Before she could react he was on her, pushing her backward until she hit the door leading back into Holden’s courtroom. He held her arms up over her head. He had moved so quickly she hadn’t had time to resist. And when she tried to push back he held her without straining.
“You’re talking about your miserable crazy aunt Clarice? You think I didn’t know all the crap she was spewing about me? What good would it have done me to argue or deny anything. You were so stupid you didn’t realize all that crap came from being dumped by that asshole cheating husband of hers? And you judge me by what he did? How the hell could you have so little faith in me, you stupid cunt. I put my life on the line for you and you listen to your crazy aunt instead of talking to me?”
Then Lew was pulling him off of her and she realized he had banged her head into the wooden door and that she’d bitten into her lip when she hit her head. She looked down and saw blood dripping from her lip.
Linder touched her shoulder and said, “Are you alright, Debbie? My God, he assaulted you right outside the courtroom.”
Glaring at Bill, who was being pulled back by Lew, she said, “How damned arrogant can you get? Mr. Maitland, you may think you’re hot shit in here, but you don’t have the right to lay hands on your wife, assault her in front of everyone!”
Lew almost threw Bill behind him as he slipped between the couple.
“Let’s not get hysterical, Joyce. There’s no assault here. Bill and Debbie were arguing and he pushed her away from him. That’s not assault.
“The hell it isn’t. If there had been a bailiff or a cop out here, I’d be having him arrested right now.”
Two attorneys and their clients had stopped in the hallway and were staring. Lew stepped closer to Debbie and ignoring Joyce, said, “He wasn’t assaulting you, was he Debbie? Think about how you answer, because if you say the wrong thing, Bill could lose his job...and other things could happen...things you don’t want to happen. Think before you speak.”
She wanted to send the son of a bitch to jail, cost him his job...how had this happened? How had everything gone to hell in a few seconds? She had been angry at him, for letting everything go without even pretending to care...but...she hadn’t planned this. This was that anger Dr. Teller had been trying to figure out for the past month.
But, she thought about the implied threat Lew had leveled. A moment brought her back to rational thinking. She still couldn’t afford to have the emails released. And, from a practical standpoint, she had just left a tenured position at UNF to launch into a risky new administrative career. She couldn’t take the chance of jeopardizing Bill’s job. She still had two kids and she still wanted college for both of them.
“I’m fine,” she told a glaring Joyce. “I slipped and Bill tried to catch me but couldn’t stop me from banging my head against the door. That’s when I bit my lip.”
“Oh, for God’s sake. I don’t know why you’re doing this, but I’m an officer of the court and I’m not going to let him get away with manhandling you.”
Lew stepped in again.
“There were no other witnesses except you and me and I’m going to say that you were wrong. All you’ll do is stir up a shitstorm, and with my word against yours, nothing is going to happen. And your client doesn’t want you to do anything. How are you going to justify going forward, Joyce? Look, don’t let your...feelings about what happened with Norm...color your feelings about every man. I told you to be careful.”
“This isn’t about Norm, the son of a bitch, the uncaring bastard. How can you stand to be his partner, his friend?”
“Because he’s not interested in having sex with me, nor me him. I know what he is, but you went into it with your eyes open.”
“Let it go, Joyce, please. It’s my fault. Bill was trying to walk away. I went after him. And he didn’t hurt me. Please don’t do anything.”
She stared at Debbie for a minute, then at Lew and finally at Bill.
“I’m leaving, Debbie. I’ll send you the paperwork. And Maitland, you need to get yourself into an anger management class before you step into something your friends can’t clean up.”
When she had left, Lew grabbed Bill’s shoulder and said, “Let’s get out of here before she changes her mind. And please, stay the hell away from Debbie for awhile...at least until you both cool off.”
Debbie stepped between them, dabbing the blood off her lips.
“I’m sorry, Bill. That’s not what I intended. I just wanted to....close it out right. But....”
