by Carl Weber
“Is that right? Well I don’t know you, so how you gonna help me?”
“How about by giving you a thousand dollars?”
“A thousand dollars! You’re gonna give me a thousand dollars. What type of scam is this?” I glanced at my Caller ID, thinking it was probably one of my boys trying to play a trick on me. But it was a 202 number, so I knew whoever it was had called from D.C. “Look, who the fuck is this? How’d you get my home number?”
“This isn’t a scam at all. I’m the producer for BET’s Two Sides To A Story show.”
“Two Sides To A Story! Ah, hell no! What y’all want with me?”
Whatever it was, I was sure it had something to do with Michelle. That girl just wouldn’t quit. Two Sides To A Story was the BET version of Ricki Lake and Jerry Springer, only worse, ’cause no relationship ever left that show intact. When I watched it the other day, they had this show on infidelity where they set this brother up by putting this fine ass naked woman in his hotel room. Then the next day they showed the videotape of them having sex to his wife. Can you imagine? Now you know she flipped. But the fucked-up thing is, if you’d seen his ugly ass wife, you woulda went for the woman in the hotel room, too. What the fuck did they expect?
“Well, we’re doing a show on deadbeat dads. And your child’s mother, Michelle, called and told us about how you walked out of the delivery room.”
“Ah, hell no! First of all, that’s not my baby! Secondly, I’m not a deadbeat dad. If that baby were mine, I’d be taking care of him. But he’s not mine.”
“So why don’t you come on the show? We’ll give you a paternity test and you can prove you’re not the father. Settle this thing once and for all. Give your side of the story.”
“What, do you think I’m stupid? I know what time it is. I get on your show and prove I’m not the baby’s father and you gonna have some other reason to embarrass me. I ain’t stupid. I watch your show.”
“It’s not like that,” he insisted.
“Yeah, right. Look, I’m not going on your show, aw’ight?”
I was about to hang up when he said, “What if we pay you five thousand dollars?”
“Five grand! You’re willing to pay me five grand to come on your show?”
“We sure are.” I could see that motherfucker smiling through the phone.
“Ah, hell no! Now I know I’m not going on your show, ’cause if you’re willing to pay me that five grand, there’s more to this than meets the eye.” On that note, I hung up, deciding that it was time for me to pay Michelle a visit.
15
Wil
“Well, tell her I hope she feels better. Take care of yourself, Jim.” I hung up the phone and looked across the dinner table grimly at my wife. My kids had already eaten and were watching TV. Di and I were supposed to be having a conversation about our relationship but as usual, the second I think she’s about to open up to me, the kids call us, somebody knocks on the door or the phone rings. This time it was the husband of my secretary Marge calling.
“What is it, Wil? What’s the matter?”
“That was Jim St. John. Marge fell down the stairs going into her apartment building.”
“Oh, my God. Is she all right?” Diane’s face was full of concern.
“Yeah, Jim says she’s all right, but she broke her arm again.” I frowned.
“Jesus, I love Marge, but is she clumsy or what? Every time you turn around she’s falling down and breaking something.”
“No. Jim said this time she was pushed. Some woman was running out her building trying to catch a cab and accidentally pushed her down the stairs.”
“Oh, no.” Diane frowned. “Does that mean your friend Mimi’s still gonna be your secretary?”
“Probably.” Diane’s voice was filled with contempt and it was obvious Marge was the least of her concerns, but a small smile came to my face when I thought about how nice it would be to continue working with Mimi.
“I’m glad you’re happy about it.” Diane rolled her eyes.
“What is your problem with Mimi, anyway? I mean damn, Di. The woman apologized for calling the house so early. What else do you want from her?”
“I just don’t like her, Wil,” she told me adamantly. “There’s something about her that just makes me uncomfortable.”
“Oh, my God.” I threw my hands in the air. “What are you talking about? You’ve never even met the woman.”
“And I don’t want to.”
“How can you say that, Di? That’s so closed-minded.”
