by Karen Lynch
The girl shuddered, and warmth flooded my arm, slowly spreading to the rest of my body. It was nice, like sinking into a hot bath on a cold night.
Lukas reached up and felt around in her hair, and when his hand reappeared, it held the goddess stone. His jaw was hard with determination when he closed his hand into a fist, and placed his other one flat over the girl’s heart. He spoke softly in Fae, and the only word I recognized was Aedhna. He was praying to the goddess.
Waves of blue magic poured from his hand and into the girl. I felt the pressure of a hand against my chest, but when I looked down, there was no one touching me. The sensation stayed even when I rubbed at the spot.
The girl began to shake as heat built behind my ribs. I shifted uneasily as my chest cavity grew warmer. It felt like there was a metal band around my heart that was slowly getting tighter and hotter.
The magic turned a brighter blue, and I released a breath when the uncomfortable heat in my chest abated.
The girl’s back bowed suddenly like she was having a seizure. A second later, scalding heat erupted in my chest, burning the oxygen in my lungs. I tried to inhale, but my windpipe was blocked. I clawed at my throat as black spots floated before my eyes.
The fire receded, and I sucked in a lungful of air. I managed two breaths before the heat came again. This time, it raced through my torso, down my spine, and along my arms and legs. The heat saturated muscles, cartilage, and bones, growing hotter and hotter until I doubled over in agony.
I fell screaming to my knees when blinding pain exploded in my skull. My eyeballs were burning in their sockets, and I curled my fingers to gouge them out and end the excruciating pain.
Something cold touched my forehead, and the pain in my head lessened to where it was barely tolerable. I opened my eyes to see it was Aedhna’s hand that had eased the pain. I looked at her through my tears, and her ageless face was etched in remorse.
“This was not part of my plan for you, my child,” she said gently. “You were supposed to return the ke’tain to its rightful place and go on with your mortal life.” Her other hand cupped my chin. “You have new trials ahead of you, but know that I believe in you. You are strong and brave and worthy of any challenge. And you will not be alone. Trust your friends, and let them guide you.”
“Now,” Lukas shouted harshly.
Out of the fog stepped Faolin, who knelt at the girl’s head. Next came Iian and Kerr, who took positions at her feet. Conlan and Faris appeared last to kneel on either side of her.
Conlan and Faris took the girl’s hands in theirs while the other three touched her head and feet. They all looked at Lukas as if they were waiting for him to speak. He held out the hand with the stone in it, and the five of them layered their hands over the stone. Lukas nodded, and magic in different shades of blue and green poured from their free hands to envelop the girl.
Not even Aedhna’s cool touch could hold back the inferno this time. It felt like my blood had been turned to gasoline and set ablaze. I writhed on the ground as the fire consumed me, incinerating me from the inside out. Soon there would be nothing left of me but ash, floating forever in this endless foggy world.
And then a bomb detonated inside my skull. There was no more pain, no more me. Only blessed, blessed nothingness.
Chapter 21
I woke slowly. My entire body felt like it was wrapped in cool silk, and I didn’t know if it was real or part of a wonderful dream. I wanted to stay like this and not wake up to have it disappear.
Flashes of another dream tried to intrude on my bliss, but I pushed the images away, except for one. There was something about the beautiful, silver-haired woman that was comforting and familiar. I wanted to remember her.
I had no idea how long I drifted in that pleasant state of being only half awake, before my body decided it was done with sleep. The first thing I noticed before I opened my eyes was that I could still feel the deliciously cool material against my skin. The second thing was the amount of bare skin exposed to it. I rubbed my legs together. Why wasn’t I wearing my sleep pants?
My eyes opened, and I stared up at the high ceiling. I let my gaze fall to the dresser across the room, and then to the dark red bedspread covering me. My pulse jumped. What was I doing in Lukas’s bed? The last thing I could recall clearly was Conlan stepping out of a portal into the living room with me in his arms. I had the ke’tain. And Conlan… He’d been shot!
