This can be rephrased as:
PIT: I don’t deserve this job because I am different.
To challenge this PIT, ask:
Is it true? Yes, I am different.
Is it logical? No, just because I am different, it doesn’t mean that I don’t deserve to be here.
PET: Even if I am different, I have every right to be here. I deserve this job.
***
Here is another example:
PIT: I am not good at this task yet, therefore, I shouldn’t do it at all.
Is it true? Yes, I am not good at this task yet. My skills need refining.
Is it logical? No, just because I am not good at this yet, it doesn’t mean I shouldn’t even try.
PET: I am not good at this yet, but I am willing to learn and I will give it a go.
***
Here is another common example for those with Imposter Syndrome:
PIT: I am not good. The task was just too easy, therefore, anyone can just as easily do it.
Is it true? Yes, the task was too easy (for me).
Is it logical? No, just because it was easy for me, it doesn’t mean that it will also be easy for others.
Interesting side-note: In psychology, there is a phenomenon wherein people of low ability perceive themselves to be superior; while those who are highly skilled presume that either the tasks that are easy for them are also easy for others, or that subjects that they are highly-knowledgeable in are just common knowledge for others. This is called the Dunning-Kruger effect. Search for it online to learn more!
PET: Just because a task was easy for me, it doesn’t mean that it is easy for everyone. It was easy for me because of my knowledge, skills, and accumulated experience of this task.
Question 3: Is it CONSTRUCTIVE?
If your PIT is both true and logical, then the next question to ask is this: is it constructive?
Just because something is true and logical, it doesn’t mean that it is helpful.
Ask yourself, what good will it do to stick with this thought?
Does it help me?
Does it help others?
What benefit does it bring to anyone or anything?
If the PIT is not constructive, then attempt to convert it into something that would be more helpful to yourself or to others. For example:
PIT: I failed the exam, therefore my knowledge about this topic is limited and I should be ashamed of myself.
Is it true? Yes, I failed my exam.
Is it logical? Yes, failing the exam reflects my limited knowledge about this topic.
Is it constructive? No, feeling ashamed of myself for failing an exam is not helpful.
PET: I failed my exam but there is no need to be ashamed of myself. I will continue to learn and improve from this experience.
***
So remember, don’t let your inner critic diminish your progress.
Keep your momentum.
When it throws new PITs your way, just give it a bit of TLC and ask:
Is it true?
Is it logical?
Is it constructive?
If it helps, I prepared a flowchart to help you with this process:
You may also use the BONUS worksheet from your 30-day action plan to remedy your Imposter Syndrome so you can monitor your PITs and convert these into PETs. Click here to download for FREE.
***
In this last section, I would like to share three PITs that I had to confront while dealing with my Imposter Syndrome.
The interesting thing with these PITs was that they only surfaced in my consciousness when someone blurted them out after I expressed my interest to apply for a promotion. Hearing these out loud for the first time, from someone I admired and looked up to, made me spiral into self-defeat and self-doubt for nearly two years.
I wasn’t ready to hear it.
And I wasn’t prepared to confront it.
I simply absorbed and believed it.
In hindsight, I should have challenged these PITs and gave them the TLC treatment they deserved instead. Doing that could have saved myself and others from a lot of pain and misery. Don't make the same mistake I made!
***
PIT #1: It’s nothing – anyone can do what you’re doing.
Is it true? Maybe.
Do you have evidence? No, I haven’t tried asking a random stranger to deliver a conference presentation on qualitative research and social impact; or chair a network of action researchers; or get funding and facilitate community health promotion projects; or run an international module on globalization, and human rights; or do a Foucauldian Discourse Analysis, run logistic regressions, or write a best-selling book while breastfeeding a baby...
Let me ask the question again, is it true that anyone can do what you’re doing? I guess not.
PET #1: What I do is special. It requires highly-specialized knowledge, skills, and determination to do what I do… and do it well.
***
PIT #2: You just got lucky, that’s why you are here.
Is it true? Yes.
Do you have evidence? Yes, my life is a series of fortunate incidents that led me to where I am now.
Is it logical? No, just because I got lucky, it does not mean that luck is entirely responsible for me being here. Luck (a.k.a. life’s opportunities and blessings) can happen to anyone. Outcomes may differ depending on what we decide to do with these.
PET #2: Yes, I got lucky. But I did something with these opportunities which led me to where I am today.
***
PIT #3: You will not succeed with Plan A because you will not get the support you need to do it; so just leave it.
Is it true? I tried to deny it at first, but yes, it is true. I will not get the support I need to pursue Plan A.
Is it logical? Yes, support is needed to succeed with Plan A.
