by Mandy Baggot
‘Sorry, I shouldn’t be telling you all this and ...’
‘It is OK. I like to know.’
Ellen was looking at him as if she didn’t know what came next. He didn’t either. He desperately needed her help but she was looking so lost. The timing was all wrong. But time was the one thing he didn’t have. Tanja needed the report. He swallowed.
‘I take trip to Perithia today. You will come?’
She let out a sigh. ‘I don’t know if I can. Not with Lacey doing what she’s done.’
This was not good. He didn’t want to push her but if he didn’t it could spell disaster for him. He had to be at least a little bit honest.
‘I would like for you to help me.’
‘Help you?’
He nodded. It was all he could manage as he hadn’t thought of an explanation yet. She looked confused.
‘Yan! Are we starting?’
Monica again. Only one more day to put up with her constant interruptions and advances. He tightened his core.
‘You should join others.’
‘What time is the trip?’ she asked.
‘At two this afternoon.’ He was holding his breath now, both hopeful and desperate.
She nodded. ‘OK. I’ll come.’
* * *
The first time Ellen had done water exercise she’d been so self-conscious, as unrelaxed as a person could be. Now things were so different. She was enjoying it, wholeheartedly. She stretched her arms high and gazed at Yan as his polo shirt rose up to reveal a small section of midriff.
Next to her Monica let out a lusty sigh. Ellen saw her eyes were also locked on Yan and she didn’t like it. She didn’t believe there was anything between them but Monica’s desire was more obvious than Amy Child’s cleavage.
‘That is all for today. We meet here again tomorrow at ten.’ Yan ended the session.
Ellen dipped her body down into the water and looked over at Lacey. Sunglasses on, ear phones in, prostrate on the back. She resembled someone completely chilled, not someone who had just ditched their fiancé.
Ellen pulled herself up out of the pool and shook the water from her body. She felt refreshed, relaxed, almost like she could cope with anything life threw at her.
Lacey didn’t stir when Ellen made it back to the loungers. Drying her hand on her towel she reached for her phone. She hadn’t turned it off, just slipped it onto mute and now there were twenty missed calls. She clicked on the list and life threw her something else. Nineteen of the missed calls were from Mark. The last one was from Ross Keegan.
29
‘I don’t know how you can eat like that after everything’s that’s happened.’
Ellen’s own stomach was as unsettled as an anti-fracking protest. It didn’t quite know how to react. Half of it was grumbling with something like fear about the fact that Ross had called and the other half was whirling with anticipation for a rendezvous with a man who made her tremble with longing. Catching everything life was throwing at her? She wasn’t sure two hands were enough.
‘Upset gives you an appetite,’ Lacey responded, pushing another spoonful of cake into her mouth.
‘And you are upset, are you? Because the way you were huffing and puffing in the ping pong game and throwing the shots down I didn’t realise.’
‘Of course I’m upset. I’m going to have to call all the people we’ve booked stuff with. I don’t know how I’m going to tell the dove lady. She’d never been anywhere more exotic than Croydon.’
‘Is that really all you’re upset about?’
‘Of course not. I love Mark, I do, but I don’t want to settle down yet. There’s too many things I want to do like ...’
‘The plank with Sergei.’
Lacey screwed up her face and put her spoon down. ‘I don’t know why you’re making jokes. It isn’t funny.’
‘It wasn’t a joke.’
‘Anyway, you did the same thing. You told that Ross you didn’t want to marry him. At least I didn’t laugh and point at a Sunseeker.’
‘That was different.’ Ellen swallowed. So different. With no love from either side. Just a business transaction. Networking with benefits.
‘It would be, wouldn’t it? Because you couldn’t possibly make the same mistakes I do. You’re clever, intelligent Ellen Brooks not stupid, thick Lacey.’ She swiped up her wine glass.
‘What?’
‘You don’t do anything wrong. You don’t make mistakes. You don’t have a crappy job at New Fashion helping breast impaired women sort their cleavage out. You work for the top accountants in the area doing clever shit with numbers.’
Ellen could see the tears in Lacey’s eyes and something inside her revolved. Was that what she thought? That she was perfect, that she had no obstacles to face, didn’t know how it felt to fail at something?
Lacey didn’t stop. ‘Those bloody school prize-giving certificates are yellow with age but Dad still polishes them and runs his fingers over your name on them.’
Ellen didn’t want to hear this. It was causing her insides to spasm.
‘When I passed my Level One in Customer Service he patted me on the head and said he’d buy me a new dress.’ She raised her voice a decibel. ‘I work in a clothes shop!’
‘I don’t know why you’re saying all this. Dad’s parted with hundreds of pounds already for a wedding that isn’t going to happen.’
‘And that’s what it’s always about. Money. I’ll get you a Barbie-with-the-hair-that-grows, Lacey. You deserve the best, Lace, let’s forget about the Leona Lewis CD, let’s get Leona Lewis. All my life he’s paid me off because you’re the daughter of the woman he really loved and I’m the reminder of the bitch that left him high and dry.’
