by Barbara Ebel
Marlin studied Ginny’s quick texting and Bob’s interest in his bag. He gave a huff, turned on his heels, and walked out. Bob peered into the hallway and, when Marlin was gone, he rapped on the bathroom door.
The door creaked open and Bob nodded. “Coast is clear. He was asking for you but I told him you’d left.”
“Thanks,” she said. “I owe you.”
She made sure the coast was clear, then sped down the staircase. At last … on the way home for the weekend.
Chapter 12
Annabel whizzed around her bedroom making sure she had packed the clothes, shoes, and toiletries she needed; in any case, most of her worldly possessions were at her parent’s place. What she had to take were surgery books because, like Robby had reminded them, their mid-term exam was next week.
She pulled on a loose V-neck white top which hung outside her faded blue jeans, slipped on a pair of loop earrings, and checked herself in the full-length mirror. She made a final check of the apartment and headed out the door with one small suitcase and a backpack full of the necessary medical books.
Around the block, Annabel got into her red SUV and started the engine. Even the vehicle had been bought for her by her parents, her dad and uncle lugging her around car lots until they found the best used and reliable transportation for her to head off to medical school. As she veered away from Ohio and into Kentucky, she relaxed and enjoyed the drive. The open road gave her a liberating feeling, but not as emancipating as her entanglement with Paul Besdoe two nights ago. It must have been the riskiest and most unforeseen behavior she’d ever pulled off. And the fact that he had come in and out of her life like a butterfly landing on a flower and that they had shared each other’s body as intimately as possible was a mind-boggling dichotomy. She savored the thought of it.
After almost two hours, a median appeared in the middle of the northeast and southwest traffic lanes along I-71. Green and plush, she felt sorry for the deer she spotted down in the tree line. It didn’t recognize the fact that it was stuck in the middle; it didn’t know that it was trapped in an unnatural zone and that to reach relative safety and normal habitat like the rest of its species in the region, it could suffer a dangerous outcome by passing through the perilous pathway of the two lanes in either direction. She sighed and went back to thinking about the Findar dating app. Should she use it again?
After a while, she merged with I-65 going south out of Louisville. The drivers around her became more colorful with blaring country music and tattooed arms dangling out of pickup-truck windows. She kept track of the landscape around her; every time she took the journey, the open, uncommercial land seemed to shrink in size. She realized that someday it would be a wall of small cities one after the other between the two major urban areas. That’s what ‘progress’ or lack of population control was doing. She shook her head knowing everyone screamed about climate change but no one breathed a word about the world’s burgeoning human population.
Annabel realized problems always had to go too far before human beings did anything about them. It was a point she had made to her father several years ago. Modern technology had the means to solve modern problems; it was the leaders with control who had to be forceful and speak up loudly to identify and strategize the problems … then aggressively research and discover the methods to solve them.
After she filled up her car with gas, she pulled through a drive-in window for a drink and a small fish sandwich, enough to hold off hunger until she got home. As she veered off to the southeast corner of Nashville, Annabel tried to shake off the melancholy which had settled over her once again. Her first clinical rotation had soured her taste for ever picking surgery as a career.
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Annabel pulled down a long private road with few houses and admired the Tilson property; the home set back from the street with just the right amount of landscaping to dress it up. She pulled into the driveway, wondering which part of the house to make her entrance; her aunt and in-law uncle lived on this level, but her father and mother lived on the expansive bottom floor with an entrance in the back. Her younger sister, Nancy, had a room in both places. She figured everyone should be home by now, except possibly her father, so she decided to go to the front door.
Annabel rolled her suitcase along the path with her backpack slung over a shoulder while she clasped her lunch garbage in her hand; she set them down and rang the bell. The door opened and Mary, her father’s only sister stood there.
“We can’t believe you have a weekend off,” Mary said and smiled. “And we’re ecstatic you came home to enjoy it.”
“Thanks,” Annabel said and hugged her aunt. “I can’t wait to see everyone.”
They picked up her bags and went straight back to the kitchen. Mary’s husband and her father’s best friend, Casey, was on the back patio; then she spotted her mom and their dog, Dakota, too. She opened the French door and Dakota rambled up to her with a big push and a swinging tail.
“Dakota! I missed you,” she said, digging her hands into his sorrel coat.
“Well, look what we have here,” Casey said. “Dr. Tilson, Jr.” He wrapped his arms around her, giving her a bear hug while her mother, Sara, stood next to him. When he let go, Annabel and her mother gave gentle hugs and then her mother swiped her daughter’s hair behind her ears.
“We’ve been waiting for you all week,” Sara said. “We’re all pitching in for dinner.”
Annabel looked over at the ribs Casey had cooking on the grill. “They smell so good,” she said. “Thank you already.”
“Your father should be home any minute after office hours,” Sara said. “How was your drive?”
“Not bad,” she replied, giving Dakota more attention while Mary stepped out.
“You all look great,” Annabel said. “But Dakota is getting gray quickly.”
“He’s aging faster than the rest of us,” Sara said.