I bolted upright, staring around the very masculine room. I gasped when my eyes met those of the faerie sitting in a chair beside the bed. Lukas watched me with an unreadable expression that unnerved me.
I jerked the covers to my chin. “What am I doing here? Where are my clothes? Where’s Conlan?”
Something flickered in Lukas’s eyes and was gone. “You’re here because you’ve been recovering, and there’s a bag in the closet with some of your clothes in it. As for Conlan, I believe he is downstairs with the others.”
“He’s okay then?”
Lukas smiled. “Yes, and he’ll be delighted to hear that your first thought upon waking was his health.”
“Well, he did take a bullet for me.” Conlan was going to milk that as long as he could, but he had saved my life. I looked down at the bedspread covering everything but my head. “How long have I been here, and what am I recovering from?”
Lukas’s expression darkened. “You don’t remember any of it? The hospital?”
“No.” Panic made my voice higher than normal. “I was in the hospital?”
He left the chair to sit on the edge of the king bed. There was still at least three feet between us, but it might as well have been three inches. His presence was comforting and disquieting at the same time.
He met my gaze again, and a small pit of dread opened in my stomach. I knew that look. It was the same one Dr. Reddy had given me when he’d told me my parents had to be placed in a medically-induced coma. It was the kind of look someone had when they were about to give you bad news.
“You were shot,” Lukas said in an easy tone. “The bullet went through Conlan and into you.”
“What?” I quickly took stock of my body, but I didn’t hurt anywhere. “But I feel fine.”
“The bullet hit you in the chest. When Conlan took you through the portal, it destroyed the bullet, but it couldn’t heal you. We got you to the hospital, and they worked on you for hours, but there was too much damage to your heart. As far as I could tell, the ke’tain was somehow keeping you alive. We think it was the reason you were able to survive the portal as well.”
As Lukas spoke, flashes came to me of bright lights, machines beeping, my mother’s voice, and him asking me to forgive him. But I’d already forgiven him for what happened at Rogin’s.
I swallowed dryly, wishing I had some water. “The ke’tain saved my life?”
Something shifted in his expression. For the first time since I met him, he looked reluctant to speak. Suddenly, I didn’t want to hear whatever he was going to say.
“You were dying. The ke’tain was only delaying the inevitable.” He paused. “I told your father I would try to save you with his permission. We knew there was a good chance you would die whether I did it or not.”
“Did what?” I asked warily. Lukas was one of the most powerful faeries in his realm, but Fae magic couldn’t heal humans. That had been tried numerous times over the years to no avail.
He let out a breath. “The only thing that could be done. I made you Fae.”
“That’s not funny, Lukas.”
He didn’t smile.
I shook my head slowly as my heart began to race. “No. I’m too old.”
“You were,” he admitted. “But you also have something no other human does – a goddess stone. I used it to amplify all of our magic and the magic in my blood that was pumped into your veins. Together, we were strong enough to complete the conversion.”
“No!” I scrambled away from him toward the other side of the bed. Throwing off the covers, I jump
ed out and ran to the bathroom, slamming the door behind me.
I gripped the edge of the marble vanity and fought to control my breathing. He was lying. I didn’t know what game he was playing, but I was not a faerie.
I straightened and looked at myself in the large mirror. The first thing I saw was Dad’s old U2 T-shirt I’d stolen from him two years ago. It was from the first concert he and Mom had gone to, and seeing it calmed me a little.
My eyes lifted to my face, and my hands trembled in relief when I saw the same reflection I’d looked at in the mirror my entire life. Faeries didn’t have red hair or freckles. They had flawless skin, straight, shiny hair, and perfect teeth. I bared my teeth, and there was the bottom tooth that was still slightly crooked after two years of braces.
“The conversion doesn’t change who you are.”
