But in this world? The real one? She'd failed him as his wife and best friend, and simply let her weakness control her until he finally died.
Althea's cries faded to whimpers out of sheer weariness, rather than relief, until she could only open her mouth in silent wails, her stomach cramping and shoulders hunching with each wave of brokenhearted agony.
Her body finally stilled from exhaustion as she stared blankly out of the large window beside their bed. Fat, wet flakes of snow were falling from the sky into the Allegheny River that stretched across below. The river was warmer than the air and the snow, causing the flakes to vaporize and turn to fog over the inky black water on impact in a way that almost hypnotized her.
One flake, two flakes, three flakes.
No matter how much the snow fought, it always gave way to the power and heat of the river as it flowed on.
The leafless trees arched under the weight of the heavy snow, bowing down and offering themselves to its dark power, yet the river cared nothing for their attention either. It was simply hurtling itself to the point where it would join the Monongahela River to form the beginning of the massive Ohio River, where they would barrel forward together, with no concern for the rest of the world — or for one desperate woman's broken heart.
Had the river even noticed when Jack's body drowned in its icy depths? Had it even cared that it stole him from her...or had it just rolled along?
She lay there, desperately trying to get her breathing back under control, when she heard their footsteps coming to her door. Jenna and Aubrey were back. They would be ready with another pep talk and crappy idea of something to do that invariably involved getting out of bed. All she really wanted was to be held until the pain passed. Perhaps she could persuade them to crawl into bed with her to watch a movie or maybe Sex and the City reruns. Anything so that they would leave her alone and she could go back to sleep — back to dreaming of Jack.
As Althea gained confidence in her plan, the bedroom door cracked open and she could see them standing, backlit, with a drugstore bag full of what appeared to be oblong boxes.
"Er, it doesn't look like you have popsicles and ginger ale in there," Althea choked out warily.
"No, sorry Tea," Aubrey said.
They walked to the bed. Jenna picked up Althea's cellphone from the floor and carefully placed it on a table before the two lay down on either side of Althea. Jenna faced her and began stroking her hair while Aubrey spooned her from behind and rubbed gentle circles across her back. Their tenderness reawakened her tears, such that the room was filled with nothing but the sounds of their breathing and Althea's almost pulsating misery, expressed every few minutes with her quiet hiccupping sobs.
Jenna finally broke the silence, asking, "Did you throw up again, Tea?"
Althea nodded and looked into Jenna's soft blue eyes. "Jenna, what's in the bag?"
Jenna and Aubrey looked over Althea's shoulder at each other nervously, until Jenna finally broke the silence. "Tea, we need you to take a little test."
"A test?"
"You're great at tests, right?" Aubrey whispered uncomfortably. After a pause, she added with a slight tremor in her voice, "It's just...there's no studying for this one, Tea."
CHAPTER ONE
Approximately Five Years and
Thirty-One Weeks Later
Althea looked down at the huge number five candle in her hand and breathed out a sigh. As she stroked its waxy surface, she tried to process that tomorrow would be Johnny's fifth birthday. Each of his past four had been painful experiences for her — bittersweet reminders that another year had passed since his father died, leaving her lost, pregnant and alone. Yet, this birthday was particularly poignant, as Johnny would begin kindergarten in a few days. Another milestone that Jack would never share with her, or his son.
She still loved Johnny's father so deeply that his absence felt like a living, breathing entity inside their home, and these annual reminders only fanned the flames of that pain, making it burn even more brightly.
She and Jack had met at Duke University when she was 19 and from the beginning they'd shared an instant passion for each other and for the pursuit of their dreams. Although they had vaguely considered starting a family someday, that step was to be much farther down the road. They had all the time in the world to wait to have kids — or so they'd thought.
It was as though they'd boarded a high speed train to their futures, ticking off one stop after the other — college with honors, grad school, prestigious jobs, a mortgage, next up was going to be savings, then promotions, maybe a great vacation or two. Not kids. Kids were for much farther down the railroad tracks, after the train could slow down and they could enjoy the view and savor their hard work. Kids were for their thirties, of this, they had been sure.
