Love on Hold

by Mia Miller

  “You’re in love.”

  I shook my head.

  “I’m addicted, is what I am. The man is like sugar. He got into my veins and I can’t get it out.”

  “You don’t want him out,” Amaya teased and I stared. I felt like she was right but it was tough to admit it aloud.

  “I don’t have time to be in love. Heck, I don’t have time for any of this.”

  Amaya smirked. “What if I arrange a double date for us this weekend, would you go?”

  I shook my head and felt my eyes go wide sooner than my brain could process that non-verbal answer.

  My best friend giggled. “Didn’t think so. You’re in love, and you’re in denial. For what it’s worth, I don’t think guys can fake interest in a girl they have never actually met.”

  “You don’t?” I beamed.

  Amaya scrunched her nose.

  “I’ve yet to meet one,” she said and slapped me on the butt playfully. “Race you to Mirrielees!”

  Nine

  “I Think I Have a Crush on You.”

  JOEL

  She ground against my lap, and even though I still wore my jeans, her heat scorched me through the fabric. She kissed my neck, making me cringe and wonder how exactly I’d slept with her the two other times I’d seen her. This would be the third, if only she hadn’t arrived uninvited and wasn’t getting on my nerves.

  Treat them nicely but be the first to leave. Fuck them once, maybe twice, and then delete their number. Be sure they mean it when they agree to keep it casual. Those had been my mottos, and no matter how much of a jerk it made me to follow them, they kept me sane so far. I didn’t need attachments.

  Carrie was saying something I didn’t hear. I was itching to get rid of her and talk to my addictive virtual friend. I wasn’t sure what bothered me more: that I’d become disinterested in a willing, giving woman, or that my texting partner wasn’t more open to reveal her identity. She was “with me” everywhere. In my thoughts, in my conversations, when I woke up and when I went to sleep, she consumed me.

  I hadn’t considered being in love until that moment. I pushed Carrie off me as gently and firmly as I could.

  “You need to go home.”

  “But we’re just getting started.”

  No. No, we weren’t. It didn’t matter that she was pouting at me or that she had a gorgeous body. She could make any guy fall into insta-lust, but the lust was over and done with the night I’d dialed the wrong number. She wasn’t my chime-like-laughing, weird-nickname-giving, multiple-language-speaking mystery girl with huge dreams.

  “Carrie, I’m not in the mood. You need to go home.”

  She tried to conceal her hurt but did a poor job of it. After seeing her out, I went to give Levi some hell for letting her in without a heads-up. He just offered a shit-eating grin and a non-committal Sorry.

  I went back to my room, throwing myself on the bed and staring at my phone. My fucking traitorous heart thumped like that of a teen’s. I typed fast, knowing no keystrokes will ever convey the depth of what I felt.

  I needed her to know. I needed her to share my want. I hoped she’d respond.

  Me: Sweetness …

  Me: I think I have a crush on you.

  Sweetness: I think you aren’t alone.

  Ten

  “Image Download.”

  LEONIE

  Me: Good morning, and have an awesome day!

  TDL: I could get used to waking up to such texts.

  Me: You’re welcome.

  TDL: I thought about you all night.

  Me: Then we DO have things in common!

  TDL: Speaking of which, what do you think of a follow-up for our exchange the other night?

  Me: What do you have in mind?

  TDL: Pictures?

  Laughing, I pulled up the pictures on my phone, searched through some images, and sent him one I thought he would like.

  Me: Like this?

  TDL: No, I don’t need pictures of puppies, thanks a lot.

  Me: You don’t know what you’re missing. Glue has a collection of outfits to DIE for.

  TDL: So, that’s a real dog?

  Me: Remember the culprit that jumped on me the first night we talked?

  TDL: Okay. But I was thinking more along the lines of pictures of ourselves.

  Me: I am running late for a class, but I will think about it.

  TDL: I’ll give you something to think about.

