by Minkman, Jen
Josh hugged her from behind, looking at the dust devils in silence. “This is why the Diné think this place is sacred,” he quietly said after a minute. “You can connect with the spirit world – by passing into the veil.”
Hannah turned around in the circle of his arms and looked up at him curiously. “The veil? That sounds fascinating.”
“It’s the other side – the deeper level of existence that the white people call the Otherworld, Heaven, the hereafter, the faerie world. All of that wrapped into one. The veil is everywhere around us. It is a link with the past, a way to talk with our ancestors. A world between worlds that you can enter in deep meditation to see what has already happened and what will happen. It is the world we visit when we go on a vision quest.”
“Did you see things from the Otherworld as well when you did yours?”
Josh nodded, getting the absent look in his eyes Hannah had come to know so well by now. “Yes,” he replied. “Many things.”
“So have you seen things from the future as well?” Hannah rushed on. She didn’t want to lose Josh, his mind wandering to a place where she couldn’t follow.
“You see what happens, but you make your own future. You get wise counsel, and those words of wisdom should be enough.”
“What were they? Your wise words?”
Josh stared into the distance, past the sunbeams and the dancing spirits in the air. For a second, Hannah thought she’d scared him off, before he turned his face toward her again. The light in his eyes was gentle and unafraid. He no longer wanted to shut her out. “I was told to make peace, and to find it for myself.”
Hannah stared at him in awe. “That’s beautiful,” she whispered.
He bent down and kissed her with incredible tenderness. “Yes. Yes, it is.”
Holding hands, they strolled back to the entrance of the gorge, where a new group of visitors had gathered. Josh showed the local guide their tickets, and then they were outside again, blinking against the sunlight.
“It’s boiling out here,” Hannah puffed.
“Let’s go to Lower Antelope quickly.” Josh opened the car, a wave of heat hitting them in the face. “You want some boiled water?” he asked, tossing her a bottle from the back seat.
“Oh, I don’t mind. Anything but boiled soda. Now that’s gross!”
“If you were really thirsty, you wouldn’t say no,” Josh pointed out with a wink.
“Spoke the strict guide,” she added, diving away when Josh punched her playfully.
Lower Antelope Canyon was a lot narrower than the upper part, and the bottom was more uneven. They had to scramble over rocks and avoid fissures every now and then. When they reached the end of the canyon, sweat was dripping from Hannah’s brow and her feet were aching, though. Her worn-out Converse sneakers weren’t the best choice for rock-climbing. Josh was having an easier time with his cowboy boots.
“Do we have to go back the same way we came?” she asked, trying not to sound too desperate or tired.
Josh shook his head. “No, there are stairs leading to the surface further up ahead. We can walk back to the parking lot from there.”
Once they’d reached them, Hannah slouched against the staircase railing.“I wouldn’t mind sitting down for a minute. Catch my breath.” She demonstratively plonked down on the lower steps.
Josh sat down next to her. “Well, okay then. As long as my professional guided tour isn’t going to suffer.”
“All-righty, Mr. Benally,” Hannah drawled. “Whatever you say.”
“Hmm. Sucking up to the guide?” Josh put an arm around his shoulders, cocking an eyebrow.
“Yeah, of course. It’s always good to have friends in high places, they say.” Hannah felt her heart skip a beat when he scooted closer and caressed her back.
“Oh, really?” he said in a husky voice. “You’re one of those girls? You want me to take you to a special place where no regular tourists are allowed? Just you and me and whatever else pops up?” Josh smiled seductively, waggling his eyebrows, and burst out laughing when Hannah turned beet red.
“You’re crazy,” she mumbled.
“And I’m crazy about you, she’at’eed.” He pulled her close and kissed her warmly. Hannah grabbed at the back of his neck as Josh’s hands slid up from her waist to her upper body, palming her breasts. His right hand trailed upward past her breasts to her neckline, accidentally touching the medicine pouch underneath her shirt.
His hand stopped, lingering on the spot. Hannah’s heart sped up, but this time with apprehension. The last thing she wanted was to explain her medicine bundle to Josh. She had no idea how he would respond. After all, she’d deliberately been keeping things from him, and she’d promised she’d tell him if something was bothering her.
There was only one way to stop him from asking more questions – she had to distract him. Groaning in fake pain, she doubled up and gasped for breath, pulling herself from his arms.
