On one level Reuben knew what the pastor was saying, but he still felt hurt by his father’s inability to apologize. How could Reuben forgive an unrepentant man?
He looked over at Leanne, feeling so confused. He’d thought being with her would resolve the hurt in his life, and while it had given him a tremendous sense of fulfillment, he still wasn’t sure what to do about his relationship with his father. Would he ever find a place of peace with George? Would he ever feel he measured up?
And that’s why you have to leave.
Half an hour later the service was over and he and Leanne were walking out. Together. The few curious glances he caught made him guess that this would be a topic of conversation over a few Sunday meals. He knew his reputation preceded him, but he didn’t care what people thought.
George hadn’t come to church this morning. According to Leanne, he wasn’t feeling that well, so even that made him feel freer. Leanne was holding his hand, was at his side and they were going downstairs to get their son.
He clenched Leanne’s hand a little harder at that thought.
“Is everything okay?” she asked.
“Yeah. Everything is great.” He flashed her a smile.
They walked down the hallway to the nursery and, as Leanne signed the paper beside her name, the attendant opened the half door and Austin came bounding out. “Uncle Wooben,” he called, his arms held out.
His son’s pure joy at seeing him made up for the fact that his son still thought of him as his uncle.
Baby steps, he reminded himself.
“Reuben. Good to see you here,” a familiar voice called out.
Reuben turned to see his cousin Cord walking toward him. His cousin’s eyes flicked from Reuben to Leanne, who now stood beside him, a question in them. But thankfully he said nothing as his gaze slipped back to Leanne. “Did you get all the cattle moved?”
“Just in time,” Leanne said.
“The snow is coming down now,” Cord said. “Wouldn’t be surprised if we get at least six inches today and tonight.”
“We’ll have a white Christmas after all,” Leanne said.
“Which reminds me.” Cord snapped his fingers. “Dad was thinking of having a Walsh family Christmas at the ranch. He wanted to have George and Leanne and Austin come, and now that you’re here, you can come too. We’re going to get together with Aunt Fay Cosgrove, as well. Not sure if cousin Noah will be around—who knows with him?”
Reuben wondered if they would be here at Christmas. He hadn’t been home for either Thanksgiving or Christmas for the past ten years and he hadn’t figured on being around this year.
But he could see that Leanne was considering the offer.
“Let me think about it,” Reuben said. “I’ll let you know by next week.”
“Perfect.” Cord nodded at the attendant behind them, then the door opened again and a chubby toddler with blond, flyaway hair scooted out and headed past Cord. He scooped the boy up before he could make his escape and shook his head at Reuben. “Kid does this every time. It’s like he won’t even acknowledge his own father.”
Reuben, holding Austin in his arms, felt a moment of fatherly pride. Austin had come right to him.
“If you could let me know sooner than later,” Cord continued, “Christmas is coming soon.”
“I know. I’ve barely had a chance to get my shopping done,” Leanne said. “If you have any ideas for presents for George, I would appreciate them.”
“Or him?” Cord said, grinning at Reuben.
Reuben caught Leanne’s blush and he felt like he was getting sucked into a whirlpool of obligations he hadn’t expected.
Christmas hadn’t been on his radar since he graduated college. Even the brief time that he and Leanne were together, they hadn’t gotten further than figuring out how they were going to get through the next few months, let alone make concrete plans around family celebrations.
“I’m not a high-maintenance person,” Reuben said, trying to find a way to end this conversation gracefully as he shifted Austin to his other hip. But no sooner had he spoken the words than he realized how it sounded. Like he was expecting Leanne to get him something, even it if was simple. “I mean, I don’t expect anything for Christmas. Haven’t for years now.”
That made him sound rather pathetic. Time to head out before Cord asked him what he was buying for Leanne. Also something that hadn’t even crossed his mind until now.
“We should go,” he said to Leanne who was watching him with a faint smirk.
They navigated their way past a few more people who stopped to say hi to him and welcome him back. They also managed to avoid Tabitha, who stood with her back to them, chatting up a group of people. Leanne hadn’t seen her and thankfully was already out the door. Reuben didn’t want to deal with any more family plans or obligations.
Once they got outside, Austin held out his bare hands to catch the lazy flakes drifting down. “Snow. Snow,” he called out, as if making friends. He wriggled in Reuben’s arms. “Go down,” he insisted.
“It’s getting kind of deep, buddy,” he said, holding Austin closer as he made his own way through the gathering drifts. “I don’t want you to fall.”
Leanne waited, smiling at him, her cheeks already pinking up in the cold, her face framed by the hood of her winter coat. “Isn’t it beautiful?” she said, looking up at the sky, opening her mouth to catch some stray flakes. “And even more beautiful now that we have the cows all gathered up.”
“Such practical enthusiasm,” he teased, dropping his arm onto her shoulders, pleased at how easy it was to be with her. She grinned up at him and put her own arm around him.
“So, I hope you weren’t put on the spot just now,” she said.
