Jonathon looked down at her face and saw the shadow of pain.
‘Were you hurt? Did your cousin lay a finger on you after you were dismissed?’ Even now, Jonathon knew he would go and hunt her relations out, make them pay for what they had done, if they had dared to hurt Louisa.
Louisa’s lips twisted up in a bitter smile. ‘They turned me out and refused to have anything to do with me. I was dead to them. But, no, they never beat me.’
With effort Jonathon regained control of his temper. Later, he would discover them and make them pay. He had not cared for the cousin with his pompous swagger the one time they had met. ‘And this is supposed to be a good thing?’
‘I survived.’ She put a hand on his arm. ‘I could either be consumed with bitterness or I could get on with my life. A life well lived is the best revenge. And I must admit to being amused when my cousin and his wife heard of my good fortune from a mutual acquaintance.’
‘Why?’
‘Instantly they wrote, asking for money and saying how clever I was.’
‘And did you give it?’ Jonathon asked.
‘No, I did not. I thanked them for the good wishes and left it at that.’ She shook her head. Jonathon was impressed. The old Louisa had always been concerned that she was not worthy enough. She had desired a family. ‘I do know who my true friends are and true friends are worth more than blood.’
‘If I have time tomorrow, shall I take you to see Annie? To put your mind to rest.’ Jonathon smiled. The solution to the problem was suddenly clear in his mind. He could keep the parts of his life separate.
‘I would like that. Yes, I would like that very much.’ Louisa bit her lip. ‘Have you discovered if she has anything to do with the theft? You said that several things went missing about the time she left with her lover. Were either involved?’
Jonathon stared at her, impressed. He had not expected her to remember. ‘Yes, I believe so. She has given me her lover’s name as well as one of the missing snuffboxes, but I want to find out how the theft occurred. How did he get into the house? Annie says she has no idea but I think she does.’
‘Shall I ask her about it? She might be willing to confide in me.’
‘I forbid it, Louisa. It is far too risky. Do not even attempt to discover who helped her lover.’
‘It is not as if I am going to put myself in any danger,’ Louisa said, suddenly annoyed with Jonathon. He was acting like she should be wrapped in cotton wool. ‘What could possibly happen to me at her house? It will give me something to do. Something to occupy my time while I am here. Miss Daphne will come along with us, I am certain about that. She will want to see how the neighbourhood has changed.’
‘You need a chaperon? Why?’ The words were said so softly that Louisa wondered if she had only imagined them.
She stared at him for a long moment. ‘Are you asking me to risk my reputation by being alone with you?’
‘Nothing will happen. You have your rules as your shield.’
‘We have an agreement, Jonathon. After this party Miss Daphne and I are going back to Sorrento. We are only here because of Miss Daphne’s desire to revisit old haunts.’
His hand reached out and touched her elbow, holding her in place. ‘Is it just being with me that frightens you, Louisa? I have given you my word. Why can’t you trust that? Or is it your desire that you do not trust?’
Louisa straightened her shoulders and stared directly at him, knowing she had to lie to save her soul. He must never guess that she cared or that the temptation was growing inside her to confide everything that had happened to her and how she had lost her baby, their baby. Right now, she dreaded to think how his eyes would change. ‘I find caution is the better part of valour. Once I took risks, but never again. It is remaining within the accepted limits that keeps me safe.’
Chapter Nine
‘Here you are. I had been scouring the house for you.’
At the sound of Jonathon’s voice, Louisa glanced up from the game of wooden blocks she was playing with Arthur and her heart skipped a beat.
‘Yes, I found a source of alternative entertainment—your son. He takes delight in knocking my towers down.’
Jonathon laughed. ‘I can hardly blame him.’
Why did Jonathon have to appear now when she was busy playing with Arthur? Louisa sighed. She had taken pains over her dress and had sat doing her needlework this morning before taking coffee with Miss Daphne and the Blandishes. The conversation had revolved around London and its forthcoming exhibitions. And as the morning wore on, Louisa had become convinced that Jonathon had forgotten all about his promise to take her to see Annie. So she had given into her impulse and gone to the nursery where Arthur had welcomed her with a joyful whoop.