She had to leave. She was sorry Lacey felt like that but she couldn’t hear it. Ellen stood up, unsteady on her feet.
‘What are you doing? You’re not going to say anything? Tell me I’m wrong? Say it isn’t true?’
Visions of Al’s face when she’d shown him her ACCA certificate came to mind, the pride in his expression. It told the tale that despite all the ups and downs, he’d done something right with her up-bringing. He was proud of Ellen and that pride, that fear of disappointing him, was what had led to all her actions after she’d turned Ross down and he’d taken her money.
‘You can’t say anything because you know I’m right.’
‘Dad loves you for you, Lacey.’
‘How patronising is that?!’
‘Stop it.’ Ellen couldn’t catch her breath. Her heart was beating so hard. ‘Don’t make this about me.’
‘It’s always been about you. How could I possible compete with Little Miss Perfect?’
She picked up her bag and looked at her over-emotional sister. Fierce expression on her face, eyes narrowed but shiny with unshed tears. For once she didn’t feel sorry for her. Because she’d always been sheltered from everything. Lacey hadn’t seen how Al had struggled, hadn’t noticed all the things Ellen had done for her. She’d been so young and they’d protected her. But that had made her oblivious and now it was backfiring.
Ellen lowered her voice. ‘It isn’t a competition.’ Her voice started to break. ‘It never was.’
30
The ancient town of Old Perithia, according to the leaflet Yan had handed around on the bus, was a protected heritage site and a designated area of natural beauty. Its collection of ruins and ongoing restoration were the oldest examples of traditional mountain villages.
Situated at the bottom of Mount Pantokrator, it afforded a full, stunning view of the huge peak that loomed over the island, green in part, grey craggy rocks commanding the rest and the communications tower at its pinnacle.
Ellen surveyed her surroundings as Yan gave guidance to others on the trip. Like the rock formations in Sidari, everything here was so old. It was like looking into the past. Rough, cobbled pathways, homes built by hand, a few stray sheep wandering around. Her eyes settled on a taverna. Sucking in history could defin
itely be done better with the benefit of a cold lemonade.
‘You wish for drink?’
She turned and Yan was beside her, a clipboard in his hands.
‘I think I do.’ She nodded. ‘If only to get over the drive up here.’
He smiled. ‘Panos does this two times for a week for six months of year.’
‘I’m reassured.’
‘Come, we sit,’ Yan said, leading the way towards the taverna.
* * *
Yan liked Old Perithia. In a lot of ways it reminded him of his village in Bulgaria. It was simple, quiet, people were working hard to maintain the deserted buildings, save little pieces of the past.
They sat under the vine-covered pergola at a table for two and ordered lemonades.
Something was still on Ellen’s mind. He could see the distraction written on her face. He inched his hand across the table and placed it over hers. The connection made her jolt, and look up at him.
‘Someone might see,’ she whispered, moving her hand back a little.
‘Most people will try to climb to top of mountain.’ He turned his wrist, looked at his watch. ‘We have hour before they know they cannot do this.’ He linked his fingers with hers. ‘You want to tell me what is wrong?’
She shook her head quickly.
‘This is all about Lacey?’ he asked.
She let out a sigh, aligning their hands, moving her fingers through his.
‘We had an argument before. It was stupid.’
‘You worry a lot about her. Because of the no mothers?’ he asked.
She nodded. ‘Yes.’
He took a breath before continuing. ‘I know all of this.’ He paused. ‘I tell you I have younger brother, yes?’
She nodded.
‘I have older brother too.’ He hesitated for a moment. ‘He die.’
Ellen directed those warm brown eyes at him then and he swallowed as all the memories rode over him. He thought about Boyan often but never spoke about him. He had looked up to him. Boyan had been two years older and when he was twenty five he had been murdered in the street for his wallet and phone. Gang related, they’d said, but no one took the blame.
‘How?’ Ellen asked.
‘Killed in the city. Beaten until he was dead.’ He rattled the statement out without emotion. That’s the way it had been, even back then. To show emotion was weak, even when the very worst thing had happened. He needed to be strong for his parents, for his younger brother. He had become the eldest sibling and the responsibility that brought was huge.
Ellen shook her head and her reaction to this sent something spiralling inside him. The revelation had affected her deeply. Someone who had never known his brother was grieving a little just hearing he had passed.
‘And here I am crying over my little sister being a diva.’
* * *
Yan shrugged and she swallowed as snapshots of her mother from the photo albums at home came to mind. There was so much loss between them.
‘It happen. I never forget him but there, he is gone.’
There was both finality and tenderness in his tone. She squeezed his hand tightly in hers.
‘That is why I have to do something with my life.’ He sighed. ‘To make it better. For Boyan and for my family. I wish to make them proud.’
Making people proud. Was that what life was about? It seemed to be a constant echo in her own life. She had done the making proud part and now it was a fulfilled legacy that was hanging over her like an executioner’s guillotine.
Yan took a sip of his drink then let go of her hand. He reached for his clipboard and turned it over. She watched him detach some papers and hold them in his hand.
