by Mia Sheridan
I sigh. "Yeah, I do, actually. I'd love to go to college but that takes money. Money that right now, I don't have. But what I'd really love to do is write. I have this idea for a book… " I trail off, feeling slightly embarrassed.
"Do it. Why haven't you?"
Because it's out of my realm of "safe."
"Well, I need a computer to be able to write. I brought a flash drive back and forth to the library for a while, but it's just too impractical. And when I was feeling inspired, the library was closed… you know. It just didn't work."
The waiter brings our dinner and we dig in. It's rich and delicious and I can't help moaning after I take the first bite.
"Good?" Jake asks, his eyes darkening as he watches my mouth.
"Mmmm," I say, nodding.
"Will you stay with me again tonight?"
"I can't, Jake. I need to get ready for the week. I need to go home and get myself organized."
"Tomorrow night?"
"Can't tomorrow night either. I have a catering job that'll go late. I don't usually do them on Monday nights but it's some sort of art showing at a gallery downtown." I look at him suspiciously, "You won't be there, will you?"
He grins. "Wasn't planning on it but maybe now I'll have to see what I can arrange."
"Don't you dare."
"I have to travel to my office in San Diego on Tuesday but I'll be back Wednesday evening. Will you stay then?"
I smile at him. "Okay." He smiles back.
We eat in silence for a minute and then I ask, "I'm assuming you went to college?"
"Yeah, I went to UCSD. I was in school and also working with my dad, learning all about the company since the plan was for me to start working there when I graduated. We just had no idea at the time that I'd be running the damn thing. That's when my dad and I finally formed more of a relationship than we'd ever had. I had moved out of our house and that was really the thing that allowed us to start over. It was the first time I was really something close to happy in a long time, being away from my parents, just 'finding myself' to use a clichéd expression."
I nod. "You're not close to your mother?"
He makes a scoffing sound, "Close?" He cringes and is silent for a few seconds. "No."
I keep looking at him but he doesn't go on and I don't know what to say and so I pick up my fork and continue eating.
After a minute, he says quietly, "I want to pay for you to take classes, Evie."
I blink at him. "What?" I bristle slightly. "Why would you do that?"
"Because I believe in you. Because I think you're smart and I think you just need a small break to be able to reach for your dreams."
I shake my head slightly, "Jake, listen, that's a nice offer, but I've worked really hard to get where I am. I know to you my life probably doesn't look like a raving success story but I do okay and I'll find a way to go to school at some point… I mean we just started sleeping together and I don't really know how all this works but maybe we should wait to see where this goes before you start offering me large sums of money."
His face is hard now, clearly not happy with what I've just said. "First of all, I thought I already made it clear that, actually, I do consider your life a raving success story, all things considered. And secondly, do I need to remind you what you told me in my bed not 24 hours ago, Evie?" Yikes. He's pissed.
I blink again because I said a lot of things, most of them having to do with my approval of what he was doing with his hands and his mouth and… God, now I'm turned on again.
"Um - " I say.
"You told me you were mine, Evie. This is not some fun fuck. This is not casual to me. I thought I had conveyed that to you."
"So, what? You're like my boyfriend or something now?"
"Boyfriend, man, lover, whatever label you like, you can use it, but what it means is that we take care of each other in and out of the bedroom. And part of me taking care of you means me offering to give you the money it takes to make your dreams come true."
Oh wow. Okay, then. "Jake - "
"Just think about it okay?"
I stare at him for a second but relent, "Okay."
"Okay." He takes a couple bites of his dinner and then, "Also, you need to get on birth control. I don't want to use condoms with you."
I pause, a bite halfway to my mouth. Alrighty. "I'm already on the pill. I have bad periods. It regulates it. I've been on it for years."
He stares at me silently for a second and then, "Okay, good. Now finish your dinner."
Totally bossy. But totally sweet. And totally hot. But...