She should have guessed that Jonathon would remember. Instead of unapproachable perfection, he saw with her hair pins askew, crouched down on the nursery floor, rebuilding the fort that hid Arthur’s toy soldiers.
‘I promised to visit when I had time and suddenly there was time.’ Louisa scrambled to her feet. ‘Do you wish to postpone the journey?’
‘This morning has been far more hectic than I first imagined.’ He ran his hand through his hair, making it stand on end. Louisa remembered the nervous gesture from years ago. He was keeping something from her.
‘Will the visit have to be postponed?’ she asked, pushing her hair behind her ear. Disappointment coursed through her. She had been looking forward to the trip.
‘I managed to sort the difficulty out.’ Again a shadow went over his eyes.
Louisa struggled against the impulse to ask him about it. He had to want to confide in her. She could not make him.
‘Miss Elliot has declared she will remain here, though,’ he said. ‘Something about listening to Miss Blandish practise her singing. Do you think you can risk travelling with just me? I give you my word as a gentleman that your reputation will not be put at risk. Miss Elliot considered it permissible as we are in the country.’
Louisa concentrated on rebuilding the tower for Arthur. Miss Daphne was being utterly transparent in her matchmaking. She should refuse, but she had looked forward to pitting her wits against him, the gentle teasing and to putting her mind to rest about Annie. She put the final block on the tower. It swayed slightly, but remained upright.
‘It would be my pleasure. I am looking forward to meeting Annie again and getting to the bottom of the mystery.’
His gaze travelled down her costume and Louisa was acutely aware of the grubby handprints and ink stains. He reached over and straightened a brick. ‘You need to strengthen your walls.’
‘Do you think so? My walls are built to withstand any onslaught.’ Louisa wet her lips and prayed he was speaking about the wooden walls of the fort, not the ones surrounding her heart.
‘Most definitely. They are in danger of crumbling. Arthur here has found a way.’
Arthur pushed the tower down. The crash resounded around the nursery. He picked up the toy soldier that Louisa had hidden at the centre and gave a cry of triumph.
‘I shall have to take lessons from my son, then,’ Jonathon said quietly and Louisa knew he did not mean the wooden-brick towers.
Arthur held up his hands, begging to be picked up. Louisa knelt down and gave him a quick hug. ‘I need to go, Arthur.’
‘La-Lou. Boo. Boo.’ He waved his hand.
‘Bye-bye to you too.’
‘My son is enchanted with you. He rarely speaks.’
‘It is the age,’ Louisa said with a smile as she gave Arthur’s head a pat. Even in the short time they had spent together, Arthur had wound his fingers around her heart. ‘He is quite the charmer. I can’t remember when I laughed so much.’
‘He is my tonic, but I can never quite make out what he is saying.’
‘You need to listen harder. Hear what he is trying to say.’
She put her fingers to her lips and Arthur began to shout pa pa pla pla.
‘He wants you to pick him up
and play. Build him one last tower before we go.’
‘You are right, Louisa.’ Jonathon’s deep green gaze caught hers and held it. ‘Perhaps I have not been listening hard enough.’
He swung Arthur up into the air. The little boy responded by clapping his hands and shouting, ‘Pa. Pa.’ Their shared laughter rang out. Jonathon looked at her and held out his hand.
‘Shall we have Miss Sibson join in the fun?’
Louisa backed up and quickly shook her head. ‘I am grubby enough all ready.’
His eyes narrowed for an instant, piercing her to her soul. ‘Very well. I shan’t insist … this time.’
Louisa knew she was making a bittersweet memory for when she returned to Sorrento.
‘I will be ready to go to the Sims within the hour.’
He looked over his son’s head and mouthed thank you.
Louisa hurried away before her heart demanded that she stay for ever.
Jonathon reached over and closed the carriage door with click. At his signal, the carriage began to roll away from the Sims’s cottage.