Yet their train had derailed and gone dramatically off course. The night Jack died and she was unknowingly pregnant, Althea's carefully orchestrated life had rolled into a ditch, the wreckage of her plans and security burning alongside the sounds of her own muted screams of agony and loss.
She would get back up and move forward again, but she would never be back on the same train again. Her whole journey had changed. Althea roamed on foot now, clinging to a backpack full of the remnants of a life they had tried to build together.
There were no mile markers or train depots marking Althea's progress on this new path, because she hadn't really made any. She simply marched forward, keeping her focus as sharp as a Prussian military commander on her new goal of keeping Jack's legacy alive. She worked tirelessly at a famous law firm, raised Johnny with determined zeal and helped Jack's mother, Carol, at his family's Italian restaurant, La Farfalla Viola ("Viola" to the regulars).
Jack's grandparents opened Viola after World War II, back when Pittsburgh's Mt. Washington hovered atop an expansive industrial wasteland. What Mark Twain had referred to as "hell with the lid off." Feeding the hungry steelworkers honest Italian comfort food just like their own grandmas used to make. Now that Pittsburgh was a high-tech and medical research based economy with clean rivers and jogging trails, Viola's Mt. Washington address, and its stunning view of the city below, was as much a draw as its cuisine.
Althea had made some changes, mainly moving out of her and Jack's cool riverfront condominium in the hip Lawrenceville neighborhood to Mt. Washington to be closer to Carol. At first, the idea had seemed crazy to Althea but once the home she'd shared with Jack had been robbed and turned upside down a month after his death, Althea couldn't fight it anymore. She'd never felt anything but safe in their home, but now it was not only a reminder of Jack's death, but of her loss of security, as well. Drunk on pregnancy hormones and grief, Althea packed up and moved into a cute, albeit tiny old Victorian duplex near Carol and Viola, with enough of a view of the three rivers below to soothe Althea's soul at night.
And just like that, this had become Althea's life. Only a handful of miles as the crow flies — it might as well have been a different world, so far from her existence before Jack's death.
Living by her late husband's mother didn't cramp her social life because she didn't have much of one, at least not a dating life. She had friends. Two years after Jack died her friend Jenna took a job at a hospital nearby so she could move to Pittsburgh from Atlanta. Aubrey followed close behind, moving to Pittsburgh from LA, camera equipment in tow. Pittsburgh wasn't their hometown either, but the opportunities were good and Althea knew they'd been worried about her living here all alone with nothing but a toddler to keep her company. The girls lived in a funky apartment near the bars and restaurants in the East Liberty area and were always trying to drag her out on the town. A girls' night in over a glass of wine and maybe an early dinner at Viola was the usual compromise.
Althea lived a quiet, small life, but she knew it was what she could handle and as long as she made it to light more candles for Johnny without completely dissolving into grief and loneliness, it was enough.
Sometimes she would try to persuade herself to move on with her life, but that only made her feel the sharp knife wound of Jack's loss in her gut yet again...that, and the guilt. She felt so much guilt — for still being alive, when she was convinced she should have somehow managed to prevent Jack's death.
No matter how much pressure she felt to move on, she always came back to the same question: How could she start over when she gave everything to one life, one plan and it failed — she failed?
It was better to stay in the same place and help Johnny and Carol. That she could do.
The screen door crashed shut behind her and Althea jumped in her seat, knocking over her glass of iced tea. "Real slick, Tea," she muttered to herself as she cleaned it up and watched her son bound into their kitchen.
"Hey Mommy," Johnny shouted as he ran toward her. She looked at him, his golden eyes gleaming below his towheaded locks that were styled in the fauxhawk he'd demanded for the last few weeks.
"Can I get a skate boawd?"
"Excuse me?"
"Auntie Bwey said I could."
"Oh, well I didn't realize Aunt Brey cleared this already," she answered sarcastically. "Sorry, honey, but no. You're too young and Aunt Brey is just trying to stir the pot."