"Um, Jake, if we're not going to use condoms, I should probably ask…"
"I'm clean. I've always used condoms and I get regular check ups. I can show you paperwork if you want."
I'm silent for a second, "No, I trust you."
After dinner, Jake drives me back to my apartment and we make out in his car for a few minutes but then he groans and pulls away, muttering, "Killing me," and comes around the car to open my door for me. I give him one last kiss, open my building door and practically skip inside.
CHAPTER 18
Evie is 13, Jake is 15
I heft my backpack up on my shoulder as I walk down the street towards Leo's foster home. I stayed late for a study group and so I'm not walking with Willow like I usually do.
Leo started high school several months ago and not having him at the same school anymore has been hard. He hasn't had to stand up for me for a while, kids started ignoring me after the Denny Powell incident, but just seeing him in the halls would brighten my day. Sometimes he would reach out and brush his hand against mine, pretending not to see me as we passed in the hall, or he would leave funny little notes in my locker. It made me smile. And I can use all the smiles I can get.
As I turn the corner to his house, I see a lone, familiar figure sitting on his porch stairs. I stop and stare at him for a minute, knowing he doesn't see me, apparently lost in thought, his elbows on his knees, his head bent foreword.
I head in his direction and as I walk towards him, his head comes up and he looks up at me, his face breaking out in a smile.
"Hi," I say, smiling, "What are you doing out here?"
"Just thinking," he says, looking more serious now. "It's so damned loud in there," he gestures backwards with his head.
I take a seat next to him, nodding. "Whatcha thinkin' about?"
"I was thinking about Seth, Evie." He pauses. "I was wondering where he is, how he's doing… wondering…," his voice breaks and I instinctively reach out for his hand, bringing it to my cheek, rubbing his knuckles against my skin.
His eyes dart to me and his lips part slightly. My eyes go to his mouth and I stare for a minute, wondering what it would be like to kiss him.
Oh my God! Did I just wonder what it would be like to kiss Leo? He's always been like a brother to me. But lately… I think about him in ways that I never have before. I find myself wanting him to hold my hand, to sit close to me when we watch television together at my house in the front room. I shiver when he accidentally brushes against me.
I love him, I already know that. I've loved Leo McKenna for so many years… but am I falling IN love with him?
When my eyes meet his, there is an intensity there that I've seen before but never knew what it meant. I know now. I probably have the same look in my eyes, too. A single thought pops into my head, "Kiss me!"
"Wanna walk?" he asks.
I let go of his hand and stand up, "Sure."
We walk together in silence for a couple minutes and then he takes my hand and looks shyly at me. I smile at him as warmth seems to spread from our joined hands, up my arm to spread through my chest. He smiles back and squeezes my hand tighter.
We turn into the park and walk to the swings. I sit down on one and he pulls it back and lets it go so that I giggle. He leans against the support pole a few feet away.
Leo grins, showing me that adorable gap and says, "I love to hear you laugh."
> I tilt my head as my swing slows, "You do?"
He comes closer until he's holding both chains on my swing and I have to tilt my head to look up at him. "Yeah, Evie, I do. It's the only thing that makes me truly happy."
We both grow serious as he gazes down at me and I feel like my heart dips into my stomach. But then he moves back slightly and stuffs his hands into his pockets. I blink and swallow nervously.
"I was wondering… I know it's a girl ask boy thing. But, well, I wanted to know if you'd go to that Sadie Hawkins dance at my school with me." His cheeks flush slightly as he waits for my answer.
"I'd love to go to the dance with you, Leo. Only, I don't exactly have anything to wear. It's not like Jodi will buy me anything for something like that." I look down and my cheeks heat, too.
He nods, looking at me thoughtfully, probably realizing that he didn't think about the fact that we'd need dress up clothes. "Then we'll say we're going to the dance and instead we'll come here and dance under the stars. No dressing up required for that. Our foster parents will never even notice that we're not dressed right for a dance." He smiles a little sadly at me but I know he's right about that. But then he smiles bigger, "I just want to be with you. I want to hold you close."
