by Vixen Kane
“I’m not being weird.” He thrusts a hand through his hair and blows out a breath. “I just
want—”
“Seth, I love you.” I can’t stand there any longer and not say it. It’s the truth, and I want him to know. Regardless if he says it back or what his frat brothers think about it. I place my hand on his chest and step closer, tilting my head back to peer into his eyes. “I didn’t think it was possible, but I love you.” I lean in and meld my lips to his.
Seth isn’t kissing me back like he normally does, but I don’t let that stop me. What does stop me is Seth being ripped away from me as Connor lifts his arm up in the air.
“Gentleman,” Connor’s eyes lock on mine for a split second. “And lady.” He turns Seth in a circle so everyone can see him. “Meet your new president of Delta Gamma Phi.”
Cheers erupt from all around me. I’m happy for Seth but am frustrated that Connor pushed for an answer to his question and then ruins the moment with his announcement. Seth tries to disengage himself from Connor’s grip but has no luck. Everyone is crowding around them and congratulating Seth. There’s so much noise that it’s hard to make out everything being said.
The one sentence that does register turns my world on its axis.
I knew you could get her to fall in love with you.
25
Seth
The kitchen is so loud that I don’t know who says what to let her know what’s going on, but I can see it on her face the second she does. Her eyes go wide, her cheeks flush. A moment later, her lip trembles and a watery sheen covers her eyes.
She spins and storms from the kitchen, and I jerk Connor’s arm off me to follow after her. The brothers must finally sense that I’m pissed because most of them quiet and get out of my way.
I can tell she’s running because I spot her just as she’s going through the front door, and I run after her.
“Val!” The front door flings open, and I step through. She eyes her beat-up Chevy, then must remember her keys are upstairs because she wraps her arms around her chest and strides past it.
“Val!” I sprint up to her and step in front, but she only tries stepping around me. When I put my hands on her shoulders, she glares at me. There are tears streaming down her cheeks, so it takes away some of the intimidation she’s trying to put off, but it’s enough for me to take my hands off her. My stomach knots, and it’s so painful I feel like falling to my knees, but I force myself to stand tall.
“Val, what just happened in there, it—”
“Stop.” The steel in her voice stops my words and has my mouth hanging open mid-speech.
“I don’t want your explanations, Seth. I get it. I was a challenge. Your last one, apparently.” She looks me up and down, her lip curling in disgust. I don’t mind it. In fact I want more. Need more. I need her to scream and curse and tell me all the things I already know to be true about myself. I’ll take anything over the hurt that won’t seem to leave her eyes, no matter how strong her voice is. “Well, congratulations.”
She steps around me, and I turn to watch her start toward her dorm. “I’m so fucking sorry.” My voice is barely above a whisper, but I know she hears me when she pauses and tosses me a look over her shoulder.
“Stay the hell away from me.”
I don’t say anything back because what can I say? What could possibly ease her pain right now?
I don’t know, but I know it isn’t me.
I stand in the driveway by her car until she disappears from my sight. My lungs feel like they’ve collapsed, and my heart is in my stomach, being twisted and slowly ripping apart. My entire torso is malfunctioning.
When she’s out of sight, another emotion takes form. Anger. Steaming hot anger.
I spin around and charge into the house, not stopping until I’m right in the middle of hushed conversations that halt as soon as I’m spotted. I only have eyes for one person, though.
“What the fuck was that?” I ask Connor, my fist slamming on the kitchen table.
He raises his hands and shakes his head. “Whoa, don’t come at me with your bullshit.”
“My bullshit? You just destroyed that girl.”
“Umm,” Connor’s eyes narrow. “Pretty sure you destroyed her.”
“You didn’t have to do that right in front of her. You could’ve waited.”
“And you didn’t have to follow through with the challenge. We gave you multiple chances to back out, and you were committed to not taking them.” He blows out a breath. “Look, man, I see that you’re pissed, but what’s done is done. She’s just a girl.”