I jumped and spun to see Lukas filling the doorway. I’d been so consumed by panic that I hadn’t heard him open the door. His tone was kind, but his expression was the same one he used when he was prepared to win an argument.
“I feel exactly the same. I feel human.” I held up my hands. “See. No magic.”
“It doesn’t work that way,” he said patiently. “Humans who become Fae don’t have magic at first. It takes time for their bodies to adjust and to develop their magic.”
I cross my arms. “You’re telling me I look and feel human, but I’m not human?”
“Yes.”
I pushed past him and went around the bedroom, searching for something to prove I was right.
He followed me. “What are you looking for?”
“Iron,” I said as I reached for his closet doors. “If I’m a faerie, iron will affect me.”
“There’s no iron in this room.”
My hand paused in midair. Of course, he wouldn’t have iron in his bedroom, at least not in pure enough form to harm him. I went to the door. There had to be something iron in this building.
“Jesse, stop,” Lukas called.
I grabbed the doorknob and twisted it. “You don’t get to tell me what to do.”
“And you don’t want to go out there without pants.”
I froze and looked down. The T-shirt barely covered my underwear, and below that was a lot of bare skin. Under any other circumstances, being in a state of undress in front of Lukas would have made me pink with embarrassment. I was too upset and angry at the moment to care.
Stalking across the room, I threw open the closet doors and found the bag with my clothes in it. I dug around and pulled out a pair of jeans, a long-sleeved tee, and a bra. I turned to see Lukas watching me, and I scowled at him. “Do you mind?”
The corner of his mouth lifted, and he presented me with his back. I fumed as I dressed and dug some sneakers and socks from the bag. Glad one of us found this amusing.
Being in my own clothes gave me a semblance of normalcy and made me feel less vulnerable. I didn’t think Lukas would harm me or do anything inappropriate, but it felt like we were on more even footing now.
I didn’t say a word to him as I went to the door again and opened it, only to nearly trip over Kaia, who lay in front of it. The lamal rolled to her side to look up at me, making no move to get up.
“Kaia, move,” I ordered.
She leaped to her feet and stepped back, surprising the hell out of me. I walked past her to the top of the stairs and stopped, unsure if I should go up or down.
As if I’d spoken out loud, Lukas said, “If you tell me what you want, I can point you in the right direction.”
“Iron. The kind that would affect you,” I answered.
“Training room.”
I knew it. They used iron as a part of their training regimen. I ran up the stairs to the third floor and entered the training room, relieved to find it empty. I was not in the right state of mind to deal with anyone else.
Lukas followed me inside and went to one of the cabinets built into the wall. He walked over to me, carrying a wooden box that contained a length of iron chain, iron weights, and a pair of Agency shackles. He set the box on the floor at my feet and waved a hand at it.
I crouched beside the box, and my stomach twisted. What if he was telling the truth? What if I touched the iron, and it weakened me? I couldn’t be Fae. I didn’t know what I would do if I was no longer human.
“It won’t hurt,” he said softly. “It will only weaken you.”
Physical pain was the least of my fears as I reached into the box. I held my breath as my fingers made contact with the shackles, but I felt nothing. I picked them up, and still, I felt no different.
“Are these real Agency shackles?” I looked up at Lukas, who was watching me closely.
“You can’t tell?”
My chest expanded in elation. “No.”
He frowned. “Try the chain.”
I returned the shackles to the box and picked up the heavy chain with both hands. It was thicker than the chain we had in our supplies at home, but it looked like real iron. The disbelief on Lukas’s face when I glanced up at him told me it was.
“There you go.” I dropped the chain into the box triumphantly. “No faerie could hold all that iron without feeling it.”
He shook his head. “I can’t explain why the iron is not affecting you, but you are Fae, Jesse.”
“I look human, I feel human, I have no magic or Fae strength, and iron has zero effect on me – yet you say I’m a faerie.” I put up my hands. “I’m sorry, but I don’t believe you.”