‘I do not want to ask this but …’ he began.
‘What is it?’ Ellen asked.
‘Tanja, my boss, she need me to fill in report about accident ... with Zachary.’
‘Yes, I expect there will be a lot of reports to fill in about that. The insurance company and …’
‘And for my company too. Because I save the boy.’
The papers in his hands shook a little and straightaway he stiffened up, clearing his throat. ‘It have to be in English.’
Ellen didn’t say anything, unsure what he meant.
‘The report have to be in English. Is language all of company understand. Will you help?’
* * *
Quick, direct and straight to the point. That was the only way he was going to be able to do this. He didn’t even want to think about it too much. He didn’t want to have to use her but what other choice did he have? He couldn’t ask anyone else from the team. They would not understand. Ellen was the only one he trusted enough.
‘You want me to write it for you?’
She’d understood but he had to make this sound light. The moment he let any nervousness or emotion into the request she might sense something was wrong.
‘My English for writing is not very good. I am ashamed of this.’
‘Ashamed? I think it’s marvellous you can speak so many languages.’
She was being so nice and so kind. He felt guilty for lying to her. ‘I will tell you what I see and do, if you could write? I do not want to ask but Tanja, she ...’
‘Of course I’ll do it.’ She smiled. ‘We can do it now if you get me some of that cake like the couple over there.’ She indicated the table to their left where a man and a woman were tucking into huge wedges of a sticky brown sponge.
‘You know if you eat this I will make you play volleyball,’ he joked.
‘You know if you don’t get me cake I won’t fill in the forms.’
* * *
She had meant it to be funny but the concern coating his features made her wish she hadn’t fussed about cake she didn’t need. He had paled, was wetting his lips with his tongue. He picked up his glass of lemonade and drank it all down.
‘I will get cake,’ he said, getting to his feet.
‘Yan, we don’t have to have cake,’ she blurted out.
‘No, is OK. You help me. I buy cake,’ he responded.
‘Let me pay,’ Ellen offered, bending to pick up her rucksack. Perhaps money was the issue here. She’d made him buy beers on the beach. Now she felt guilty.
‘Ellen, stop.’
His tone had her dropping her bag to the floor and looking at him, eyes wide. She didn’t want to upset him. He was the best thing she’d ever had and in a few days she’d never see him again. Their first row after only just getting together couldn’t be over cake in a deserted village.
He stepped towards her and, without any prelude, he kissed her lips, his hand in her hair, pressing her to him. When he finally let her go her head was swimming.
He looked at her, a serious expression on his face. ‘I am to buy cake.’
Ellen nodded, her lips still fizzing. ‘OK.’
* * *
‘... after heart ... to push ... I do not know how you say this.’
They had eaten the cake and for the last half an hour he had talked, Ellen had translated and they had almost filled up two sheets of paper.
‘Heart massage? Er, I’ll put resuscitation.’ She wrote down the words and he watched the letters forming. She wrote so quickly, with such confidence. She’d understood what he was trying to say and made it into proper English sentences.
‘I thank you so much for this.’
‘Believe it or not, I like filling in forms.’
She smiled as he frowned.
‘How could anyone like to do this?’ he asked.
‘I don’t know, I suppose some people are good at certain things and other people are better in other areas. Look at you, with animation, with the children – that takes so much patience, an understanding of human nature even. I’m just good at paperwork.’
‘Ah but now you are expert at water aerobics and you jump from Canal d’Amour and then there is Greek dancing.’
‘Which I was particularly rubbish at.’
‘I do not think this is
true. I watch you.’
‘Did you now?’
She was smiling as their flirtatious banter wove around her like a magic spell.
Yan cleared his throat. ‘You say you are not to be married.’
‘That’s right.’
‘Is there someone for you?
‘I don’t know what you mean.’
She watched him take another moment.
‘Do you have boyfriend at home?’
‘No! No, of course not.’
‘I am sorry to ask, I just … I do not want for there to be anything between us like this.’
‘I’m really nothing like my sister,’ she said with half a smile.
‘You are close to someone once?’ he asked.
Ellen’s thoughts immediately went to Ross.
‘There was someone, some months ago. But it didn’t work out.’ She dropped her eyes to the cobbled stones of the floor.
‘What happen?’
Ellen watched a team of ants head off towards a discarded bread roll. She didn’t raise her head before replying. ‘He asked me to marry him and I said no.’
* * *
She’d mumbled the words out but he’d heard every one and his insides responded by tightening up, knotting together at the mention of marriage.
‘I didn’t love him and he didn’t love me and it’s wrong to marry someone for tax breaks.’
‘For what?’
‘It doesn’t matter. It’s not important.’
He nodded.
‘Right now, this week, the most important thing to me is being with you.’
He watched her expression as she took both his hands in hers. It was what he wanted to hear, wasn’t it? He wanted to eke out every second enjoying the way it made him feel in her company, didn’t he?
He let go of her hands and softly touched her face with his fingers, cupping her jaw.