“I’m not letting you leave,” I mumbled.
“What?” She asked, shocked, her empty eyes flaring with anger. “You’re not letting me?”
“No, I’m not. I love you, Colleen Austin. You are not walking out on me and tearing our family in two. If you leave, you take both my heart and world with you.” I state, looking her straight in the eyes.
“Why fight this Carson? You’re getting what you want,” she whispered.
“How am I when you’re walking away? Look, I know my reaction to hearing we were going to be parents was not the best, but I swear to you with all my heart that I am so damn happy about this. It was just shocking. Just not long ago, I thought this moment would be only a dream. Now not only have I found the love of my life, but I am going to be a father too. Angel, my life is nothing without you, but anger and guilt. You are my everything. Please believe me,” I said, reaching out and putting my hand on her belly. “I am beyond words happy about you carrying my baby.”
“Carson, I can’t…” she started, but I cut her off by kissing her with all the love I felt for her.
Breaking the kiss, I rested my forehead against hers. For a while nothing was said, I just held her face as I waited for some kind of sign that she was still in this with me. Waiting for a sign that I hadn’t lost her yet, anything.
“Angel, please.” It wasn’t until I saw her blink that I realized tears still swam in my eyes. “Please don’t leave.” I pleaded in a whisper. “Please.”
My heart has stopped in my chest when her eyes meet mine. Her face was unreadable. My heart was breaking. She was my world and slowly I felt it slipping away.
“I can’t be the reason you regret your life Carson. Just let me go. We need some space.” She said before grabbing the clothes she had pulled down and headed out of the closet.
Running after her was my only option. I couldn’t let her walk away. There was no way I was losing her. She was in the kitchen before I jumped in front of the door blocking her exit. Dropping down on my knees, I begged with all my might. One tear and then another fell down my cheeks as I stared up at her.
How did this get so bad so fast?
Just as I finished my speech, Jacks walked into the kitchen and put his hand on my shoulder and moved me out of the way. He looked at Colleen.
“Do you remember the conversation we had when you were still at Kayla’s recovering from your attack?”
“Yes,” she whispered.
“Do you remember what I told you had happened?”
Tears fell down her cheeks. “Yes,” she nodded.
“Please think about what you are doing and don’t let a moment of shock take it away before you can take it back.” He said sadly.
I watched as she stared at Jacks tears still falling from her eyes before she turned and looked at me. “You hurt me, Carson. You know what happened to me the last time I was pregnant and you acted like you didn’t want this baby. I thought I was starting all over again.”
“God, no baby,” I breathed, moving toward her. “It wasn’t a bad shock. I was just amazed how my life was coming together for the first time. Baby, I want everything with you and only you. No one else, just you. Please forgive me and I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you.”
She reached up and touched my face with her hand and I leaned into her touch. “I forgive you, if you can forgive me for not having more faith in you…in us?”
Instead of answering her with words, I pulled her to me, wrapping my arms around her and kissing her with everything I had. She wrapped her arms around my neck as I lifted her up and wrapped her legs around my waist.
My brother clearing his throat brought me back to the fact that he was still there. Breaking from the kiss, I looked into her eyes and smiled. “I love you.”
“And I you,” she whispered before placing a soft kiss to my lips.
“If you two are done. Would you like for me to attempt to do an ultrasound or not?”
“Can you get the OB here? I’ll pay of course.”
“Let me see what I can do.”
After a few minutes, he came back into the room. “He said he’ll be here by five. Um, can I still stay here to see it? After all, this is my first niece or nephew and I have done a lot for you guys.”
“You can stop playing your cards, Jackson. Of course you can stay.” Colleen smiled at Jackson.
“Yes!” Jackson cheered. “When you are going to tell the others?”
“Not yet. Just let us enjoy this moment just us for a little bit… Please.”
“Of course brother. I wouldn’t steal your thunder ever. But I need to go run a few errands. I’ll be back in about an hour or so. That cool?”
