by Mandy Baggot
He looked at her then and she felt a tiny shard of hope spike. She cleared her throat and prepared to say what she’d really come to say. He’d stopped on the sand, just short of where the tide was licking the shore. She stood next to him, looking out across the water, trying to take comfort from the tiny, twinkling lights of the towns and villages of Albania.
‘I’m not very good at talking about myself, like you said. In fact I do the very best I can to avoid it.’ A nervous laugh escaped her lips. ‘But I’m great with a spreadsheet.’ She closed her mouth and her eyes. ‘You probably don’t even know what a spreadsheet is and why should you? They’re the most boring thing on Earth.’ She sighed.
He turned to her then, looking at her quizzically. He was probably wondering what the hell she was going on about. But this was vital. It was one of the most important things she had done in her life. She was conquering a fear, letting someone in, giving herself fully for the very first time.
Still Yan didn’t speak and all she could hear was her own rapid breath and the soft waves. She could do this. And when it was all out of her mouth, whatever happened next, she would had done the right thing. Breathe.
‘The man I was with … Ross. He asked me to marry him and I said no. I told you that,’ Ellen started. She felt the fear building up inside her chest but she kept her mouth open and continued. ‘Well, I said no for lots of reasons but mainly because I didn’t love him. I couldn’t imagine spending a whole week with him, let alone a lifetime. When I said no I knew things would change. I knew he would probably end the relationship and we would both go our separate ways and … I was fine with that. But he wasn’t.’
* * *
He turned fully then, facing her instead of the water, the breeze rippling his t-shirt.
She looked terrified, the material of her skirt wavering slightly as her legs trembled beneath it. He swallowed and slipped his hands into the pockets of his jeans.
Ellen flinched at the movement, appearing jarred for a second before speaking again.
‘Well, for about a week he pretended things could go back to the way they were. I was in the middle of this big acquisition and I really had no idea what he was going to do. I took my eye off the ball, Yan. I trusted him to be just a decent, genuine person and he betrayed me in the worst way. And he knew it was in the worst way which makes it so much harder to come to terms with.’
He could see the tears forming in her eyes, the pattern of strain on her face. He had no idea what she was going to say next.
‘He stole from me, Yan. He stole every penny I had saved and all the money my mother had left me when she died.’ A sob escaped then and it was all he could do to stop himself from reaching out to her. He couldn’t, not yet, something was telling him to wait.
‘I’d kept every penny she left me and saved everything I could from my wages for as long as I can remember and he just took it. He took it for his dream. Keegan Manufacturing. He used my mother’s legacy to fund his unbreakable packaging idea.’
* * *
He’d broken something that she had thought unbreakable. There was a certain irony in there somewhere. She swallowed another sob before it made it out of her mouth. All this time, keeping this secret, this hatred and hurt, buried under the surface. How had she done it? Why had she done it?
She blinked hard, dispersing the tears. She had to keep going, she had to keep telling him, because if she waited too long she would lose the impetus, the strength, to see it through. She took a breath.
‘He left me with unpaid bills, no job, my vision gone, my dreams ripped up ...’ A vision of coming home to a bare house flooded her mind. She swallowed. ‘Nothing left.’
* * *
As she uttered the final two words he couldn’t help himself. He reached for her. To lose her mother so young was one thing, to come through that and lose everything she had left was unfair. His fingers made contact with her arm.
‘No, Yan, not yet.’ She withdrew it from his reach.
‘Ellen …’ he started.
‘I haven’t told you everything yet and I really need to. You said I hadn’t told you the stuff that matters and you were right.’ She met his eyes with hers and he saw the sadness mingling with fear. He did not know what she was going to say but he was certain now, it would not change the way he felt.
‘You want to go back to bar? To sit down?’
She shook her head. ‘No, if I do I’m probably going to stop talking and I need to keep going.’
He watched her crinkle up the hem of her skirt in her hands, scrunching the material then letting it go.
She let out a sigh. ‘After he took the money I didn’t function for a few weeks. I didn’t know what to do. He’d fooled me. I’d been gullible and stupid and I’d let my guard down. I’d always known that it wasn’t the right time to find someone to share my life with. I’d forced myself into a situation I wasn’t comfortable with and now I’d paid for it. I had to get a new job and I had to move. I’d left my job at a really nice firm to set up my own accountancy practice, but with no money I couldn’t do that anymore. The banks wouldn’t lend to someone with absolutely nothing, no matter how good my business plan.’ She stopped and looked directly at him. ‘Are you understanding all this?’
‘I understand,’ he assured her.
* * *
She blew out another breath. ‘I got the job at Lassiter’s really easily. I had great references but I was still expecting more competition, for me to have to do much more to get the position.’ She looked to Yan again. ‘Lassiter’s is the company I work for. They’re also Ross’ accountants, in charge of the business and tax affairs of Keegan Manufacturing and its board members.’
