by Bee Douglas
“That’s bullshit. She didn’t do anything.”
I told Nora over and over again that she wasn’t at fault. Lennox had used the damn crystal. Once he made contact, it weakened me greatly. And when he stabbed me as deep as he did, I was convinced I was going to die. But I didn’t. And she had nothing to do with how any of that went down. If anything, she saved me.
“And yet, she broke down in the middle of it all. Kane, she was sure she killed you,” he tells me, leaning his elbows on his knees. “When she finally calmed down, Willow had to practically drag her away from you to get cleaned up.”
“She’s stubborn,” I say. The ball of guilt grows in the pit of my stomach.
Royce lets out a frustrated sigh. “When I checked on you in the middle of the night, she was latched on tightly to you. She was mumbling something. At first, I thought she was still awake. Did you know she talks in her sleep?” I nod. “She kept going on and on about never again and saving him.”
“Why are you telling me this?”
“Both of you are living with so much pent up guilt and denial that it’s causing more harm than good.”
I sit up, catching his gaze from across the room. I shake my head, daring him to say another word. His mouth opens. Biting down on the inside of my cheek, I stand and walk out of the room.
Royce’s footsteps pad against the wood floor as he follows close behind me. “People don’t feel those kinds of emotions without there being a connection.” I walk faster, practically running down the stairs. “I know how she feels about you. There’s no denying that. But have you developed some type of feelings for her? Have you-”
“I love her, okay?!” I bellow, stopping in my tracks.
My grasp on the railing makes fear that I might break it, but I can’t help holding on even tighter. Every emotion and thought I’ve been trying to keep tethered inside of me comes whipping out, completely unleashed. Royce touches my shoulder, but I shrug him off.
“Then you need to do whatever needs to be done to keep her safe,” he says in a grave voice. “If that means getting her out of here? Then go. If adding distance between you two will help, you need to start walking.”
“Oh, please,” I bite out. Turning on my heel, I glare up at him. “How can you even stand there and say that to me knowing damn well you still haven’t left Willow alone?”
His face falls. A mixture of anger and fear clouds his eyes. “I can stand here and tell you that because I know you. You are stronger than I am. You can get up and walk out of here, never looking back.” His voice softens as he walks down another step. “I can’t leave here, not without Willow, but you can.”
“No I can’t, Royce.”
“Why?”
Taking a deep breath, I finally say out loud what’s been weighing my mind down these many weeks. “I can care less about what happens to me. Death can walk in here right now and void out my entire existence. As long as she’s okay, as long as she lives, that’s my only care in the world. Asking me to leave is like asking me to drive that witch's blade into my own heart over and over again. I physically can’t.”
“Then when she wakes up,” he levels with me, “you need to take her and run.”
...
Royce’s words haunt me long into the night. Between his blunt admissions and worrisome plea, I’m not sure which lingered in my mind the longest. I know he and Willow didn’t exactly end things the way they were supposed to, but I never knew his feelings for her were that strong.
As long as I’ve known him, Royce has taken every moment of this second life to go out and experience as much as he can. In between reaping souls, he was always out finding some party or exhibit to visit. The finest wines and rarest steaks - things that most people wouldn’t pair a second chance dead guy with. The fact that he found such a strong and true love shouldn’t come to a shock to me. But then again, creating any type of relationship with humans has never been on my agenda. Finding love has never crossed my mind. Any yet, as I stare at my Banshee, I can’t imagine not having her in my life. She’s become vital to me.
“You need to take her and run.”
Running might actually be the only way to keep her safe. But without unlocking the full potential of her abilities? I’d just be tightening the knot before placing the noose around her neck. All I’ve fucking done is put her in danger. I’ve thrown her in harm’s way while teasing with all the hazards life offers. We at least have Death on our side now. Steal her away? There’s nowhere we could go that wouldn’t be sought out. Death gets what Death wants. Always.
