‘Is he all right?’ Lissa asked fearfully. The silence seemed to last for an eternity before she heard a shrill cry as the baby took his first breath. Tears streamed down her face when a nurse placed the tiny infant on her chest for a few moments, but then he was wrapped up in blanket ready to be whisked away to the neonatal unit.
‘His name is Elias,’ Lissa told her nurse, who was writing the labels to go around the baby’s fragile wrist and ankle. She understood that her baby would need special care, but her arms ached to hold him, and her heart ached for love that she hoped her son would feel for her. Love that her husband could not or would not give her.
* * *
Takis stared at his baby son lying in the incubator with wires and tubes attached to his tiny body. It was impossible to believe that this scrap of humanity would survive. He blamed himself for Elias’s premature birth. Lissa should have been resting, not traipsing around a museum. It was he who had not been able to give her the love she deserved. Who had suggested they leave the confines of their home to escape the emotions left unspoken, but which hung in the air. He was sure that was the reason she had gone into early labour.
His heart clenched. The baby had a mass of dark hair and reminded him of Giannis. Theos! Takis had not wanted a child, but his son was here, fragile and terrifyingly vulnerable. He had promised that he would protect his son and provide for him, and he would gladly do both. But more than that? He remembered how Lissa had looked at him and said fiercely, ‘You have to love our child.’
Love, that most unstable of emotions that risked pain and heartbreak. He did not want to take the risk and feel the pain of loss. He dared not love his little son.
‘What kind of father will you be?’ Lissa had asked him. Now he had the answer. Elias’s father was a coward, and if Lissa knew the truth, no doubt the light in her eyes that shone so brightly when she looked at him, that light that made him want to be a better man, would dim.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
LISSA EXPERIENCED A rollercoaster of emotions in the first tense week after she’d given birth prematurely. She felt a mixture of joy and fear when she looked at her tiny baby in an incubator. But Elias was a fighter and day by day he continued to thrive.
She stayed in the hospital with the baby for a further three weeks and learned how to feed and bath Elias so that very soon it felt natural to be a mother. Takis visited every day. He brought her flowers and gave her a beautiful sapphire-and-diamond bracelet, but what she really wanted was for him to kiss her instead of prowling around her hospital room like a caged tiger. His edginess made her edgy, which in turn made the baby cry, and she was relieved when he left.
‘Do you want to hold him?’ she asked when they had brought Elias home, a month after his birth. Takis had carried the baby in his car seat up to the nursery. He shook his head when Lissa carefully lifted the baby out of the seat.
‘Let him settle into his new environment. I expect you will need to feed and change him.’ Takis was already at the door. ‘I’ll tell the nanny to come and help.’
Lissa frowned. Takis had only held Elias a couple of times, and on both occasions he had seemed reluctant to do so and had handed him back to her after a couple of minutes. But the baby was so tiny and fragile, and she supposed that Takis felt nervous. Initially she had argued against having a nanny, but Maria was an invaluable help, especially as Elias needed feeding during the night.
Lissa was sleeping in the bedroom adjoining the nursery, and at first she was so wrapped up in motherhood that she did not allow herself to wonder why Takis showed little interest in his son. He had gone back to his old habit of disappearing into his study when he was at home, and he went to his office every day, often working until late.
But as another month passed, his indifference became more apparent. Lissa blamed herself because the good relationship they’d established before Elias was born had cooled to the point where she and Takis rarely saw each other. If only she had not confessed her feelings for him, they might have been able to resume their marriage, which hadn’t been perfect but had been better than the divisions between them, which she had no idea how to deal with. They were still sleeping separately, even though Elias had settled to one nightly feed, which the nanny gave him. Lissa did not have the confidence to move back into the bedroom she had once shared with Takis, and he did not suggest it.
