by Diana Gardin
If he wants to keep breathing today, he will.
I want to get my hands on him, and I want it to happen now. I want to know who he is and what he’s doing following Rayne home from work. But I noted his license plate, and that’ll have to be enough for now.
Rayne’s the priority.
I pull into the driveway right behind Rayne. She’s already climbing out of the coupe, and as I jump out of the Land Cruiser I can read the shock on her face.
“Jeremy? What are you—?”
The sedan’s engine revs as it continues down the block, and Rayne’s question is cut off as she stares after it. Her face drains of color and she drops her purse on the ground.
“Oh God, Jeremy—was that…was he…?” Her hands float up to tug on the ends of her hair.
Striding forward, I wrap her in my arms, turning her to face the house. I scan the street, searching in both directions for any sign of the sedan or any other suspicious-looking vehicles in the area. The street seems clear, but I can’t shake the anxiety in my stomach.
Too close. Too close. What if I hadn’t seen the sedan pull out behind her? What if I hadn’t been able to follow her home?
The thought sends an oily finger of fear curling around my stomach.
“Rayne? What just happened?”
A woman’s voice, from the house next-door, has my head swiveling in that direction.
And then two little boys bound out of the house behind her, their excited chatter lighting up the world around them.
The little boy with dark hair and green eyes? Him, I recognize. He’s the same kid with the Nerf football at the grocery story on Monday.
I feel rather than see Rayne tense up beside me. I turn to her, ready to ask her what danger she just perceived, when the dark-haired little boy jumps onto the driveway with both feet slamming onto the ground. With an athletic swivel, he bounds toward Rayne with an excited gleam in his eyes.
“Whoa, that car just screeched away like the movies! We were watching from the window!”
Rayne turns to me, her eyes wide and full of something I can’t comprehend. I glance down at the kid again, and then back up at Rayne. There’s nothing in my mind that sets off alarm bells, nothing that alerts me to anything amiss. I’m about to open my mouth and ask her what’s wrong, when the kid pipes up again.
“Hey, I know you. Saw you at the store. You’re the football player!”
Glancing down at him, I shoot him a smile. He’s a pretty damn cute kid with all that dark hair and those striking green eyes.
And then he turns those eyes, full of adoration and curiosity, onto Rayne.
“Mom? Is he your friend?”
Mom? Wait…what? The fuck?
The bottom drops out from under me and I’m freefalling, the terrifying sensation you get when you’ve jumped but your chute doesn’t open right away. Everything I thought I knew about my life and this woman shifts, tilts, changes…
And my world splinters apart.
8
Wagner
She ran from me. And that’s not part of the deal.
I’ve wanted Rayne Matheson from the moment she was hired as my assistant. I can remember how urgent that need was, right from the very beginning. I spent months grooming her, training her. Teaching exactly how to please me at work. And my…she was a receptive student.
The hours I spent, imagining how well she would learn to please me in the bedroom. And how delightfully delicious it would be to punish her when she made a mistake. Just the thought of it sends a raging need straight to my cock, and an irritated growl leaves my throat.
Rayne Matheson. Come to find out it’s not even her real name. She changed it when she moved to Phoenix as an eighteen-year-old pregnant girl, hoping to escape her past. Escape it she did, until it ran her down. My deal is set. And the best part of the bargain?
Gaining Rayne for my very own.
Chasing her across the country wasn’t part of the plan, but it’s something I’ll gladly do if it means I can have her all to myself when the paperwork is signed and the prize is delivered.
Leaning my head back against the first-class leather seat, I close my eyes and wait for my anticipated landing in Wilmington.
Sometime later, I’m strolling through the despicable little airport in the coastal town I’ve never before visited. After gathering my luggage from baggage claim, I pull my cell phone out of my pocket and check it as I head for the exit.
Three missed calls from the investigator. This is either very good news, and I’ll have a lot less work to do than I expected, or it’s bad news.