His jaw flexed, and I could see my lack of trust bothered him. I couldn’t imagine one scenario where he’d have a reason to make up something like this, and it hurt to think he’d want to deceive me. But what was I supposed to think?
“Why would I lie to you, Jesse?” His tone was pacifying, but all it did was put me on edge.
“I don’t know.”
Lukas took a step toward me. “I know you’re Fae not only because I made you one, but because I can see your aura when I look at you.”
The sincerity in his eyes was too much. I had to get out of here and go somewhere I could think straight. I skirted around him, but he grabbed my arm.
“Let me go!” I strained against his hold, but he was too strong.
“I will, but I want to try something first.”
I stopped struggling and watched as he bent to pick up the shackles. He handed them to me, wincing slightly as I took them with my free hand. I had no idea what he was trying to prove. We already knew they didn’t affect me.
He reached around me, and I thought he was going to hug me until I felt a tug at my hair. He stepped back, and my stomach gave a tiny roll. A few seconds later, it was like he had attached weights to my wrists and ankles and placed a yolk around my shoulders. My entire body felt weighed down, and I barely had the energy to stand upright. I broke out in a cold sweat as bile rose in my throat, and my knees gave out.
Lukas caught me and took the shackles from my hand, tossing them into the box. The moment they were gone, I felt better. I was still weak, but the nausea was gone.
“I’m sorry. I had to do that.” He steadied me and held up his hand so I could see the red stone lying on his palm. “The goddess stone is protecting you from the iron. Without it, you’re as susceptible as any faerie new to this world.”
I pulled away from him. “This is my world.”
“You can live here, but Faerie is your world now.” His voice was firm, but it was the sympathy in his eyes that had me backing away as the room grew too warm.
I spun and took off. I raced down the stairs, not stopping at his room to get my things. It was getting harder to breathe, and I needed air. I had to get out of this building.
I came up short on the first floor when I saw Conlan standing in front of the door. My relief that he was healthy lasted as long as it took me to realize he was blocking the exit.
“Let me out,” I demanded, panting.
He raised his hands in a calming gesture. “It’s going to be okay, Jesse.”
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My chest rose and fell rapidly. “You can’t keep me here.”
“It’s for your safety,” Faris said. I turned to see him standing in the living room with Faolin, Iian, and Kerr. They all looked at me like I was a wild animal to be handled with caution.
“Your body can’t handle the iron out there yet,” Faolin said in his usual candid manner. “The wards here are shielding you. If you go outside now, it could kill you.”
Faris glared at his brother. “For the love of the goddess, Faolin.”
“Would you have me lie to her? She needs to be exposed gradually to this environment, or it will make her sick. Coddling her will not change that.”
“I’m not like you, and you can’t force me to stay.” I wrapped my arms around me as a cold sweat broke out all over my body, and my hands started to shake.
“Jesse, look at me,” Lukas said firmly.
I turned my head to see him two feet away from me. I hadn’t even heard him come down the stairs.
“Everyone in this room is your friend, and we’re going to help you through this. You’re frightened and upset, but running away won’t change anything.”
“You make it sound like she has a choice,” Faolin said. “She is Fae now, and this is her life. She has to adjust and learn that she has limitations in this realm.”
Conlan huffed. “She just woke up from a five-day sleep to find out her whole life has changed. Give the girl a break.”
Five days? The walls started to tilt and close in around me.
“It’s going to be okay, Jesse,” Lukas said as he held me from behind. “It’s just a panic attack. Breathe.”
I pulled away from him and moved toward the door still blocked by Conlan. I shoved at him and pummeled his chest with my fists, but he was immoveable. I screamed, but I didn’t know if it was in my head or out loud.
Lukas said something, but the words were lost in the roaring that filled my ears. And then Conlan stepped aside, and I was throwing open the door. I stumbled into the foyer and reached for the exterior door.