Is it constructive? Yes, leaving Plan A is constructive. Beating my head against a wall to pursue Plan A will not get me anywhere. It will only hurt my head and cause minimal damage to the wall.
PET #3: Without support, Plan A is a dead-end. Turn around and look for an alternative solution.
6
STAYING OUT OF THE IMPOSTER SYNDROME CYCLE
Keeping the positive energy up is a good way to keep yourself out of the Imposter Syndrome Cycle. In this chapter, I will discuss three ways that can help you (and others around you) to recognize our worth and flourish with self-confidence at work and in life:
Mentorship
Gratitude
Supportive environments
Mentor: get one and be one
Mentorship can be defined as a relationship that involves a more experienced or knowledgeable person providing guidance and support to someone else.
Traditionally, mentoring is perceived as something that early career individuals could benefit from. However, recent trends suggest that mentoring can be helpful at all stages of a person’s career.
For those with Imposter Syndrome, the idea of having a mentor may not be a welcome thought. These individuals may feel reluctant about finding a mentor because it would require an openness to the possibility of telling someone that there are things that they don’t know yet, which could be construed as a sign of weakness.
One way to remedy this is by encouraging an individual struggling with Imposter Syndrome to adopt a GROWTH mindset and to embrace the mentoring relationship as an opportunity to learn from someone with more experience.
Having an honest mentoring relationship can be an invaluable resource because mentors can help mentees by:
Sharing knowledge that can only be gained through experience
Finding ways to encourage personal and professional growth
Providing honest and constructive feedback
Offering encouragement and support
Helping mentees to expand their network by linking them with relevant connections
Studies have shown that mentoring is associated with a wide range of positive out
comes, including behavioral, attitudinal, motivational, health-related, social, and career-oriented outcomes. This is particularly evident in academic and workplace mentoring schemes.
As far as effective mentoring relationships go, my best experiences were with those who were generous with their time and openly engaged in the mentoring process. As someone who had serious issues with self-doubt, I had mentors who trusted me with responsibilities despite my lack of self-confidence in fulfilling them. They believed that I could be trusted with these tasks and they provided encouragement and support whenever I needed it.
By doing things hands-on, I was also gaining experience myself and building self-confidence. What’s more, when tasks were completed, the effective mentors allowed me to take the credit for what I had accomplished. They shared my joy and expressed how proud they were of my achievements.
In hindsight, I probably would have benefitted from having a mentor when I returned to work after maternity leave. Going back to work after giving birth presented a whole host of challenges which I would have never anticipated on my own. Learning from someone who had "been there and done that" could have helped me to anticipate and make sense of my own challenges when transitioning back to work.
Becoming a mentor to someone else is also just as beneficial.
If you have Imposter Syndrome, mentoring someone can help you to overcome self-doubt by enabling you to reflect on how your knowledge and experience can be a learning opportunity for someone else. Mentoring someone can build your confidence by positioning you as someone who has walked down the same path as the mentee.
Mentoring can also make you realize that it's not always about you all the time and that you are not alone in this journey. Mentoring allows you to reflect and understand that there are also others who may share the same doubts and struggles as you have.
As a lecturer, I have had the privilege to provide a mentoring role for my students. Whilst being an academic has its ups and downs, being part of someone else’s learning experience and witnessing their growth is something that has kept me in this job. For example, here is anonymous feedback from a student that has shown me how my support can be valuable to someone else’s professional growth and development:
“Emee has been an outstanding tutor who has always been there whenever I have needed help. She has pushed me and has given me a drive to succeed that I have never felt as a student before. I have never seen any other tutor give as much time and effort to her students as Emee, she truly cares about the success of each and every one and will push to make sure that you reach your full potential…”
In times of self-doubt, the feedback I receive from students has encouraged me to keep pushing through with what I do. Anonymous feedback has also helped me recognize that what I do can have an impact on someone else's decisions in life:
“Emee is amazing in so many ways. I’ve heard it quoted by other psychology students 'once you have had Emee as a teacher or supervisor you never want anyone else' – and it’s true, she is kind, caring, supportive and nothing is ever too much trouble… she gives you challenges, but is there every step of the way… when you share ideas with her, she never tells you they are stupid or makes you feel inadequate. She has this way of making you feel good about them whilst still guiding you in the right direction. She is truly inspirational, and if it wasn’t for her I know I would never have even considered doing my master’s, which I’m doing now. She is a born teacher and has this gift that is hard to describe. She makes you want to learn more, and feel excited at the challenge...”
Comments like that really help to melt my self-doubt when it pops up every now and then.