“Yup.”
“Sure.”
Jackson smiled, but said nothing. He turned and left and the minute the door shut I claimed Colleen’s mouth again. Picking her up, I hurried us to the bedroom never breaking our kiss. Quickly undressing each other, I climbed over her. Taking her mouth in a slow and tender kiss, I slowly entered her. I wasn’t rushing anything. Rocking my hips into her, I made love to her slowly. She wrapped her legs around mine and met me thrust for thrust. Her muffled moans filling my mouth and senses.
“I love you…I love you,” I panted as I continued to rock into her.
Her nails started to dig into my back and she started to arch beneath me. “I love…you,” she breathed right before she called out my name. I followed right behind her.
We lay there in each other’s arms and I felt whole once again. Having her almost walk away from me was enough for me to know where this was going and I was going to make sure it happened. Maybe while I was out of town at this fight I could get everything and come back to surprise her. Yes, that would be perfect. I smiled, knowing what I was doing and hoping it will all play out as I have planned in my head.
Soon we moved to the shower and cleaned ourselves up and were sitting in the living room when Jackson arrived with the OB. To say I was nervous was an understatement. I was terrified that today might have harmed the baby. Yes, I was still beating myself up for not convincing her not to do it.
We had everything set up in our room and she lay on the bed and I sat next to her holding her hand. Jackson stood next to Dr. Hayes.
“Okay Ma’am, I need you to lift your shirt and move your shorts down some.”
He squirts some blue gel on her belly and pulled a wand out and shifting the gel around and turned toward the monitor. I watched the screen and was just in awe of what I was seeing. There was a small little thing that seemed to be moving around in there. My child.
“You see here,” he points to a blur of ‘movement’ in one little spot. “That’s the arms and legs moving. You are about ten weeks pregnant. So in about two weeks or so your morning sickness should pass or lessen quite a bit. You need to start taking prenatal vitamins as well.”
He was clicking away like crazy moving the camera around and then the most amazing sound in the world filled the air. The sound of our baby’s heartbeat. Tears sprang to my eyes and I looked down at Colleen, who had tears in her eyes as well. Leaning down, I kissed her tenderly whispering how much I loved her.
“So the baby is okay?” Colleen asked with fear in her voice.
“Yes, everything seems fine and on track. You will need to be seen regularly. Jack here tells me you don’t want to go to the clinic. I can continue to do at home services, but my fees are higher for that.”
“Yes, I figured as much. Tell me, I’ll pay whatever price.” I stated the obvious.
As Colleen was getting her examine, Jack and I exited and I grabbed my checkbook to write him a check for his services.
“I can’t quit smiling.” I said after setting the pen down.
“Me either. I’m going to be a kick-ass uncle.” Jack beamed, but I could see a hint of sadness in his eyes. “This is going to be one hell of a secret to keep from the family man.”
“I know, but I want to propose first.” I said absent
-mindedly.
“Seriously!” Jacks exclaimed. “When?”
“I’m going to get everything when I’m out for my fight this weekend and do it when I come back. I’ve been thinking about it for a bit now, but almost losing her today was enough to make me realize that there may not be a tomorrow to do it.”
“Yeah, funny how painful situations make you view things differently,” He said almost sadly.
“What’s up man? You don’t seem like yourself.”
“Nah, I’m fine. Look, I gotta get back to work. Take care of her dude or I will beat the living shit out of you. She’s a great girl.”
“I know and I plan on it.”
Colleen came out a short while later and I paid the doctor and he left with Jackson. I wrapped Colleen in my arms and just held her. Even if I was biased, I was truly the luckiest man on the whole damn planet.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
~COLLEEN~
My smile would not leave my face. I was going to be a mom…again. It was a feeling I honestly never thought I’d feel again. The shock of everything that has been happening lately has me on an overload with my emotions. I have cried so much lately that I swear my tears could have filled the Grand Canyon.