“Well, I have to admit, I hadn’t even thought about Christmas. The most important thing on my mind was getting away so I could do this.”
Reuben stopped and gave her a kiss. Her lips were cool, damp from the snowflakes that had landed on them.
She pulled away, glancing over her shoulder, and Reuben felt a flicker of concern.
“Are you worried about who’s watching?” he asked, trying to inject a teasing note into her voice.
She said nothing, confirming his suspicions.
“It’s early for us yet,” she said, pulling away from him and fussing with Austin’s jacket, zipping it up, fiddling with his toque as Austin pulled away. “I’m still trying to get accustomed to the idea. We’ve got a lot of time to make up for.”
He had to agree with that.
She gave him a conciliatory smile. “This is all new to me yet too,” she said. “I have Austin to think of and how this all looks.”
“So you’re concerned what people think? Dirk’s former wife now dating his out-of-control brother?”
“No. Of course that’s not why,” she said, shooting him a frown. “You just got here a week ago and we’ve already sat together in church.”
“Which in a town like Cedar Ridge means we should be registering at Bed Bath & Beyond.”
She laughed, which eased away the tension somewhat. “According to some, yes.” She tucked her arm in his as they walked through the gathering snow to his truck. He had picked her up from the ranch, wanting to spend as much time with her as he could. “I want us to be sure of where we’re going. And we have to think of Austin.”
“I appreciate your caution,” Reuben said, “but I’ve waited a long time for this to happen.”
She stopped, held his arm and looked up at him. “Me too,” she said, cupping his face with her hand, stroking his cheek with her thumb. “Me too.”
The sincerity of her expression and the yearning he saw in her eyes eased his concerns.
But afterward, as he strapped Austin into his car seat, Reuben knew a lot needed to be resolved before
he and Leanne found their happy-ever-after.
* * *
“Faster. Faster.” Austin grabbed the sides of his sled, squealing his delight as Reuben, who had been pulling him around the snow-covered yard of the ranch at a more sedate pace, starting running. It was a beautiful Monday afternoon. After the heavy snowfall of yesterday, the sun was finally shining and it reflected off the snow, almost blinding Leanne. But it also created a stunning winter wonderland as the snow softened the spruce trees and laid a blanket of white on the mountains behind them.
Leanne took a photo with her phone, then simply enjoyed the sight of Austin with his father.
“You taking over anytime?” Reuben panted as he ran past her.
“Why? You’re doing such a fantastic job,” she called out as she snapped another photo. She looked behind her. George had come outside to watch for a few moments but headed back to the house again. Leanne knew that George was avoiding Reuben and, though it troubled her, it had also been a minor relief to spend yesterday with Reuben and Austin without George’s disapproval washing over them.
After church on Sunday, he had sat with them all long enough to eat a bowl of soup and then had left for town to visit with his brother, Boyce. Today, however, he had no excuse. Shauntelle couldn’t babysit, nor could Tabitha, but thankfully George had been willing to watch Austin while she and Reuben fed the cows this morning. Chad had to leave early for a dentist appointment. Reuben’s work in town was done early, and he was able to help her out.
It had been fun working with Reuben. She could have managed on her own but it would have taken her much longer. It was nice to have someone cutting the strings of the bales and watching the gates while she went back for more hay. By the time they were done, it was still light enough for Reuben to take Austin out on the sleigh.
Reuben pulled Austin up to join her, chest heaving as he dropped his hands on his knees, bending over to catch his breath.
“This kid is heavier than he looks,” he gasped.
“And you are a lot more out of shape than I thought,” she returned. “You wouldn’t last a minute in a snowball fight.”
“Yeah. Says you.” Reuben dropped the rope, got down and grabbed a handful of snow. He packed it together, then tossed it at her. However she saw it coming and dodged, squealing. She ducked down to make a snowball, as well, but before she could toss it at him, he hit her square in the chest with another snowball.
“Pretty quick on the draw,” she teased, then lobbed hers at him.
And it hit him right in the face.
“Oh. I’m sorry,” she said, covering her laugh with her mittened hand, taking a step back as the snow slid down his nose, dripping onto his chin.
He stared at her and she could see by the way his eyes zeroed in on her that revenge was on his mind.
Instinct kicked in and she turned and ran. But while her red ankle boots were warm and cute, they were made for walking, not running in loose snow. A few steps was all it took for Reuben to catch up to her and grab her by the waist.
The momentum threw them both off balance. Reuben twisted and cushioned her fall.
“You’re going to regret that deadly aim,” Reuben said with a laugh as she pulled away. He tugged her back, grabbing a handful of snow.
“What are you going to do?” she asked, pushing her hands against his snow-covered coat.
“You’ll find out.”
But she didn’t have a chance to because right at that moment Austin started crying. “No. No hurt Mommy,” he called out, trying to get off his sled.
She struggled to her feet to comfort him but Reuben was a few steps ahead. He picked up the crying little boy. “It’s okay. Mommy and Daddy were just playing.”