“Hey! What’s wrong?” he exclaimed, sounding panicked.
“I have this sudden stab of pain in my stomach,” she squeaked.
Josh rubbed her back in consolation and supported her when she got up. “You feeling sick?”
“No, not really. But maybe I should lie down for a while.”
“Let’s get out of the canyon first. Lean on me, okay?”
“How far it is to the car?” she panted feebly, once they’d reached the top of the stairs.
“Let’s find you a place to lie down first.” Josh pointed at a shady spot underneath a bush. “Come on. Here’s some shade.”
Hannah crumpled down with a sigh, rolling onto her back. Her head and upper body were in the shade. Josh sat down next to her, gently stroking her forehead.
Now that she was lying down, Hannah felt how tired she was. She didn’t even have to feign feeling nauseous and worn-out anymore. The warmth radiating off the rocks underneath her back made her slip into a slumber. Josh’s presence next to her made her feel calm. Everything was so peaceful.
She didn’t know how long she’d been asleep, but she jolted awake with a dry mouth and an anxious feeling in the pit of her stomach. Somehow, something had changed. Hannah opened her eyes, shifting them from left to right. She was still lying on her back, her heartbeat hammering in her chest. When she tried to sit up, she noticed her right hand had convulsively balled into a fist against her chest. Propping herself up with the other hand, she stared at her fingers clutching Emily’s medicine bundle, sweat pooled up in her palm.
Oh, no. Apparently she’d had a bad dream when she dozed off. She’d pulled the pouch from underneath her shirt, holding it in plain sight.
Now she truly felt nauseous. Josh had probably seen the jish. There was no way to avoid questions anymore. Out of habit, she hid the bag under her shirt again and looked around. Where was he, anyway?
Josh had moved to the other side of the bushes, staring out over the dry, endless landscape, his hand shielding his eyes from the setting sun.
“Josh?” she called out uncertainly. Her breath hitched. Dimly, she felt something in his attitude had changed, and it scared her. He looked lonely, distant and defensive, standing there ramrod straight.
When he turned around and their gazes collided, Hannah felt her heart sink. Something was wrong – horribly wrong.
“Feeling better?” Josh kneeled in front of her and gave her a smile that didn’t touch his eyes.
“I’m okay,” she said in a small voice. “My stomach feels fine now.”
“Good,” he said crisply. “Let me take you home then.”
Hannah let herself be pulled up and taken to the car. It was a short walk, but the distance seemed to triple in the oppressive silence between them. Sheer panic surged through Hannah’s body. Josh’s hand in hers felt like it was hewn out of stone. He’d clammed up, and she didn’t understand why. If he’d seen the medicine bag, maybe he was angry she had kept things from him, but why didn’t he just say so? Or ask for an explanation? His metamorphosis was
absolute and unfathomable.
Hannah felt her stomach turn as they sat down in the car, still without uttering a word. Josh started up the engine and turned toward her. “If I drive too fast and you feel sick again, let me know.”
Hannah risked glancing up at him. His eyes looked sad and determined at the same time. If only she could reach out and touch him, pull him toward her, but she didn’t dare move.
Josh turned his gaze toward the road again, his hands tightly gripping the steering wheel. She couldn’t remember what nightmares had plagued her, but the reality to which she’d woken up had to be much, much worse.
When they turned onto Lakeshore Drive and the beach of St. Mary’s Port appeared in the distance, Hannah couldn’t take it anymore.
“Josh,” she started, cringing at her faltering voice. “What’s wrong?”
He looked sideways, his eyes distant. “We need to talk,” he said, his voice so cool it sent a shiver through her.
Josh kept driving, passing the beach and turning onto the sandy track leading up to the log cabins. He parked the car alongside the road and cut the ignition before turning toward her. The enduring silence between them made Hannah’s ears throb.
“I’m sorry,” he finally spoke up. “But I need some space. This is all going too fast.”
She eyed him uncomprehendingly. “You – you need time?” she croaked.
Silence tick-tocked between them. Josh closed his eyes, slowly shaking his head. “I think I made a mistake.”
A mistake?
His words hit her heart like bullets. Tears welled up in her eyes as she stared at Josh, completely lost for words. Her hands started to shake. She wanted to say something, convince him this was nonsense, but a giant hand had locked her throat, preventing her desperate thoughts from spilling out.
