by J. M. Walker
“What are you thinking about?” he asked, brushing his mouth along the shell of my ear.
“How we’re going to do this. I have to admit though. I’m scared.” I looked up at him then, getting lost in the dark eyes that had invaded my dreams since I was a kid.
“I know, baby.” He kissed my nose. “I’m scared too but our love is strong. I guess it took seven years of me being gone for me to realize that. I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry, Marley.”
“Hey.” I turned toward him. “No more sorries. You hear me? I’m willing to do this if you are. We’ll figure it out. Right? That’s what you told me.”
“I know.” He looked down at our joined hands in my lap.
“Spend the night with me. We’ll go to your grandfather’s funeral tomorrow and we’ll figure out everything else after. We’ll take this one day at a time, but I promise, Atlas. I’m not going anywhere.”
“Neither am I, Marley.” He pulled me into his arms and cradled me against him. “Neither am I.”
Atlas
With Marley’s hand in mine, I realized that I could conquer anything. It was funny in a way. I was ready to walk away. Not completely but long enough to give Marley some time. But I was not a patient man and went to her place instead. I had gotten the address from Ricki after throwing a couple hundred dollar bills his way. He never wanted to give me her address, but I had convinced him that it was an emergency, which it was, and he finally caved.
Marley squeezed my hand.
I looked down at her.
She gave me a soft smile.
My heart jumped.
Taking a deep breath, I looked ahead as the priest said a few more words about my grandfather and how much of a good man he was but that he was finally now with his wife, my grandmother. A half an hour later, the casket lowered into the ground. My dad had been an only child, so he went up to the casket and threw a bouquet of roses into the grave. He walked up to me, clapped my shoulder and stood beside me while he waited for me to do the same.
I didn’t know my grandfather well and I blamed my father for that. It seemed, I blamed him for a lot of things anymore.
I took the single red rose between my fingers and tossed it into the grave.
I’m sorry that I didn’t know you.
Too much time had been lost where I didn’t know those I loved, and I refused to let that continue to happen. I didn’t know my grandfather because I had moved. I didn’t know Marley because my dad had taken me away as a kid, but I came back. Seven years later but I still came back.
After the burial, Marley and I walked hand in hand to my rental car. I needed to head back to the city the next day. I didn’t want to. We had spent the previous night together cuddling and watching movies until we passed out on the couch and was almost late for the funeral.
I wanted that. I wanted more of that. Tonight. Tomorrow. Next week. For the next fifty years. I wanted to go to sleep in her arms and wake up next to her just the same. I needed more but I also knew that I couldn’t pressure her. Maybe a long-distance relationship would do us good. I wished we would have done it as kids, but communication wasn’t as easy then as it is now with social media being what is these days and all.
“Atlas?” Marley stepped in front of me, keeping her one hand in mine and placing the other on my chest. “You okay?”
“I’m just thinking how I have to leave tomorrow and head back to the city.” I had also spent the better part of the night wondering how hard it would be to set up an office in town, so I wouldn’t have to leave Marley. “Listen, I need to talk to you about something.”
“Oh?” She raised an eyebrow. “Don’t you think we’ve talked enough?”
I chuckled. “Never, baby.” I pinched her chin, placing a soft peck on her mouth. “I want to talk to you forever.”
A breathless laugh escaped her. “Good.”
“But I do need to run an idea by you.” I hooked an arm around her shoulders and opened the passenger door for her. “I’m not sure if you’ll go for it but you might. Because you love me and all.”
“Yeah I do.” She patted my chest. “Whatever it is, I’m sure it’s not that bad.”
“Oh, it’s definitely not bad but it’ll involve some changes. I’m sure my dad won’t be too happy about it.” He had been happy to move out of this town but like Marley, Shefford was my home. It only took leaving it to realize how much I was missing. Besides the woman standing in front of me, so many firsts happened here.
“Do you remember when we were caught making out by Ricki?” I asked Marley, leaning an arm on top of the passenger door. “The second time?”
“Oh yeah.” She giggled, a slight flush hitting her cheeks. “I thought that vein in his forehead was going to explode. Can you imagine what he would have done if he would have caught us a half an hour earlier?”
I grinned. “He would have seen me balls deep inside my girlfriend and smoking a joint at the same time. That was hot as hell.”
“It was.” She stood on tip toes and kissed my cheek. “Let’s go pay our respects to your dad at the reception. I’m sure you want to get this over with.”
“Yeah. I don’t know why he wouldn’t have the reception here,” I said more to myself than to her. Truth was, my father probably wanted out of this place more than anyone.
But before Marley could slip into the car, I grabbed her hand and stopped her. “Thank you.”
She frowned. “For what?”
“For not giving up on us and for giving me a second chance.”
Her cheeks reddened even more. “I love you, Atlas. I’ve always loved you. I think it took you leaving for me to realize just how much I actually missed you.”