She steeled herself, straightening her back like she was adopting a yoga stance. ‘I had my own portfolio of clients and then for bigger businesses I worked alongside a partner of the firm. I made sure one of those businesses was Keegan Manufacturing. It wasn’t hard. I knew Ross’ business plans inside out and I’m a good accountant. All it took was a few helpful suggestions to the partner and then I was running their bookwork unsupervised. I just had to make sure none of the letters were signed by me and that I was unavailable for any meetings. It was easy.’
Yan was completely still, transfixed by her words. What was he going to think when she admitted everything? It was most likely going to end their relationship. But in a couple of days it would all be over anyway. She’d rather they parted having shared the truth than leave each other on lies. This way he would know the real her. The person who had lost everything then gone on a spree of revenge and not told a soul.
‘The one thing Ross was always terrible at was bookwork. He never kept receipts, never knew how things worked financially. He isn’t a business man, he’s an ideas man. That’s why I knew, if I got it right, he wouldn’t notice. He wouldn’t look at the statements and schedules. He entrusted all that to Lassiter’s and he had no idea I worked there.’
‘What did you do?’
Yan’s voice broke her train of thought and for a moment she thought she was going to bottle out. Even after everything she had told him she could still backtrack, there was still time to batten down the hatches and not say another thing.
She held herself poker straight. She was going to finish this. ‘I stole my money back.’
* * *
The surf brushed the grains of sand, its tide darkening and moistening the sand near their feet. His stomach was contracting as her words impacted. She started to talk again.
‘I started off with small amounts, just a few hundred here and there. It wasn’t difficult and the thrill I got …’ She wet her lips. ‘The thought of taking something of his, something that would hurt him, almost as much as he hurt me, it was liberating.’
Taking money and making a new start. It was all too familiar. Perhaps they weren’t so different after all.
‘So I took more, thousands, all well timed, all hidden in the figures and before I left for Corfu I’d almost tak
en everything he’d stolen from me.’ She sighed. ‘And now he’s found out. All those calls I’ve had from England are about a meeting at the office when I get back. Ross knows I work there, he knows what I’ve been doing. He’s probably going to have me arrested.’ She sighed. ‘I just hope he doesn’t ask the charities for the money back.’
He looked at her then, frown lines creasing his forehead. ‘Charities?’
‘Um, charities, how do I explain those. Organisations that help people for different causes …’
He interrupted. ‘I know what charities is. I do not understand why they have money.’
‘Oh, yes, well, although I’m living in a horribly tiny flat in a not-so-nice area, I couldn’t take the money for myself. That really would be stealing. And I didn’t want his money to set me up with a business. I’d never be able to forget him if I did that. So I made donations to various charities, causes I know my mum would have approved of.’
‘Ellen.’ Her name on his lips still felt so soft, so right.
He watched her shift her feet then direct her eyes to the beach, as though the soft sand could give her answers.
He didn’t know how to tell her everything he was feeling right at that moment. She had finally opened up to him and he knew what that had taken out of her. She was trembling from the experience, unable to look him in the eye. Was she afraid he was going to reject her?
‘I took money too,’ he stated. He took his hands from his pockets, let them drop to his sides.
‘I had to leave Bulgaria and I spent all I have on engagement ring for Rayna. When … things end, I take money from her father for air ticket to here.’
He looked back at her, watched her nod her head.
‘As soon as I have enough money from pay, I arrange hotel to send back.’
He hadn’t wanted to take anything from that vile man. He should have known the kind of luxuries the family had could only come from corruption. Gavril Danchev wasn’t an intellectual man, he was a brute. He had seen enough men like him in bars and restaurants where he’d worked. He should have realised the similarities.
But it had been a necessity, a desperate need to get away. He knew his mother had nothing. He also knew, if he asked, she would find the money for him. And the very last thing he wanted was to see her in debt to someone like Rayna’s father.
‘I take the money for me. You do something good with it,’ Yan told her.
* * *
‘But I never had any intention of giving it back.’
It was the truth. She wasn’t sorry for what she’d done. No matter what the consequences were now, she didn’t regret a single penny she’d taken from him. Ross could do what he liked to her going forward. The police, the accounting association, she was ready to hold her hands up to her crime. The only thing that remained was to find out whether he was ready to own up to his.
‘You used it to start again, to find some freedom,’ she continued. ‘Not like me. I’ve been trapped for so long with one fixed life plan, the second it all evaporated I had no clue what to do.’
‘But now you are free,’ he said.
‘Until the police get involved.’ She shuddered. Would Ross really do that? Would he have the nerve to prosecute her after what he’d done, after what she’d let him get away with?
‘You could not go home,’ he stated.
The words seemed to echo around the cove, bouncing off the olive and lemon trees, circling the bay, touching the water, reaching every corner and then coming back to her.
She swallowed. ‘Stay here?’
He shrugged. Non-committal. Not giving any indication of his feelings one way or another. She shook her head, trying to rid her mind of the ridiculous notion.
‘I can’t stay here. Things are so up-in-the-air at home. Lassiter’s, Lacey …’
‘Other people and your sister,’ Yan remarked.