"Where will we get music?" I ask quietly.
"I'll bring my hand held radio." He grins.
I can't help but to grin back. "We'll probably get arrested and spend the night in juvi."
"I'll risk it."
I tilt my head to the side. "Okay. It's a date." I smile hesitantly as he grins back at me.
He stares at me for a few seconds and then says very seriously, "Someday, I'm going to buy you a whole closetful of the most beautiful clothes money can buy."
I smile up at him. "I don't need fancy clothes, Leo. I just need you."
"You can have both," he says smiling back.
I stare at this boy, my Leo. How did things change so quickly? Did I fall for him so slowly that I didn't even notice while I was falling? As he grabs my hand and pulls me off the swing and we start walking back, my heart starts beating wildly in my chest. I think dazedly that falling, whether to the ground or in love, is always at least a little bit scary, even if you do it slowly.
CHAPTER 19
The next couple of days go by quickly in a flurry of work, laundry and other mundane but necessary activities.
Jake offers to drive me, or have his company driver chauffeur me to and from work but I tell him no. I don't mind taking the bus. I can read while I'm riding and it's convenient for me. He doesn't seem particularly pleased about this but I need to maintain my independence. I already feel like things are moving so fast between us and it scares me to become so wrapped up in someone so quickly.
I talk to Jake on Monday between my two jobs but he's at work and he sounds distracted so I make it quick and tell him I'll call him on Tuesday night while he's in San Diego. He has a smile in his voice as he says he'll be waiting for my call.
On Monday night I work for Tina at a small art gallery downtown and Landon is there too so, between filling trays in the kitchen, I fill him in on my day and night with Jake. He hangs on my every word and fans himself dramatically as I throw in a few tidbits about our night together.
"Down boy, that's all you're getting. A girl's got to keep a few secrets," I say teasingly when Landon asks for more details.
"No fair, I've been waiting a very long time for this," Landon grumps back.
I smack him lightly on the shoulder, "You act like I was the last virgin known to mankind."
"Not the last known to mankind, but possibly the last one over 21. Have you looked around our society lately, Fancy Face? I was just dying to know who exactly you were saving yourself for." He winks and grins at me.
"I wasn't saving myself. You could have had me anytime." I say back bumping my hip to his playfully.
"That's it. I officially renounce my gay-ness. I'm yours, Fancy Face. Take me now!"
"Ha ha. Don't think it works that way, Lan, but I appreciate the sentiment." I grin at him and get back to work.
But later I think about what Landon said about saving myself. Had I been? Because deep down, I realize that maybe me denying it wasn't entirely true. I had made a promise a long time ago and although that person was no longer a part of my life, nor was he ever going to be, somewhere inside I always knew that if I was going to fall in love again, it was going to be because something in that man reminded me of Leo.
**********
On Tuesday evening, I make a couple batches of chocolate chip cookies, dropping one off to Mrs. Jenner and one off to Maurice. I chat for a few minutes with both of them and then make my way to the bus stop, off to see Mr. Cooper. He's sitting on his porch as usual, waiting for me when I walk up, smiling and greeting me with a big hug.
"Evelyn!" he says, gesturing for me to take my usual seat on the porch swing as he sits down in a cushioned chair. It's a crisp evening and so he offers me an afghan to lay over my legs and I keep my coat on. He has a blanket over his legs as well.
"How are you?" I ask, smiling, placing the cookies down on the small table next to the porch swing and taking the foil off the plate.
He smiles warmly "Couldn't be better. Got a pretty girl to visit with and a plate of homemade cookies."
I smile back, "Take one," I gesture towards the plate and he grabs a cookie. I follow suit.
After a minute he says, "And what's new with you Miss Evelyn?"
I finish chewing before I respond, feeling a little shy, "I'm dating someone," I say quietly.