"What is she stirring? I just want a skate boawd, I don't need stirring," he asked, clearly confused.
"Don't worry about that, just know that skate boards are too dangerous and I don't think you need one."
"But Aunt Bwey said a punk needs a skate boawd. I'm a punk, so I need one," he said, crossing his arms in defiance. Althea smiled to herself, it was hard to see him as intimidating when he still hadn’t quite shaken all the trouble he had with his r's.
"Oh boy. You're a real punk now, huh?"
"Uh, duh," he answered and Althea smothered a giggle.
"So kids still say 'duh,' huh?"
"Yeeees mom. Now can I have a skate boawd? It iiiis my bewthday."
"We'll see, okay?"
"Okay mommy. Aunt Bwey said to tell you to think about it."
"How helpful of her. Yes, I will think about it."
"Sweet!" he shouted and then used his tiny hands to perform what Althea could only guess was an air guitar riff. "Can I have money for the ice ceam man?" Althea gave him the mom death stare. "Aw, come on, it's hot out there."
"It's not hot, baby. You want to know hot, spend late August in North Carolina every year like I had to. Your sweat will sweat, sugar. This is nothing."
"Gwoss mommy. Come on, pleeease."
"Oh, all right, honey. I guess it is your birthday tomorrow, after all." He jumped up, starting toward the direction of the ice cream man's chimes. "But first you need to wash your hands, they're filthy," she said with a laugh. He rolled his eyes, but turned to climb a step stool to the sink where she joined him.
She read a note that was taped next to the sink:
Tea, I brought my plumber over, sink's all fixed. Let me know if you need any help getting ready for the party. See you tomorrow. David
Althea smiled, grateful that her husband's former boss still did so much to help her out after all these years. Jack had been David Murphy's research assistant at Carnegie Mellon. David stuck by her in the months and years following Jack's accident, supporting her like a father would, when so many others had simply attended the funeral and disappeared from her life. He'd been in a car accident himself the year before, making him all the more sympathetic with her life's upheaval.
When Althea discovered she was pregnant she'd been completely terrified and so alone. By the time Jenna and Aubrey arrived, the support of Carol and David had been the only thing keeping her sane.
The music from the ice cream man outside jarred her back to the present, unleashing a fresh ache in her chest. Jack used to chase the ice cream man down for her, on foot or by car, anything so he could get her a Push-Up pop or some other frozen throwback treat she liked. It meant that every time she heard those chimes go by her heart hurt a little all over again.
A single tear fell down before she could stop it and plopped hard on the counter.
Johnny looked up from the faucet and she wiped hard at her eyes. She tried so hard to hide her pain from him, but sometimes it got away from her.
"Mommy? Are you okay?" Johnny asked, reaching out his tiny wet hand to place it on hers. His comforting gesture tore into her.
She bit her lip and felt her breath catch on a burbling sob in her rapidly tightening throat as she looked up at her stamped tin ceiling, desperately trying to regain composure in front of her son.
Her breathing normalized and she bent forward and through a forced smile said, "Of course baby. It's just allergies. Here's a couple bucks, you better hurry or you'll miss him."
"Thanks Mommy. Bye!" Johnny hopped down from the step stool and ran toward the front door.
Althea silently chided herself. She couldn't afford to get emotional at every reminder of Jack's thoughtfulness or silly romantic gestures, especially not in front of their son.
Instead she took multiple deep breaths and waited for the pain to retreat. It never left, never subsided permanently, just ebbed back, until the next turbulent wave of anguish would swell and crash over her again.
Just as Althea had sat down, Aubrey came barreling into the kitchen with Jenna not far behind. They both collapsed dramatically into kitchen chairs alongside her. Ever since Aubrey and Althea pledged Kappa Mu sorority at Duke University their freshman year, they'd been inseparable. Jenna was already a sophomore. When she became Aubrey's sorority big sis they'd quickly become a devoted team of three.
