietly.

  (To Merryweather) Have a look round the pool.

  Merryweather Right. What for exactly?

  Hapgood Anything there is, I’ll want to see it. (to radio) Cotton.

  Radio Mother.

  Wates and Merryweather dovetail with Hapgood and her radio.

  Wates (shaking hands) Ben Wates.

  Merryweather How do you do, sir? Merryweather.

  Merryweather goes out to the pool. Ridley is probably contemplating the briefcase.

  Wates moves quietly up towards the cubicles and calmly investigates them, one after another without fuss. During this:

  Hapgood (to radio) Where is he?

  Radio In the Peugeot.

  Hapgood (patiently) Thank you, Cotton, and where is the Peugeot?

  Radio Camden High Street.

  Hapgood Pick him up and I want everything, I want him in a plastic bag.

  Radio Yes, ma’am.

  Hapgood Contents of briefcase. I’m here to be told.

  Radio You know it’s twins?

  Hapgood Yes, I know it’s twins.

  (To Ridley) You take Kerner – go through him, do it properly.

  (To radio) Chamberlain.

  Ridley Kerner’s clean.

  Radio P.O.B.

  Hapgood (to radio) I know.

  Ridley I did the switch.

  Hapgood (to Ridley, more sharply) Move.

  Ridley exits to the lobby.

  (To radio) Where are you?

  Radio Chalk Farm, turning west on Adelaide.

  Hapgood Bring him in.

  Radio Say again?

  Hapgood Just do it.

  Radio OK, guv.

  Hapgood Taxi needs back-up.

  Radio (new voice) Roger.

  Hapgood I’m here to be told. (She turns the gadget off, hesitates, and turns it on again. To radio) Paul …

  Her tone for Paul is different – she is not giving orders. No answer.

  Paul …

  Still no answer. She turns the radio off.

  Wates is coming back to her.

  What are you thinking?

  Wates I guess we took our eye off the ball.

  Hapgood closes the briefcase.

  Hapgood What happened to the bleep?

  Wates (shrugs) It’s dead.

  Hapgood I’ll need when.

  Wates You’ll get it. Why did he take the film?

  Hapgood Who?

  Wates Yeah, that’s the other thing.

  Hapgood goes to collect her umbrella.

  Hapgood (to radio) I’m leaving.

  Radio Car out front.

  Hapgood (to radio) Thank you. (She puts the radio back into her bag.) Wates …

  Wates Yes, ma’am.

  Hapgood Thank you for your co-operation.

  Wates You bet.

  He holds the briefcase out for her and she takes it.

  Hapgood Well, we’ll talk. You’re invited.

  Wates Appreciate it.

  Hapgood starts off to the lobby door. Merryweather comes back in from the pool.

  Merryweather Nothing, Mother – the whole place is clean.

  Hapgood (continuing out) Drain the pool.

  The doors swing shut behind her.

  Merryweather (thoughtfully, not entirely happy) Drain the pool.

  He goes back to the pool. Wates is alone. He is evidently a man with a burden. He is getting ready to leave, perhaps he has a coat to put on. From the pocket he takes a similar radio and walks towards the doors, raising the radio to his mouth; at which point everything changes for him. He stops to listen, his head turned back towards the upstage, by which time, gracefully and without making a big thing of it, he has tossed his radio from right hand to left, and produced from somewhere about his person a short barrelled revolver. He stands listening, holding the gun down by his side. He has to be patient but after a while a figure comes out of the dark upstage between the cubicles. This turns out to be a man wearing a hat and a good tweed overcoat, his hands in the pockets, a slightly surprising colourful silk scarf tucked inside the coat. He walks down in his own time, a careful stroll. Wates does not move until the downstage light falls across Blair’s face. Blair comes to a halt. Wates puts his gun away, gets the radio back into his right hand and resumes.

  Wates (to radio) Wates – I need the sweeps. (He nods at Blair.) Paul.

