by Guy Willard
Bunny returned shortly holding a funny-looking medicine bottle stuffed full of pot. I was glad there was so little of it because I knew I’d probably end up buying it from him.
“You have papers?” he asked.
I shook my head. Though most sailors carry a packet of rolling papers with them on liberty, our ship had been getting very strict about drugs recently. Since leaving Thailand, the captain had ordered quarterdeck searches at every port. Sailors coming back from liberty were patted down and, if there were sufficient grounds for suspicion, strip-searched. Anyone caught with drugs or paraphernalia (which included rolling papers) was sent up to captain’s mast.
Bunny made a face, then searched the room for some kind of substitute. In the top drawer of the dresser he found a sheet of newspaper being used as lining. I laughed when he pulled it out, but he seemed to find nothing unusual about rolling a joint in the local newspaper. When he was done he handed it to me; it was the biggest joint I’d ever seen in my life.
I lit it up and took a hit. The newspaper crackled and left a long, shivery blossom of ash on its tip. When I passed it to Bunny I saw that my thumb and fingers were blackened from the newsprint.
Because it was so loosely rolled, the joint went fast. It was not very good pot, but I did begin to feel a bit of a high. Along with it, as often happens with me, was an edge of paranoia. I began to remind myself never to leave Bunny alone in the room because he’d find the money and take it.
Back at the Shangri-La he’d been such a saucy little faggot, so irresistible and sexy, but now that I was alone with him in my room the magic seemed to have faded somehow, and I saw him for what he was—or what I thought he was: just another tough little street boy. There was no telling what he was really after. Why had he asked me to get rid of Brad? Wasn’t it just so he could separate us and work on me alone?
He stood up suddenly. “I’m taking a shower now,” he announced.
“Sure.”
I watched him briskly doff his clothes in front of me. With the detached vision granted by the pot I gazed at the scrawny and undeveloped body which emerged, and almost regretted dumping Brad. I thought of Titi with his polo shirt stretched tightly over his firm chest and shoulders.
“No, wait,” I said, “Let’s take a shower together.”
“Why?”
“It’s a lot funner that way.” I stood up and began taking off my own clothes. I’d just realized that if I took a shower later myself, Bunny would have a chance to search the room.
He shrugged his shoulders and stepped out of his baggy trousers. I saw that he was circumcised, and remembered that Filipino boys prided themselves on going through a ritual circumcision upon reaching manhood. Apparently they were eager to be able to boast afterwards that they hadn’t even flinched. This was no mean feat, considering that the operation was often performed without any anesthetics by some decrepit old man using the most primitive of instruments.
“Come here.” I pulled him to me so I could run my fingers through the spider-webby hair at his crotch…hair which looked so recently sprouted. The tiny walnuts of his testicles hugged boyishly tight against his body. His small erection was rock hard.
“Come on, let’s take that shower.”
There was no hot water, of course, but I’d come to expect that. Though it restricted amorous play in the showers, it brought me awake. I soaped him up, then had him soap me. After rinsing ourselves off, we stepped out to dry our glistening bodies.
The wide spacious bed delighted Bunny, and he jumped onto it with glee, kicking out his legs and drumming his heels against the headboard. I jumped onto it after him and we wrestled playfully for a while. Then, as we got tired, I pulled him to me.
“Wait,” he said. “Turn the lights off.”
“Why?”
“I’m shy,” he said flirtatiously.
“Like hell you are.” But I turned the bedside lamp off before pulling him back to me. When I kissed him he responded immediately, nibbling back at my mouth like a greedy little fish. Coyly he darted his tongue in and out between my lips. His teeth were tiny and even, which was one of the things I liked about him. I felt his hand rubbing my stomach in slow, circular movements.
Suddenly he pulled away.
“What’s wrong?” I said.
“I just remembered. I don’t have taxi money to go home.”
“Taxi money?”
“I live far away. I have to take a taxi to go home.”