No. She isn’t just a girl. She’s my girl. And she is so much more than a damn challenge.
Connor is also right in a way. She knows, and what’s done is done. But that doesn’t mean I can’t fix it. I just need to think. I run my hands over my forehead for a few moments before backing out of the kitchen and grabbing my keys by the front entrance. There’s only one person I know I can talk to about this.
“You what?”
“I know.” I run my hands through my hair and look away from Sarah. “I fucked up.”
She walks over to her dresser and snatches her phone before handing it to me. “You need to call her. Apologize. Tell her you didn’t mean to do that.”
I shake my head. “It’s not that simple. I… I think I’m fucked.”
“Then unfuck yourself. Seth, you can’t just not try.”
The image of Valerie with tears in her eyes plays in my head, and the tightening in my chest intensifies. It’s been constant for the past hour. I’ve never felt so much guilt in my life, but it’s more than that. I lost her. I can’t believe I fucking lost her.
Sarah’s phone goes off in my hand, and I glance down to see a message from Val.
I wanted you to hear from me first. I can’t work for your family anymore. Things are complicated… But that does NOT mean I’m abandoning you. We’re friends, and I’m here whenever you need me. Maybe we could meet up for pizza after finals?
I let out a breath and hand the phone to Sarah. Goddammit. Now I’ve even ruined things for my sister.
Sarah stares at the message for a few moments before she quietly sets the phone on the bed. I can see her trying not to freak out. Her eye is twitching, and she’s grasping at her pants.
“I’m so sorry,” I say, placing my palm on the bed near her.
“Don’t.” She shakes her head. “Just don’t, okay?”
I wait a few minutes in awkward silence. She closes her eyes and inhales deeply, and I want so badly to make this right for her. For Valerie. For me.
I just have no idea how.
“Do you want me to get mom?”
She shakes her head. “Just go.”
It feels like a punch to the gut, but I don’t argue. I stand and pause at the door, looking back at Sarah. I’ve hurt the two most important people in my life all in a matter of a couple of hours. I fucking hate myself for it.
I click the door shut behind me and head downstairs. My mom meets me halfway up, hand on her hip looking pissed as hell. “Care to explain to me why Valerie just quit?”
I step around her and continue down the stairs without a response.
“Seth?”
“I’ll fix it,” I yell over my shoulder. I barge through the front door and slam my hands into the steering wheel when I get into my car.
I don’t know if I just lied or if I have any shot in hell at fixing this, but Sarah’s right.
I have to try.
26
Valerie
“I hate to say it, but I to—”
“Don’t you dare say ‘I told you so’.” Lexie’s tone is laced with venom as she whirls on Gemma. “Can’t you see that she’s hurt enough? She doesn’t need you making her feel worse.”
I’m exhausted after having run back to the dorm from the frat house. As soon as I walked through the door, Lexie knew something was wrong and called Gemma. Currently, I’m curled up on my bed, hu
gging my panda to my chest, my cell phone next to me, and tears are streaming down my cheeks. I just quit my job and by extension, hurt the one person that this should never have touched. I have no desire to listen to them argue, but I don’t have the strength to yell at them to stop.
Gemma climbs up the bunk bed ladder and grabs my hand. “Valerie, I’m so sorry that he did this. And Lexie’s right.” She pauses and glances at Lexie, who’s sitting with her legs folded under her at the foot of my bed. “What can we do?”
“I know exactly what we can do.” Lexie sits a little straighter, and a look of conviction crosses her features. “We can kick his fucking ass.”
“Stop,” I mumble, with the only energy I can summon.
“No,” Lexie snaps. “You’re my friend, and he won’t get away with this.”
I suppose that’s the one good thing that’s come out of this whole mess. Lexie and I have become really good friends. She’s not exactly the party girl bitch I’d pegged her for. Then again, I’m not the goody two shoes nerd she thought I was.
Maybe you should be.
“Here.” Gemma thrusts a box of tissues at me. “You need to pull yourself together.”