He looks surprised for a second, probably because I've never mentioned a boyfriend in all the years I've known him. But then he smiles widely. "And who is the lucky gentleman?"
"His name is Jake. He runs a company that does something with X-ray technology," I wave my hand indicating I'm not real clear on what exactly that is, "He's… nice, and smart and handsome and…" I blush, looking down and feeling awkward suddenly.
But Mr. Cooper is still smiling, watching me closely. "Why, Evelyn, I do believe you're in love."
"Oh! No, it hasn't been long at all. I practically just met him."
"Knew the first time I laid eyes on my Mary that she was the one for me. Didn't doubt it for even one second for the next forty three years."
I look at him sadly. I know that the loss of his late wife is still a tender subject for him, even though it's been many years since he lost her.
"Does he know what he has in you, Evelyn?"
I'm not sure what he means exactly but I answer, "He seems to really like me, too. He makes me feel… special." I blush again. It's kinda weird to talk about my love life with someone whom I consider a grandfather figure.
"Good. You are special. I knew it the first time I saw you out in that yard, playing so patiently with those two little demons." He laughs. "Then later, sitting alone on the porch, looking so sad, but always holding your head high. I knew you were hurting, but that you were brave."
I look down, remembering those days. "I was never brave, Mr. Cooper. I was scared all the time as a kid, and then as a teenager, too."
"I know that, Evelyn. But it didn't keep you from showing kindness to everyone I ever saw you with, including me. It didn't keep you from sitting with an old man on his porch just to chat for a minute or two because you saw that I could use a smiling face. It didn't keep you from bringing out a glass of water when you saw me mowing my lawn in the summertime. Even now, you think I don't know that it's hard for you to come near that house," he gestures to my old foster home, "or how long it takes you to bring me a plate of cookies?"
I look up at him, "I love bringing you cookies, Mr. Cooper. I get to visit with you."
"See what I mean?" he smiles.
I look down again, studying my nails, embarrassed. He continues, "You know why I call you Evelyn, instead of Evie like everyone else does?" he asks.
I nod no. I just thought he liked it because he's from a more formal generation and liked us
ing my full name, rather than a casual nickname.
He's quiet for a second, obviously gathering his thoughts, "I don't want to bring anything too personal up, Evelyn, because we've never talked about the circumstances that brought you to that foster home next door all those years ago. But I know that I can't say much for your mama, leaving you there, never coming back. I reckon you probably don't have a lot to say for her either."
I remain quiet. He's right about that.
"But your mama, she did at least two things right. She gave you life, and she gave you a name fit for a lady. And that, Evelyn, is exactly what you are. You make sure that gentleman friend realizes that." He smiles then and I blink back tears.
I tilt my head to the side and say, "Since we're on the subject of compliments, Mr. Cooper, I have something I'd like to share with you, too." I smile.
"Okay,” he smiles.
I pause for a minute as I grow serious and say, "I never had a whole lot of love in my life. Many times, I had a whole lot of just the opposite. But everywhere I went, I seemed to find at least one person who gave me kindness and made me feel special. When I lived here," I gesture to the house next door, "that person was you. You gave that to me and you have no idea what it meant. Thank you."
Mr. Cooper wipes at a tear in his eye, saying, "Gettin' soft in my old age, huh?" but he laughs and smiles at me with that same kindness he's always shown me.
"So!" he says, obviously changing the subject. "Guess who was running around the yard in her unmentionables a couple days ago after her dog snatched her wig and took off out the door?"
I almost choke on a bite of cookie as I laugh out, "What?"
I know exactly who he's talking about. My ex-foster mother, Carol, always wore a wig and swore no one could tell, even though it always looked like she had a dead beaver on her head and I used to wonder what horror lay beneath if she thought that looked better than what she was hiding.
Years ago, my ex-foster father had moved out with their boys. Apparently he'd had enough of his bitch of a wife and I couldn't say I blamed him. I got the hell out of there the minute I was able to, too. What took him so long, I didn't know.