“Joshua, why have you not come to see me?” Bella frowned, giving him a light swat on his arm. “You have hurt my feelings. You took such good care of me while I was sick and when I start to feel better, you are nowhere to be found.”
“I was doing my job, Bella. I am here to work. I am not a member of the family.” He tried to smile at her as he responded.
“I wish you were a member of the family.” Bella pouted, sticking out her lower lip. Joshua would have given anything to put his own lips around hers. The look she was giving him was purely adorable.
“No, you don’t,” Joshua said with a light chuckle. “Then our feelings would be completely inappropriate, not that they already aren’t.”
“I am a fool!” Bella left his arms and he suddenly felt cold. She walked to the window and stared through the glass.
“You are not a fool,” Joshua followed her. “What would make you say that?”
“Why did I agree to marry Jonathan? He is a good man. He does not deserve to be married to a woman who has strong feelings for someone else. He is respectful and kind. He has never done wrong to me and here I am, wishing it was you and not him. I am a disgrace. I am a fool!”
Joshua stood just behind her, aching to wrap his arms around her, turn her around and plant kisses all over her sweet face. He resisted the urge with all his might.
“Please do not call yourself names. You are not a disgrace or a fool. You were not fully aware of your feelings until after the deed was already done.”
Bella shook her head, still staring through the window at the horizon. “I was caught up in the life of London. It is so different there. It is not quiet and serene like it is here. The land is beautiful there, the people are exciting and there is always action, something happening to take the attention away from the important things in life.”
“Is it the life you want? Do you want to live in London and have many friends and something always happening?”
Bella finally turned her head and looked up at him. When her eyes met his, he felt a tingle in his chest and his heart beat quickly. “No, Joshua. You know I love this life. It is more beautiful here than it is anywhere else in the world.”
“You have not seen the world.”
“I need not see the entire world to know. I have seen enough of it.”
Joshua smiled. “You have never been anywhere but here and London. How can you say such things?” He teased her. When he saw a smile trace her lips, he felt a great satisfaction. He wanted to cheer her up. The last thing he wanted was for her to be upset with herself.
“Yes, yes, I know. I have not traveled. Jonathan has traveled. He has shown me drawings of the places he’s been. I’ve seen renditions in books of places around the world. Portraits of landscapes in Italy, America, Rome, and many other places. However, nothing compares to the beauty I see before me here in Bainbridge. England, even during the rainy season, is my favorite place to be. And not in the city. Not in London. Here. In Bainbridge.”
“Does Lord Humbridge know this? Have you spoken to him about where you will live after you are married?” He saw her cringe slightly when he mentioned the upcoming marriage.
“I haven’t. I believe he would be open to staying here sometimes but he will need to be in London for business. He cannot move the toy factory here. Bainbridge is too small. It would put his employees out of their positions and many families would be at risk of becoming impoverished. I cannot do that.”
“You are a remarkable woman, Bella,” Joshua’s voice was as soft as his heart. “You are always thinking of other people before yourself. I do not know another woman who would put the happiness of people she does not even know before her own.”
Bella turned to look through the window again, sitting sideways on the window seat. He sat next to her but kept his eyes on her, drinking in her beauty, making it a memory he would not forget.
“I have brought this on myself. I should have thought about his proposal for longer, I should have returned home and given it some thought. I should not have said yes so quickly.”
“It’s understandable. You are young and impetuous. You have spent so much of your life in near isolation.”
“Would you call it isolation?” Bella looked at him. “Being here in Bainbridge, in this large mansion, surrounded by my family and friends and servants? This is isolation?”
“I call it isolation because you kept to yourself quite often. You have only had Bess and Katrina.”
Bella’s eyes widened. “Katrina!” She said the girl’s name as if she had forgotten all about her friend. “I must go see Katrina! Will you take me into town, Joshua?”
His heart ached to do whatever she wanted him to do. However, he couldn’t go into town. Elena was there. He could only imagine what the woman would do if she saw Joshua and Bella together in town.
“I think it best if you get one of your brothers to take you into town. And are you well enough for that yet? Are you certain you will not spread whatever ailed you to others?”
Bella licked her lips, looking disappointed. “Yes, I suppose Mama and Papa wouldn’t want me to go into town quite yet. I haven’t been outside this room for almost two sennights. I must wait until they tell me I am allowed to leave. I have been waiting anxiously to come down and see you.”
“I thought we agreed that you would not come out in the mornings to see me anymore. It is still best for us to stay apart as much as possible.”
She gazed at him with loving eyes, forcing him to drop his own and stare at his large hands. “Is that why you have not come to see my, Joshua? You are trying to stay away from me?”
He couldn’t respond. He nodded instead.
“You are a good man, Joshua. Did you know that?”
“I try to be.” He murmured.
“I don’t want to stay away from you.”
“Nor do I.”
“I want to be near you at all times. I watch you working through the window, you know. I have waved but you have not seen me. You do not look up at me.”
“I am trying to do what’s right.”
Bella pulled in a deep breath. “Yes, I know you are. It makes me love you even more.”