I lean my head against the door jam. How could one night, one soul reaping, have led to all this?
The sound of Yvette’s chanting starts to becoming audible again. It starts low enough that only a canine could hear it, but then it gets louder. Breathy words grow into a whisper, and then to her usual speaking level. I pull myself up of the ground. The air around their bodies pick up, twirling around like an indoor tornado. The flames of the candles begin to flickers, barely staying lit. Even the pages of the witch’s book flip wickedly.
“What the fuck is going on?” Royce comes bounding down the staircase. In just his pajama pants, all of the scars from his own fights are visible - raised marks light against his dark skin.
He comes to stand next to me, watching as chaos whirls around the room. And in a moment’s time, a gust of wind bursts out as they land on the ground. My first instinct is to rush over to Nora, but Yvette’s warning forces me to stand still.
“Then I will be trapped inside her mind. The stronger mind will win over. And I can guarantee you that it won’t be her.”
Adrenaline courses through my body, making it harder to breathe. Royce goes to take a step in the room, but I hold my arm out, blocking him. Yvette’s voice rises higher and higher. When she hits the point in which she’s practically shouting, Nora lets out one of her haunting screams.
And then... silence.
...
Turning the bathtub faucet, I let a mass of water stream down. I plug the drain and let it fill up after testing the temperature. I even toss in some salts and shit Royce has stashed under his bathroom sink.
Nora sits patiently on the closed lid of the toilet. The shadows around her eyes make them look sunken, but the slightest light shines brightly in them as she watches my every move. Kneeling down in front of her, I peel off the socks on her feet, kissing each instep before setting them on the ground. The corners of her mouth tilt up. I reach for the hem of the shirt, sliding it up and over her head. Over a week without food has caused her skin to hug tightly to her bones. A weight lands deep in the pit of my stomach.
“Always so beautiful,” I say to her, hoping she doesn’t notice the guilt writhing in my veins.
She runs her fingers along my jaw as her eyes roam my face.
Taking her hands in mine, I pull them away. “Stand up.” Using the sink counter for support, she rises. I slip my fingers under the band of the cotton pants and slide those down, pooling them around her feet.
Standing up myself, I guide her to the tub and help her inside. Her skin instantly covers in goosebumps as she sinks into the water.
Nora lets out a quiet moan as she relaxes in the water. “This is perfect,” she mutters. The words are hoarse. As much as I love her voice, the damaged sound reminds me of how much I’ve let her down. “Thank you.”
I grab a sponge and dunk it in the water. I run it over her skin, taking in how each of her muscles slowly relax. Her eyes close as she rests her head on the ceramic lip of the tub.
Seeing how strong of a woman Nora is each and every day, moments like this make me treasure her even more. She is human - partly. While she desperately tries to hold up her wall mortared from fake smiles, sleepless hours, and selfless acts, even she needs a break. She needs someone to take care of her, to rub her muscles after a long day, and hold her close when everything goes wrong. I am the last person she should pull close to her at night. I don’t have a shining armor
tucked away. There aren’t any heads from dragons or evil goblins mounted on my walls. I’m the monster under the bed. I’m the demented shadowed figures the moonlight casts in the window. But I’ll be damned if I let another man save her day. I may be a nightmare, but as long as she lets me, I’ll make sure to keep all the fucking boogiemen away from her.
“Where’d you go?” Her voice pulls me back to reality.
I offer her a weak smile. “How are you feeling?”
Her eyes fall to where her knees poke out of the water. “I’m alive.” I choke down the bile rising in my stomach. “It was terrible. The pain. From that girl? And then flashes from all those people I kept running into? It was unbearable. But then there was Royce.”
“But then there was Royce.”
Her expression grows distant. Her brow tenses and her lips purse. “Then it grew hazy. Not like a fog haze,” she says, catching my gaze. “It was like a window had broken. All the pieces landed in the snow outside. I kept feeling around in the cold, trying to pick them up.” She holds her hands in front of her face, checking them over. “I kept cutting my hands - stabbing them. The snow turned red. And just when I got some of the shard to piece together, they broke even more.”