The thing that I love so much about Carson is he is taking everything in stride. When he said he would prove to me that he meant every word he wasn’t kidding. I woke up Friday morning to breakfast in bed and then he pulled out a bunch of packets for nurseries. He asked me if I’d like to turn his office into the nursery since it was on the same level as we were.
There never seemed to be fear that registered in his voice or eyes. He was just excited about the whole thing. And I was right there with him. I was ready to be a mom. My only worry that I think will always stay on the back of my mind was will I actually be able to have this one? Every time the thought crept into my head, I shook it off. There was no way I was clouding this moment with my past. One moment in my future was not going to be tainted by my past. I will always love my little girl and thoughts of her will always hurt, but I had to remember she was mine for a little while and cherish that.
“Carson calm down. I will look over all this while you are gone this weekend and on Monday we will start talking about specifics okay?”
“Okay, fine. Please take it easy while I’m gone okay. Dial back on your workouts. Just veg out okay?”
“Yes, Sir,” I mock saluted.
“Hardy har har. No training while I’m gone okay. It’s hard enough as it is to leave you right now. Please give me that peace of mind.”
“Okay,” I said, kissing him. “I promise. I’ll veg while you’re gone.”
“Thank you. I think I’ll talk to Connor about going on a leave or maybe walking away from fighting while we’re out this weekend.”
“No, why would you do that? You love fighting.”
“I love you more. I want to be here for you guys. Besides, I can always take up being a trainer. It’ll still allow me to do the things I like, but honestly, I’m not going to do anything for a while. I don’t want to miss anything.”
For the rest of the day, we just laid in bed watched some television and talked. It was very relaxing do much so that I almost forgot that he was leaving tonight. I had started dozing off on his chest when he kissed me and said he had to go. Shooting straight up in bed, I quickly apologized for falling asleep.
Laughing, “Baby, you can sleep, but I have to go. Please be careful while I’m gone.”
“I will.” I said sadly.
We walked out to the garage and I watched as he climbed into his truck and drove off. I stood there even after he disappeared. I missed him already. This was going to be a very long weekend. Walking back inside, I closed the garage door and set the alarm.
The house was quiet and empty. I have lived on my own for a long time, but being here without Carson was depressing. I spent the next couple of hours cleaning everything in the house. There was no relaxing tonight. If I did, all I would think about was how much I missed Carson. So I cleaned until I felt like I was going to pass out and finally rested my head on my pillow holding Carson’s tightly, breathing in his scent as I slowly drifted off to sleep.
“Someone help me. Please someone help me!” I cried.
People rushed past me not paying attention to me at all. As the pain worsened, I started to reach out for people who seemed to just dodge me clueless to my pain. Holding my stomach tighter, I tried to move forward. Each step increasing the pain, each step became almost impossible to make. I screamed as the pain stretched across my stomach tightening like a vice grip. Stumbling, I fell to my knees.
“Help me please. Somebody help me!” I screamed louder.
I was in the center of campus. People scurried past me, going about their business. Why would no one help me? I made it to the center of the quad when the pain brought me to my knees. My tears were falling harder and I was sweating. As another sharp pain took over, I bent over placing my hands on the ground in front of me when I saw the blood.
“Help me!” I screamed.
There was so much blood and so much pain. Something was wrong. Something was wrong with my baby. Struggling I tried to get back up, but my legs wouldn’t support me. The pain was tearing me apart.
There was something wrong with my baby and no one would help me. Why would no one help me? Trying with everything I had to get my purse open and dig out my phone, but I kept dropping it.
“Oh God!” I cried as another pain started spreading across my stomach taking my breath away.
I can’t breathe. My stomach was killing me and there was now blood on the ground where I kneeled. If I could just get someone to help me or get to my phone.
“Help me please,” my voice cracked and was barely more than a whisper.
I couldn’t get enough air to breathe, let alone to scream. The pain was intensifying as I kneeled on all fours wishing someone would stop and offer assistance. Then I felt a hand on my shoulder and a ray of hope filled my body.