“There is no way to close it out right. What we had got ripped apart and right now I’m bleeding and I’m not safe to be around you. And you need to get some help, because I think Clarice might have made you crazy too. I’m not insulting you. I seriously think there’s something wrong with you.”
Then he let Lew pull him away. All the dreams of a civilized parting, remembering the good years, and it ended like this. She thought, “maybe he’s right. Maybe I am crazy. I know he makes me crazy.”
Friday, August 19– 12:30 P.M.
I had to go back to work to prepare for Judy Johansen, the killer granny, trial beginning the next week, but Lew was like a damned pit bull. He wouldn’t let go.
Finally, to get him out of my office, I said, “Okay, for God’s sake, let me get back to work. It’s only another day. But if you won’t leave, we’ll hit Pelicans tonight. I should be through by six or seven. Give me an hour and a half to hit the gym. Let’s say 9 p.m. I’ll meet you there.”
As he walked out of my office I took a moment to put my head into my hands and take a deep breath. It still felt like it should be pitch black with thunder and lighting and black ravens circling overhead. Something that had been very good, my world in reality, had come to an end today. I was going to live and make another life and another world for myself, but a good one had died.
And it was just another day. It should be more. I felt like I should load a boat with the relics of my marriage, and if I could make myself, Debbie’s blonde body, push it off shore like the old Vikings and have a really good marshmallow roast.
I’d have to settle for getting drunk with Lew tonight. Of course he’d try to get me laid. I didn’t need or want that. Twenty years of mostly happy times in a mostly happy marriage deserved a night or two of remembrance and mourning. But he would try. He was a better friend than I deserved.
I was feeling restless and it took me a moment to realize why. I got up and went to one of the perks of my office and drew back the curtain that hid a plate glass window. It didn’t face on the river so I was actually looking to the north. I could see the city skyline, what there was built to the north of the courthouse and State Attorney’s Office.
Most of the skyline was to the south of me, but far to the north was Blount Island, with its berth for visiting and semi-permanent cruise ships. Until today. The Bonne Chance had finished its several-month’s-long visit to Jacksonville today and in about four hours would be sailing to its next semi-permanent berth in the Port of Miami and from there to points south.
I had seen her in passing cars and walking on the sidewalk far below my office and standing on a corner as I drove by. I had seen her ass twitching away me and the curve of her hip thrust out as she waved to friends. I had seen her running with that long black hair flowing behind her. Of course, it was never her. And more than once – hell, almost every day - I had to fight the urge to call the ship or drive over there when it was berthed.
What could it hurt? Philippe was an ocean away and he had his own life. She was never going to leave him so we could play. I could hold her in the night. It had been nearly a month and I’d had no other women in my bed.
I felt stupid. I had run into Sheila a couple of times and every time I went up to see the Big man, Myra was there giving me unreadable glances and threatening me with button shrapnel. Heather and I continued to work together as the killer granny case neared its climax and more and more I could understand the appeal of older women.
&
nbsp; After Aline, I knew what I could have if I just could make myself reach out and take it. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t make myself take any other woman, and I had let her go. In a few hours she was going to be gone and I couldn’t make myself imagine ever running into her again. I had my life and she had hers. If I had taken what she’d offered, we’d at least have had a month. Now there was no more time.
I closed the blinds and walked heavily back to my desk. I’d be 42 in less than two weeks, and today I felt like I was 84!
Friday, August 19– 4:15 P.M.
“I don’t understand it, Dr. Teller. I was sad. Hell, I was about to start crying. I just wanted to talk to him. And out of nowhere, I was furious with him and he was attacking me. I understand how he feels. I really do. Intellectually. I know I made the first move that destroyed our marriage. But there I was blaming him again.”
Teller leaned forward, mirroring her leaning forward over the low coffee table.
“You ended a 20-year relationship today, Mrs. Bascomb. Even if you were the one who wanted out, people have mixed emotions. He is the father of your children. At one time you loved him. We don’t say when we get married, ‘I take this man, until I find someone better....’ Most people get married with the idea or hope of it being forever.
