by Alia Hess
Anya shook her head vigorously. “No, Mr. Melonvine. I don’t want to leave! I want to stay here and work for you.”
“No. I’m bad for you, dear. You’re fired.”
Anya burst into tears. “But where am I supposed to go? I don’t have anywhere to live!” She fell at Corvin’s feet, sobbing.
Corvin frowned, then looked at Sasha. “This doesn’t seem any better.”
Sasha rubbed his face. “You are rich guy. Can’t you find place for her?”
“Probably. But that doesn’t do her any good right now. If I let her stay for a while—as a free girl—does that redeem me at all?”
“I don’t know. You going to paddle her? Yell at her?”
“No. I promise.”
“Then I think that is okay.” Sasha laughed. “I can’t believe people asking me for advice on how to be good person. I am still trying, myself.” He needs someone like Dewbell. But I guess I’ll have to do. He took the knife and cut the sash from Corvin’s hands.
“Sasha, don’t!” Dusty’s eyes grew wide.
Corvin rubbed his wrists, then picked up a cloth napkin and wiped his bloody face. “Thanks.” Anya sat on the floor, wiping her eyes with the hem of her apron. Corvin knelt beside her. “Anya, you can stay for a while, until you find somewhere better. But you don’t work for me anymore. I’m going to give you your paper. Okay?”
Anya nodded, giving Corvin a lingering glance. She vacillated near the table with her hands clasped together, then pulled a rag from her apron pocket and wiped strawberry glaze off the tablecloth.
Sasha dumped the knife down the neck of the glass vase. When he turned around, Corvin grinned and threw his arms around him. “I feel born again! I’m kind of glad you hit me with that vase. It was sort of a wake-up call, y’know? I’ve always done whatever I wanted and no one stopped me. My mom is the worst. I was always her favorite and got away with way more stuff than Owl. Still do. But letting Anya go felt right.” He gave Dusty a charming smile. “Dusty? Hug?”
Dusty took a step back. “Don’t you dare.”
Corvin shrugged. “So what now? You guys going to leave? It really isn’t safe in the city at night. But I’ll understand if you want to go.”
Getting out of this house seemed like a great idea, but if Corvin truly wanted to be a better person, and it wasn’t just an act, someone had to keep him accountable. “Actually, was wondering if I could look at your tablet. Going to show you how to use it.”
Corvin’s face brightened. “Really? That would be fantastic.”
“I can hook your tablet up to mine. Then you can talk to me sometime if you want.”
“Wait, what?” Dusty tugged at her earrings. “After all the stuff this psycho did? Why?”
“Because he need somebody to help him. Just like you and Dewbell help me when I screw up.”
“That’s not the same thing.”
Sasha sighed. “Dusty, I done bad stuff in the past, and if I can make it bit better by helping this guy, then I will do it.” He turned to Corvin’s grinning, bloody face. “Also going to fix your tablet so it can turn on Owl’s drone and you can talk to her again. Then, you can call her whenever you need.”
“I don’t believe this.” Dusty folded her arms. “My consort is helping a Boss.”
Corvin glanced at Dusty. “Sasha, I don’t want you in trouble with your lady. Maybe you should come back in a few days. I’ve got a lot of thinking to do, anyway.”
“Okay. I come back another day. But listen, you get angry, or want to hit Anya or something”—Anya, still scrubbing goo from the tablecloth, paused for a moment, looking at Sasha, then looked back at her task—“you think about Owl. Think about stuff that happen to her. How would she feel if she knew her brother was like that too?”
Corvin looked at his shoes and nodded.
Dusty followed Sasha out of the house, scowling. He nudged her. “You mad at me?”
“Why are you trying to help him? He’s never going to change. Spoiled rich guy who can get away with anything. Why would he change?”
“I bet couple years ago, people think I never going to change, either.”
Dusty pulled her bike from the wall of the house and let out a laugh. “There’s no way you were ever like Corvin.”
Sasha frowned and took the bike, pushing the handlebars. “Is it okay if we walk for little bit before riding? I got couple long stories to say. Stuff about me you don’t know, because I was afraid to tell you. The kind of person I used to be. And… something that happened in Russian facility few weeks before I met you. I should tell about that too.”
Moonlight played on Dusty’s concerned face. She nodded and took his hand.
14 ~ Womens ~
Sasha woke up shivering, one leg hanging off the side of the bed. He rolled over. Dusty slept with her mouth open, cocooned in all the sheets. He pulled at the blanket. “Hey, baby, you got to share.”
“Mm, sorry.” She offered him the covers and Sasha scooted next to her. “Oh, you’re freezing.”
“Yes, I know.”
Light from a sprinkling of stars pierced the darkness through the plastic sheeting over the window. It fell on Dusty’s serene face, her short auburn locks mussed from sleep. Sasha pressed his face to the sewn rip in the collar of her rainbow cat shirt.