Research also suggests that mentoring is associated with the mentor’s job satisfaction, organizational commitment, and career success. In a survey of 161 French managers, Francois Grima and colleagues found that mentors also value the personal dimension that the mentoring relationship brings.
From my experience, I have kept in touch with some of my students even after they have left university. I feel extremely proud when I see how they are flourishing in their lives and in their careers. Some have even become close friends, just as I have become life-long friends with my own teacher-mentors.
Be grateful, celebrate, and share your successes
When you have Imposter Syndrome, wallowing in self-doubt can be very easy. Sometimes, it can make you forget the good things that are happening in your life by focusing only on your perceived imperfections. With Imposter Syndrome, flaws tend to be magnified, while successes tend to be downplayed. Gratitude is a way to remedy this.
Research has shown that gratitude can improve subjective wellbeing by promoting positive emotions such as hopefulness, empathy, forgiveness, and happiness. Positive psychologist, Philip C. Watkins, conducted a series of studies to explore the characteristics of people who practice gratitude. He and his team found that:
Grateful people tend to feel a sense of abundance and feel less deprived;
They acknowledge other people’s contributions in their life;
They can appreciate the simple pleasures in life; and
They understand the importance of gratitude and express it when they can.
Gratitude has also been shown to elevate feelings of joy, pleasure, and optimism. It is linked to improvements in immune system functioning, blood pressure, healthier habits, and better sleeping patterns. It can also reap social benefits through increased altruistic behaviors and compassion for others.
Practicing gratitude can help remedy Imposter Syndrome by enabling people to acknowledge the goodness in life, no matter how big or small. Here are some practical tips to help get you started:
Ask yourself, “what am I thankful for today?”
Take some time to reflect on anything that has happened in the day that is worth being thankful for, even if it is as simple as getting back safely to a warm home. When you reflect on things that you can be grateful for, you will be amazed at how these expand and allow you to see more good things in your life that you hadn't noticed before.
Take time to notice the simple pleasures in life.
In this fast-paced world, it can be easy to overlook the simple things that add color and texture to our lives. Take time to notice these. For example, savor your food and notice how it nourishes your body. Appreciate the comfort of your bed when you lay your head there to rest. Take time to be grateful for the people in your life and the companionship they bring you. These are just some of the simple pleasures in life that we sometimes take for granted.
Notice the positives rather than the negatives.
Those with Imposter Syndrome tend to focus only on the negatives. Remedy this by noticing the positive aspects of things that you criticize. For example, you may be unhappy with your presentation because you found a typo in one of your slides, but neglect the fact that the other 29 slides of your 30-slide presentation were typo free. You can correct that one typo in the future, but don’t forget to be happy that you did a good job, overall.
Embrace compliments and say thank you with a smile.
Hearing compliments from others could make those with Imposter Syndrome feel very uncomfortable. Since they harbor self-doubt, they may think that people are just being polite, or worse, they may think that people are being sarcastic about their abilities.
People with Imposter Syndrome may respond to the compliment by ignoring it, or by finding arguments to show how this compliment is untrue. In other words, they may end up sabotaging even the nicest compliments that come their way.
The truth is, I have been guilty of this myself. In the past, when people gave me compliments, my tendency was to shut it down as quickly as possible because it made me feel embarrassed. It was almost like an automatic response: Someone says something nice; I blurt an agitated, “it’s not true!”, and then divert the conversation to something else just to avoid further awkwardness.
But the trouble was, I was not even aware that I was doing this. I was only made a
ware when my mentor asked me to stop interrupting him when he tried to give me positive feedback! I remember him saying, irritated, “Why do you always do that? Can’t you accept compliments? It’s very annoying when you do that!” (Yes, my mentor’s a straight-talking kind of guy!)
He told me that it is rude to interrupt someone while they are giving you a compliment. He said it is like rejecting someone’s gift, even before they have given it to you. I was advised to shut up and wait for the person to finish talking – it’s good manners after all.
Although it is uncomfortable at first, keeping quiet while someone is giving you a compliment is good practice because you may learn a thing or two about yourself that you didn't know.
When they are done giving their compliment, say “thank you” and show your gratitude for their kind words. And my mentor is right – it is a gift.
It took me time to learn to embrace compliments. But at least my mentor was patient with me and always (abruptly) stopped me when I regressed to old habits. I am still getting used to it, but being aware of my response to compliments was the first step. The second was to make a conscious decision to modify my response into a more constructive and positive one.
When you recognize that you have plenty to be grateful for, celebrating is a good way to share your joy with others. Here are four reasons why celebrations, no matter how small, can be good for you:
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