Joshua looked up at her. They locked eyes.
“Oh Bella. I… I don’t know what to say.”
“Say that you love me.”
“You know that I do.”
“I want to hear you say it.”
Joshua closed his eyes for a moment but opened them again, wanting to see her beautiful face. “How can I say such a thing, my dear? You know it is not right how we feel.”
She pouted and the look nearly drove him crazy. “I want to hear you say it, Joshua. We will not have many opportunities in the future. Jonathan will return and I will have to marry him. I will have to leave for London. I will return and see you but I will not be able to hear the words again. Until that happens, I want to hear it as often as I can.”
Joshua shook his head. “We must stop. We must…”
“Joshua,” Bella stopped him, putting her small, soft hand against his lips. He grabbed her and kissed her fingers. Her breath came and went rapidly. “Tell me you love me.”
Without taking her fingers away from his lips, he spoke into them. “I love you, Bella Cornwall. I love you.”
Bella bit her lower lip. “I love you, Joshua Foster. I always will.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
DESTROYED BEAUTY
DESTROYED BEAUTY
The next morning, Bella woke up feeling refreshed and more like her healthy self than she had for several weeks. She opened her eyes, pulled in a deep breath, and sat up in bed, stretching her arms up over her head. She looked up at the fabric above her bed and remembered when she had thought it was so far away. Now she could nearly touch it when she stretched.
She smiled, hearing Joshua’s voice in her mind, feeling his lips on her fingers. She looked down, holding her hand out, spreading her fingers slightly. He had kissed her fingers. He had said
he loved her. How she longed for the chance to be near him every moment of the day.
She slid out of bed easily, relieved that she was no longer in pain. Her mysterious illness appeared to be behind her. She had healed from it in a remarkably quick amount of time. She slipped her small feet into her slippers and grabbed the robe from the back of the chair next to her bed. As she pulled it on, she crossed the room to the window.
She pulled the drapes to the side and peered through, squinting at the bright light outside. The sun had just come up over the horizon to her left. Her eyes quickly adjusted and she looked for Joshua.
She did not immediately see him but what she did see sent a chill through her body. She gasped and covered her mouth with her hand.
The beautiful flower garden Joshua had shaped into her name was gone. It appeared to be a huge mess of blue flowers and red roses. It looked as though someone had taken a pair of shears to it and chopped the heads off every flower, leaving the remnants behind in a heaping pile.
Tears came to her eyes. She spun around and hurried to pull the cord so that her drapes opened completely. She returned to the middle of the window, pressing her hands against the glass and searching for any sign of Joshua. He couldn’t have been responsible for the destruction. Not after his display of true emotion the day before. Surely, he wouldn’t have done such a thing. His creation had been one of love. She was certain of it.
She turned and went to her closet, pulling a dress out and putting it on as fast as she could. She did not want to wait for Bess or call out for the girl. She was perfectly capable of dressing herself and brushing her own hair when she wanted to. She stood in front of the dressing table and stared at herself in the mirror as she pulled a brush through her hair. She pinned it back and pulled on a bonnet to cover it, not satisfied with the job she had done. It didn’t matter to her how her hair looked. She just wanted to get down to the garden to see what had happened to her flowers.
She put her feet into a small black pair of slippers and headed out the door. Her parents had not given her permission to leave her room yet but she didn’t care about that either. She was going outside, whether they wanted her to or not. She went down the curved staircase quickly, sliding her hand along the rail as she went to steady herself.
“Miss Bella!” Andrew saw her passing by. He was standing by the door of the drawing room and appeared to be having a conversation with Patricia, who was in the room dusting. “Are you feeling well today?”
“I am,” Bella responded shortly.
“Have your parents…”
Bella didn’t stop to carry on the conversation with Andrew. She went straight to the front door, pulled it open and was out before the end of his sentence.
She hurried across the front porch and down the stairs, nearly jogging to get to the flowers. Once there, she stopped and stared at the destruction. Her initial thought had been corrected. The flowers had all been chopped off at the head and left behind where they fell. The rose bushes were chopped into bits.
Tears came to her eyes. She dropped to her knees in the grass in front of the ruined flower bed and picked up several of the chopped flowers, holding them in her hands. She crushed them against her chest and leaned forward, allowing the tears to slide down her cheeks. Who could have done such a thing? And why?
She looked to the left and the right but Joshua was still nowhere to be found. Normally, he would have been here in the garden, tending to his duties. He was never this late, unless he was spending his time with Bella.
Who was he with? Where was he?
Bella’s heart slammed against her chest, anxiety filling her. She was worried and angry at the same time. He should be there with her, helping her deal with this. He was the gardener after all. It was his job, it was his duty. He should at least be attempting to clean it up, perhaps replant it and…
Bella sobbed uncontrollably. What was happening to her? She did not want to be angry with Joshua. She didn’t want to hurt so much or to be jealous or frustrated. She had woken up happy, the memory of his love pulsing through her body like the blood in her veins.
However, he was nowhere to be found.