Shock jolted though her at his unwitting use of the term Daddy and Reuben glanced her way, as well, as if he realized what he had said.
But Austin was pulling away from him, reaching for Leanne, sobbing now, his toque hanging over his eyes, his mittens falling off.
Leanne took him from Reuben and cuddled him close, pushing his hat back so he could see. “Don’t cry, sweetie. Mommy’s okay.”
She looked over at Reuben, who stayed where he was, his hands on his hips, blowing his breath out in a surprised huff.
Austin’s tears slowed, he sniffed a few more times and then he laid his head on Leanne’s shoulder.
“I think we should take him in,” she said, turning away.
He caught up to her, laying a hand on her arm as they walked. “Sorry about that. I didn’t mean—”
She looked over at him, surprised at his apology. “It’s fine. It’s the truth.”
“I wonder if George heard.”
“We have to tell him sometime,” he said. Reuben’s hand slipped to her waist, pulling her close as he gently brushed a tear off Austin’s cheek with one gloved finger. He looked so serious Leanne wondered what he was thinking.
“I know,” she admitted.
She stopped, looking up at him, fighting with her need to find balance and his need to have the truth out.
“Every day I keep this to myself makes it harder for me too,” she said, hoping he understood her own struggle. “You need to know I’m not ashamed of us. He knows we’re spending time together. He said something about us sitting in church together on Sunday.”
“Like I said, next stop Bed Bath & Beyond,” he teased, as if trying to lighten the atmosphere.
“Is it?”
No sooner had the words slipped out than she realized what she had said. How it sounded like she was pushing him.
His expression grew serious and then, in spite of Austin in her arms, he bent over and kissed her.
His lips were warm and inviting, and when he drew away Leanne felt a sense of loss mixed with a feeling of utter contentment.
“I’m thinking a store that’s more eclectic and local,” he teased.
She relaxed a little, smiling. “I like being with you.”
“And I like being with you. Even feeding cows. And you know how to run that old temperamental tractor my dad insists on keeping.”
“It’s the only one with bale forks on it.”
“See, that’s what I love about you. How many people would even know what a bale fork is?”
She laughed, then shifted Austin in her arms.
“Here, let me take him.”
Thankfully Austin didn’t mind going to Reuben. He even laughed when Reuben tweaked his nose. “Funny Uncle Wooben,” he said.
“You like working on the ranch, don’t you?” Reuben asked as he slipped his other arm around her waist.
“I do. I love the changing of the seasons and the different jobs that come with it. I feel close to nature. Close to God.”
Reuben didn’t respond, and she wondered what was going through his mind.
“And Cedar Ridge?” he asked.
“It’s become home. It’s the first place where I’ve ever felt like I belonged. Of course it’s the first place I’ve ever lived longer than two years so that helps.”
“And Tabitha is here.”
“Yes.”
“So you never thought of moving away?” he asked as he held the door to the back entrance open.
She stepped inside, temporarily avoiding the question. She sat down on the bench just inside the door and pulled Austin’s knit hat off, setting it aside as she fought down apprehension.
“I’ve thought about it, but I’ve not had a reason to.” She looked up at him, wondering what his reaction would be.
But he just nodded.
She knew this conversation wasn’t over, and the thought of continuing it gave her a sinking feeling.
No sooner had she removed her son’s boots than Austin was hurrying down the hallway to the family room and his toys.
“So, what did you think of the pastor’s sermon on Sunday?”
Reuben hung his coat up, then he turned to her, a smile edging his lips.
“Are you wondering if I could ever forgive my father?”
“I guess I was being rather obvious,” she said, pushing her damp hair back.
“It’s hard to forgive someone who has never asked for forgiveness.”
He gave her a soulful smile then walked away, following Austin into the family room.
Leanne stayed behind, dismay licking at her soul.
Please, Lord, help him to see, she prayed. Help him to lose the bitterness that grips him.
Because she knew that until he did, he wouldn’t even consider staying here.
And the thought of moving was harder than she could bear.
Chapter Eight
“Maybe a little higher?”
Reuben leaned over, the ladder creaking precariously as he reached as far as he could, the red ball dangling from his fingertips. He slipped it over the spruce branch, then quickly retreated as the ladder wobbled.
He waited where he was, however, glancing over his shoulder at Leanne, who stood below him. She stared at the tree, eyes narrowed, tapping her chin with her index finger.
“Seriously? Do you think moving it a few more centimeters will make a difference?” he teased.
“Good is the enemy of best,” Leanne returned. Then she nodded her approval, and with a sigh of relief he made his way down the ladder.
“Decorating the Christmas tree is not supposed to be a marathon,” he joked as he pushed the ladder to one side. He wasn’t putting it away yet. He had a suspicion he would be climbing up that ladder a few more times.
When Leanne had called yesterday and asked him to pick up a Christmas tree in town after he was done working at the arena, he wanted to put her off. After all, Christmas wasn’t for at least three weeks. And getting a tree felt like a commitment to a decision he wasn’t sure of yet.
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