by Lane Parker
Martin had sent me to take the Blackwood test the next day.
Ben had dropped over this evening to give me the results in person.
I could tell that he’d put in a full day of work, and then some. Ben looked tired, but still oh-so-gorgeous in his custom suit, even though he’d loosened his tie. And his hair was slightly messy at the end of the day.
“So Ian has the final say?” I asked, my heart racing at the thought of being employed with a technological leader like Blackwood Technologies.
Ben shrugged. “It’s his baby. And he’s personally involved. The brain behind the whole project, really. But if he doesn’t agree, I can place you elsewhere on another team.”
Even though I didn’t know Ian personally, I’d read every scrap of information he’d ever put out about his projects. The man was brilliant.
“I’d love to work for him,” I ventured hesitantly.
Ben’s gaze caught mine, and I saw an uncertainty there. Something I’d never seen in his eyes before. “He’s a perfectionist.”
I nodded. “Me, too. I can handle that.”
Ben raked a hand through his unruly locks. “To be honest, he can be a difficult guy to work for,” he added.
My eyes widened. “Why? Because he’s a perfectionist? What’s wrong with wanting everything to be done right?”
“It’s not just that,” he said in a troubled tone.
Ben was being evasive. I could tell by the way he averted his eyes, and began to stare at the small tumbler of whiskey he’d poured himself but hadn’t touched.
He’d started leaving a bottle of the heavier stuff at the guest house since he wasn’t a wine drinker.
“What is it?” I asked gently.
“Ian hasn’t been right since my father died,” Ben finally confided in a gruff tone. “He blames himself for my dad’s death.”
“I thought your father had a car accident.”
He nodded. “He did. Ian was there. He was driving.” Ben took a deep breath and let it out before he kept talking. “Dad and Ian were on a hiking trip in the Sierras. Ian was just finishing his master’s, and getting ready to join my dad at Blackwood. It was a celebration for them. I couldn’t get home from college to go, so they were doing a trip on their own. A graduation trip. They were on their way back down the mountain after camping and hiking for several days. A damn deer jumped into the road out of nowhere, and Ian instinctively swerved. They ended up in a ravine. Ian has never forgiven himself for not just hitting the damn deer, and not trying to avoid it. But hell, it was just an accident. I probably would have done the same thing myself.”
“Me, too,” I said softly. “It’s a natural instinct.”
“I told you that Ian is a perfectionist,” Ben said. “The person he expects perfection from is mostly himself. Always has. But he wasn’t always reclusive like he is now. He doesn’t laugh anymore. Hell, I haven’t even seen him smile since Dad died. Maybe I’d be depressed if I’d had to watch Dad die, too.”
God, that had to have been hard. “He didn’t die right away?”
Ben shook his head slowly. “It was a pretty long drop down that cliff, but Dad was still alive. Ian was hurt pretty badly, but he somehow made it several miles to try to get a phone signal or some help. With his internal injuries, I have no idea how he got that far, but rescuers found Ian, half crawling down the mountain road, still trying to find somebody to help my dad.”
I closed my eyes for a second, the imagery vision of what Ian must have suffered flashing through the darkness.
I quickly opened them again. “So he was too late to get help for your father?”
“They got Dad to a small hospital, but he died of his injuries soon after. Ian was transferred to bigger facility, and went through several surgeries before we knew he was going to be okay. Mom and I thought we were going to lose him, too.”
My heart was aching for Ben and his mother. “What happened after he recovered?”
Ben shot me a sad grin. “He took over Blackwood with a vengeance. It’s like he’s been on a mission to take over the entire world. But that’s all he does.”
I frowned. “You said he’s reclusive. But he’s never home in Florida.”
He shrugged. “He has private homes all over the world. A private jet. Private drivers. When he’s here, he runs Blackwood from his home office. At first, I think it was the scars that kept him away from the public eye as much as possible. But they’ve fucking faded, and he’s had more scar revision surgeries. I think it’s the damage that was done in his head that keeps him solitary now. He lives only for Blackwood. I think he’s trying to make Dad proud, even though he isn’t here anymore.”
“Your father would be proud of both of you,” I answered gently.
I shuddered as I thought about all Ian had been through. I’d never known the whole story, and probably few others did.
“He’d be damn proud of Ian,” Ben said, right before he tossed back half of the amber liquid in his glass. “But he’d hate what he’s done to himself to accomplish it. My dad loved his family. He’d never want to see Ian torturing himself. My older brother is so damn smart that this company was going to fly higher, regardless. He didn’t need to dedicate his entire life to it. He doesn’t need to make it his only focus. And he sure as hell doesn’t need to keep blaming himself for something that wasn’t his fault. It’s almost like I lost them both.”
“Were you and Ian close?” I asked.
He inclined his head. “Very. As close as two brothers could be. But he puts everyone at a distance now. He still doesn’t go out much, and I can’t get him to talk about anything else except the company for the most part. It’s like he just dropped out of life when Dad died.”
“Maybe he still blames himself,” I ventured.