Louisa, he noted with an inward smile, was not hugging the opposite wall as she had done on the trip to the cottage, but sitting in the centre of the seat. Her ribbon-trimmed bonnet shaded her face and her hands were primly folded on her lap. The very model of outward respectability.
With each turn of the carriage wheel, they went closer to Chesterholm and Jonathon knew his best chance would vanish. He had given his word that the first sign had to come from her and all she needed was a slight push.
As the carriage turned a corner on to the longer way home, Jonathon switched his place so he was sitting next to her.
‘There is plenty of space on the other side.’
‘I find going backwards makes me feel ill, particularly when there are bumps in the road.’
‘The journey out was smooth.’
‘We are going a slightly different way home. I wanted to stop at one of my farms. The farmer has a new foal that I want to inspect,’ Jonathon said smoothly and waited for the objection. The matter was far from pressing, but it served to prolong the time they would be together and away from Chesterholm. With any luck, by this evening, Margaret would be under his roof, safe from his stepmother, and Louisa would be in his bed. ‘Will you indulge me?’
She nodded and gathered her skirts in her hand, moving them slightly so they did not touch his leg. ‘This is the first I have heard of you being ill from carriages.’
‘Why do you think I used to drive?’
‘I thought you enjoyed the challenge.’ She inched slightly towards the carriage door.
He raised an eyebrow and her cheeks coloured slightly. Her tongue wet her lips, turning them cherry red. His instinct was correct. She was fighting the same temptation that he was. All she needed was a push in the right direction and the walls that hid her inner self would come tumbling down.
‘And what did you think of your meeting with Annie?’ he asked, allowing his leg to brush hers. ‘Are you satisfied that her father has not beaten her or fed her on gruel? You spent a long time speaking with her. Sims had gone through his entire collection of horse brasses before you finished and that has not happened before.’
‘It was an exercise in futility,’ Louisa said, pulling her bonnet so that it sat more squarely on her head, shading her expression. ‘Annie Sims keeps her secrets close. Despite listening to my tale about Miss Mattie, she refuses to say much about her experience. She claims not to remember much about the night she left.’
‘Why do you think she is hiding something?’
Louisa gave him a quick glance. ‘She kept holding up the handkerchief to her eyes, giving great noisy sobs without her nose going red or a single tear shimmering in her eyes. Later when I contrived to touch the handkerchief, it was dry.’
‘She says very little, but what she does say is intended to tug at the heartstrings. She was blinded by love, but the scales have fallen from her eyes. She hates him now, but she can remember nothing about the night she left.’ Jonathon leant back against the seat and stretched his arms along the back, not exactly embracing Louisa, but resting against her shoulders. He noted with satisfaction that she neither twitched nor moved away. By the end of the journey she would beg for his kiss and one more wall would be gone.
‘Yes, that’s exactly what she said. How did you know?’
‘She said much the same to me. She might genuinely forget a few details, but that night should be branded on her memory.’
‘It is possible that she is determined to rewrite history.’ Louisa frowned. ‘Is Annie the Sims’s only child?’
‘I believe so.’ Jonathon frowned, trying to remember. ‘I will confess to not having paid much attention.’
‘I just wondered where Nanny Hawks fits in. Annie is her niece and I wondered if there were other children in the family.’
‘Nanny Hawks?’ Jonathon adjusted the way he held his arm so that he neatly cupped her shoulder, moving her ever so slowly closer to his body. ‘Nanny Hawks rarely speaks of her niece. I doubt they are close. And Nanny Hawks’s first loyalty is to Arthur and me. She will not have had anything to do with it.’
‘Annie strikes me as someone who has a lot of pride and she should be more vocal about her hatred. He betrayed her,’ Louisa said, dipping her head so that her eyes were hidden by the brim of her straw bonnet.
A pang of remorse sliced through him. He had sworn to protect her. He removed his arm from behind her and studied the outline of her bonnet. ‘Did you hate me?’
‘Yes, I thought I did.’