“It ended, and something died today. Even if it was only a dream you had when you were 21. People react differently to emotional stress. From what you’ve said, it’s obvious he was highly upset as well.
“I’m still not sure where your anger is coming from, although it’s clear that it has something to do with your Aunt Clarice’s abandonment, divorce and suicide. It appears that while your marriage had entered a dangerous phase before that, with his drawing away from you due to the demands of his job, that the anger and some of the more – hostile – actions you took and your sexual unhappiness, truly began in earnest after your aunt’s problems.”
“I know it got worse, but...”
He leaned back and looked at her with, a speculative glance. She was surprise to see his gaze traveling from her face to her breasts, hips and back again. It felt odd to have him look at her that way. It felt...insulting...in a way it didn’t with other men. Perhaps because in such a short time she had grown to trust him.
“What?” she said with a sharp undertone to her voice.
He glanced at her breasts again.
“Have you ever thought, Mrs. Bascomb, what an odd, ill-matched pair you and your ex-husband present – from a physical point of view?”
She looked over the swell of her breasts and then up to meet Teller’s eyes.
“I know Bill wasn’t any super stud from a physical standpoint. He was shorter than me – which was always a hard thing for him to take even when he told me it didn’t matter. And he was never muscular. He wasn’t a really – physical –guy. But he was smart and funny. He could always make me laugh. And I knew from the first time we ever went out that he was already in love with me.”
“I would imagine you’ve always been surrounded by rich, handsome, physically imposing men? How could you be attracted to a man such as your ex-husband?”
She looked down at the Rorschach pattern and spoke without looking at him.
“Doctor, I started developing breasts when I was 11 years old. I was a 36 D cup when I was 13. Despite my parents’ best efforts, I had sex with an 18-year-old boy when I was 12. By the time I was 15 I’d probably had sex with 20 guys, some of them grown men. One of them was one of my father’s friends. He bought me an album by a group I really really wanted. My dad would have killed him if he’d guessed.
“Having sex was no big deal. Having men come after me was nothing special before I got into high school. By the time I went to UF I’d had pretty guys, guys with really, really big cocks, college quarterbacks, rich guys. I never even had to go after them. They came after me.
“I guess it’s like owning your own restaurant. When you can have anything in the world you want to eat, you don’t get super-excited about having some special meal. It’s all food. What you care about is what YOU really like.
“I knew Bill would never match a lot of guys I’d had. But, I wanted him. He made me happy. And... after what he did....I knew it wasn’t just sex. It wasn’t just my body. I always knew that guys get tired of you eventually, no matter how hot you are. But I knew Bill never would.”
“And yet, he never thought he was tall enough for you. He had to compare himself to the men you’d been with before him. Any man would. Did his doubts ever...make you wonder about the wisdom of your union?”
“Yeah, I guess sometimes. I could read it in his eyes sometimes when we went to parties or some hot guy hit on me. I liked guys flirting with me. I liked the feel of a big hard dick rubbing up against my thigh and knowing the guy who owned that dick would chop off a nut to put it inside me. I was never going to do anything about it, except fuck Bill’s brains out after the party.
“But I could tell that he was hurt. And I’ve have to be extra special loving to him to make him feel better. And most of the time it was okay. But there were times...there were nights.. I wanted to kick his ass and tell him that I didn’t want to be his mother and hold his hand.
“I wasn’t in bed with those guys. I was in bed with him. He won me, not them. I wanted to tell him to be a man and grow some balls and treat me like I belonged to him, not like I was doing him a favor by being with him.”
Watching her Teller knew there were other factors at play, but Maitland’s lack of confidence had been a slow acting acid threatening his relationship with his wife. It wasn’t fair, but who said life was fair?
Debbie rubbed her eyes. She felt like she was getting a migraine.
