by J. L. Drake
“Can you read this to me?” His eyes were so hopeful I wondered if anyone ever read to him.
“Sure.” I pulled the book from between his grubby fingers and opened the page.
We went on the journey of the choo-train that got each of its freight cars full by all the circus animals. Halfway through, Fin lifted my arm and curled to fit against my side. He rested his head on my chest and asked a few questions. At first, I wasn’t sure how Vib would feel if she saw us cuddled, but the way he seemed at ease made me relax too. Clearly, he was starved for affection, and I guessed I was too.
***
Trigger
“Where have you been?” Brick handed me a coffee when I returned from a night of punching a hole in my Everlast bag. My hands were worn out, and my muscles finally stopped twitching from the workout.
“Out.”
“I see that.” He slipped into the booth across from me. “I’ll take it last night didn’t go as planned?”
We were out of sugar, so I whistled for Jace to bring me more. “Tess got pissed.”
He chuckled with a knowing look. “What did you do this time?”
I needed to shed some anger before I blew up and killed another member of my own club.
“She wants too much.”
Brick lowered his mug, and his humorous expression faded. He glanced over his shoulder then lowered his voice. “Too much in what way?”
“Too much from me, I guess.” I rubbed my beard, unsure how to navigate the conversation.
“She said that?”
“More or less.”
“What did she say, exactly?”
“She wants me to tell her she matters and how I feel about this and that. I don’t do feelings. Why can’t women leave well enough alone?”
Brick’s eyes bulged, and I could tell he was thrown by this. He leaned back and let out a long breath of air. “You sure she said that?”
“Yeah.”
“I find that odd.”
“Why?”
“Just, wow.”
“Wow, what?” I started to grow annoyed. He needed to spit it out.
“Look,” he leaned a little closer to me in case anyone was listening, “Tess doesn’t normally do feelings. Clark robbed her of that. He broke her in two then broke her some more. I’ve only heard her say she loved two people in her life, and Clark never counted because he brainwashed her. Seriously, that house fucks her up something bad, but if she’s lookin’ for more from you…” He shook his head. “I don’t…I don’t know what to say to that. I mean, fuck, you must have really gotten to her.”
I leaned back and let out a heavy breath. My head swirled with all the words she had said last night, and then her face before I left her.
“Trigger, I think it’s pretty obvious…” Brick started to say before my face made him stumble. “I mean, we’ve been friends for a long time, man, and I’m going to step over a line here.” He paused to see if I’d argue. “You owe me this, okay?” I glared but gave a nod. He was right; I did toss him under the bus before. “When you came out of the church, I have never seen you like that before. Man, I think there’s a pretty good chance you might love that girl.”
My first reaction was no, but I couldn’t say the words. I cared for her a lot. She calmed the voices and the chaos and blew me away sexually. Her touch was something else, but was that love? I wasn’t sure.
“Trig,” he stopped my internal dialog, “you can at least start with saying you do care for her. Tess isn’t some chick who the moment you say it is going to be lookin’ for a proposal. She just needs to know she matters.”
He moved to slide off the bench, but I reached out to stop him.
“Who did she say she loved?”
Brick grinned big like I’d handed him a gun to kill a Stripe Back. “Lily, Mags’s daughter, and me. One of the best days of my life.”
“Should I be jealous?” I half joked.
“Only if you love her like a sister.” He chuckled before he turned.
“Where is she now?”
He whirled around but kept walking. “Pickup truck.”
I pushed open the back door and took note of the heavy clouds rolling in. They did say we were getting a storm, but I didn’t think it was supposed to start until the afternoon. My coffee was hot and felt good on my sore hands. I was careful not to spill it as I made my way over to my pickup. As I got close, I saw her lying under a blanket, and I nearly spilled my coffee when I noticed she wasn’t alone. Black hair stuck out from underneath the blanket. I reached over and pulled it back. There was Fin curled into a ball, his hand over top of Tess’s. I felt a moment of jealousy looking at the kid lying there with my woman. Shit, he was just a little kid, snotty nose and all.
A small part of me felt a pinch of warmth. For someone who never wanted kids, she sure took to Fin.
As I pulled the blanket back up, movement caught my eye, and a little pink nose and dark eyes stared up at me. Carefully, I lifted the kitten, rubbed her back, and placed her inside the wheel well.
Tess’s phone lit up, and I reached for it.
Unknown Number: I’m here in the city. I need to see you, Gumdrop. Please tell me where to meet you. Give me twenty minutes, that’s all I ask.
I expected to see red. I expected to want to murder someone, but instead, I was calm. Maybe it was because of my conversation with Brick. I knew she was warped by Clark, but I also knew she didn’t love him. It was me she wanted more from, and that felt pretty good.
Tess: 5627 Dustin Street, Helmond’s Bar. Noon.
A moment later, I saw him typing.
Unknown Number: Will Trigger be there?
Tess: Yes.
Unknown Number: Can we meet somewhere he won’t be?
Tess: No.
Unknown Number: How do I know you aren’t setting me up?
Tess: I never asked you to come. Take it or leave it.
Unknown Number: Fine, I’ll be there. Just hear me out.