Her insecurities flooded back. Why had she forgotten that he had married her because she had been expecting his baby? A baby he took as little interest in as he did her, Lissa thought bleakly. She remembered how Takis had insisted that she was his responsibility. He had married her out of duty, and all the time in Santorini, when she had been falling in love with him, she had meant nothing to him.
Worst of all, he had broken his promise to love his baby. Although, when she thought back, she realised that Takis had never actually made that promise. He had said he would give his son his name and the benefits of his wealth. That he would protect him. But that wasn’t the same and it wasn’t enough, Lissa thought, anger replacing her deep hurt.
She imagined a future where she was desperate for Takis to take notice of her. Desperate for his affection and love until bitterness crept into her heart and she despised him as surely as he would despise her. Something broke inside her then. It wasn’t selfish to want to be loved. With hindsight she realised that when she’d been a teenager and still grieving for her parents, she had needed her grandfather to love her. She deserved so much more. And now she knew what she must do. She must save herself from her loveless marriage that broke her heart daily.
* * *
Takis let himself into the house and dropped the bunch of flowers that he’d bought on his way home from the office on the hall table. The flowers were a peace offering that he hoped would break the impasse between him and Lissa. She had looked so unhappy lately and he knew he was responsible.
She did not understand why he had distanced himself from her and Elias, and he could not explain that he was protecting them. And, if he was honest, he was protecting himself. She had once taunted him that he was afraid of her, and it was true. He recognised that he was in danger of becoming attached to her.
The only way he could control emotions that he did not want was to put up barriers. He’d thought she hadn’t noticed. But lately he had caught her looking at him with a vulnerable expression in her eyes that made his heart clench. She wanted more than he could give her, and they were going to have to negotiate a way around that for both their sakes.
He checked the ground-floor rooms before going upstairs to the nursery, expecting Lissa to be there. Elias was asleep in his crib. Takis glanced at the baby who reminded him so painfully of Giannis and quickly left the room. He found Lissa in the bedroom where she’d slept since she’d brought Elias home from the hospital. She stiffened when she glanced over her shoulder and saw him.
‘I wasn’t expecting you home so early,’ she said flatly.
Takis roved his gaze over her slender figure. She looked amazing in jeans and a T-shirt, and it was hard to believe that she had given birth only two months ago. He wondered what she would do if he tumbled her down on the bed and removed their clothes before making fierce love to her. Sometimes he’d caught her giving him a hungry look that made him think she wanted to resume their physical relationship as much as he did.
It was then that he noticed the suitcase on the bed and the pile of clothes next to it. Foreboding dropped into the pit of his stomach. ‘What is happening?’
‘My sister has invited me to stay with her and Jace in Thessaloniki. I’ve only seen baby Acacia a couple of times and it will be nice for Elias to meet his cousin. Jace is sending his plane.’
Takis couldn’t explain the relief that rushed through him. ‘I should have thought to arrange the trip. You will enjoy spending time with Eleanor.’
Lissa closed the zip on the suitcase. ‘Yes. And when I come back to A
thens I want a divorce.’
He jerked his head back as if she’d slapped him. His heart was thudding painfully hard. ‘I don’t understand, koúkla mou,’ he said carefully.
‘Don’t call me that,’ she snapped, her eyes blazing. ‘I’m not your doll. We both know that I am not anything to you.’
‘That’s not true.’ He felt like he was standing in a field of landmines and an explosion could wipe him out at any moment. ‘You are my wife, and the mother of my son.’
‘You wanted neither.’ Her mouth trembled and she looked away from him and stuffed a sweatshirt into the suitcase. ‘I could cope with your indifference if it only affected me, but it will affect our son. I won’t let Elias grow up wondering why his papa doesn’t love him. It’s too cruel.’ She dashed a hand across her eyes. ‘I’m going to take him back to England. I’ll find a job in hotel management that hopefully offers accommodation, and you won’t have to see us ever again.’
Takis felt the walls of his fortress start to crumble. ‘That is not what we agreed.’