She allowed herself time to recover, still staring around her at the destroyed flowers. She forced herself to stop crying, take a deep breath, and stand up. She gathered several of the flowers in her hands and held them as she went back to the house. Her family would be gathering for breakfast soon. She would be there with them this morning. It had been some time since she’d been able to sit with her family and talk.
Perhaps now was the time.
She pondered whether she wanted to tell Mama and Papa about her feelings for Joshua. Her mother had spent many hours in Bella’s room, talking to her about the wedding plans she was making. The list of guests had grown to several hundred. Everyone in the village would attend. They would be mixing with the elite from London. It would prove to be an amazing sight; her mother was sure of it.
Bella was beginning to think the wedding should not take place. Joshua was correct when he said that they needed to do what was right. Nevertheless, Bella no longer thought a marriage with Jonathan was the right thing. She had been mistaken when she said yes. She should have declined or asked for time to think about it. Then she would have come back to Bainbridge and realized where her heart really was… with Joshua.
She chastised herself. Why had she been a silly, foolish girl and acted so impulsively? Why had she not taken a moment to think about her future instead of blindly saying yes to the handsome and distinguished Lord Humbridge?
What would it do to Jonathan, should she back out? He was frantically searching for his cousin, facing traumatic and stressful situations. The last thing he needed was an unfaithful woman threatening to tarnish his reputation and break his heart.
Bella frowned deeply, pushing the door open to the dining room and marching to her seat. She plopped herself into it, refusing to look at the shocked expressions on the faces of her family.
“Bella,” her father said, gently. “I did not expect to see you down here this morning.”
“I’m sorry, Papa,” she said. “I did not want to stay in my room for another day.”
“Are you sure you are strong enough? Do you feel fully recovered?” her mother asked.
“The sun and fresh air will do me some good, Mama,” Bella replied. “I want to be out here. I want to eat with my family.”
Tyler, Nick, and Steven were seated at the table. Cameron had not yet arrived. Her brothers were staring at her and giving each other looks. She knew they wanted to talk to her but dared not in front of their parents. They looked anxious and worried.
“Bella, perhaps I could speak with you alone?” Tyler pushed back his chair and stood up.
Without a word and without acknowledging the shocked looks on her parents’ faces, Bella stood up again and followed her brother out of the room.
Once the door closed behind them, Tyler turned to his sister, looking down at her in concern. “You do not look well, Bella. Moreover, I do not mean ill, like you have been for the past few sennights. I mean, you look angry… upset. What has happened?”
“Did you see the flower garden Joshua planted for me? The hydrangeas that spelled out my name? Surrounded by rose bushes?”
“Yes, of course. We have all seen it.”
“Someone has destroyed it.”
Tyler frowned. “Destroyed it?”
She pulled out the flower heads she had picked up and put in her pocket. “See?”
Tyler held out his hands and she dropped the petals into them. He stared at them for a moment. When he turned his eyes back up to her, she could see he was angry. “Who would do this?” He hissed. “Who would destroy something so beautiful? Why would anyone want to hurt you in this way?”
Bella shook her head, fighting the tears that stung the back of her eyes. “I don’t know. Do you think Joshua could have done this?”
Tyler’s reaction told her he did not think it was Jo
shua. “What? No. He would not do this. It was his creation. He did it because he…” He didn’t continue.
“He loves me.”
Tyler nodded. “Yes. Because he loves you. He would not destroy it. He came to see you yesterday, did he not?”
“Yes, he did.”
“And did you argue with him?”
“Of course I didn’t argue with him, Tyler.”
“I didn’t think you would. And even if you did, it is obvious to us that you love each other too much to let an argument get in your way.”
“He did say that we need to stay away from each other for Jonathan’s sake. I am to be married to someone else.”
“That fact is killing him, Bella.”
Bella hung her head. “It is killing me, too. I fear I have made a terrible mistake agreeing to marry Jonathan. He does not deserve any of this.”
Tyler shook his head. “No one does. The heart is a tricky thing. We must be very careful with it.”
“I was foolish and impetuous. Now many hearts will break if I follow through with the marriage and many hearts will break if I rescind my agreement with Jonathan.”
“It is a burden to bear, I know.”
“Yes. What do I do? What do I do, Tyler?”
Tyler shook his head. “Joshua asked me the same yesterday. I had no answer for him and I have no answer for you. I’m sorry, my sister. This is not something I am familiar with. I have yet to fall in love and marry. I fear I will end up a bachelor for the rest of my life.”
“Not a handsome man like you, Tyler. Your time will come.”
“I do hope so. But in the meantime, we certainly have enough to think about.”
Bella nodded. “Yes. For one, who would destroy that beautiful garden of flowers? Someone is trying to hurt me, Tyler. Who could it be? What have I done wrong?”
Suddenly, Bella thought of who it could be that had destroyed the garden. She didn’t say the name aloud. She didn’t tell Tyler. However, she remembered the looks Elena had given her when she’d seen her with Joshua.
The Lady’s Dangerous Love (The BainBridge - Love & Challenges) (The Regency Romance Story) Page 13