“It’s been six years,” Ben snapped back. “Dad isn’t coming home, but I want my goddamn brother back. It’s not his fault. It never was.”
I took a sip of my wine, both of us silent for a moment before I spoke. “I’m really sorry.”
I couldn’t think of anything else to say. I’d never had siblings, but I could only imagine how I’d feel if Ariel suddenly dropped out of my life.
Ben drained his glass, and his eyes focused again. “I’m telling you all this so you know what you’re going into. My brother is driven like he’s trying to exorcise his demons on this robotics project. He’s a pain in the ass to work for, and most people just can’t handle his asshole personality. They’re scared of him. For all the breakthroughs we’ve had in the technology, he’s still never happy.”
I shot him a small smile. “It’s not perfected yet, so he’s probably frustrated.”
Ben shot me a skeptical look. “He’s beyond frustrated.”
“Maybe when he comes back, I can help him out. Cook for him or something. I know I need to move out, but what if I’m still here when he returns? Isn’t there something I could do?” I hated the pain that losing Ian had caused Ben.
His eyes shot to my face again. “When he gets home? He is home. When he got in last night, he called me, and the light is on in his office. I saw it when I got here. I told him I wanted to stop by and talk. But he said he was busy.”
“Oh, shit. Do you think he’s mad because I’m still here?” I didn’t want to cause more trouble than there already was with the eldest Blackwood brother.
Ben shook his head. “He’s not mad. He’s the one who insisted that you stay here. We’ve never had a sister, Katie. But you are part of our family because we want you to be.”
My heart skittered. “Is that what you want. A sister?”
I stood up, my entire body tense and I fumbled to get another glass of wine.
“I’d love it if you’d just trust me enough to let me be a brother to you,” he answered.
My hand shook at little as I refilled my glass, and put the wine clumsily back into the fridge.
I turned, and I finally saw the truth in Ben’s eyes.
They were warm n
ow.
Adoring.
But not in the way that a guy looks at a woman he desires.
He was looking at me like I was a female he wanted to adopt.
“You’re not my stalker,” I said in a tremulous voice.
“Somebody is stalking you?” he asked shortly.
If I hadn’t been so disheartened and sad, I probably would have laughed.
He was concerned, and completely focused on me with a huge frown.
But in that moment, it was plain to see that he wasn’t worried about me as a woman he had any sexual interest in.
Ben Blackwood looked outraged, but he was pissed off like the brother he really wanted to be.
Chapter 9
Kate
I actually breathed a sigh of relief as I closed the door behind Ben an hour later.
After I’d said something about a stalker, Ben had hounded me for another hour about it, but I’d found myself trying to explain it away as a joke.
For the most part, the diversion had worked. He’d been reluctant to let it go, but he’d finally just accepted that my sense of humor was slightly warped at times.
“It’s not him,” I said out loud as I made my way back to the kitchen.
Honestly, I was feeling pretty embarrassed and more than slightly naïve that I hadn’t recognize his concern for what it was...he’d been worried about me like I was family.
How could I have been so stupid?
Maybe because I’d never really had a man who was interested in me as a woman. Really, I’d never caught any man’s attention at all. I didn’t have family, so I really didn’t know what it was like to have somebody be concerned about me as an adult except Ariel.
He sees me as a sister.
Strangely, the longer I thought about that, the more I didn’t really mind it. Sure, I’d had a crush on Ben, but what woman wouldn’t if he turned his head their direction?
Physically, he was an Adonis.
But the spark I should have felt had never quite been there.
I liked Ben. I liked him a lot. But he’d never been the star of my sexual fantasies.
That man was an unknown face with a powerful body.
He was my stalker.
The very same man who I’d been determined to put out of my mind forever.
Stalker hadn’t contacted me in any way since our last conversation, and I needed to keep it that way.
Ben had formally offered me a job before he left, and I was going to take it. I wanted to be involved with the things Blackwood was doing for technology. I wanted my life to change. I was ready to be Ben’s sister, and family to him if that’s what he wanted.
I’m ready to take a chance on letting people into my life, even though my father never wanted me to be his daughter.
Ben was right. Sometimes, it was better to choose who we wanted to be family rather than counting on the ones who were actually blood.
I grabbed an orange from the fridge, and unpeeled it over the sink. I was still walking every day, but I hadn’t run into Doug again, which hadn’t really disappointed me.
He’s not what I want.
I’d been flattered that he’d been interested in me, but the spark wasn’t there, either.
I popped a piece of the orange into my mouth as I stared at the big house. I had a perfect view of it from the kitchen window, but I hadn’t noticed that there was another light on, one that wasn’t remote controlled like the rest of them probably were.
Until now, the same ones had come on every evening.
And they went off in the morning.
But now I recognized that a few of them were different, that there was illumination bursting from a window that hadn’t been lit up before.
“He is home,” I mumbled as I stared.
My heart still ached for my older stepbrother, and my stepfamily. Was there anything I could do to help Ian? Wouldn’t I be better off focusing on making a difference in somebody’s life who needed it?