‘I know our marriage was meant to be a practical solution when I became pregnant,’ she said in a strained voice. ‘But it’s not working for me and I have to end it.’
Fear cracked through him. ‘Tell me what I have to do to make it work,’ he gritted, unable to control his desperation that made him feel physically sick when he realised that she was serious about leaving him.
Tears shimmered in Lissa’s eyes, but there was determination on her face, determination to leave him and take their child with her. ‘You have to love me. And we both know that’s not going to happen.’
Takis stared at her. ‘We can work this out...’
‘How?’ she choked. ‘I love you, and it’s tearing me apart to know that you don’t love me. I understand why after Giannis died you shut off your emotions. But another little boy needs your love. Elias is your son, but you ignore him, and it breaks my heart to think he would suffer the pain of rejection that I felt when my grandfather had no time for me.’ Lissa lifted her chin. ‘And I deserve more than a sham of a marriage.’
Takis silently applauded the self-confident woman she had become. The one who stood up for herself, for her son.
‘I deserve to be loved,’ she said fiercely. ‘I want my freedom so that one day I can fall in love with someone who will love me back unreservedly.’
She walked over to the door. ‘I forgot to bring Elias’s car seat from downstairs. He will wake from his nap soon, and I have booked a taxi to take us to the airport.’
Takis watched her leave the room. He was frozen inside, and his lungs burned as he dragged in a breath. He ran a shaky hand over his eyes. Lissa had told him that she loved him, and in the next breath announced that she was leaving him. So was her first statement a lie? Just like his stepmother had lied about loving him all those years ago?
But the schoolboy infatuation he’d felt for Marina was nothing like the powerful feelings he had for Lissa. The truth hit him like a thunderbolt. Love. He had denied it and assured himself that he was in control of his emotions. Love hurt. Why would he risk the searing pain he’d felt when his brother had died? Instead he had been a coward and withheld his love from his baby son.
He strode down the corridor, opened the door to the nursery and walked across the room to the crib. A pair of blue eyes surveyed him unblinkingly, and then Elias smiled and Takis felt his heart shatter into a thousand pieces.
‘I stayed away from you because I was scared,’ he told the baby rawly. His throat felt like he’d swallowed broken glass. ‘Scared I might drop you or do something wrong.’ He swallowed hard. ‘Scared to be your papa because I don’t know how to be a father. But I will learn. I promised your mama that I will love and protect you always.’
Life was about choices, Lissa had said. Takis chose not to be a monster like his father had been. Chose to learn from his mistakes. He would be the best father he could be, he promised Elias. Taking a deep breath, he reached into the crib and carefully scooped his son into his arms.
The baby was so small and breakable. Was he holding him tightly enough? Too tight? Takis slowly released his breath and held Elias against his shoulder. The baby’s dark hair felt like silk and he smelled...of baby, Takis thought as tenderness swept through him, and a wave of love so strong that it hurt his heart.
Lissa had said that he must forgive himself for Giannis’s death in the fire that Takis now accepted had been an accident that he could not have prevented. He had punished himself for twenty years and buried his heart in an icy tomb. But the ice had gradually thawed in the warmth of Lissa’s smiles and the light that blazed in her eyes when she looked at him. Only him.
‘Your mama is wise and beautiful, and you have her eyes,’ he told his son. He looked towards the door and saw the nanny holding a bottle of formula.
‘Would you like to feed the baby?’ she asked, offering Takis the bottle.
Not this time, but he had a lifetime to bond with his son, and he would, Takis vowed. ‘I’ll leave Elias with you,’ he told the nanny. ‘I have something important to tell my wife.’
* * *
Lissa walked back into the bedroom with the baby carrier and stopped dead when she saw Takis unpacking her suitcase. Her emotions couldn’t take much more. She felt raw and did not even bother to wipe away the tears that coursed down her cheeks. She put the carrier on the floor and sagged against the door frame.