“Doctor, I’ve been coming here a lot over the last month. I know you’ve helped me, but there are times I wonder, what’s the point? I don’t....don’t love my husband – ex-husband any more....and no matter how we got here, that’s where we are. Even if I find out what caused our marriage to crash and burn...it’s dead and gone. What’s the point?”
“You can stop coming here anytime you wish, Mrs. Bascomb. Whenever you reach the point that you feel you can deal with the pain in your life, there is no reason for you to continue.
“But if you do, resurrecting your marriage is not the point of your visits. You have emotions, you have feelings that have been causing you pain. When you find out why and what caused those emotions, you can deal with them. You may accept them, accept the end of your marriage and move on. You might find that what you truly feel is not what you think you feel. It’s possible to misunderstand what we are feeling, to misread our emotions.
“If you were happy with the end of your marriage, if you had accepted it and wanted to create a new life, you would do so. You’re still a young woman. And you’re stunningly beautiful and you could find another man.
“But at this point, even though you could, and you say you want to, you haven’t. That tells me you’re grappling with issues and emotions that you’re unwilling to confront.”
“Why the hell does life have to be so confusing, doctor? Why can’t things ever be simple?”
He grinned and she realized again how much she’d grown to like him in a month’s time.
“Because then I – and psychiatrists like me – would have to go out and get some real jobs...maybe become ER docs. I prefer working in the air conditioning away from blood and gore.”
Friday, August 19– 9 P.M.
I walked in and looked around. As usual Pelicans wasn’t completely mobbed this early, but it was still jumping. I’d changed to light colored blue slacks and an open-necked light blue Signature Twill shirt. Wearing black would have been just too depressing.
As usual when I entered, I stopped and looked around. I’ve never been a real party animal and unless I’m completely bombed, I tend to stand off a bit. It felt like going to a party in high school when I didn’t know a soul. Not seeing Lew, I headed toward the bar and was ordering a Bloody Mary, very heavy on the taba
sco with a half dozen green olives in the mix and I felt a tap on my shoulder and smelled a fragrance I should have known.
I turned around to look into Mona Walter’s dark eyes. She was as tall as I or maybe a hair taller, hair just as black but utterly different from Aline’s. A glance told me her svelte frame was poured into a classic little black dress and she had her high heels dangling from one finger.
As usual a little smile flickered on her lips, as if she was enjoying some private joke. Lew and I called it her Mona Lisa smile, and that’s what it looked like. She was a good match for Lew, both of them smarter than hell, young, no kids, both lawyers. You couldn’t get much better matched than that.
She leaned over and placed her lips on my cheek near my left ear and murmured, “My God, Lew told me you’d had a bad encounter with a stairwell, but....well, anyway, it makes you look dashing, if battered....Look, Lew was an asshole for dragging you out tonight, but his heart was in the right place. I was sorry to hear about you and Debbie. I would have called – both of you – but I had no idea what I should say.”
I held my Bloody Mary in one hand and her right hand in mine as I replied, “”How about, better luck next time? Just kidding. I didn’t know when you’d find the time. Every time I look around you’re flying off to some country or doing some charity event. It’s a wonder you and Lew ever find time to get together.”
The smile flickered for a moment as she said, “I wonder about that sometimes too. But, I just wanted to tell you I’m here for you if you want to talk...or a shoulder to cry on.”
I kissed her on the forehead, because despite the fact that I wasn’t much older than them I sometimes felt like a favorite uncle.
“Thanks, Mona, but I’ll be alright. Like they say, life goes on.”
I very ostentatiously ogled her body. She wasn’t built as big as Debbie, but what she had was very nice.
“Lew is a lucky man, and I keep telling him that.”
She hugged me and said, “You’re a dirty old man, but you have good taste. I know it’s early, but I have some girlfriends and some women I know from various organizations. I can send out the word that a very hot – and by the way if getting divorced has that kind of effect on a guy, I’ll have to ditch Lew - powerful guy is free to pursue....if you want me to.”
The Long Fall Page 57