On their walk home from Corvin’s, Sasha spilled his secrets. First telling Dusty about the awful things he’d done in the past—his disregard for other people’s feelings and various lewd and drunken antics. Dusty had only smiled and said, “You’ve certainly come a long way since then.”
He told her about the virus, and how he should have tried to stop Dr. Krupin sooner, but he didn’t churn up his conviction quick enough, and his hesitation killed the world.
She had been quiet for a while as they pushed the bike down the hill toward Hammerlink. He was certain that at any moment her signature scowl would appear. He was certain she’d accuse him of being weak, of being a coward and a murderer. He was certain she’d feel nothing but disgust toward him and maybe even tell him they were through. Instead, she said, “I don’t know anything about the rest of the world. I wouldn’t want some country to come here and take over, but innocent people don’t deserve to die. Thinking about the whole world that way… it’s hard to comprehend, really. I think that’s gonna take some time to sink in. It’s unreal. What I do know? Sometimes we don’t know what we will really do in a situation until it happens. Especially when nothing is black and white. Those are the hardest choices. You did what you could. Forgive yourself.”
In the darkness of the bedroom, Sasha inhaled deeply and squeezed Dusty tight, heart full. “I love you so much.”
She smiled, eyes still closed. “Even when I steal the covers?”
“Yes. I am so in love with you. You are amazing. So… understanding. So good to me.”
Dusty’s smile wavered, but she didn’t open her eyes. “Stop.”
“Really, baby. I am so lucky to have you. You are everything to me.”
Dusty put her hands over her face and let out a small sob.
“Why are you crying? Did I say something wrong way? I wish my American was better so I could tell you how I really feel. Because I know sometimes you think you are not worth much, but I’m telling you, you are. You are worth everything.” Dusty cried into her hands and Sasha drew her in closer. “I—I’m not trying to make you upset. I’m sorry. I will stop talking.”
“Don’t stop.” Her voice was watery and muffled. “Tell me something else.”
Sasha stroked her hair and smiled. “Just you existing makes world better place. And every minute that I’m not with you feels like torture. And—and the sky, and stars, and flowers, and every beautiful thing? Well, they all look like dirt compared to you.”
Dusty cried harder.
“You are beautiful. And not just your body. I love your body, for sure”—he grinned—“but you are beautiful on inside too. Your soul.” He kissed the top of her head. “That is all I got.
Maybe it don’t mean that much, coming from me, and maybe I don’t even explain it right. But after telling you all the bad stuff about me—my secrets—and you just accept it and love me anyway, I have to tell you how I feel. And I’m sorry I make you cry, but if you don’t know that stuff about yourself, somebody got to tell you. Because it is true.”
Dusty sniffed and wiped her face, her wide eyes holding his. She leaned in and gave him a long kiss, fingers tangled in his hair, and he was no longer cold.
“Do you love me same way I love you? Does it hurt you to be without me?” he asked.
“Absolutely.” Dusty stroked his face. “You’re my everything too.”
Audio File 01|August 19, 2172|Length: 00:34
So, I decide to start audio-diary, kind of like video diaries I used to make in Priyut. I was thinking maybe it would be good idea for me to record stuff that happen to me. I think is better for me to record in American, in case someone needs to hear. For example, tomorrow I am going to Corvin’s house, and if I don’t come back, then people going to know what happened to me. [nervous laughter] Today, Dusty give me haircut. Is little bit shorter than normal, but looks good. I tell her I am thinking about growing mustache, but she say that will make me look like even bigger pervert, so maybe I won’t.
Audio File 02|August 20, 2172|Length: 01:07
Today, I went to Corvin’s house. Dusty was very worried about me being safe with that weird guy. She made me take Gentlewave with me. Was good thing I did. Not because Corvin try to do something, but I was trying to hook up our tablets, and Corvin kept standing over my shoulder and creeping me out. He want to help, but don’t know what to do. So Gentlewave was good distraction. Those guys talked for long time about Nis, and Owl and Trav, and ocean.
I got our tablets connected, and also Drone B5. Now Corvin can talk to me when he want and also Owl. We had nice dinner, and nobody waved knife around, or get hit in head with vase, or tied to chair, so I think the evening went pretty good. Corvin looked happy—well, he always look happy—but it looked more real this time. And Anya was there. She have dinner with us and was wearing jeans and tee shirt, not apron. She looked happy too.
God, and Corvin tell me he is making new painting and want to send me picture when he is done.
Audio File 12|October 01, 2172|Length: 00:46
So, John is in Hammerlink, and he want Dusty to walk with him to Fortland with some orphans he rescued. I’m not very happy about that. That guy say he cares about her, but I don’t think he really do. She didn’t like it when he kiss her before, so hopefully nothing like that going to happen again. I tell her I can go with her to make sure John don’t do something, but she said she can take care of herself.
So I tell her, as joke, “If you going with John, then I am going to take Dewbell on date while you are away.” And you know what she say? “Okay. Have good time!” [laughter] But then I think, hey, why not? I could go to Dewbell’s house and surprise her. Bring her some flowers and take her somewhere nice. I love Dewbell—she is great woman. And she deserve it. Take her on nice friend-date. I just hope Lucky don’t beat me up when I get there.