  IMAGE DOWNLOAD

  I didn’t hear a single word from Professor Sheridan’s lecture. I couldn’t even take notes. I kept staring at my mysterious guy’s picture. Oh, it had given me something to think about, all right.

  He’d sent me a mirror selfie that had been taken in a luxurious-looking bathroom that was a far cry from anything I’d seen on campus before. And he had muscles. And what I meant was … he has muscles. I’d only seen guys look like that in movies. His arms, chest, and abs looked lean and defined. I remembered him saying he was a workout junkie, so I should have guessed he’d be in good shape, but never would I have pictured that many dips and divots and cords of muscle. The picture was just of his torso, but I could still tell he had dark hair.

  What was this guy doing talking to me on the phone? He clearly hadn’t been kidding when he said he was a chick magnet, and I was too plain for him …

  “Munchkin, pay attention.”

  Daniel.

  As always when we had joint classes, he was scrutinizing my every move with a condescending eye. I turned to him.

  “I swear, D, if I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were stalking me.”

  “Just taking care of my girl.”

  “I am not your girl.” I narrowed my eyes at him, and he just raised his eyebrow as if he didn’t know what I was talking about.

  Then I resumed my daydreaming about glorious man pecs.

  “Chica, this guy is hot!” Amaya ogled my phone for some long minutes before I snatched it away from her.

  “IF it really is him in the picture …”

  “Shut up! I can see the glimmer of hope in your eyes. Did you respond?”

  “With what?”

  “Show him a titty? Ask him for a pic of his junk?”

  “Now why would I do that?”

  “To see if it’s worth caring whether he is halfway across the globe or not.” She stuck her tongue out at me. “Trust me. A dick pic is a definite deal breaker or deal maker.”

  “Gross! Can I put that in your epitaph when you go?”

  “Oh, I’m sure I will come up with something better by then.”

  We’d been eating pasta and watching movies, Glue fast asleep between us.

  “What about names?”

  I shook my head and finished the last of my penne.

  “Nope. No names yet, but he did tell me he has a crush on me.”

  Amaya squealed. “What did you say?”

  “Nothing really. I just said that I didn’t think he was alone, and then we both went quiet. I think he got scared.”

  “Or did you?” My friend knew me better than that. “Well, for what it’s worth,” Amaya said around a mouthful, “I think he wants to take this further. He’s given you all the hints. I have to go, I promised this guy I would meet him and I’m going to be late. Promise me that you will do something about your hot stranger before I do it for you,” she said before running to her room to get ready.

  “Your booty is F-I-N-E!” I yelled after her.

  I went to my room and surveyed myself in my mirror. Was Amaya right? Was it just the normal thing to do next to take this relationship to another level? Did I need that? No. But I found myself definitely wanting it.

  I grabbed one of my corsets, a pink one, and snapped some pictures from different angles. My room had poor lighting, which in this case turned out to be to my advantage. I managed to settle on downward angle selfie that was taken from above my head. He would be able to see my lips, the tops of my breasts, and a hint of my naked thighs. It was modest e
nough not to be porn and pretty enough for me not to be embarrassed about it. I pressed send before changing my mind and threw myself face first onto the pillow.

  I felt like a teenager—a bit nauseous and a lot happy about this strange connection I was forming with this man. I wanted him to like me. I needed to hear that voice again and again and again. My phone dinged.

  TDL: I don’t mean to sound rude.

  I clutched the phone and watched the little dots as they blinked.

  TDL: But hot damn, what I’d do to that body!

  Phew!

  TDL: I like the direction of this, but should we take it one step further?

  Me: What did you have in mind?

  TDL: Below the belt or headshots. Dealer’s choice.

  I was contemplating those choices and chuckling, when someone started banging on my front door. There were three guesses as to who it was but I only needed one.

  Glue was barking his head off as I ran to the peephole. A very angry-looking Daniel was on the other side.

  What the hell.

  “Hi, Daniel!” I said through the closed door as I made a face at Glue. I could have sworn, Glue made a face back at me. After all, he never had warmed up to Daniel.