Althea's sadness of just a few minutes before was forgotten for the moment, as she couldn't help but marvel at the physical differences between the three women. Althea had long honey-colored hair that was so thick it sometimes seemed like it needed its own zip code. Her hazel eyes, golden skin, full lips, and slim but clearly athletic build were the result of her mother's more delicate French and English heritage smashed together with her father's solidly Polish stock. It made for a striking combination of strength and sensual gentleness, as though Althea could stir you a great mint julep, right after she finished plowing your field.
Aubrey on the other hand was tall and lean with a short dark pixie haircut that framed her huge caramel eyes perfectly. Those eyes paid Aubrey's rent, having a vision for a great photograph and magazine layout of all forms that had become sought after over the last several years.
Jenna was yet another study in contrast from the other two women, with long blonde hair, blue eyes, and a sharp sensibility, she was the voice of reason of the three. Jenna's trim waist accentuated her rounded hips and full breasts, or as Althea called them, "Her great rack." Raised as the only child of an intense high school football coach in Georgia, Jenna had grown up trying to be the son he'd really wanted. She learned to hide and joke about her very feminine frame, often laughing and saying, "I don't know if it's a good rack, but I am definitely not built for speed."
She eventually came into her own and was now a highly successful orthopedic surgical resident, specializing in sports medicine. Her life growing up around football left her with a love of sports and healing those that played them, which was only surpassed by her distaste for the arrogance of male athletes.
"This cake is great! I love the Johnny Rotten theme," Aubrey exclaimed.
"Yup, you know how my boy loves his punk rock. Oh yeah, and thanks for making him want a skate board Auntie Brey, by the way," Althea said sarcastically as she eyed the lovely dragonfly tattoo on Aubrey's right arm.
They all three had a matching tattoo of three distinct birds intertwined and flying together on their right hipbones, but Aubrey had gone on to get several more. She loved introducing Johnny to punk music and fake tattoos, as evidenced by her contribution to the next day's festivities. "Did you bring Johnny's punk supplies, tattoos and all, Aunt Brey?" she smirked at her.
"Of course, and you are very welcome. Come on,
have a little fun, Tea. I think you should go punk like your son."
"Ugh, I get enough rocker bad boy, emphasis on the 'boy' from driving Johnny around. While every other kid is listening to Radio Disney on XM, my son can't get enough of Liquid Metal and 1st Wave."
"C'mon, my job as the cool aunt is to make sure he takes risks and has fun. I leave it to Auntie Jenna to make sure he graduates college in one piece and with a degree."
"Hey, you make me sound so boring," Jenna protested.
"Aw, sweetie, you're just responsible. I mean, the invisible human gift you got him will be very, um, educational, I'm sure," Aubrey said through a giggle.
"Oh Jenna, is that what you got him, those are gross!" Althea moaned. "What did you get him, Brey? A gift certificate for bailing him out of jail someday in the future?"
"Ha ha. No. I got him a drum set," she said with a twinkle in her eye.
"Classic. Well, it stays at your and Jenna's place," Althea decided.
"What? Don't punish me!" Jenna wailed.
"Nope, you live with her, you pay the price of no sleep. And while I'm at it, that invisible human organ thingy gift can stay at your place, too. They give me the creeps, yuck."
"I don't want it either," Aubrey proclaimed. "Hot naked men in our apartment — okay. Skinless replicas of men and their guts — not okay. That's officially a new rule." She looked back over at Althea, "So, it's settled, Johnny will be a rocker, not a doctor," Aubrey winked.
"Um, I'm not sure. I still hope it's a phase. I mean at this rate, how wild will he be at sixteen?" Althea asked with a giggle.
"Come on, you knew any kid of yours and Jack’s would be cool, right? And the girls love a bad boy," Aubrey teased.
"He already looks just like Jack. I'm not worried about girls being uninterested. I'm more worried about what it will cost me to put up one of those electric fences they use on farms to keep out all the marauding females who are sure to be in love with him."
Three Rivers (A Gateway to Love Novel) Page 2