Reuben gave him a forced smile, then left the room as Leanne switched on a nightlight. Then she closed the door behind her and led the way down the stairs back to the kitchen. She stopped there and turned to him. “So. That’s your son.”
“He’s a cute kid” was all he could manage. “I forgot to give him his present.”
“So, are you still leaving in a couple of weeks?” she asked.
Her question hung between them, unspoken ones hovering behind it.
“I don’t know.” One thing he knew for sure was that, in spite of his father’s surprising request for help, he was moving on to that job. It was the opportunity of a lifetime as his future boss Marshall had said, and Reuben knew he was right.
She sighed heavily, which clearly told him what she thought of his evasive answer. “Okay. Then we’ll play the situation by ear for now. And I guess you’ll be coming here for the next few days.”
“I’ll be here until the cows are brought home and weaned,” he said. “I know you need the help. Besides, how can I refuse my own father’s request?” He couldn’t keep the faintly bitter note out of his voice.
Leanne sighed lightly, resting her hands on a chair tucked into a corner nook of the kitchen. “I know you don’t want to be here, and quite frankly I’m not crazy about your being here either, but for now we’ll have to find a way to work together.”
Reuben looked around the house he’d lived in for years and eased out a heavy sigh as echoes of old fights with George rose up and mocked him.
“You don’t like it here, do you?” Leanne asked.
“It’s my childhood home, but it doesn’t hold lots of happy memories.” He turned to her. “You always loved it here, though.”
She nodded, a faint smile playing around her lips as she looked around the house. The first he’d seen since he arrived. That it was thoughts of the ranch causing it shouldn’t surprise him. “I couldn’t imagine why anyone would ever want to leave here,” she said. “A place with roots and history.”
Reuben knew firsthand how much she loved the ranch and wanted to be involved in it. Even when she and Dirk had dated, she’d learned to ride a horse so she could help with pasture moves and gathering cows. Dirk wasn’t as enamored of the ranch as she was, and when she wanted him to teach her how to run the tractor, he’d refused. So she finagled Reuben into doing it. She was a natural, he had said, and then, of course, Dirk was jealous that Reuben had spent the time with Leanne instead of him.
“Depends on what type of history you have,” he said, thinking of George and the treatment he’d doled out. He shoved his hand through his hair in frustration as he thought of the young boy upstairs. A child he had always thought of as his nephew and now had to think of as his son. “And no matter what you think of me, you have to admit I didn’t have the best example of fatherhood.”
“Are you saying you don’t want to be a father to Austin?”
He easily heard the pain in her voice and he knew, once again, he had gone about this all wrong. He closed his eyes, praying for the right words, praying to a God he hadn’t spent a lot of time with in the past. A God he had only recently come back to.
“I’m saying that I’m not sure how good a father I can be. George’s blood runs through my veins too. And we both know what kind of a father he was.”
“So you’ll stick around to help with the cows but then you’re gone? Leaving your son behind?” Her fists were clenched at her sides, her eyes narrowed, her voice hard.
Her anger was like a wave, beating at him, dragging at the foundation of his life.
Please, Lord. Help me out here.
He forced himself to hold her angry gaze, drawing back into himself, pushing aside what Leanne wanted and what he wanted.
“I’m saying that I have to make the best decision for Austin’s sake,” he finally said.
She held his eyes a moment, then seemed to relax. “I’m sorry. You’re right.”
Then she dragged her hands over her face, her weariness suddenly apparent.
“You look tired,” he said. “You should go to bed and I should leave.”
“Thanks again for your help,” she said, giving him a ghost of a smile. She hesitated a moment as if she wanted to say more. He wasn’t sure what else there was to say right now.
Then she turned and walked away, heading back up the stairs that led to her wing of the house. He watched her go, then left himself, his footsteps echoing in the cavernous kitchen. Outside, the quiet and darkness seemed to enfold him.
The wide swath of stars overhead caught his attention. He looked up at the night sky and, in spite of everything that had happened, he smiled. He hadn’t seen the stars like this in years. Bright, crowded, like a band of sparkling light. He watched them a moment, the utter quiet washing over him. Then, in the distance, he heard the gentle lowing of a cow, the nasal reply from a calf.
To his surprise he was swamped by a wave of homesickness. He had missed this more than he wanted to admit. Missed the silence, the utter majesty of the empty spaces around him. Missed working with his hands, riding horses. Being outside.
He had always known coming back here to live wasn’t a possibility. That it would mean willingly putting up with George’s derision and negativity and he knew, much as he needed Reuben now, George would never bring him back into the fold. Give him a share of the ranch.
He stepped into his truck, and as he did, his eyes were drawn to his old room where Austin now slept. The nightlight Leanne had turned on created a soft warm glow though the curtains. His son lay there. His and Leanne’s son.
Knowing that made Leanne’s marriage to Dirk even more difficult to get past.
Dear Lord, he prayed, I have no idea what to think or what to do. I’m trusting You’ll bring me through this because I’m so confused. I’m afraid of being a father because I don’t know how that’s supposed to look. I’ve got too many bad things in my past. I’d never be a good one.