Pushing the SEND button to return the call, I wait as it rings.
“Hello?”
Clearing my throat, I spot my driver holding up a sign with my name on it and veer off in his direction. “Mr. O’Shea? I see I have several missed calls. Good news or bad?”
My tone indicates that I’ll tolerate nothing less than the former.
“Sir. I followed her home from work this evening. It took me some time to figure out where she was working. But once I had her true last name and made the connection with her sister to the coworker, I found out that she’s found employment at a security company in town. After work, I followed her home.”
My hopes soar. “This is good! Send me the address, and I’ll have the car take me straight there. This can all be sorted out tonight!”
O’Shea clears his throat. “Well…”
My hope is quickly replaced with rage. “Well, what?”
“Someone spotted the tail. I wasn’t expecting him…I think it was one of the men who work for the security company. He was following me and cut me off at her home. I had to leave, but I’m guessing that they know I was following her, and that they’ll take action accordingly.”
As I climb into the Town Car idling at the curb in front of the airport, I pinch the bridge of my nose. I suck in deep lungfuls of air, trying to calm my temper before I explode.
“You stupid son of a bitch. Aren’t you a professional? How could you have been discovered?” My voice is deadly calm, hiding the fact that if Kevin O’Shea were in my presence right now, I’d have him by the throat.
“He seems…trained. He knew what to look for. He knew how to cut me off before I could pause in front of her home. I’m sorry, sir. But I promise you, I will continue to gather information on Miss Alexander.”
Pulling the phone away from my ear, I stare at it for a moment. When I’m ready to speak again, my voice is nothing but a whisper.
“You’re damn right you will. Rayne Alexander belongs to me. You’ll will do whatever it takes. Do you understand me?”
I can practically hear Kevin O’Shea’s gulp from across the line. “Yes, sir. I do.”
Hanging up the phone, I relax while the driver hired by my new business partner chauffeurs me to my hotel.
I don’t know who the new player is, the one who saved Rayne from my private investigator’s prying eyes, but I will not be thwarted.
She will be mine.
9
Rayne
No. No. No.
It’s not supposed to happen this way.
I grip Decker’s hand in mine, probably a little too tightly. Without glancing at Jeremy, because I’m delaying that as long as possible, I tow Deck back to Macy.
“Sweetheart, will you stay at Jay’s house for just a little bit longer?” I turn to Macy with a pleading glance. “Be over to get him in a few minutes?”
Her eyes flick from Jeremy to me, down to Decker, and back to me.
“Go ahead boys. You can help me make individual pizzas for dinner.”
Decker and Jay high-five. Jay immediately turns and heads back for his house, but Decker turns back toward me. His face is full of concern. “Mom? Everything okay?”
My gut clenches, and my eyes fill with tears that I will not shed in front of my son. Clearing my throat, I nod and offer him a bright smile. “Yep. Just need to talk to my friend from work for a few minutes. Then I’ll
be right over.”
He glances toward Jeremy, unsure. But he finally turns and follows Jay back into the house.
Macy eyes at me, folding her arms across her chest. Keeping her voice low, so Jeremy won’t hear, she addresses me. “Do you need anything? Want me to call anyone?”
I shake my head. “No, please don’t. It’s not what you think, Macy. This is…I know and trust Jeremy. I promise you that’s the truth.”
She scrutinizes me. Whatever she’s searching for, she must have found, because she reaches out and squeezes my shoulder. “I can keep Decker as long as you want me to.”
I squeeze back, giving her a grateful smile. Even though smiling is the very last thing I feel like doing at this moment.
“Thank you, Macy.”
With one last warning glance at Jeremy, she heads inside after the boys.
Slowly, I turn to face him. The look on his face almost brings me to my knees.
He’s staring at Macy’s house, following the path Decker took with his eyes. I can almost see the wheels in his brain turning, turning, turning. His face is ghost-white, and he’s repeatedly running his hands through his hair.