Annabel knelt down and gave him a big hug. When she got up, she stepped to the end of the deck to glance over the massive yard which went off down a far hill, young trees planted in rows in front of older ones. Besides the trees, other landscaping dotted the area due to the love of the soil by Annabel’s grandmother and grandfather who were the original owners.
She turned and Mary stood there with a glass of wine. “Would you like one?” she asked. “Or a soft drink?”
Annabel took the wine glass. When Casey felt sure the ribs were done and succulent enough to fall off the bones, Mary announced they’d eat inside. As they brought over vegetables, Danny Tilson walked into the big room from the downstairs.
Dakota beat Annabel to her father, but she was close behind.
“Look at you,” Danny said, embracing her. He kissed her on the cheek and they both hugged. “Getting away from a med school rotation like this is remarkable. Boy, have times changed.”
“Dad,” she said, “kids are always reminded about how their parents had it. We can’t relate.”
“That’s too bad,” he said, “because listening to the history of others may prevent you from making mistakes that they made.”
“Okay, you two,” Sara interjected, “no disagreements or philosophical discussion. We have less than two days for this visit.”
The door opened again and Annabel’s sister, Nancy, came in. “Yo, sis,” she said. Behind her were Mary and Casey’s twin children, Melissa and Tommy.
“Yo, yourself,” Annabel replied. They studied each other since it had been months since they’d seen one another. With slightly big ears, Nancy kept her brown hair purposefully hiding them and she had a tendency to sulk. She attended college in Nashville and still lived at home. By doing that, she had her privacy, space, and the tradition of their home and family.
Annabel squatted down and gave the two youngsters a hug. They reciprocated and Melissa tried to climb on her knee. “Look at you. Every time I see you, you’re both bigger, better, and stronger!” They both giggled and then went around the counter to pull at their mother
for something to eat.
Nancy sat on a kitchen barstool as Mary fended off the youngsters request for food and tossed a salad.
“So, what’s it like now that you’re out in the wards?” Nancy asked her sister.
Annabel looked around to see that all eyes were on her. She thought about the question and the longer she considered it, the more upset she became. Her eyes locked onto her father. She had a difficult time finding her voice, let alone know what to tell them.
“It’s not what I expected,” she said, her voice quivering. Her face wrinkled with emotion and she lowered her head into her hand to hide the moisture accumulating in her eyes; she felt like a dam of sadness was going to break and she now realized she was more despondent on the rotation than she thought.
“So the drama queen arrives,” Nancy said, rolling her eyes.
“Oh, shut up,” Annabel said. “You couldn’t possibly know anything about what I’m going through.”
“Okay, that’s enough,” Sara said. She walked to the stool and put her hand on Annabel’s shoulder.
Danny followed. “Let’s try and resolve a little bit of this right now. Let’s go downstairs and discuss it.” He glanced at Mary and Casey. “Why don’t you start dinner without us?”
“No way,” Casey said. “We’ll wait.” Danny and Casey had been best friends since they were little and Danny knew his look of determination meant that the point was settled.
Annabel slid off the stool and, with her mother by her side, they went to the staircase. Dakota at his heels, Danny followed. When they reached the downstairs big room, the two women sat on the couch and Danny pulled up the recliner to be as close as possible.
Annabel timidly peered at her father. She couldn’t possibly open up about her failures when he was everything opposite what she was so far in medicine. Yet her mother held her hand with gentle reassurance. Annabel knew her mother had lots of wisdom and had probably talked with many students about their problems at school.
“Sweetheart, tell us,” Sara said softly.
“Annabel,” Danny said, “it’s not what you expected? Like your mother said, tell us what’s going on. We’re here for you.”
“I’m sorry,” she said. “It’s just that everything that could go wrong is going wrong.” She swiped her eyes as her father maintained a nonjudgmental expression and waited for her.
“Here I am for the first time,” Annabel said, “out of the med school classrooms and walking around on the wards with a white jacket like I’m some kind of doctor. But I’m just a stupid medical student at the bottom of the barrel doing scut work.” She looked at her mother. “Yes, I was told that.”
Sara squeezed her hand and Annabel continued.
“But I was singled out immediately because I made a wrong diagnosis. My patient didn’t have appendicitis; she was a faker, a scam artist about medical problems. And I had no idea.”
“Munchhausen’s,” Danny said.
Annabel rolled her eyes. “See, even a neurosurgeon knows that.”
“You are not supposed to know everything,” Danny said. “You are a student. Even later on, like the rest of us, you still won’t know everything. None of us do.”
“And if I remember correctly,” Sara said, “I never dropped you on the floor when you were little so you’re just as smart as the rest of this family and we’re all pretty smart. And I’m sure you have as much intellect as the other students on your team.”
“But I know less than most,” Annabel continued. “You should hear one of the other students … he’s so damn smart he’s like a resident already. For me, it was so embarrassing … my stupidity on rounds in front of the chief resident and attending. And the thing is, one of the residents hates me. He goes out of his way to make me fall on my face and he says nasty things to me when no one else is around. I mean, I can’t get away from him because we share patients together. He sabotages me. I tell you, Dad, I can’t stand it. I feel like I want to quit … it just isn’t worth it.”