I stiffened. “Don’t do this to me, Bunny, please. You said you came with me because you like me. I even got rid of my friend for you.”
He said nothing.
“Bunny, I never pay for it. Never. And I’m not starting with you.”
He still said nothing.
“I’m not an idiot, Bunny. Those watered-down drinks I was buying you all night: I know how much you make from each one.”
“I was only kidding, Bill. Don’t you know when I’m joking?” The look he gave me was so sincere that I almost wanted to believe him. “Bill, I don’t like you when you get mad.”
“All right, let’s forget about it.”
“Are we still friends?”
“We’re still friends.”
“Can we gilly-gilly now?”
“Yes.”
I turned to him again, but for some reason he began pulling the sheet off the mattress. I thought of the money hidden underneath.
“What are you doing now?”
“We make love like this. Watch.” He pulled the sheet up over both of us until we were completely covered, even our heads. Then he tucked it all around underneath us until we were tented as snugly as if we were inside a cocoon.
“You can’t be that shy, Bunny.”
“It’s good like this.”
“Oh yeah?” I pulled him close to me and began kissing him again. He was right: there was a claustrophobic immediacy to our caresses. Everything seemed magnified, every breath and pant, and the tight sheet wrapped around us was like an elastic accomplice to our lovemaking. We were in our own little world, existing apart from the rest of mankind. I tried to imagine how we looked to someone outside observing the bumping, squirming cocoon we’d become.
And then I pictured a couple of men sneaking in through the window—Bunny’s accomplices, tipped off by a signal (by the light being turned off, perhaps.) It was all a plot; I was helpless, wrapped up in this sheet. If they wanted to, they could easily beat me up and ransack the room for money.
“No!” I pulled the sheet away from my head and looked quickly around the room.
“What’s the matter?” asked Bunny, perplexed.
I jumped to my feet and rushed to the window. It was unlocked. I opened it and peered out into the night. All was quiet. But I saw that if someone wanted to, he could easily scale the wall and climb up to this second-story veranda from the street below. Bunny came to my side as I closed the window and locked it.
He pushed it open again. “It’s so hot in here.”
“No!” I almost yelled. “I want it closed. I’m not gonna get mugged by your friends.”
He looked at me with a pained expression, which turned into bewildered pity. “Are you crazy or something?” He stood silently for a moment, then sighed and walked back to the bed.
“And none of your crazy sheet tricks, either,” I added, “because I know what it’s for.”
At this he lost his temper and began yelling at me in Tagalog, mixed with English: “Who wants your fucking money? No one wants your fucking money. You’re an asshole!”
“What? You little whore, you’ve got a lot of nerve saying that.”
No reply, only a sullen glare.
I felt a meanness rise up inside me. “Oh, wait a minute, I forgot: you like me, right? You’re not a whore, right?”
He turned his face away.
“Go on, say it,” I said. “Let’s hear it. Tell me you’re not a benny-boy at all. Tell me you only do this kind of thing for the money—that you’re really
straight as an arrow. That’s what they all say, isn’t it?”
I had a vision of a tiny village of thatch-roofed huts upon stilts, with hogs wallowing around below, rooting in the ground for leftovers, and little children running around naked among them. A few years ago, Bunny would have been one of them.
“You’re sending all the money you make back to your parents in whatever bum-fuck village you come from, isn’t that right? And if it wasn’t for the money you could make peddling your ass to rich foreigners, you’d still be back there with your 15 brothers and sisters all running around with nothing to eat, right? Well, you can get the hell out of my bed right now. Go on. Get out of my room. I don’t wanna see your face anymore.”
He jumped out of bed and stood quivering before me. There were tears in his eyes. “Fuck you, asshole!” he cried, then began gathering up his clothes.
As I watched him, I started to seriously wonder if he was right; maybe the marijuana had induced this mad paranoia. The stuff must have been more powerful than I thought. And coming on top of all the drinking I’d done.... If so, he had every right to be offended.
He was still muttering angrily under his breath.