“Jeremy?”
When he turns his gaze on me, there’s so much torment in his eyes I need to look away. I want to look away, but I can’t. I’m tethered to that gaze, whether I want to be or not. He takes a step closer to me, and I plead with my eyes.
“Jeremy—”
He holds up one finger, walking until we’re closer. “You have a son?”
The words are broken. Like he swallowed shards of glass before he spoke them. My tears spill out, running down my face. I don’t bother to wipe them. Inside my chest, my heart constricts, squeezing tighter and tighter until I know it must be failing.
Because Jeremy’s is.
“Yes.” The word falls out on a sob.
Jeremy’s teeth clench together and his hands ball into fists. His eyes, sometimes the color of a calm green pasture, turn into a torrential storm.
“How old is he?” The words are like bullets, each one slamming into me with brute force.
“Jer—” I choke on the word, unable to get it out.
Jeremy’s voice rises. “How old is he?”
“Eight!” I scream. “He’s eight, Jeremy. He was born exactly seven months after I left you.”
Knowing I need to escape the look in his eyes, I turn and flee. I run for my house, but I don’t bother to close and lock the door. I know, without a doubt, that Jeremy would knock it down right now.
And after hearing what he said about his grandparents, I had been thinking about how involved Jeremy was. But seeing his reaction right now slices me open: I made a mistake. He had no clue what they, along with my own parents, did to me all those years ago. He was a victim of their cruelty, of their insistent need to control everything, just like I was.
But I didn’t know. They fed me lies.
Sitting on the couch, I’m finally swiping at the streaming tears, staring at the door when Jeremy walks through it.
He’s like a hurricane, filling up the room with his presence. His energy swirls all around me, pressing in from all sides. But I keep my eyes glued to my hands, which are folded in my lap.
He doesn’t sit beside me.
Instead, he paces the room. His footsteps heavy and thudding against the hardwood floors. When he speaks, his voice is stronger than it was outside, but it’s so full of anger and turmoil that I rock backward, like I’ve been punched.
“I have a son? God, Rayne…I have a son?”
The silence between us grows, stretches, distorts.
Finally, I look up at him. I look him straight in the eye, because he deserves that. “Yes, Jeremy. You have a son. He’s…he’s my whole world. And he’s amazing.”
All the air leaves him in one breath. His body sags as he crouches on the ground, one hand brushing the hardwood planks while his forehead rests against the other palm. His eyes are squeezed shut.
I wait. My limbs are frozen, my eyes never leaving his face. The air in the room grows thick, heavy, almost oppressive as I wait for his response.
Finally, he looks up at me, falling back onto his butt and pulling his knees up. The emotion in his eyes is devastating.
“What did I ever do to you?” His voice is trembling with his heartbreak.
“Nothing!” I swipe at my eyes.
“Then why would you keep this from me? My son? Why would you take off all those years ago without saying a thing?”
Unable to help myself any longer, I rise from the couch and make my way across the living room to where he sits. Crouching down beside him, I reach out and stroke the side of his face with my hand. He flinches but doesn’t pull completely away. The hurt in his eyes slices through me, threatening to cut me down altogether.
“I’m so, so sorry, Jeremy. I made a mistake…I should have talked to you. I thought you didn’t want me, or us.” I indicate myself and toward the home next-door, where Decker is staying with Macy and Jay.
His expression turns to a mask of bewilderment. “Why the hell would you think that?”
Sighing, I know I’m not ready to tell him this story. But it’s not about me anymore. Because of my choice not to trust him all those years ago, my son has missed out on eight years with his father.
And Jeremy has missed vital time with his son.
I retreat back to the couch, and Jeremy follows me. When I sit down, he perches beside me, his intent gaze watching me, waiting.
“When I got pregnant senior year, I was so scared, Jeremy. I didn’t know what you would think. I thought maybe you’d think I was trapping you here in Wilmington with me, when I knew you wanted a future in football anywhere but here.”