I sit up so fast and throw the panda across the room.
“Pull myself together? What the hell, Gem? He fucking humiliated me. Ripped my heart out and stomped on it. Made me hurt Sarah. And you want me to ‘pull myself together’?”
“That’s better.”
I whirl on Lexie and take in her smug smile.
“Valerie, you need to be angry. Don’t let that prick make you cry.” When the hell did Gemma get so damn wise about relationships? “He doesn’t deserve your tears. What he does deserve is your wrath.”
“Hell yeah!” Lexie agrees.
They high five and I suddenly feel like I’ve been transported into the twilight zone. A crazy world where I fall in love with my enemy and the two most opposite of my friends are actually getting along and agreeing on something. I don’t like this world.
Yes, you do. You wanted this, remember?
I did want this. Not the heartache. No, I could’ve managed without that. But I wanted to be a normal college freshman, and if the books I’ve read are any indication, all of this drama comes along with it.
Well, damn.
Lexie and Gemma are scheming, but I tune them out. I glance around the room, and when my gaze lands on the panda in the corner, my anger rises and threatens to explode out of me. Seth held that panda. He teased me about it, but not in a cruel way. Nothing he’d done since that first party had been cruel.
But it had been a game. A deliberate attempt to make a fool out of me… again. I hop off the bed and grab the hoodie slung over my desk chair.
“Where are you going?” Lexie jumps to the floor and walks toward me with a look of concern.
“I need to get my car.”
“Okay.” Gemma drags the word out as she grabs her purse off the floor. “We’ll go with you.”
“Fine. But we have to go.” I step around Lexie and yank open the door. “Now.”
“Why now?” Lexie asks as she shuts the door behind her and Gemma. They follow me down the hall to the stairway.
“Because I’m pissed. And I need to be pissed when I see him.”
“Great. But for his sake, I hope he isn’t there.”
“Me too,” I say, but it’s not for his sake. It’s for mine. I’m pissed, but if I see him, I just might crumble and he may see just how broken and bloody he left my heart.
“Shit. I forgot my keys are in his room.”
I stare at my locked car with Lexie and Gemma standing behind me like human shields.
“I’ll go get ‘em. Wait here.”
Gemma and I watch as Lexie goes up to the house. When she steps onto the porch, the door swings open and Nate walks out. Great. Just great.
“What are you doing?” he calls out to me, ignoring Lexie completely.
“None of your damn business,” Lexie snarls as she brushes past him and into the house.
Nate turns and stares at her ass as she does. When he turns back around, there’s a smile on his face that can’t be mistaken for anything other than him thinking about banging her. I hate to break it to him, but that’s never going to happen. Not now.
“Never gonna happen, ya know?” Maybe I don’t hate to break it to him.
“Never say never.” He strolls over to me with his hands in his pockets, but the smile doesn’t leave his face. “You left in a hurry this morning.”
“Look, Nate, I just want to get my keys, my car and get outta here.” I cross my arms over my chest, letting my anger show.
“I’m not stopping you.” He looks away, off into the distance, before returning his gaze to me, and his smile is gone. “You know he really cares about you, right?”
“Yeah, sure. He cares about me so much that he hu—” I slam my mouth shut and inhale deeply through my nose. “You know what? It doesn’t matter.”
“Doesn’t it?”
At that moment, Lexie comes barreling out of the house with my keys and my forgotten bag in her grasp. She hands both over to me, and after she does, she turns her attention to Nate. “Leave her alone, asshole.” Her fists are balled at her sides, her body tense.
“He’s fine, Lexie,” I say as I place a hand on her arm. She looks like she’s ready to battle with him, and I really don’t need that right now.
“Hear that? I’m fine.” Nate’s chest puffs out, way too confident for his own good. Or maybe it’s cocky.
“Gemma?” I turn around because she’s still standing behind me. “Take Lexie back to the dorm. I’m right behind you guys.”