“Bunny.... I’m sorry. I guess I smoked too much pot. It made me crazy. Let’s forget it. Forget the whole thing and call it a night. I’m tired. And don’t worry. I’ll pay for your damned taxi ride home.”
“No! I said I don’t want your fucking money!”
Now what? Why didn’t he just take the money and go? I felt a sudden tiredness seep into my body. The whole situation had become too ridiculous for words. My anger dissipated, and I gazed wanly at the frail-looking boy who’d provoked my meaningless outburst. I felt sorry for him.
“Come on, Bunny, you don’t have to leave.”
“I’m going.”
“It’s after midnight, damn it. You can’t leave now. I said you can stay.”
I went over to him and pulled the clothes out of his hands. He made a half-hearted move to repel me.
“Will you please stay? I’m asking you now. I’m sorry I blew my top like that, all right? Fight’s over, okay?”
He stood firm and refused to meet my eyes.
Wearily I climbed back into bed and snapped off the light. “You can stand there all night if you want to, I don’t care. Or you can come back to bed. And don’t worry: I’m not in the mood for gilly-gilly anymore.”
He knew from the tone of my voice that I meant it. After a few moments I felt the bed creak under his added weight but I didn’t turn around to face him.
Back to back, still not facing each other, we sought sleep.
Beneath me, hidden under the mattress, was my money. I imagined I could feel it, as the princess in the fairy tale had felt the pea. It seemed to give off a tangible emanation like radium’s green glow, or a storybook curse, and its presence banished any idea of sleep for me. Tossing about restlessly, I cursed myself for bringing it in the first place. It had only come between Bunny and me.
The hum of the hotel’s generator died away. Another of the so-called “brown-outs,” those periodic power failures so common in the Philippines. There would be no more electricity for the rest of the night.
A light touch at my shoulder almost made me jump. It was Bunny’s hand. I shrugged it off.
“You want gilly-gilly?” he whispered at my back.
“No. Let’s just get some sleep, okay?” The act of refusing him gave me some satisfaction. I added almost gruffly, “See you in the morning.” The avowal of his desire almost made up for the trouble I’d had with him earlier.
“Bill? Please?”
I sighed and turned to face him. “Okay, wanna try it one more time?”
He nodded.
In spite of everything, I was still aroused. I began kissing and stroking him.
“Bunny....”
The feel of his tiny butt was exciting me.
“Here, come here.” I pulled him on top of me, lying back as I did so.
As his cool butt settled onto my chest, I saw that he was aroused. Scooping my hands under his butt, I lifted him up and pulled him forward until his anus was poised just above my mouth. The familiar rectal smell greeted me as he lowered it. I buried my nose in his cool firm flesh and began wetting and kissing his hole.
I let my tongue dart up into it, then twirled and feathered it all around the salty lick. He gyrated his hips, rocking gently, directing my delicate tongue-lashing up and down from his balls to his asshole, then back again.
Finally he lifted himself off and I breathed fresh air again.
“I want you to ride me, Bunny,” I said.
He was uncertain at first, but I urged him to it:
“Come on, Bunny, don’t be shy.”
He lowered himself carefully down onto my erection, reaching down with one hand to guide me in. He clenched when he first felt me against his hole, but then I felt him relax. The delicious give gradually enveloped the entire length of my dick. It was a very tight fit.
With an uncertain look on his face he began rocking up and down, bracing himself by leaning forward with both hands on my chest. As his rocking picked up speed, his hair became unkempt and fell down over his forehead, covering his eyes.
I began thrusting up from below.
“Bunny....”
Wanting to make it last, I moved as slowly as I could, to savor it to the full. But almost immediately I felt it coming on, the delicious pleasure I’d been denied for so long. Unable to resist it, I shivered out a sob-like moan, racked by a sensation so exquisite and fleet that it shot through me and was gone even before I could let out my first sigh. I gasped raggedly, lying there chasing the vanishing memory, now so faint, and then gone forever.