‘Don’t,’ she choked. ‘Just don’t. I need to go.’ She forced herself to look at him and her stupid heart broke all over again. He was so gorgeous, but he didn’t want her, he’d never wanted her, except for on one perfect night. She sniffed inelegantly and knew she must look a mess. Her mascara wasn’t waterproof, and she had cried enough tears to fill an ocean. ‘You have taken everything else. Can’t you at least let me have my dignity?’
‘I love you.’
Her heart skittered as Takis said the words she’d longed to hear. But she shook her head. He was only saying them because she was leaving.
‘No,’ she said with tremulous effort. ‘Don’t play games with me.’ Takis had said those words to her more than once. He had been suspicious of her and so furious about her pregnancy. More tears filled her eyes when she thought of darling little Elias, who would never have his father’s love.
She pressed her finger against her quivering lips, hating that she was falling apart in front of Takis. She was aware of him moving and tensed when he drew her hand away from her mouth. He was so close that she breathed in his heavenly male scent, and she ached with longing.
‘I knew I was in trouble the minute I saw you,’ he said heavily. ‘I’m not a big fan of weddings, but I couldn’t refuse when Jace asked me to be his best man. All eyes were on the bride, except for mine. You stole my breath.’
He let go of her fingers, which he had been squeezing hard like a drowning man clinging to a life raft, and lifted his hand to brush her long fringe off her face. ‘You stole my heart. I fell in love with you, but I fought my feelings and insisted that our marriage was a solution to a problem.’
‘My pregnancy was a problem for you,’ she said dully.
The expression in Takis’s eyes made her tremble. ‘I told myself that I did not deserve to be happy, but even that was an excuse. The truth is that I was afraid to acknowledge how I felt about you because all I knew of love was that it had nearly broken me. When Giannis died I made a pact with myself never to allow love into my life. I didn’t need it, and I certainly didn’t want it. But I couldn’t forget you.’
He ran his finger lightly down her cheek, tracing the path of a tear. ‘I thought if I kept you at arm’s length I would be able to control what is in here.’ He pressed his hand against his chest. ‘But my heart knew the truth, agapi mou, and it beats only for you.’
‘Takis.’ She could not speak when her heart was beating so hard it hurt.
‘If I beg, will you give me a chance to try to win back your love?’
She swallowed. ‘I can’t.’
Takis paled beneath his tan and closed his eyes. ‘I’m sorry for how I treated you. I know I don’t deserve your love.’ He pinched the bridge of his nose and Lissa’s heart turned over when she saw that his eyelashes were wet.
‘It wouldn’t be fair to Elias. I can’t bear the thought of him feeling worthless because his father doesn’t love him.’
‘I adore our son,’ he said urgently. ‘I swear I will spend the rest of my life making sure that he knows how special he is.’
Takis slipped his hand under her chin and gently tilted her face up to his. ‘You humble me with your courage. You were heartbroken when your parents died, but you are willing to love again. I have seen your devotion to Elias, and I wish...’ He swallowed hard.
He tried to smile and failed. ‘Big boys do cry. Especially when they have lost the person they love most in all the world, the universe.’
Finally, Lissa believed him. ‘You haven’t lost me, my love,’ she said softly. ‘I am right here, and that’s where I want to stay, forever.’
He kissed her then, with such tenderness, such love that Lissa felt as though her heart would burst.
‘I love you,’ she whispered against his mouth as he drew her down on to the bed.
‘You are my world. You and Elias.’ The reverence in Takis’s eyes filled Lissa with joy. ‘You are everything and I am nothing without you,’ he said deeply.
They undressed each other with hands that trembled, and Takis told her over and over again how much he loved her before he worshipped her body with his mouth until she could wait no longer and lifted her hips towards him. When he entered her and made them one, it was like the first time, beautiful and new and shining, and Lissa was dazzled by this love of theirs that was brighter than the brightest star and would blaze until the end of time.
Nine Months to Tame the Tycoon--An Uplifting International Romance Page 15