“But – why?” she finally whispered plaintively.
“I thought I wanted this, but it’s not working for me. I should have thought it over. I’m sorry,” he said in a monotone. His eyes didn’t betray a single feeling or thought going on in his head.
Hannah swallowed, blinking back her tears. Her heart slowed down, stuttered, and for a second, she wished she would just disappear. She’d never felt more hurt and betrayed in her entire life. “Oh,” she whispered.
He looked grim, his face almost creased with distaste, as if he was about to kick her out of the car.
“Well, I guess I should be going then.” Her thoughts were a mindless jumble, spinning wildly. Hannah remembered how Josh had looked at her with such heartbreaking desire when they’d kissed each other for the first time. He’d said how much she meant to him. And now, it was all gone. He didn’t want her anymore – just like that.
With teary eyes, she reached for the door handle on her side when suddenly, she felt his hand on her shoulder. Hopeful, she looked up. Was he going to stop her?
“I’ll see you around,” Josh said softly.
She tried to decipher the look in his eyes, the emotions hiding behind them. No regret. No sadness. No, it was acceptance. And yet, he looked so mournful that she couldn’t believe he was only seventeen.
The next moment, his hands were back on the steering wheel, his eyes cold again. He’d shut her out. He had closed the door.
In a daze, Hannah got out of the car. She just stood there, not looking back when Josh turned the car and drove off.
She was still there, motionless, when Ben appeared around the corner, his face a big question mark. “Was that Josh just driving away? Didn’t he want to have dinner with us?” He looked more closely at his sister, taking a step toward her. “Hey, Han. You feeling okay? You look like shit.”
She shook her head. “No.” No. No. The only word repeating over and over in her mind. She numbly stared at her brother.
“Okay, you’re scaring me. What’s up?” he insisted.
“He ... ” She felt fresh tears well up in her eyes.
“Who?” Ben put his arms around her and held her close. “Who?” he repeated softly.
“Josh,” she sobbed, clinging to Ben.
“Did something happen to him?” Ben gently shook her. “Say something, please.”
“He – broke – up – with me,” she hiccupped, sounding pathetic. “He’s gone. He doesn’t want me anymore.”
Ben hugged her even tighter, rubbing her back. At the same time, she felt him tense up. He was angry.
“Come on,” he whispered in her ear after what seemed like an eternity. “You can’t stay here. Let’s go back to the cabin.”
He carefully led her up the porch steps, dismissing Ivy with a wave of his hand as she approached them. Hannah stumbled into her bedroom, sinking down on the bed.
Ben followed her and sat down on the edge of the bed. “Tell me what happened.”
Hannah cleared her throat. “Everything was fine today. And then, he suddenly changed. He was so distant. He – said he’d made a mistake. Said he needed space.”
Ben’s face grew more puzzled by the second. “Made a mistake?” he echoed. “But that’s absurd. I know him. I’ve seen the way he looks at you. It’s impossible.”
“Please, Ben.” Hannah’s voice had dried to a whisper. “Emily was right to warn me. Josh pushes people away when they come too close. She said so. I should have listened to her.” She turned on her side, staring at the wall.
Ben touched her shoulder. “Okay. I know this must be horrible for you. I’ll leave you alone.”
She turned her tear-streaked face toward her brother. “Are you having dinner at the neighbors’?” she sniffed.
Ben smiled. “Yeah, I’ll be close. No worries.” His voice was sweet. “I guess you want to stay here?”
Hannah nodded wordlessly.
“You still want to tag along to Canyon de Chelly tomorrow?” he went on.
She hesitated for a second. The idea of staying here for two days without Ben to cheer her up when she missed Josh like crazy wasn’t exactly appealing. Actually, it was a good idea to leave St. Mary’s Port behind for a few days.
“I still want to,” she replied. “Tell the Greenes I’ll feel better tomorrow.”
Ben patted her on the head, then got up and quietly closed her bedroom door. Hannah waited till she heard Ben leave the house before she burst out in another bout of tears. In the end, she slipped away into a restless sleep. The dark taking hold of her felt peaceful and safe.
Don’t miss the conclusion of Shadow of Time! Book 2 available now:
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00LRKL8V2
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More books by Jen Minkman
The Island Series – YA dystopian novellas
The Boy From The Woods:
A YA Romance, mixing the best of contemporary and paranormal
Publication date: December 2013
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