“You’re incredible,” I told her, releasing her and letting her sit in the passenger seat. When she was buckled in, I shut the door and glanced out over the large field that sat behind my grandfather’s house.
The field went all around the town of Shefford. While my grandparents didn’t own the whole land, their house was the biggest in this area, so out of respect for them, their neighbors would give them the heads up whenever they were building on the land. To have that sort of respect was awe-inspiring. No matter what my father thought of his dad, I loved him, and I wish I could have told him that. But because I couldn’t, I would make up for it in other ways.
The first thing being, moving back home and having Marley at my side.
Once and for all.
Marley
When Atlas told me that he was moving his office to Shefford, I almost didn’t believe him. He had told me as kids that he wanted out of town, but I realized now that he had been home for a year, he actually regretted that decision.
“The grass isn’t always greener on the other side, Marley. I finally realized that. Even though it took me awhile to get my head out of my ass.”
That had been after I squealed and cried, sobbed and broke down that he was finally mine. After all of this time, Atlas Horne was mine for good and no one would take him away from me.
Now it was a year later, and Atlas was working hard from his office in our home. He had moved in with me and turned the spare room into an office that was small but big enough for everything he had to do to build his career. Sure, he didn’t have the prestigious cases he used to by living in the city, but he was able to help those in our town.
I worried at times that he would be upset that he would never become this high-profile lawyer that he had strived to be in the beginning, but whenever he would look at me with that love in his dark eyes, my worries went away. Especially when he walked by me and placed his hands on my swollen belly and a peck on my lips.
“Mine,” he would say after kissing my belly.
My stomach would do summersaults and that delicious desire for him would grow. Ever since I found out that I was pregnant, that desire only seemed to intensify. It got to the point where he couldn’t get any work done. So eventually, we had to start setting a schedule.
Every time I
walked by the calendar and my eyes would land on 8pm – Fuck my wife, I would laugh.
He told me that was why he did it.
Warm arms wrapped around my stomach, a soft peck landing on my shoulder. “You’re thinking.”
“I was reminiscing,” I corrected, turning in his arms.
“I know this is fast. The wedding. This.” Atlas cupped my stomach. “But I can’t even begin to tell you how happy you’ve made me.”
My eyes welled. We got married a few months after he moved in with me. And then I found out I was pregnant and everything else just fell into place. “Same, Atlas. Same.”
He looked over my head before glancing at his watch. “It’s 8pm.”
Heat licked over my skin, my nipples puckering. “I thought you were working longer tonight.”
“I am.” He spun me around and bent me over the edge of the kitchen counter. “But everyone knows that 8pm is my break.”
I laughed, pushing back into him when he lifted the hem of my dress over my hips. “How much time do we have tonight?”
He kissed my cheek. “As long as we want, baby.”
I gently pushed out of his hold and grabbed his hand. “Then take me to our bedroom.”
For the next hour, Atlas made good on his promise and used up his break completely on us.
“I’m never leaving you again, baby,” he told me, running his fingers in small circles over my stomach.
“I know.”
“Never again,” he said, his voice hard.
It had been the same thing for the past year. He would tell me that he wasn’t leaving, and I would reassure him that I knew that.
We were kids when he left and adults when he came home. But now he was back, he was mine, we were together, and he was never leaving.
Never. Again.
THE END
Continue reading for an excerpt from Control Us (Next Generation, #1), a friends to lovers romance!
-Zach-
She was innocent.
Passionate.
Fierce.
After Luna Stone and I went from friends to lovers, my only purpose was showing her how worthy I was. But how could I convince her when I didn’t believe it myself?
I craved her touch and her smiles but most of all, her heart.
I vowed to protect her and show her father that I could be the man for his daughter.
I pushed.
She pulled.
And when all was said and done, I’d have to go through an even higher power to prove that I deserved her…
Myself.
~
-Luna-
He was quiet.
Withdrawn.
Intense.
Zach Porter and I had been friends since we were kids, but it had never amounted to anything more than that. Until now.
But as close as we were getting, he was still closed off.
He protected his heart and put up walls, even though he had no reason to.
He shoved.
I grabbed hold and never let go.
If I didn’t fight for what was ours, he’d succumb to his demons and believe their vicious words telling him that he’s not good enough. To give up.
On us.
Zach
Darkness surrounded me. It swallowed me whole, enveloping me in a blanket of bliss as I curled into myself on the hard cement beneath me.
My stomach twisted and churned, the agony of having no food in my belly making it hard to concentrate on anything but the hunger ripping through me. I could try sleeping. Maybe that would make the pain go away. But slumber was lacking no matter how long I kept my eyes closed.
Footsteps sounded above me. They became closer and closer. With each step, my heart thumped, pounding against my rib cage. My skin broke out in a cold sweat. Fear rippled down my spine like icy fingers danced along my small, frail body.
Please, God. Make her stay away. Make her forget I even exist.