Ian had let me stay here in his guesthouse, and he’d didn’t even know me.
I wanted to do something for him, and I really did want to thank him for helping me out.
Now that I was going to have a decent job, I could move out. But my unknown stepbrother had helped me when I hadn’t had anywhere else to go.
I sighed as I polished off my piece of fruit and looked at the clock.
It was almost ten.
Did I really want to introduce myself to Ian this late in the evening?
His office light is still on.
As usual, I debated and fretted about it until it was almost too late to go over to Ian’s home and say hello.
I need to just go. It’s not like he doesn’t know I’m still here.
Maybe I wouldn’t get the warmest of receptions from my oldest stepbrother, but if I was determined to change, I needed to stop reacting to something that hadn’t even happened yet. And if I was going to work in the professional world, I had to start learning to let things roll off my back.
As I put on a pair of sandals, I reminded myself that I hadn’t suffered from another panic attack since the night of my father’s funeral. My daily walks helped, and now that I was going to be employed, I planned on joining a yoga class that Ariel was teaching on the side. I’d be able to afford it. Doing yoga had been recommended by my therapist years ago, but I’d never had the time or the money to sign up and learn.
I took a deep breath, and then released it. I could change my life if I wanted to, and I did want to—desperately. I’d just needed to get past the disappointment of learning that my father had never given a damn about me.
I couldn’t change how my parent had felt.
But I could change how I reacted to that fact.
It had been my father’s issue, not mine.
I grabbed my keys, and then locked the door behind me.
The sound of the ocean, and the lovely breeze that wafted over me as I exited the guest house brought me a calm that I hadn’t experienced in a very long time.
There was enough light on the path between the guest house and the mansion, so it wasn’t difficult to find my way to the big front door. As I stood there for a minute, I realized that I probably could have changed out of the shorts and t-shirt I was wearing. But I doubted Ian gave a damn about my attire.
I rang the doorbell before I could change my mind and scurry back to the guest house.
Ben had made Ian sound like an ogre, but I was pretty sure he couldn’t be that bad if his family still cared that much about him.
Besides, I was patient. It was one of my better attributes. And I was determined to find a way into Ian’s life.
Maybe I was no expert on trauma.
But I knew what it was like to be alone.
It sucked.
I folded my arms in front of me as I waited. There was no real sound coming from inside the house, and it didn’t appear like anybody was coming to answer the door.
One minute passed.
And then a few more.
I rang the doorbell again.
Still…nothing.
He’s home. He has to be. Ben said he was. Where in the hell would he go?
Uncharacteristically, I stood my ground. If I wanted to eventually be part of Ian’s team, I was going to have to learn how to deal with him.
I nearly flinched when I heard the heavy sound of the deadbolt flipping open, and the door flew open.
“When you ring the doorbell once, and nobody answers, it’s a fairly good indicator that whoever is inside isn’t interested in talking to you,” a low, well-modulated voice said in a cool tone.
I noted that the voice held absolutely no emotion except for a heavy disdain.
My eyes took in the guy’s pure mammoth size first. Ian was built like a bulldozer, but I didn’t see an ounce of fat on him as he stood before me in just a white t-shirt and a pair of jeans.
He was all muscle, and he towered over me by close to a foot. It was impressive since I was five-fo
ot-four. So Ian was at least a couple of inches over six feet.
So yeah, his size was intimidating.
But it was his face that really had me wanting to run.
He was scarred. The one that was really noticeable ran in a thin line from his temple to his chin.
But it sure as hell wasn’t frightening.
What terrified me was his eyes.
They might have been a beautiful gray if they weren’t completely cold and lifeless in a way that would frighten the hell out of almost anyone who saw him.
Don’t back down!
Instinct told me that Ian wouldn’t respect somebody who didn’t have some grit.
I forced myself to smile and hold my hand out to him. “Nice meeting you, too,” I finally answered. “I’m Katie. Your stepsister. I wanted to thank you for putting me up in the guest house when I needed a place to stay.”
“You should have stayed in the guest house,” he rumbled, ignoring the hand of greeting that was offered. “Go home.”
I was taken aback when he turned from the door and walked back inside without another word.
Holy crap! He’s angry. But he’s not mad at me.
Something told me that Ian was pissed off at the entire world.
The short encounter had left me shaken. It wasn’t totally because he scared the hell out of me—which he did. But a part of me was intrigued, curious, and just a little concerned.
When I turned to leave, I noticed that the door was still cracked open.
Was it a sign? A subconscious invitation of some kind?
Thinking about his flat expression told me no.
But even though my heart was thundering in my ears, it was urging me forward.
Don’t back down!
Against my logical judgment, I pushed the door open, and stepped inside with all my adrenaline coursing through my body.
I’d never been a thrill seeker, but as I entered the house, and quietly closed the door behind me, I’d never felt more alive.
To hell with the consequences. I was going to confront Ian Blackwood, and get to know him—whether he wanted that or not.