  Blair (greets him back) Ben.

  Radio Sweeps coming up.

  Wates (to radio) Thank you. (He puts the radio in his pocket and, in leaving, speaks to Blair without reproof, just information.) She blew it.

  He goes out through the lobby doors. Blair takes a radio from his pocket. The scene begins to change.

  Blair (to radio) Ridley.

  Ridley (on radio) Ridley.

  Blair (to radio) I want Kerner in Regent’s Park, twelve o’clock sharp.

  He puts the radio away and looks at his wrist-watch. The next time he moves, it is twelve o’clock and he is at the Zoo.

  SCENE TWO

  Kerner has been brought by Ridley to the Zoo. Blair, having checked the time on his watch, nods at Ridley to dismiss him. Ridley moves out.

  Perhaps we are looking at Blair and Kerner through the bars of a cage. There could be a bench, there could be paper cups of coffee … The bars make hard-edged shadows. We need one particular and distinct demarcation of light and shadow on the floor, perhaps thrown by the edge of a wall.

  Kerner speaks with a Russian accent, which is not too heavy; in fact, attractive.

  Blair You’re blown, Joseph.

  Kerner I love it. You blew it and I’m blown: well, I’ll be blowed. Nobody teaches that, you know. They teach you so you can almost read David Copperfield and then you find out David talks like a language student, he must have been put in as a sleeper.

  Blair Well … you’re blowed, Joseph. Your career is over.

  Kerner Except as a scientist, you mean.

  Blair Yes, that’s what I mean.

  Kerner My career as your man at the Pool.

  Blair Or theirs. Just an observation. The meet at the pool came
unstuck this morning. We have to consider you blown as our joe. The Russians must consider you blown as their sleeper. Either way your career is over. Which way, is perhaps an academic question.

  Kerner And yet, here you are.

  Blair One likes to know what’s what.

  Kerner Oh, you think there’s a what’s-what? Your joe. Their sleeper. Paul, what’s-what is for zoologists: ‘Oh yes – definitely a giraffe.’ But a double agent is not what’s-what like a giraffe, a double agent is more like a trick of the light.

  Blair Joseph –

  Kerner Look. (He points.) Look at the edge of the shadow. It is straight like the edge of the wall that makes it. This means light is particles: little bullets. Bullets go straight. They cannot bend round the wall and hit you. If light was waves it would bend round the wall a little, like water bends round a stone in the river.

  Blair (irritated) Yes. Absolutely.

  Kerner So that’s what. When you shine light through a gap in the wall, it’s particles. Unfortunately, when you shine the light through two little gaps, side by side, you don’t get particle pattern like for bullets, you get wave pattern like for water. The two beams of light mix together and –

  Blair Joseph. I want to know if you’re ours or theirs, that’s all.

  Kerner I’m telling you but you’re not listening. Now we come to the exciting part. We will watch the bullets to see how they make waves. This is not difficult, the apparatus is simple. So we look carefully and we see the bullets, one at a time. Some go through one gap and some go through the other gap. No problem. Now we come to my favourite bit. The wave pattern has disappeared. It has become particle pattern again.

  Blair (obliging) All right – why?

  Kerner Because we looked. Every time we don’t look, we get wave pattern. Every time we look to see how we get wave pattern we get particle pattern. The act of observing determines what’s what.

  Blair How?

  Kerner Nobody knows. Somehow light is continuous and also discontinuous. The experimenter makes the choice. You get what you interrogate for. And you want to know if I’m a wave or a particle. Every month at the pool, I and my friend Georgi exchange material. When the experiment is over, you have a result. I am your joe. But they also have a result: because you have put in my briefcase enough information to keep me credible as a Russian sleeper activated by my KGB control; which is what Georgi thinks he is. So naturally he gives me enough information to keep me credible as a British joe. Frankly, I can’t remember which side I’m supposed to be working for, and it is not in fact necessary for me to know.