I reach out, taking her hands in mine. Even after soaking in the warm water, her fingertips are still cold. Cold like they had been frozen in the snow. I press them to my lips, trying to kiss away the memories.
“You’re here now,” I say. “You’re back and I won’t let you slip away again.”
29
Nora
After I soak in the bath for a while, Kane lifts me out. He even dries me off. It’s something I’d normally feel self-conscious about, but with how weak my body is, it’s comforting. Years of taking care of other people, it’s nice to have someone take care of me for once.
“I can walk,” I say as he wraps a towel around me. It’s large enough that I feel like I’m swimming in it.
Kane ignores me, swooping me up in his arms. He carries me without strain. There’s no way I’m that light, but, again, it’s nice. I rest my head on his shoulder as he walks through the upstairs. Royce gave us a room to stay in for the time being. We aren’t homeless by any means, but I guess being in a miniature coma can put a damper on a few things. Even if he had Singh pull up and wait for us, someone would have seen a body being hauled out of the house.
Using his barefoot, Kane pushes the door open. It’s a small room, but it has a daybed and recliner. “You might want to ask your friend for his interior decorator’s number,” I joke. The slightest smirk cracks his lips.
He gently places me on the stiff bed. Kane uses the towel to dab the rest of the water droplets dry; his touch soft, yet cautious. I try catching his gaze, but he keeps it locked on his hands.
“Kane,” I speak his name slowly, hoping to pull his attention to me. Nothing. I reach out, tilting his head up. But even then, he doesn’t look directly in my eyes.
Ever since I woke up on the floor of Royce’s living room, Kane has been distant. He touches me like I’m fragile porcelain. He speaks in a tone filled with thought-out words. He hasn’t let me out of his sight. He barely lets me walk on my own. This person looks like Kane. They even have the same shade of eyes and sharp cut jawline. And yet, it’s not him. This man, the one that’s been my rock through this torrential storm, has been misplaced.
Leaning down, I press my lips to his. Even though his lips move to kiss me back, it’s not Kane’s kiss. Pulling away, I search his coppery eyes. “What is it?”
“Nothing,” he murmurs.
I rip the towel out of my hands and cover myself. The bastard has the nerve to paint a confused expression on his face. “What happened to you while I was out?”
What happened to you while I was out? I sound like I was asking him what happened to the laundry while I was out getting groceries. Pathetic.
Kane shakes his head. He stands up, creating more space between us. In the moonlight that streams through the windows, I can see how tense he is. His muscles pulled taunt.
“It’s nothing, Nora.”
“It’s something.”
He lets out a sigh, running a hand through his hair. “It’s nothing for you to stress yourself over.” I let out a cynical laugh, which makes him whip around. He’s fighting back one of his menacing glares. “You were gone, Nora. I was able to hold you in my arm, but I couldn’t wake you. But now you’re here. You’re awake. I’m not going to do a damn thing to endanger that.”
I knot the towel around me. It’s takes a lot more energy than I anticipated to stand and face him. Not that it’s something I’m going to admit to him. I’m not going to tell him that it feels like I’m walking around in skin too tight for my body. That with every breath I take, I fear my ribs might splinter at the seams.
“Go sit down,” he chides. “You need to rest.”
“Don’t you think I’ve rested enough?” He flinches at my words. Regret churns my stomach.
I take one of his hands and uncurl it from the fist he’s balled it into. Placing it on my chest, I hope he’s able to feel how fast my heart beats being this close to him. “I’m here. Do you feel that?” He swallows hard. “I’m not going anywhere. I’m not leaving you.”
His expression is pained. Pulling his hand away, he runs it over his face. The shadows under his eyes darken. “Don’t say that.”