Danny and Sara exchanged glances. They kept quiet, giving their daughter a moment to control her emotions, and Dakota nestled his head further onto Annabel’s foot.
“Honey,” Sara said, “there are nasty people everywhere. It doesn’t matter what continent you’re on, what field you’re in, or what day it is. There have always been sneaky, despicable, unscrupulous, and evil human beings and there always will be.”
Annabel wiped a tear from her eye and Sara rubbed her back. “Dare I say it,” Sara continued, “but your half-sister’s mother, Rachel, is one. Your father continues to send her child support out west for Julia but she even blocks his calls. As you know, it’s been a few years since we’ve seen your father’s little girl.”
Annabel nodded but then shook her head slowly. “But, Mom, there’s too much pressure and I can barely concentrate while I’m studying. It’s a double whammy. I’m doing poorly with the clinical work and the personal interactions. And I’m going to fail next week’s test.”
Danny leaned forward. “Annabel, you have never been a quitter and you have been through a lot. As a fictitious pirate once said, ‘the problems are not the problem; the problem is your attitude about the problem.’”
“So what do I do, Dad?”
“You made a clinical error. First of all, that is going to happen to every medical school student and clinician. Secondly, if you believe you are truly behind other students at this point, then perhaps a short heart-to-heart talk with your chief resident would be appropriate. Ask him what you missed and how you can do better. If he has his students’ best interest in mind, he will appreciate you coming to him and will be happy to give you pointers. It appears that you can’t go to the resident you’re having difficulty with, so overstep him.”
Annabel started to feel better, like a weight was lifting from her shoulders just by telling them. Her parents had no idea about the crush she had on her chief resident but she had nothing to lose by mentioning the roadblocks she was encountering. She took a deep breath. “Okay, and I realize I better not badmouth the resident.”
“Exactly,” Danny said. “Or he’ll make your life more miserable.”
“People like that thrive on people they think they can affect,” Sara said. “To our knowledge, you’ve never been easily bothered by criticism.”
Annabel squeezed her mother’s hand. “He ranted that I got into medical school because of nepotism.”
Danny’s anger ramped up as he glanced at Sara and back at Annabel. “He probably has his own personal shadows to deal with and is taking his shortcomings out on you.”
“Okay. I’m getting it.” She looked at her father and forced a small smile.
“Do you know that we would support you even if you conclude that medicine isn’t for you after all?” Danny laughed. “But only if you gave it your Annabel-the-Tomboy best shot.”
Her smile broadened and she nodded. “Thanks. Thanks to both of you,” she said.
“You’re always welcome,” Danny said.
“Always,” Sara said, while gripping her daughter’s elbow. “And ask us for help anytime … about anything. That’s an order. And if we’re finished, we better go upstairs to Mary and Casey. They are as good as your second parents so, if you’d like, fill them in a little bit.”
Annabel rustled the top of Dakota’s head and they all went upstairs.
-----
Sara carried up a large bowl of salad and placed it on the counter. The barbecue ribs filled the air with an enticing smell and a glass vase with flowers adorned the middle of the table. Nancy set out utensils next to a stack of plates and began serving herself.
With a concerned expression, Casey eyed the three of them. He had worked a seven-to-three shift and had changed out of his paramedic uniform into casual clothes; the short sleeve T-shirt showed off his bulked up arms and shoulders from his conscientious few days a week at the gym. He signaled for Annabel to take a plate.
“Are you okay?” Casey asked her.
He continued to look at her and frowned.
“It’s just that my first rotation isn’t going so well.”
He nodded as she finished serving herself. “I hear you. It happens to the best of us. Ups and downs in our careers. Discouragement, second-guessing, and plain wanting to quit.”
Annabel focused on her uncle. He had such an appeasing way about him and she knew that, when he showed up on his job, he gave solace to many people during hairy medical situations.
“The Annabel we know and love,” he added, “will get through it.”
“Thanks,” she said and cracked a smile. She sat down at the table and sat across from her sister; Sara and Danny pushed the twins in while Mary served their dinners.
“Let’s not talk about me anymore,” Annabel said. “How’s work and school going?”
“Although it’s a bit early to tell,” Sara said, “it seems I have a mediocre group of biology students this year. But no complaints. I was ready for the summer to end and get back to work.”
“And Mary is selling a line of portrait paintings to a downtown hotel,” Casey said.
“Wow, nice,” Annabel said.
“I’m overly busy,” Danny said. “Goes with the territory. But maybe head traumas will start rolling in less as the nice weather goes away. The colder months make for less motorcycle accidents and outdoor head injuries.”
Annabel picked up a rib, the meat easily separating from the bone and sampled a piece.
“Uncle Casey, you’ve done it again,” Annabel said. “These are scrumptious.”
“Glad you like them,” he said, halving and buttering a small roll for the twins.
“Are you taking care of really sick patients?” Nancy spoke up, addressing her sister. “Or is it more like they have surgery and go home?”
Annabel felt more at ease talking about her rotation as long as it didn’t encompass what she hated about it. She put down her drink. “I never expected the deaths. Heck, people just kept dying for a while. It’s nerve wracking.”