His gaze is laser-focused on me. “You meant more to me then than any football career.”
I take a shuddering breath. “I had hoped you’d feel that way, and I was going to tell you no matter what. But I told my parents first.”
He winces, because Jeremy knew my parents back then. Strict, iron-fisted Catholics, my pregnancy devastated them.
“They were so ashamed of me, Jer.” I glance down at my hands, all that shame and the feeling of abandonment washing over me again like I’m back there in that time.
I suck in a sharp gasp when Jeremy’s big, warm hand covers mine. He squeezes gently, encouraging me to go on. But if I look at him right now, I’ll lose it. So I stare at our hands and continue with my story.
“They went to your grandparents. The adults talked it out, made decisions without either you or me. Your grandparents insisted that we let them tell you, and that everyone would make a decision accordingly after that.
“It was right before winter break, and my parents took Olive and me on vacation to the mountains, remember? Well, they sat me down and told me that your grandparents had called and told them you didn’t want to have anything to do with me or the baby. That it would ruin your future, and it wasn’t what you wanted.”
Now I glance at him. His eyes are wide, disbelieving.
“I swear to you on all that is holy, they never told me, Rayne. They never told me.”
I nod, sending him a small, sad smile. “I starting wondering about that when I spoke to you the other day. I finally realized that maybe everything wasn’t as it seemed then.”
He pulls our joined hands to his mouth, just resting them there. He squeezes his eyes shut for a moment, and I just wait, watching him. Finally, he opens them and squeezes my hand again.
“Keep going, Rayne. What happened next? You never came back from that trip. Why?”
The urgency in his voice is strong; the desperation in his gaze signals he needs to know the ending of this story more than anything else in the world right now.
“My parents told me they were taking me to a doctor’s office for a prenatal checkup.”
My voice breaks on the last word, and Jeremy brings my hand to his lips. He holds my hand in both of his, holding me steady when I’m trying
my hardest not to fall apart.
“Only it wasn’t a doctor’s office. It was an abortion clinic. They’d accepted money from your grandparents to have the baby aborted, and extra cash to boot. I was so devastated, Jeremy. So hurt and scared and…alone.”
Tears roll down my face as I remember how I felt that day all those years ago. Finally, I thought my parents were going to be there for me during this ordeal, that they were going to support me. I’d already decided I was going to keep our baby. It was part of me and part of Jeremy, and I wanted that.
Sniffing, I wipe my eyes. My voice is filled with irate venom. “Devout Catholics, my ass. Their daughter creates one scandal, and they’re willing to go against their beliefs. Ironic, huh?”
When I glance up at Jeremy, his eyes are brimming with his own unshed tears. He grabs the back of my head and pulls me in until our foreheads are touching.
“I wish I could have been there for you. I would have been there for you.” His whispered words work as a healing balm, soothing the scar tissue left from years of hurt and anger.
“But I didn’t know that. I’d been told that you wanted nothing to do with our baby, and that broke me, Jeremy. Even after I’d given birth, the thought of finding you and introducing you to our son after you’d rejected us once…I just couldn’t go through that again.”
We locked eyes, and the pain swimming in his mirrored the ache I felt down to my soul.
“I left that clinic and never looked back. I ran, Jeremy. I ran and my grandmother got me to Phoenix. I’ve never spoken to my parents since, but Olive is in Decker’s life.”
Jeremy pulls back, a small smile crossing his face for the first time. “Decker? That’s his name?”
Unexpected shyness blossoms inside me, and I nod. “Decker James.”
He tests out his son’s name for the first time. “Decker James.”
As I stare at him it once again dawns on me just how hard it was doing it all without Jeremy. Believing what they wanted me to believe, that he didn’t love me. That he didn’t want our baby. It wrecked me in so many ways, changed who I am inside. I couldn’t recover from that rejection, not just for me but for my child, so I had to bury it deep and keep moving forward.