  I reached into the coat closet and pulled out the first thing my hand landed on, which was a yellow raincoat, and shrugged it on before closing it tightly.

  “What’s up?” I greeted Daniel, opening my door just a little and not moving from it.

  His brows rose at seeing my attire.

  “I just needed to confirm with you we’re still on for Thanksgiving.”

  “Really, Daniel? Did you lose your phone?”

  “I also missed you. Aren’t you going to let me in?” He moved to take a step forward, but I didn’t step back or open the door any wider.

  “I’m busy. Maybe call next time?”

  “It isn’t raining.”

  I shrugged.

  With that, I shut and locked the door before cringing at my own rudeness.

  I heard him hit the wall with his open palm from the other side of the door and tried to recall if he’d always had such a short fuse.

  Retrieving my phone, I typed the answer to TDL and dropped my phone on my bed like it was going to bite me.

  Instead of obsessing about it, I headed to the bathroom to take a shower. I scrubbed myself clean three times and would have gone a fourth one, had Amaya not started banging on the door.

  “I really need to pee!”

  I covered myself with a towel and opened the door with my hand raised.

  “Hold on,” I pleaded and ran back to my room, slipping twice along the way. I came back at a slower pace, holding my phone out for her.

  “I asked him for a dick pick. It’s all your fault with your talk about sexting and titty pictures,” I accused.

  “Well, did he answer? Let me see!”

  I held out my phone so she could see the notifications and she nodded.

  “He did answer. You have an image pending.”

  “Eeeeek!”

  “Chica, unless you want to share him with me, you should see this in your bedroom.”

  I made my way back to the bedroom, sliding the door open and leaning against it. This was happening. Things with TDL were advancing. I was about to see his junk before knowing his name. I was living vicariously. No more waiting for after.

  IMAGE DOWNLOAD.

  Eleven

  “Dick Pic.”

  JOEL

  I waited for her answer with bated breath. I’d made the mistake of sending an unwanted dick pic to a girl who was flirting with me online once, and I’d scared her away. Technically, this was not unwanted, but still. My dick had gotten a lot of reactions in real life from chicks so far, but angry wasn’t one I wanted from my Sweetness.

  Sweetness: This picture made my day.

  Me: Good to know IT pleases you.

  Sweetness: Seriously, you should know, there is a face-splitting grin on my lips.

  Me: Face-SPLITTING huh?

  Sweetness: It was a flattering pic.

  No, sweetheart, it’s really that big.

  I didn’t say that.

  Me: Glad you like it.

  During one of our first conversations, she had mentioned she lacked experience, which only became more apparent the more I got to know her. Not that I minded, being the one to possibly guide her experiences from then on.

  Me: Tell me, did you delete it from your phone?

  Sweetness: … no?

  Warmth spread through my chest as fast as the smile on my face.

  Me: Cool. IT likes the attention.

  I lay on my bed, my dick pulsing with a mind of its own. How did this girl do this to me?

  Me: So, tell me, when you asked for this picture, were you hot and bothered?

  Sweetness: I was, but I’m not anymore …

  Me: How come?

  Sweetness: My ex came by. Ruined the mood.

  A pang of pain sliced straight to my gut. Her ex was too present in her life for anyone’s good. Especially her own. From everything I had heard so far, he didn’t seem like a very stable dude.

  Me: Again? Can I help?

  Sweetness: Nah. I can handle him. It just made me sad.

  Me: Bet if I were there, I’d be able to make all the sadness go away.

  This time, she didn’t hesitate, her answer was instant.

  Sweetness: Tell me how.

  Me: Well, I’d kiss that slender collarbone …

  Sweetness: Cliché!

  Me: And give you a good … long … hard …

  Sweetness: Oh. My. God!

  Me: … back rub.

  Me: Bet you thought I would be sexting you.

  Sweetness: What’s wrong with a little sexting?

  Me: Nothing, but I don’t want you scared.