He let the prayer settle. Then he put his truck in gear and drove away. He would be back tomorrow and a few more tomorrows after that.
And then?
Then he had to go to California and start the life he had carved out for himself.
And Austin? Leanne?
He pushed those thoughts aside. He couldn’t deal with that right now.
* * *
“So what did he say when you told him?” Tabitha leaned forward, her gaze intent. “Did he finally admit...” Tabitha glanced around the quiet restaurant, then leaned closer in, lowering her voice. “Did he admit the truth?” she asked.
“Only when he saw the lighter patch of hair on Austin’s cowlick, the same as he has.” Leanne stirred a large spoonful of sugar into her coffee and took a quick sip, resting her elbows on the wooden table tucked into the booth in one corner of Angelo’s, one of the local cafés and restaurants in town. Prints of Italy and Venice hung on the walls, an incongruity in the cow town of Cedar Ridge.
“You look tired,” Tabitha said, frowning.
“I am. My body aches and my head aches and I’m trying not to feel pressured about getting the cows down before the snow comes.”
“There’s no snow in the forecast.”
Leanne massaged her temples, nodding. “I’m sure hoping they’re right for a change. Reuben seemed to think I should be at the ranch today instead of at this meeting.” The thought of all she had to do created a low-level panic, but behind that came an annoyance with Reuben.
“You’re doing too much,” Tabitha said.
“What else am I supposed to do now that Devin quit?”
“Not just with the ranch, honey. I’m also talking about this Rodeo Group you insist on being involved in.”
“George asked me to help.”
“And what George asks for, George gets.”
&nb
sp; Leanne chose to ignore the sardonic tone in her sister’s voice. Tabitha had her own issues with George, but Leanne refused to make them hers.
“At any rate, it’s good for you that Reuben is helping, though that can’t be easy for you either.”
Leanne sighed again. “Besides giving me advice—too little too late, by the way—he thinks we should sell the ranch.”
As she spoke the words aloud, the idea lingered. And for the tiniest of moments she held on to it. Selling the ranch would release her from all the stress she’d been under lately. And the worst of it was, even once the cows were all brought home, the pressure wouldn’t ease off. Then it was a matter of trying to find enough feed to get them through the winter and after that it was making sure the bulls got put out on time and after that—
“I can tell you’re thinking about it.”
Leanne shook her head, as if to dismiss the idea. “I have Austin to think of. The ranch is his security. I simply have to get through all of this. Keep pushing.”
“And where does Reuben fit in all of this?”
“Where he did before. In the past.”
“But he’s Austin’s father, and now that he’s accepted it—”
“I didn’t come here to talk about the ranch or Reuben.” Leanne cut her off.
“Your cheeks are flushing though,” Tabitha said, in a teasing voice. “He always was a big deal to you.”
“Stop. Right now. This isn’t simply a high school crush we’re talking about.” Though even as she denounced her sister’s teasing, she had to admit that even the thought of Reuben could ratchet up her heart rate. Just the sight of him brought her back to those two glorious weeks in Costa Rica at his cousin’s wedding. When she’d thought they could finally be together.
It had been just a dream.
She shook off the dead-end memories, focusing on her sister and her plans. “So how is work on the clinic coming?” she said, deflecting as quickly as she could. “I drove past to have a look the other day. Looks like the construction is going gangbusters.”
“Morgan has been on the internet a lot,” Tabitha said. “He wants to make sure his new clinic has all of the best of the best equipment, the latest of the latest.” She shook her head in mock dismay. “He is determined to prove he can build and run a vet clinic better than his old boss, Anselm Waters, did.” Then Tabitha grinned at her sister. “But I’m guessing you’re not that interested in finding out about those fancy new rafters Morgan is ordering.”
“I wanted to show support,” Leanne said, smiling back at her sister.
“Speaking of. Reuben. If you want I can talk to him. Tell him what a jerk he was.”
Leanne shot her a warning glance. “Don’t you even think about it. Reuben has had his chance to redeem himself many times and he fell so far from grace, I still haven’t heard the echo of the drop at the bottom.”
Tabitha made a face, bobbing her head back and forth as if agreeing and yet not. “He admitted Austin was his,” she said.
Leanne glanced around, worried someone might overhear. But the only other person in the café was Andy Rodriguez, Shauntelle’s father, and he was on his phone.
“You stay away from Reuben. Sure he stepped up but only because I pushed it,” Leanne said forcing herself to remember his heartless replies. “You saw those text messages he sent me when I told him I was pregnant. When he told me he didn’t want to have anything to do with me. Or ‘my kid,’ as he so delicately put it.”
Tabitha was silent, frowning at her half empty cup of coffee. “You still haven’t forgiven him, have you?” Tabitha asked.
“Would you? Ever since I started dating Dirk in high school, Reuben borderline flirted with me. Telling me I was wasting my time with his brother. Constantly paying attention to me even though he knew I was determined to be faithful to Dirk.”
“Never mind sneaking that kiss the night of the prom he said he was going to take you to,” Tabitha interrupted.
Leanne ignored that comment, the memory of that night still able to create such a mixture of feelings even after all this time. “That kiss was a mistake I still feel guilty about.”