‘Do you hate me still?’
‘We were speaking of Annie and her lover,’ Louisa said, turning her head towards him. ‘But I have stopped hating you.’
‘A start.’
She smiled back. ‘More than a start. But we are speaking of Annie and not me.’
‘Her sentiment was perhaps too perfect?’ he asked quietly and ran an exploratory finger down the length of her arm. The pulse at the base of her throat quickened slightly from the light touch.
‘Yes, that’s right.’ Louisa developed an interest in her gloves. ‘You have it exactly. It is almost as if the speech has been rehearsed time and time again until she had it letter perfect. Why would this Trevor want her to return here? There could be nothing for him here, particularly when she returned the snuffbox. He will know that he is a wanted man.’
‘Do you think Annie is in danger, then?’
‘How could she be with her father there to protect her interests?’ Louisa said. ‘Annie might be hiding something else entirely. If only she had trusted me enough to say. She should have seen that I wanted to be her friend.’
‘Trust is important—particularly between friends.’
Jonathon allowed his hand to hover and her body slowly moved away from it until she rested snugly against him. She jumped slightly and hurriedly moved back towards his hand.
‘Shall I visit her again without you? It is not as if there is any danger and she might be more forthcoming if Lord Chesterholm is not within earshot,’ she said, relaxing back against his arm. ‘She refuses to say who at the Grange handed him the artefacts.’
‘Refuses?’ Jonathon removed his arm and stared down at her in astonishment. ‘You spoke to her about this? You promised, Louisa!’
‘There was little point in not asking. We have both experienced heartache. She was quite willing to tell me the tale, but she deliberately skimmed over certain details.’
‘Indeed.’
‘I think she has a shrewd idea of who the insider is.’ Her clear amber gaze tumbled into his before she glanced away. ‘And I think she is protecting them. I wish I knew why.’
‘She should trust us to do the right thing. She should want to bring the culprit to justice.’
‘Perhaps her loyalties are at war. She grew up around here, but she still has feelings for this man. Love is not an emotion that you can just turn off at will, as much as one might desire it
.’ She gave a tiny shrug.
‘Thank you for trying to help, Louisa.’ He twisted his fingers about hers and brought them to his lips. Her fingers trembled under his touch and her indrawn breath echoed around the carriage. ‘I will handle it from here. If he did send Annie, then he is dangerous and I cannot put you in danger. Promise me you will not contact Annie again.’
‘I am hardly a fainting violet.’
‘Allow me to worry about you. We are friends.’
‘If she contacts me, I will let you know. Does that satisfy you, Jonathon?’
‘It will have to do, but, by God, Louisa, you are far too independent for your own safety.’
Louisa allowed her hand to rest in his for a few heartbeats, luxuriating in his touch before giving in to propriety and withdrawing it. It would be so easy to give in and turn her head the barest bit and brush his lips with hers.
The invitation was there. It would be easy to let the last of her defences tumble.
A soft sigh escaped her throat.
Already she was coming to care for him and his son. It was wrong to hope. She knew precisely where that had led the last time and she had changed.
Perhaps his intentions had been honourable, but that did not mean they would have remained together in the way she wanted. Less than twenty-four hours after being with her and he had been travelling to see Clarissa to apologise. It was the only explanation for why he had had the accident where it had happened. She had always vowed that she’d never do such a thing again and yet here she was in a carriage with him.
She wanted to believe his words about what had happened before. He certainly had done everything he had promised so far. The grown-up Jonathon was proving a good deal more responsible than the man she had known before.
The temptation to go back to that lovestruck creature she once was washed over her. It was would be foolish to deny her growing attraction to Jonathon, but equally foolish to act on it. She knew the difference between what one should do, and acting on one’s impulses.
‘Why did you come with me today, Louisa?’ he asked in a lazy voice that sent ripples down her spine. ‘Why were you so eager to join me on this journey? Only yesterday you used the excuse of Miss Daphne’s shawl to avoid playing bowls.’
Breaking the Governess's Rules Page 14