  Sweetness: Try … excited …

  I started texting her about what I would have really liked to do to her, had she been near. And then, to my surprise, she didn’t shy away. When I read her naughty, dirty words, and the precision with which she assumed exactly what I would like, I realized that my hand was stroking my cock as I envisioned her actions. We’d connected on a non-physical level, but in that moment, it felt like my body was a magnet attuned to her pleasure. I had to convince her to meet in person. You can’t make up chemistry like that.

  And then the text came from her.

  Sweetness: Thanks for playing along.

  Me: Oh, believe me, it was my pleasure.

  Sweetness: It was? Real pleasure? See? Virtual relationships have so many perks.

  Me: I still want us taking this further, you know? But, what do you mean?

  Sweetness: Had we been together, I’d have had to fake it or just … pretend I was sleepy.

  Me: What the fuck?

  Sweetness: I’ve never had an orgasm …

  Twelve

  “Orgasm-Landia.”

  LEONIE

  Damn it! Why had I typed that?

  The adrenaline from shoving Daniel out of my room, from finding TDL’s stunning picture on my phone, and from all the dirty texts we’d exchanged in the last five minutes had all gone to my head.

  My phone rang, and my whole body froze.

  TDL was calling me.

  Should I answer? No. What would I say? Did he think I was a virgin? No, he can’t think that.

  Deciding not to be a chicken shit, I accepted the call.

  “Hello?”

  “Sweetness.”

  His voice was even more gruff than usual, darker, richer …

  “Y-yes. Listen, forget what I said.”

  “I can’t, it’s seared into my brain now.”

  “Well, why are you calling?”

  “I missed your voice.”

  “Oh …”

  “And I wanna help.”

  “With?”

  “With your situation.”

  I groaned and pressed my palm over my eyes. “Don’t call it a situation. I’m perfectly f
ine with my life, thank you very much.”

  “Listen, babe! I’ve come to care about you, okay? I’m calling because I’m your male friend who cares and wants you to have orgasms in your life.”

  I heard the smile in his voice. I believed that voice. I relaxed.

  “I do have orgasms in my life …” I trailed, playing with the fairy lights that were strung against my wall. “I mean they’re self-induced, but I still have them. They’re citizens in orgasm-landia. Nothing to turn your nose up at.”

  I heard his deep chuckle on the other end and closed my eyes.

  “They might be citizens, babe, but in their society, I’m pretty sure they’re servants to the real deal.”

  “Depends on the partner,” I countered.

  “True. Tell me, Sweetness, what are you wearing?”

  “A sexy, black-lace lingerie piece that only covers the essentials.”

  His breath caught, and I snorted.

  “God, you’re so easy! Women only wear that when they’re alone in porn movies. Why, what are you wearing?”

  “Drawstring pants.”

  “And?”

  “That’s it.”

  “Ooooh.” I tried to sound unaffected, but in truth, I had the image of his tempting dick tenting his pants toward his superb, naked abdomen. It had an ache tightening my core, and my mouth went dry. “I’m wearing leggings and a tee, nothing underneath since I was in a hurry after my shower.”

  That was the truth. I heard him groan. Loud.

  “And for what it’s worth, you’re making me want to touch myself,” I admitted.

  “Tell me how.”

  I hesitated.

  “I am … cupping one of my breasts.”

  “Squeeze it,” he instructed.

  The command was firm, and my hand instantly obeyed it.

  “Are you squeezing it?” he breathed.

  “Yes.”

  My voice was so small, I wondered if he’d heard it.

  “Put me on speaker, Sweetness.”

  Were we doing this? Okay. Okay. Why the hell not?

  “You’re on speaker now,” I said in a raspy voice I hardly recognized.

  “Grab your other boob. Can you feel the nipple? Can you squeeze it until you feel that squeeze in your pussy?”

  “Uh-huh …” I moaned.

  “I’d do that while kissing your neck and your ear,” he said, lowering his voice to a heated whisper.