Sasha clutched a bouquet of pink flowers with a sweaty hand as he stood before the door to Lucky’s house.
Lucky will answer. Dewbell can’t hear me knock. I just have to explain to him that Dewbell and I are going to hang out today. Like she does with Gentlewave… Only I’m not gay and I brought flowers. Why did I bring flowers? Maybe I can dump them somewhere so no one gets the wrong idea.
He glanced down the green carpeted hallway, but there wasn’t a garbage can or even anything to hide them in. The door swung open, revealing Dewbell’s delighted face. She pulled Sasha into a hug.
“Oh, hey. I am glad you answer and not Lucky. But how did you know I was here?”
Dewbell pointed to something above the inner door frame. Sasha leaned in. A blinking green light hung over the door; when he stepped inside, the light went dark.
“Huh. Neat.” He turned to Dewbell, holding the flowers awkwardly behind his back. “How are you, baby? I am here to”—he dropped his voice—“take you on date. As friend. Friend-date. Just me and you, hanging out.”
She brightened and peeked around his back, eyeing the flowers. She raised her brows and pointed to her chest.
“Uh, yeah. They are for you. Don’t tell Lucky, okay? I don’t want to get beat up.”
Dewbell chuckled and took the flowers. She set them on an end table and made a writing gesture. Sasha pulled out his tablet.
Dewbell disappeared down a short hall, and Sasha stood awkwardly by. Navy ceramic squares tiled the entryway of the small apartment, and light streamed in from a nearby room. Sasha stepped into a cozy living room with several heavy bookcases and leather armchairs. Needlepoint pillows in pastel florals made a strange contrast to the worn, brown leather. Lucky sat in a chair, asleep with a newspaper on his chest. Sunlight glanced off his bald head through the partially-open drapes.
Sasha turned to a wall decorated with framed photos—many containing Lucky and a younger man with reddish-brown hair and a cheery smile. He was also in several pictures with Dewbell. In a large one, Dewbell was locked in a kiss with the man and wore a white, beaded dress, her hair pulled into an elegant bun.
Sasha frowned, the damp of sorrow clinging to him. He returned to the entryway, leaning against the wall and staring at the floor. Dewbell reappeared in a long-sleeved, yellow dress. It was pretty, but her smile was better.
“You ready?”
Dewbell nodded.
A small park sat in the center of Hammerlink, with a little churning river that flowed around smooth, wet stones and under a wooden bridge, surrounded by chubby bushes and fall-kissed trees that spread into the smoggy sky. The scent of burning plastic still clung to the nippy air, but the scenery was a nice change.
Sasha sat next to Dewbell on a bench in front of the river, scuffing his orange shoes through the grass. People milled around them, talking or eating at picnic tables.
“What you want to do after this? Coffee shop, maybe?”
She smiled and nodded, then wrote him a message.
“Oh.” He glanced at Dewbell’s sweater-clad arms. “You upset about that? Want to talk about it?”
Sasha drew his brows together. “You’re leaving too?”
“You really love that guy, huh?” Sasha grinned, but it quickly dissolved. “I’m not going to lie—I will be really sad to see you go. Miss you. But you got to do what will make you happy. And I bet island life will be nice.”
She gave him a sad smile.
Sasha laughed. “I will try, baby.”
Starlings hopped through the grass and perched on the worn railing of the nearby bridge, their tiny heads turning to and fro.
“Not silly. I saw that wedding picture on your wall. I’m sorry for you. And him. Lucky too. Can I ask you what happened?”
Dewbell stared at the tablet for a moment, face drawn.
“How old was he?”
<30>
“Thirty? He wasn’t too young for you?”
She smiled sheepishly, light dancing off her blonde locks.
Sasha’s mouth parted. He looked up from the tablet. “Dewbell… Now I feel terrible. I did break your heart.”
Dewbell smiled.
Sasha sighed. “You know, you are amazing woman. But I really, really love Dusty. I love you too, but not in same way.”
A dozen replies ran through his mind, but they were all hollow and meaningless. Sasha set the tablet on the bench and turned to Dewbell, sliding his arms around her. She hugged him back.
She makes it sound like no big deal, but she makes everything sound that way. Are any of those scars on her arms because of me?
He squeezed her harder, not knowing what else to do or say. When he pulled back, Dewbell searched his face, then gave him a light kiss on the mouth. He raised his eyebrows, heart pumping with joy and guilt. She leaned across him, a hand on his leg, and picked up the tablet.
Sasha chuckled. “Never heard of that. Maybe you should do it again to help me understand.”
Dewbell laughed and elbowed him.
Audio File 13|October 03, 2172|Length: 01:13
I keep thinking about Dewbell leaving next month. She has been good friend, and even though I never got tempted to drink again, I felt good knowing that she would be there to help me if I needed it.