He stopped. I noted the tiny transparent dewdrop shivering on the very tip of his glans.
I reached up and gripped his shaft.
“No, Bill, please. I’ll come.”
“Go ahead. I want you to.”
I began pumping him.
“Bill, I’m coming.”
He sat up straight and, brushing my hand aside, gave himself one or two pumps.
Instinctively I closed my eyes as I felt a warm, damp kiss land on my cheek, my chest, my chin. I was reminded of what it was like to be his age. Had it been that long ago? When I opened my eyes again, Bunny looked like he was about to cry. “I’m sorry, Bill.”
“Don’t be. It was lovely.”
He started to wipe the cum off my face with the sheet. I stopped him.
“Don’t you dare.”
He had such a shamed look on his face that I was surprised. I’d thought the boys working here would be jaded and callous from a very young age.
“Bunny....”
He continued to look embarrassed. I reached up to feel his chest, and his rapidly beating heart was like a tiny bird imprisoned inside the most exquisite latticework cage.
Homeport
It was bound to happen sooner or later, and it finally did on the morning we pulled out of Pearl Harbor, Hawaii. Kyle and Brad had gone down to Waikiki the night before to get their ears pierced, and showed up on the ship that morning sporting identical gold ear-rings in their right ears. The moment I saw them coming up the brow I knew they’d gone too far this time. They’d been suspected of being queer for a long time now, but this was a visual flaunting of the fact, and they would never be forgiven for it. The days of covert tolerance were over.
Ironically, the Navy was the only branch of the military which actually allowed ear-rings as part of the official uniform—but only under special circumstances. A sailor who’d had a ship go down under him was allowed by naval tradition to wear an ear-ring to signify that fact—and he could link together as many ear-rings as required, one for each ship. However, it was obvious at a glance that neither Kyle nor Brad had been anywhere near a war; they were only following a West Coast gay fashion.
As word got around, I noticed sullen, threatening looks flicker over the faces of some of the crew whenever
they caught sight of one of the Paradise Beach duo. They associated me with them, of course, so I was becoming scared even to be seen with them.
Richie wasn’t included in this silent denunciation. He’d always taken care not to be seen too much with the three of us in public, and ever since our last liberty stop in the PI, he’d stopped coming up to Paradise Beach altogether. It seemed that the closer to home we got, the less “queer” he became. Apparently he was one of those for whom foreign travel is liberating, but who eventually return tamely to the caged doors of home.
As for Kyle, Brad and me, it went without saying that our meetings up on Paradise Beach would have to cease.
When Chief Smith called me into his office one afternoon I knew exactly what to expect. He was the senior-ranking enlisted man aboard, and as such, was something of a gray-haired father figure for most of the younger sailors. I genuinely liked him, for he was one of the few “lifers” I could stand. He was the command’s career counselor and kept a tiny office which had a locked, cage-like door to protect the promotion test materials within from theft.
I greeted him cheerfully as I stepped into his cramped office, but in fact I was scared to death. He had a hurt look on his face as if he didn’t like what he was about to do. I knew I was in for some bad news. The strange thing was that it was he who looked guilty...which made me feel that much more terrible, as if I’d let him down in some way.
He cleared his throat and had a hard time looking me in the eye. “Bill, I feel it’s only fair to warn you guys about what’s happening. The XO called an emergency meeting this afternoon because there are certain people on board who are starting to take actions against you which might have serious consequences.”
“What for? What did I do?”
“Please, Bill. I don’t want to play any games today. This is serious.”
“But there’s no proof of anything.”
“I wish there wasn’t.”
“But...ear-rings? What’s the big deal? Don’t you think you’re over-reacting a bit?”
He shook his head. “It’s not just the ear-rings, Bill.” He looked down at his hands. “As you know, Senior Chief Russell is an old flat-topper from way back. He loves to watch flight ops when we’re with a carrier. Well, one night when we were in the IO, he went out to the fantail as usual to watch night ops….”