“I’m not closed-minded, Wil. I just think this woman is trying to get with my husband.”
“Where the hell is this coming from?” I mean, shit, other than the phone call that Mimi had already apologized for, what reason did Di have to be so suspicious?
“I’m not stupid, Wil. You’ve changed ever since this woman started to work for you. Growing a mustache, buying new cologne, working overtime. You don’t even hang out with your friends Kyle and them anymore.”
“Oh, ain’t this some shit! I don’t hang out with them because you don’t want me to. You’re the one always complaining about me being out too late when I’m with them. And as far as work is concerned, it’s our busy season. I always work overtime during busy season. You know that. You used to work for the company.”
“You just don’t get it, do you?”
“No, you don’t get it. The reason I grew a mustache and bought new cologne is to impress you. Just like I took you out to dinner and bought you that bracelet the other day. I want this to work, Diane. I’m just trying to get things back to where they were, so we can be happy.”
“You sure you’re not doing it outta guilt?” She stared at me with contempt.
“Guilt! Are you crazy?” I threw my napkin on my plate. She’d hit a nerve. “The only one who should be feeling guilty around here is you. You haven’t had sex with me in months, Diane. Way before Mimi even started working for me. So let’s not talk about fucking guilt, ’cause if you do, start with yourself, sister.” I was livid.
Just then the doorbell interrupted our conversation.
“I’ll get it,” Diane said, obviously looking for a reason to change the subject. I don’t think she expected me to come on so strong.
“No, I’ll get it!” I raised my voice and she froze in her seat. “You put the kids to bed, ’cause we have a lot to talk about tonight.” I got up from the table without another word and walked to the door, agitated. When I opened it there was a guy holding a big bouquet of roses.
“Can I help you?”
“I’ve got a delivery for Diane Duncan.”
“I’ll take it.” I signed for the flowers and carried them into the kitchen. I placed the vase on the table wondering who had sent my wife roses. I was tempted to open the card but I knew I’d be wrong if I did, so I waited for Diane. I must have sat there for twenty minutes before I realized she wasn’t coming down. Finally, I picked up the vase and went upstairs. Diane was dressed in her nightgown, about to go to bed. It looked like she’d been crying.
“Are you gonna tell me what’s wrong with you?” I asked with probably a little less feeling than I should have.
“Nothing’s wrong, Wil. Who was that at the door?”
“The florist. Someone sent you flowers.”
“They did? Who?” Diane’s voice kind of perked up as I handed her the vase.
“I don’t know. Open the card.” She placed the vase on her dresser and smiled at me. Did she think I’d sent her the flowers?
“Oh, that’s sweet.”
“What’s sweet?”
“This card from the mailman.” She handed me the card.
Thanks for everything. You make coming over to deliver the mail worthwhile. I can’t wait until tomorrow.
See you then. XOXOXO
“What the fuck is the mailman sending you roses for? And what did he mean, thanks for everything? He can’t wait till tomorrow? XOXOXO!”
“Oh, he’s probably just talking ab
out the Christmas envelope I gave him. You know people in this neighborhood are cheap. We’re probably the only ones who gave him anything and he’s grateful.”
“We only gave him twenty-five dollars. He spent more money on having these roses delivered than you put in the envelope.” Something was not right about this, and Diane was acting nonchalant about the whole thing.
Diane shrugged. “You know mailmen get around. Maybe he knows the florist?”
Maybe he knows a hell of a lot more than I know, I thought.
“What’s up, Diane? What’s going on with you and the mailman?” The look on my face said whatever my words didn’t.
“Don’t go there, Wil. Don’t you jump to conclusions. I’m telling you I don’t know why that man sent these flowers.”
“Don’t go there? Why shouldn’t I go there? Isn’t that what you’re doing with Mimi? You think I’m fucking Mimi, don’t you Diane? Well, if I was, could you blame me? My wife hasn’t given me any in two months and the postman’s sending her flowers. What’s wrong with that picture?”