“Colleen, are you okay?”
It was Jessica.
“Pain…blood…my baby…” I panted out between the pain. “Help…me…please.”
“Leia’s on the phone with 911. It’s going to be okay. Just hang on. Take slow, deep breaths. In through your nose and out through your mouth.” Jess spoke soothingly while rubbing my back.
“How far along are you?” Leia asked.
I couldn’t answer pain took over and things were getting hazy. The ground began to sway under me. I tried to focus on the question. Shaking my head repeatedly to try and clear my head.
Next thing I know I’m being pushed through the hospital and into a small room. People shouting around me, but I couldn’t understand what they were saying.
“My baby…” I begged.
“Ma’am, you are going to have to push. Can you do that?”
They lift me up and tell me to bear down. I did what they said, but I didn’t understand what was going on. They had me do this several times until I couldn’t do it anymore. Then suddenly everyone moved away from me and I was left lying on the bed.
“My baby,” I asked louder.
A nurse came over to me and looked at me through sad eyes. “I’m sorry Ma’am, but she didn’t make it.”
“She? What do you mean?”
Another nurse carried over something in her arms. Before handing the bundle to me, she asked, “Do you want to say your goodbyes?”
I looked at her, unable to form words. I just nodded my head. She laid the bundle in my arms and I looked down at my daughter. She was so tiny, so tiny. They asked if I wanted some pictures of her and I said yes. My daughter was gone and again I was alone…
Jerking awake, I put my hand on my belly. I would protect this one at all costs. Nothing was going to happen to my baby this time. Climbing out of bed, I jumped into the shower. Just as I was getting out my phone started ringing.
“Hey babe,” I said with a huge smile on my face.
&
nbsp; “Hey beautiful,” he said through a yawn. “How are you doing this morning?”
“Okay, I guess. I miss you.” I whispered.
“What’s wrong?” He asked concerned.
“Just a bad dream,” I mumbled.
“Remember Angel, it was just a dream. Nothing more.”
“I know,” I sighed. “I miss you so much.”
“I do too. I’ll be home tomorrow. Tomorrow night we’ll be back together. I’ve already talked to Connor about walking away from competing. This will be my last fight.” He said sounding relieved.
“Are you sure you want to do this? I mean, that’s a big change for you. I don’t want you angry with me later because you miss it.”
“Angel, I wouldn’t do it if I didn’t want to. I want to be there for you guys…my family. Besides, I told Connor I’d step in as a trainer, he seemed happy about that.”
We talked for a few more minutes before he had to get off to get some sleep. I hung up the phone with a heavy heart and got dressed. There was nothing specific that I needed or wanted to do today, so I dressed comfortably. Then a thought hit me. I have a house that needs refurnished and painted. Maybe I will take care of that today. Maybe Kayla would be up for a girl day? Just as I was picking up my phone, it started to ring. Expecting it to be Carson calling back, I answered the call. When no one answered at my first hello, I pulled the phone away and looked at the number. It was a number I didn’t recognize and suddenly my stomach started turning.
“Hello?” My voice slightly shaky.
“Colleen? Uh, Hi. It’s Tommy.”
“Oh, hi Tommy. What can I do for you?” Relief flowed through me.
“I was wondering if we could get together to talk. Maybe over lunch?”
“Uh, sure. We can meet at the little diner there by the gym, if you want?”
“That sounds good. Thanks for accepting. See you at noon?”
“Sounds good. See ya then.”
I hung up the phone and went about trying to keep myself busy. My plan to start putting my apartment back together was not going to happen now and maybe it was for the better. That definitely wouldn’t be taking it easy as I promised Carson I would do. Maybe I could get the girls over tonight. Kayla had told me her sisters were going to be in town. It sure would be nice to have a girlie moment and forget everything for a little while. Be a normal woman for a little bit.
Fantasy Attraction (Hidden Secrets) Page 23