“Well, I did,” I retort, slightly taken aback from his comment.
“I’m the last person you should say that to. You shouldn’t even want to be in the same room with me, let alone standing there like that.” He gestures to the towel covering my body.
I level my voice, taking a step back. “And what about this?” The moment I unknot the towel and let it fall to the ground, a strained groan draws from inside him.
Unlike in the bathroom, he doesn’t look at me as if I’m wounded and need care. No. His gaze turns into that of a predator.
But his words completely contradict his expression. “Cover yourself back up.”
Now it’s my turn to flinch at his words. Never once has Kane made me feel unwanted, not since we finally gave into one another. It’s been the opposite. He always left me feeling as if I’d never go unwanted, even years down the line.
Tears rim my eyes. “All you had to do is tell me that you no longer want me,” I say, pissed at the way my voice cracks. I grab the towel off the floor and wrap it around me once more, then walk to the door. But as I grab hold of the doorknob, I can feel Kane standing a few inches away.
“You think this is about sex?” Storm clouds rumble in his eyes.
I shake my head, trying to keep from crying. “There’s no other reason. You were pissed that I didn’t touch you. I wanted you to heal. And now, you won’t even look at me. You brushed off Vivian easily, so why would it be any different for me?”
“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” he mumbles under his breath. “You don’t know what you put me through.”
“What I put you through?” He raises his eyebrows as if it were an obvious thing. “I didn’t do a damn thing to you.”
He lets out a jeering laugh. “You drove me insane, Nora. Hearing you scream and not being able to get to you was like I was burning in my own personal Hell. Seeing what that fucking witch had done to you? And not knowing if you were even going to live?”
“None of that was my doing. I wasn’t out there thinking, ‘Hmmm... what can I do to make Kane’s life miserable?’. And I couldn’t tell you about my training with Yvette, because you would’ve put a stop to it.”
“Damn right I would have. She could have killed you.”
I roll my eyes, pulling the towel tighter. “No, Kane. Not pushing myself would’ve killed me.” His jaw sets. “If I don’t work at this, I’ll never be able to tame my Banshee powers. You need to stop treating me like a child.”
His eyes begin to smolder. The way he prowls closer makes me hesitant. Each step he takes, I match backwards. Kane towers over me, star
ing down like he’s ready to pounce at any given moment. He takes my hand and places it against the crotch of his pants. I’m met with the outline of him, hard and ready.
“If I thought of you as a child, do think you’d have this effect on me?” His voice has dropped, causing a shiver to crawl up my spine. “If I no longer want you, why do I have to restrain myself from touching you?”
“Don’t.” Having him this close, knowing that he’s practically a caged animal, puts me at a loss for words. And yet, this is a beast that I want to come take a bite.
He squeezes his eyes shut, forcing deep breaths. “I can’t.”
“You can’t or you won’t?”
“Do you still not understand?” he asks, opening his eyes. Lightning now joins the storm. “Not being able to get to you - not being able to save you - it killed me, Nora.” This is the second time he’s truly taken me by surprise with his admissions today. “Do you not see what you’ve done to me? You’ve gotten under my skin and in my head. Fuck, I can’t even think straight.”
I place my hand on his chest. “You think you’re the only one?” His heart races a mile a minute. “I thought I lost you in that alley way. I’m a nurse. I train for this type of stuff. But seeing you in a pool of your own blood, I froze. If it wasn’t for Yvette or Willow, you might be dead right now. That’s why I pushed myself while you were laid up. I didn’t want to be helpless anymore. I didn’t want to cower in the corner. I want to be able to stand up for myself. That way, next time, I won’t hesitate when it comes to you.”
Kane’s forehead creases. He wraps a wet tendril of my hair around his finger. “No,” he finally says. “That’s something you will never have to worry about. The only life you need to worry about keeping alive is your own. I’ve lived mine. This? Right now? It’s some fucked up second chance. It doesn’t count.”