She lowered her head. “I only said I thought Mimi was trying to get with my husband. I never said I thought you were fucking her.” Diane crossed her arms over her chest. “But while we’re on the subject. Do you find her attractive? Is she pretty, Wil?”
“Yeah, she’s pretty but—” I never got to finish my sentence.
“I knew it! That’s why none of my friends would tell me what she looks like!”
“Please. Don’t read more into this than there is. Ain’t nothing going on between me and my secretary, all right?”
“And that must bother the hell out of you, don’t it?” She gave me that same contemptuous look she gave me before. “You think I don’t notice that little twinkle in your eye whenever her name comes up? You wish you could get with her, don’t you? Be honest, Wil!”
I took a deep breath to calm myself. “You want me to be honest, Diane? Okay, I’ll be honest. There is a woman I wanna get with. Her name is Diane Duncan. She’s my wife. I wanna get with her. You think you can help me with that?”
She looked like she wanted to say something but instead she burst into tears.
“Jesus Christ, Diane! What the hell is going on?”
“Just go ’head and fuck her, Wil, okay? Just fuck her and get it over with. At least that way I won’t have this shit on my conscience anymore.” She grabbed the flowers and left the room without saying another word.
“That’s right, Diane,” I yelled after her when the initial shock wore off. “Walk away! Walk away with the flowers from your boyfriend!”
I sat down on my bed and actually felt some tears run down my face. I loved Diane. I loved her more than life itself, but it appeared as if we were at the beginning of the end because she’d just admitted to having a guilty conscience, which meant she had or was having an affair.
A few minutes later I got up and went downstairs. I had no idea where Diane had gone, but her van was in the driveway so I knew she was still home. I didn’t bother to look for her. I grabbed my jacket and headed out the door. When I got in my car my first instinct was to call Mimi. But after the things Diane said, my own conscience was bothering me because if I called her she might invite me over, and if she invited me over…well, who knew what could happen. So I dialed my best friend, Kyle Richmond, instead. We’d talked about my attraction to Mimi several times and each time he’d warned me to stay away from her. With me finding out Diane was cheating on me that was easier said than done. But if anyone could stop me from doing something crazy it was Kyle. Unfortunately, he wasn’t home so I decided to drive over to the Roadhouse Bar and have a drink to calm my nerves.
It took me over an hour to get up the courage to get out of my car and knock on Mimi’s door. I probably would have never done it at all if it wasn’t for the liquid courage I drank over at the Roadhouse Bar. She’d given me an open invitation to stop by anytime but I’d never taken her up on it. I guess deep down I knew if I did, I’d be compromising my marriage. But now with everything that had happened with Diane and the mailman, I wouldn’t be compromising anything that she hadn’t already destroyed.
“Who is it?” Mimi’s voice just seemed to get sexier every time I heard it.
“Hey, Mimi. It’s Wil. I hope I’m not disturbing anything.”
She opened the door right away with a smile a mile wide. “Wil? What are you doing here?”
“I just happened to be in the neighborhood. But I see you’ve got your coat on. If this is a bad time I can…”
“Don’t be silly, Wil. Come on in. I’ve always got time for you.” She took off her coat, gesturing for me to come in. I kissed her on the cheek and walked in. “Matter of fact, I was just thinking about you.”
“Well, I hope it was good thoughts.”
“I can say this much. I’ve never had a bad thought about you, Wil,” she said sweetly, pointing to the sofa where we both sat down. “Can I get you a drink or something?”
“If you have some scotch I’ll take some straight. If not, I’ll take a beer.”
“I think I have a little scotch.” She walked over to the entertainment center and pulled out a bottle and two glasses.
She sat down and poured the drinks. “So what’s up? What brings you to Rochdale? Visiting your sister?”
“No, I was just riding around town and needed somebody to talk to. So I thought I’d stop by.”
She handed me a glass. “Well, you know I’m always here for you. What’s on your mind?”