I tucked the phone back where it was and shook her shoulder.
“Tess,” I whispered.
Her eyes opened, and it took her a moment to see where she was.
“Oh.” She held her neck like it was sore. “Oh, my God, what time is it?”
“Nine.”
“Shit.” She looked down at Fin. “Is Vib freaking out?”
“No.” I leaned my arms over the side of the truck, and the steam from my coffee swirled. “Doubt she’s even noticed he’s gone.”
“I’m sorry.” She tried to sit up straight.
“Why?”
“I didn’t mean for this to happen. He spent the night in the bar waiting for you, and I felt horrible for what he saw. I started to read to him, and I guess we both fell asleep. I—”
“Why are you sorry?”
She looked at me strangely, her mouth pulled into a straight line. “He’s not my kid, and I don’t want to cross a line with Vib.”
“Vib’s done nothing more than give up an egg and a warm stomach to grow in. She has zero maternal instincts. That boy is looking for someone to cling to.” I sipped my coffee and watched her absorb my words. “You’re good for him, Tess. You’re good for a lot of us.”
She studied me for a moment before she looked over my shoulder with tired eyes. “About last night, just forget what I said. I was wrapped up in Cole and Savannah’s happiness—” She paused, and her gaze dropped. “I appreciate what you did for me. Nicest thing anyone’s done in a long time.”
“Tess—” I had no idea what I was going to say, but she interrupted me.
“Is there any coffee left inside?”
I handed her mine, and she hesitated but took it anyway.
“Thanks.” She closed her eyes and sighed at the taste. “At least I know this isn’t laced with anything. Fucking Peggy,” she muttered.
She handed it back and woke Fin, who yawned and batted her hand away.
Her smile was one I hadn’t seen before. I knew she was growing att
ached to him too.
Suddenly, she froze. “Shit.” She scrambled to stand. I caught her waist and lowered her to the ground.
“Thanks.” She stepped back and ran her fingers through her hair. “I need to get to work. Morgan needed the morning off.”
With that, she was gone, and I was left with a grumpy Fin.
“Trigger?” Gus called from the door. “You’re needed.”
“So are you.” I pointed down at Fin.
He squinted and limped over. “What’s he doing there? Vib said her sister took them.”
“The junkie lied. Fin and Tess had a sleepover.”
“Would anyone notice if I buried that bitch under the pool house?” He snickered as he tried to wake Fin.
“Notice? No. Give a fuck? Hell, no. You need a shovel, I have plenty.” I reached over and pulled the blanket by the sides and lifted the grump out like he was in a bag.
“Hey,” he stopped me, “why is Langley here? You didn’t agree, did you?”
“Submitted the forms the other day.”
“Trigger, you think that’s wise? You know how you get.”
I glanced down at Fin. “You should get him to bed. Looks like the rain will start early.”
I needed to train and get ready for our company.
“Trigger!” Rail popped his head out the door. “There’s a fire, my garage.”
I hurried to follow him next door.
Chapter
Seventeen
Tess
“You seem different.” Peggy blocked my path when I went to wash down the tables.
“Go away, Peggy.” I pushed her aside, but she followed me.
“You do.” She stood beside me and stared. “But what is it?”
I closed my eyes and calmed my temper. The bar had a few stragglers, and I really didn’t need her shit right now.
She sucked in a breath. “Oh, my God.” She beamed with excitement. “Did Trigger dump you?”
“Fuck off, Peggy.” I tried to ignore her, but my grip on the rag was tight.
“Oh, this is great! Don’t feel bad, Tess. It was bound to happen. He gets bored. He’s a fuck and chuck kinda guy.”
“Good to know.” I moved on to the next table.
She kept going. “You love him, don’t you?”
It was too early for this shit.
I stopped and pinched the bridge of my nose. “Peggy, he’s all yours.”
She glared at me for a moment then one eyebrow rose with amusement. She pulled out some gloss and ran it over her fake lips. “Time to lube up the runway.”
“What a bumpy runway that is,” Rail chimed in as he whisked by.
“I’ve never blown you!”
“Yeah, ’cause I like my dick clean.”
“I’m clean, you jackass.”
Rail stuck his head around the corner. “Peggy, your vag is about as clean as a dirty hotdog in an alley.”
“Please, some of us are trying to eat!” Cooper dropped his fork and pushed his food away. “Fuck me, I’m getting a visual. I’m gonna be sick.”
“Are you fantasizing?” She licked her lips at Cooper, and he pretended to stab himself.
Jesus, what a crew.
I turned back to the table but froze. My stomach jolted, and vomit crept up the back of my throat.
“Wow, Gumdrop.” Clark’s gaze dragged down from my mouth to my thighs.
I was squeezed into a pair of tight jeans with a red corset-style top and heels. My hair was wavy because I didn’t have time to dry it. How I wished I was in sweats and a sweater like this morning. My mind was in a tailspin. I looked around, desperate to find a way out, and at the same time was terrified Trigger would come in.
“Well, now.” Peggy slithered into view like the slippery snake she was. “And who might you be?”
“Clark.” He extended his hand, and she took it with a giggle.
“How do you know Tess?”