“Why? Dirk broke up with you,” Tabitha said, her eyes narrowing.
“He came back again.”
“I’m sure it was only because he found out about Reuben. Then he waits a couple of years to propose to you, then he keeps you hanging another four years while he works up enough nerve to tell his father he wants to marry a Rennie.”
“Well, he finally did,” Leanne retorted, feeling she had to stick up for her husband.
“Only after you broke up with him and he took off to France.” Tabitha’s eyes narrowed, looking thoughtful. “Is there any way Dirk knew about you and Reuben getting together in Costa Rica? Do you think that’s the reason he hurried back from his travels in Europe?”
Why was her sister determined to dredge up this old history?
“Doesn’t matter if he did. Reuben said he didn’t want to marry me and Dirk finally did. That was enough for me. And you don’t need to diss my husband. At least he came through, unlike Reuben, who left me hanging in the worst possible way.” Leanne stopped there, her cheeks growing even warmer at the resurrection of memories she thought she had dealt with.
Tabitha looked annoyed and Leanne felt bad. She reached across the table and curled her hand around her sister’s. “I’m sorry. You’re right. I’m just touchy and scared. Seeing Reuben again has been difficult.”
“Because of Austin?”
“Partly.” Leanne wove her fingers around each other, remembering how being with Reuben affected her. In spite of everything that had happened between them, he could still made her heart race. Could still create that trembling deep in her soul. A feeling she’d never had around Dirk. “I want everything done. He says he’s leaving, which shouldn’t surprise me.”
“How are he and George interacting?”
Leanne shrugged. As antagonistic as always, yet George seems different around him. “I hope it continues. I’m just starting to earn George’s trust and don’t want anything to jeopardize that.”
Tabitha frowned. “You’re serious about working your way into the ranch?”
“Yes. You sound skeptical.”
“Well, let’s just say I don’t one hundred percent trust George Walsh to follow through on his promises.”
Leanne had her concerns about George, as well, but she had to believe him when he said he wanted to give her and Austin more security and give them a share of the ranch. “You know that I love working on the ranch. And for the first time in my life, I feel like I have something that’s mine.”
Tabitha nodded, showing her understanding. “But maybe someday someone will come into your life—”
“My husband is dead and the man I once saw as the love of my life has proven to be a major disappointment. I need to be my own boss and do what I love.”
“But now that Reuben is back—”
“Stop. Now. He’s only sticking around to help on the ranch, and in spite of how I feel about him, I need the help. But he’ll be gone again.”
“I thought he was going to do a structural assessment on the arena.”
“He told me he wasn’t going to, of course that was before he ended up helping us with the cows. I hope he doesn’t. It would mean his working with the committee and right now I don’t mind the break from him.”
Then Leanne glanced at the oversize clock hanging on the wall behind her sister and gulped down the last of her coffee.
“Sorry. But I gotta go,” she said. “The meeting will be starting soon and I want to get there before everyone arrives.”
They said goodbye, but as Leanne drove over to the County Building, she felt as if her own thoughts were in a horrible tangle. Reuben. Austin. The past. The present.
The ranch. Her future and Austin’s.
Next job. Just think about the next job. The Rodeo Group meetings never went that long, thankfully, and she had to get groceries after that.
Another busy day but at least she would get a break from Reuben and the difficulties and questions he had brought into her life.
* * *
“So I’m sure you’ll all be glad to know that Reuben has changed his mind about helping us, again,” Reuben’s cousin Cord said, glancing around the room and letting his eyes rest on Reuben. He gave him a quick grin, then turned his attention back to other members of the Rodeo Group. “So now that he’s here, we want to put him to work as soon as possible.”
“Sounds good to me,” he replied with a forced smile. “The sooner I get done, the sooner I can leave.” He had felt foolish calling Owen and telling him that he’d changed his mind. Again, as Cord so delicately put it. But he figured as long as he was sticking around for a while, he may as well get the assessment done too. Or at least as much of it as he could.
“You’ve barely gotten here,” Owen Herne, chairman of the group put in. “Can’t believe you’d want to leave so quick. This is your hometown. Lots of people want to see you. Family, old friends.”
“I didn’t come for a reunion. I only came to do a job.” Reuben shrugged away Owen’s comment even though it created a mixture of guilt and sorrow deep within him. He would have liked to connect with all his cousins and friends, but between the work on the ranch and now taking this on, he wouldn’t have time. Then he caught his father’s glower at his flip remark but chose to ignore that, as well. “So what I need to know from this committee is how much do you want me to do?” he continued.
“We need to know as much as we can about the arena’s structural integrity,” Owen was saying. “Need to know if it’s worth finishing what that weasel Floyd started.” Owen flicked an apologetic look Leanne’s way. “Sorry.”
In spite of his mixed feelings toward her, Reuben couldn’t help but feel sympathy for Leanne as her cheeks flushed. It couldn’t be easy to hear people put down her father. He knew firsthand how difficult life had been for Leanne and Tabitha when they first moved to Cedar Ridge. He vividly remembered Leanne’s first day of school. She was quiet, soft-spoken, wearing out-of-date clothes that looked worn and tired.
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