I swallowed most of what was in my glass in one gulp, then turned to her. “You were right about my wife. She is cheating on me.”
“Oh, God, Wil. I’m so sorry to hear that. Are you okay?” She reached up and rubbed my back with one hand and refilled my glass with the other.
I stood up, taking another long gulp of my drink, trying to contain my emotions. “No. No, I’m not aw’ight. I’m hurt and I’m pissed. I can’t believe she’s done this to me. To us.”
“Well, you have a right to be upset. What happened?”
I started to pace in front of her, sipping what was left of my drink.
“My wife got a dozen roses sent to her from her lover this evening.”
“Get the fuck outta here!” Mimi’s eyes were wide with surprise and she sat back, stunned, in her chair. “Who was it? Someone you know?”
“The fuckin’ mailman. Can you believe it? I knew she was talking about that son of a bitch too much.”
“Oh, Wil, I’m so sorry. God, it’s just so hard to believe. Then again, I can’t say I’m that surprised. She was displaying all the signs.” She stood up and hugged me. “So what are you gonna do? Are you gonna leave her?”
“I don’t know. I’m so confused I can’t even think right now.”
“Wil, you can’t stay with her if she’s gonna treat you like this. I mean, I know you love her but she’s playing you. You said yourself if you found proof you were going to be outta there.”
“You wanna know the funny part?” She nodded. “She suggested that I should sleep with you.”
“She said what?” Mimi’s mouth hung open.
“She probably feels so guilty about her own shit. Guess it would make her feel better if I was sleeping with you. You know, she doesn’t want to be the only unfaithful one.”
“But why me, Wil? She’s never even met me. Why would she say me?”
Mimi looked genuinely confused. I knew Diane had been wrong about Mimi trying to get with me. But she was at least close to the mark when she said I was interested in Mimi.
“My wife thinks I have the hots for you.”
Both Mimi’s eyebrows shot up like rockets, and it looked like she was trying to suppress a smile. “So, do you?”
“Do I what?” I looked away. I knew what she was asking, I just didn’t wanna answer.
“Do you have the hots for me?” Her smile almost made me melt.
If I said yes, I could be opening up a whole new can of worms. But t
he way I was feeling about my wife right now, maybe it couldn’t hurt. If Mimi and I did end up sleeping together, it wouldn’t be any worse than what Diane had already done to our marriage. “I know I shouldn’t say it, but yeah. I do.”
“Really? So why haven’t you acted on it?”
“Well…” I was about to explain to her that being attracted and acting on it aren’t nearly the same thing, especially when you’re married. I could look all I wanted, but up until Di got the flowers, I always thought I could work things out in my own marriage before I had to go elsewhere. Now I wasn’t so sure what I was going to do. So I was going to let Mimi know where things stood between us now that my attraction was out in the open, but my ringing cell phone interrupted the conversation.
“Hold on a second.” I reached for my phone.
“Hello.”
“Wil.” It was my friend Kyle.
“Yeah, Kyle.”
“Lisa said you called when I was out, so I called your house. Diane told me what’s going on. You all right?”
“Yeah, I’m all right.”
“Where you at, bro? You’re not with your secretary, are you?” I guess Diane really had told him about everything, including her suspicions.
I glanced at Mimi before I lied. “Nah, I’m not over there.”
“Good. Why don’t you meet me at the Roadhouse before you do something stupid and lose your family?”
His words were a quick dose of reality. I was so angry at Diane that I wasn’t thinking straight. If Mimi had said the word, I would’ve been in bed with her in a New York minute. But Kyle’s words reminded me that I at least owed my family the effort to work this out. “All right. I’ll be there in ten minutes.” I hung up.
I could see Mimi still wanted an answer to her question. But she wasn’t gonna get one now. I needed to talk to my boy. Sort things through. If I had talked to him first I never would have come over here.
“Look, Mimi, thanks for the drink, but I gotta go.” I put down the glass.
“You sure? You never answered my question.” She looked disappointed.