But my prayers went unanswered. No one heard them. It was like as soon as I sent up my prayer, the steps only became louder and faster.
I tried moving away from the sound but the chain around my ankle prevented me from going very far.
“Come out, come out wherever you are,” she sang.
Pretending to be asleep did nothing. I would only get whipped awake. So instead, I brought my knees up to my chest, curled my arms around them, and waited for whatever punishment I would get.
“You’ve been a bad boy, haven’t you, Zachary?” Her voice was louder as she stood on the other side of the closed door. The locks released, revealing the person who invaded my nightmares.
“Aww, my little toy. Why are you so scared? I’m only doing this to make you stronger. You know that.”
A whimper escaped me, even though I didn’t want it to. I couldn’t control it. This woman terrified me.
“I have some food for you, but I need something first.” Her bright blue eyes flicked to mine. “You want food, don’t you?”
I nodded. I would give anything for even a piece of moldy bread.
“I’ll unchain you and you can come with me. Same thing as last week. Understand?”
“Please,” I croaked through my parched, cracked lips. “Not again.”
“I know you’ll do anything for this food. Can you smell it?” She smirked. “So good. I made it myself.”
I swallowed hard, knowing the food was laced with something. I may have been just a boy, but I knew when food tasted funny. But at that point, I didn’t care. She could kill me. As long as I had a full belly, I would die happy.
My stepmother came farther into the small room and unlocked the chain from around my ankle. “Come with me, Toy, and I’ll give you your food after you give me what I need.”
I spent the next couple of hours doing everything she asked of me, just so I could have a slice of moldy cheese on stale bread. She had promised me a full meal but lied. That sandwich gave me the strength to survive through another night of hell. I didn’t know how long it would be until I got my next one, so I savored it.
I savored every damn crumb.
Zach
I woke in a cold sweat. My sheets were stuck to me, my hair matted to my forehead. I hadn’t had a nightmare in months. I didn’t like them. The way they made me feel. The terror they forced through the marrow of my bones. The vulnerability. But the lack of control was even worse. I needed to get it together for fear I would lose myself completely. The demons of my past threatened to take over my life. I worked out. A lot. It was the only way I could mute the noise in my head. But sometimes, even putting myself through that rigorous activity didn’t help.
The dreams were few and far between now but when I had them, they stuck with me for a while. My parents had tried getting me to speak to someone, but I refused. There was only one person I could talk to and even then, she didn’t know everything.
Sitting up in bed, I pinched the bridge of my nose and waited for the remnants of the nightmare to fade away. It did but not enough. That quiet little voice was still there.
Nagging. Nudging. Poking at me. Reminding me that it had control over my life. As much as I didn’t care to admit it.
A soft knock on the door interrupted my thoughts. “Come in.”
My mother peeked her head into the room. “You okay?” she asked, her eyes holding wrinkles at the corners from years of happiness with my father.
I glanced at the clock. It was almost five in the morning. “What are you doing up?” I asked her instead of answering her question.
She smiled softly, her dark eyes shining with a hint of sadness I saw every so often. She didn’t think I noticed but I did, and it always made me sick to my stomach whenever she was hurting.
“I could ask the same about you.” She sighed. “Your dad couldn’t sleep.” Which meant she took care of him in any way possible.
Sex.
I wasn’t oblivious to their ways. Although they were my parents, they were open enough to tell me how they took care of e
ach other. Especially after I accidentally found the shackles beneath their bed.
“Anything I can do to help?” I asked even though I already knew the answer.
“No.” She opened the door fully but still remained in the hall. “Want to talk about it?”
I nodded. She had been the only woman I talked to lately. The only woman I actually trusted enough to tell my problems to. Or that was what I tried telling myself anyway. There was someone else. But I wasn’t good enough for her and she had a father. A large fucking father.
My mother left the room and closed the door softly behind her.
Brogan and Coby Porter adopted me when I was ten. They took me from a horrible situation that no child should ever go through and welcomed me into their home with open arms. They gave me love, support, and never-ending encouragement no matter how difficult I had been. But it still wasn’t enough. I wasn’t sure why. I never felt this way when I was a kid but now that I was getting older, there was something missing from my life. That nagging little voice inside of me told me what it was, but I always chose to ignore it. There was no point. She deserved better and whenever she got too close, I pushed her away. It was the only way I could protect myself from getting hurt.
I quickly threw on pajama pants and a hoodie and made my way out into the kitchen. No matter what time of night it was, if Dad or I had a nightmare, Mom was always there to talk us through it.
She handed me a mug of hot chocolate with three marshmallows swimming in the steaming liquid. I smiled softly. It was always the same ever since I was a little boy.
“Here.”
I sat at the table when Brogan placed a mug in front of me. “What is it?”
She smiled softy. “Hot chocolate with three marshmallows. My brother used to make this for me when I was your age.”