“Peggy, leave,” I warned, but of course she didn’t listen.
“I’m an…” Clark smirked at me with that smile he used to get me into bed. “An old friend.”
I couldn’t move. I was stuck in this fuck hole of a situation.
How? How did he know where I was?
“Everything okay?” Big Joe asked, and I shot him a dirty look. Why did he let him in?
“He was cleared, Tess.”
What? Cleared by who?
Clark tossed a file on the table before he stepped forward and ran a hand down my arm. It burned like acid against my skin. “Damn, I’ve missed you.” He leaned down to kiss my lips, and I shoved him away. He was ready for it and hooked an arm around my waist to hold me in place. He leaned down again, but instead he brushed his lips by my ear. “I forgive you.”
“Get the fuck off me.”
“Keep talkin’ dirty to me, Tessa. I know how feisty you can get.”
This was a dream, a horrible dream that had sunk its claw deep and rattled my bones. I desperately needed to wake up. Clark here in Trigger’s club. It just couldn’t be happening.
I wiggled to get free, but he was too strong. Cooper suddenly appeared at my side.
“She said get off her. Respect the lady.”
“Respect.” Clark laughed. “Right, when did the MC world ever respect their women?”
“We respect family, asshole, and if you want to keep that hand, you better get it the fuck off her.” Cooper raised his voice. “Tess, you want me to get—”
“That won’t be necessary.” Clark cut him off and pulled his hand back. “I’m not staying long.”
If that was true, I’d rather deal with Clark myself than involve Trigger. He didn’t need to fight for me.
“Thanks, Cooper, but I’m okay.”
He thought for a moment then headed out back, I was sure to find Trigger.
I needed to be quick.
“Ouch,” I whimpered as he grabbed my wrist again and squeezed.
“You fuck him too?” Clark hissed at me. He was classic for mood swings, a sign that he was on steroids again.
“No.” I glared at him. “Not yet, at least.” I couldn’t help myself. Clark was a jealous asshole when it came to me and men. He hated Brick but had never met him.
“Bet you’re spreading for all these men.” His tone was nasty.
“Most.” I chuckled, and he lifted on his toes to use his body weight to squeeze me harder. I yelped, and he smirked. “How’s your wife?” The words were like acid on my tongue, but it was my slap in his face that he fucked me over by fucking my mother.
He let go, and I stepped back and rubbed at the sudden rush of pain when the blood returned to its normal path.
“I hate that you get me that crazy.” He switched back to calm, loving Clark.
“I hate that you hurt me. I hate a lot of things about you.”
“I don’t want to hurt you, Gumdrop.”
“But yet you have, many times. Let’s start with you killing my best friend.” Anger corroded my insides.
“You should never have seen that video.”
“God!” I huffed in disbelief. “You’re insane! You can’t even see it. You killed her, and that very night, you came to my room. Have you no soul? No heart?”
He scratched his chin and turned away. “We’ve always had a unique relationship, haven’t we?”
Wow.
“You call it unique. Others call it abusive.” I glared at him and felt the surge of anger flow and take over the shock and fear his showing up had brought. The club was my home, and it gave me a sense of power. He was on my turf.
“Abusive? When have I ever truly hurt you?”
“Do you even hear me?”
His stare burned into mine, and I felt my power slowly being sucked away. I needed to move before Trigger got wind he was here. I was shocked he hadn’t stormed in yet.
“Why are you here?”
His eyes flickered with a darkness I had only seen a few times in the past.
Shit.
What? He was mad.
“When?”
“This morning. You sent me the address.” He held up his phone and showed me his messages.
“I never texted you that.”
“Someone did.” He shrugged, and I felt sick when I realized Trigger had done it.
Oh, my God. So, where the hell was Trigger, since he set up this fucking meeting?
“Whatever. Look, I wanted to give you an eyeopener about the man you think you know.”
I folded my arms and tried to control my temper.
“Such as?”
“Here?” He glanced around.
Perfect. Just the moment I was waiting for.
I waited a beat, rolled my eyes dramatically, and waved for him to follow me.
“Don’t touch me,” I snapped when his hand fell on my back.
“I need to touch you,” he grunted, but in a pathetic way. Funny how I was seeing things so clearly now. The tables had finally turned.
“You lost that privilege years ago.”
“And yet you keep coming back.”
I turned and faced him dead on. “Children who are mentally abused don’t see their abuser as the monster. It takes time, but I see you now.”
Before he could snap back at me, I changed our destination and skipped my bedroom. If we were going to do this, we were going to do it right.
I opened the door and waved him inside. His face dropped, and he choked on the smell.
“What is that?”
“Bleach.” I fought back my own cough. I needed to be strong. I could not afford to look scared. “Sit.” I pointed at a steel table with two metal chairs across from one another.
“Seriously? I feel like we’re on the set of Saw.”
“You wanted to talk alone, so talk.” I eased into the chair.
He flipped the file open.
“I’m guessing I have about ten minutes before your boyfriend shows up.” He pointed to the photo. “I thought you might like to know who you’re sleeping with.”
I slid the photo over and tried not to react at the image of Trigger doing a girl from behind at some party.