There was a tinge of disapproval in his tone that he hadn’t bothered masking. Were they all just excuses? Did she hide behind responsibilities so she didn’t have to make a decision?
‘You always think of someone else,’ Yan added.
The blue eyes were studying her and all of a sudden she felt self-conscious standing there on the edge of the ocean, her heart beating an unsteady rhythm.
‘It is good to think this way, but not if you really want something else.’
Yan was still looking, not taking his eyes from her and a shock of desire bolted through her. She longed for him. And not just in a physical sense. Being with him, getting to know him, learning how different life could be for her, sharing moments with someone, it had filled her up. It had completed a puzzle that had always had some bits missing.
He shifted on the sand until they were almost touching. Body to body. He was so close that if she breathed too hard, let her chest expand, they’d connect.
‘What is it that you want, Ellen?’
‘You.’ The words came out as a whisper but with every ounce of determination and sincerity she had in her. There was nothing else to say.
38
They’d run, sprinting like they were being pursued, as if their lives depended on it. She was holding Yan’s hand, her lungs bursting, her body alive, racing to get back to the hotel.
The second they were inside his room his arm looped around her waist. One fast motion and he had pulled her hard against him, her body flattening against his. She was finding it hard to take a breath, their eyes locked, her temperature rising as his solid form merged with hers.
The inside of her mouth was parched with anticipation, her lips forming a delicate pout, expectant for the touch of his. What was he waiting for?
* * *
Lust was pooling inside him, every nerve ending primed and reacting to his feelings for her. It was taking every ounce of self-control not to move, take her mouth with his, plunder with his tongue, stroke his fingers down her arms and under her clothes. But he knew this was not a moment to be rushed. This time together was a moment to take slower, to savour. It was going to mean so much.
He could feel a heartbeat thudding erratic beats against his rib cage, echoing its way through his body until he wasn’t sure whose rhythm he was feeling. Her face was tilted up, her lips parted, her brown eyes studying his. She was just such a natural beauty. He swallowed, realising how much desire he had, not just to touch and caress every inch of her, but to protect her, to cherish her … to love her.
‘Yan.’
Her whisper was one of deep longing that made her quiver underneath his hands. Going slow was no longer an option. His fingers were at the buttons of her gauzy blouse, unfastening, eager, desperate to reveal the skin beneath. He parted the fabric, touching her with the lightest trace. His eyes appraised what he saw, her collarbone, the throb of her heartbeat at the bottom of her neck, wavy sections of her hair just touching her bare shoulders. He hovered a hand above the strap of her bra, pausing.
* * *
Ellen was holding her breath, watching his hand poised in the air between them. Nothing but pure anticipation crackled under her surface. She wanted him so much. He moved his hand a centimetre and she could almost feel it on her skin. He held off, just millimetres from actually making contact but she sensed the heat. If he didn’t touch her soon she would inch herself forward until there was nothing he could do about it.
But she didn’t have to. With his next motion he pulled the strap off her shoulder, sliding it down her arm and using both hands to unclip the back. As he removed her bra she slipped her hands beneath his t-shirt. Slowly she smoothed the tips of her fingers over his abdomen, wanting to leave her trace on every muscular curve.
* * *
Yan felt her pull at the material with one hand, as the other caressed his midriff, on a path to his chest. He helped. He took control, easing his body out of the shirt until it was off. He discarded it and stood up straight as she looked at him.
Her eyes seemed to roam over every bare inch on display and it made his need tighten even more. H
er perfect breasts, the nipples already tight and dark, swelled against his chest as she hooped her arms around his neck, forcing his mouth to hers.
Yan cupped her face, the back of his hand brushing against the softness of her hair. As she kissed him, with so much passion, her fingers circled the waistband of his jeans, jutting under the denim, tugging at the metal button.
If she started to loosen his jeans he wasn’t sure he was going to be able to stop this. But why should he want to? He cared for her, completely.
* * *
Ellen wanted to see him, all of him. He helped her remove his underwear until he was right there before her. Bare. And as much as she yearned to touch, all she could do was look. Her eyes trailed down his firm, athletic torso until she found what she was seeking. Hard, proud, as turned on as her whole body felt. She wanted to hold him, feel the strength of his passion for her.
She moved her hand towards him but he stopped her motion with his. Interlocking their fingers, he spoke.
‘Come with me.’
Yan took a step towards the other end of the room and she let him lead her, wetting her lips in anticipation of what was to come.
He halted by the glass doors, drawing back the curtains. Darkness, a few lights at the front of the hotel and the red beacon at the top of Mount Pantokrator greeted her. Not the ocean scene she had from her suite but serene and beautiful in its own way.
Ellen gasped as he unfastened the zipper at the back of her skirt. Easing it down over her hips he pulled it lower, past her thighs, until she was able to step out of it. Her cheeks flamed as she realised she was standing in front of a full-length window in nothing but her underwear. A flicker of heat coupled with bashful self-consciousness ran over her.