Gemma nods and grabs Lexie’s arm to pull her down the driveway. Lexie digs in her heels for a minute before giving up, and they walk away. I hate that they’re having to walk back when I can give them a ride, but I just want the situation de-escalated quickly.
“Anything you want me to tell him?” I whirl back around to face Nate.
“Yeah, tell him to lose my number.” I find the car key on my key ring and unlock the door.
“You’re in luck.” He points down the street. “You can tell him yourself.”
I shield my eyes from the sun and look to see what he’s talking about. Seth’s car is pulling up to the curb, and when he turns off the ignition and steps out of the car, my heart threatens to pound out of my chest.
“I’m outta here.”
I climb in my vehicle, slam the door and start the engine. When I look in the rearview mirror to back out of the driveway, Seth’s standing right behind the car. I roll the window down and yell for him to move.
“Good luck,” Nate chuckles and turns to jog back into the house, leaving me alone with the source of my anger and pain.
“I’m not going anywhere, Valerie. We need to talk.” Seth crosses his arms over his chest in what I imagine is a pose meant to intimidate, but all it does is fuel my fury.
I throw open my door and stomp to stand next to him.
“Get the fuck out of my way, Seth,” I snarl.
“No.” He turns and tries to reach out and brush hair out of my face, but I slap his hand away before he can make contact. He sighs and thrusts his hands in his pockets. “Will you at least hear me out?”
“Fat chance.”
“Please.” There’s a pleading quality to his voice, and the wall around my heart that was in place when I arrived cracks a little.
Tears burn the back of my eyes as I shake my head. I know it won’t be long before I completely fall apart, so I go to get back in the car, but Seth’s voice stops me.
“Valerie, please. I’m begging you.”
I muster all of my strength to fill in that crack and whirl around to face him. He’s still standing behind the car, and I’m tempted to just climb in and run him over, but instead, I let my rage out another way.
“What could you possibly tell me that would make what you did okay?” I glare at him, and I hope he feels it in h
is bones. “Huh? That you didn’t mean to hurt me? That it was all a misunderstanding? That it was just a joke?”
When he doesn’t say anything, I continue. “Well, Seth Carnes, I’ve got some fucking breaking news for you.”
My body is shaking as I’m yelling. I’d be surprised if someone didn’t call the cops, my voice is so loud and full of hatred.
“There is nothing you can say or do that will make this go away. Do you hear me? Nothing! So don’t even bother. At the end of the day, you still get what you want, right? You’re the next president of your precious fraternity.” I’m still holding the tears in check, but it’s getting harder. “And I’m still the nerdy girl that you’ve humiliated.”
“Val—”
I hold my hand up to cut him off. “Don’t. Don’t you dare say you’re sorry. You don’t get to say that and feel better about yourself. No. It’s your turn to suffer. If you feel guilty, too bad. Deal with it.” I take a deep breath and look him in the eyes. “Just like I have to deal with a broken heart.”
With that parting shot, I get in the car and put it in reverse, keeping my foot on the brake. I look in the rearview mirror, and after a minute, Seth steps to the side and sweeps his arm out as if telling me to go ahead. I let my foot off the brake and back out. When I throw the car in drive, I glance at Seth and he’s standing there with his head hung low. I slam my foot on the gas and speed down the street.
It’s not until I’m parked next to my dorm that I let the image of him standing there really sink in.
And that’s when I shatter. Into a million tiny pieces that I fear can never be put back together.
27
Seth
“Dude, would you give it up already? She’s not worth it.”
My jaw clenches as Tristan speaks, but I don’t bother replying. He doesn’t get it. No one does.
I survey the flowers at the stand downtown one last time and still have no idea which say ‘I’m sorry I’m a fuck-up’ the best. Maybe it’d be easier if Tristan wasn’t with me, but unfortunately, he’s my ride. He practically dragged me to a bar here to ‘get my mind off it’, but the flower stand outside has caught my eye, and I couldn’t give a shit about the bar right now.