“You’re sure there’s no one bothering you?” She looked toward the bushes and Kelsey started to sweat.
“Positive.”
“Because you know, whatever might happen, if you talk to your dad or me or anyone else here at school, we can help. Teachers and parents are kind of like Santa Claus sometimes, the way they can get things for kids that kids don’t believe they can get.”
Kelsey nodded. She had to go.
“Even if there’s an older kid from next door trying to bully you.” She nodded toward the junior high and Kelsey’s stomach started to hurt. Did Meredith know?
“There’s no one.”
Meredith wrapped her arms around her middle. “Promise me something.”
“Sure.” Kelsey’s backpack was getting really heavy.
“If you ever do feel you’re in trouble and you can’t go to your dad, come to me, okay? I promise, no matter what, I’ll help you.”
Kelsey thought about running up and throwing both arms around Meredith and begging Meredith to take her away. But Mom was waiting. Loving her. Trusting Kelsey not to get any of them in trouble.
She’d feel horrible if she screwed up and her mother had to go to jail, even if Meredith could keep Kelsey out of it.
“I will,” Kelsey finally said. And with one more look at her, Meredith walked across the field. Kelsey watched her the whole way and Meredith never turned back to look. She couldn’t know or she wouldn’t have left Kelsey alone to go with Mom and get more drugs.
Kelsey brushed away some stupid tears and climbed through the bush.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
“HI, IT’S MEREDITH.”
“I know.” Mark held the phone in the dark, the covers down at his waist, leaving his chest naked to the night air. He was hot as hell. “I recognized your voice.”
He’d just gone to bed—at an embarrassingly early nine-thirty on a Saturday night. But Kelsey was asleep and there wasn’t much else for him to do except fold laundry. He’d scrubbed all the floors during the morning cleaning session.
“Is this a bad time?”
“No.” He’d been thinking about her.
“I was just calling to see if you’d like some time to yourself tomorrow. I have a hankering for Doris Day and cookies, and wondered if Kelsey would want to join me.”
What a coincidence. “She asked me to call and see if you wanted to come over for breakfast.” He semi-issued the invitation he’d just about talked himself out of. “We’re going to try making crepes and she seems to think we need a woman around to supervise.”
“Have you ever made them before?”
“No, but I make killer pancakes, and it can’t be too much different.”
She kind of laughed. “That’s what I thought the first time I tried them. How is she, by the way?”
“Fine. I haven’t seen any grades yet, but she was my little pal all day—followed me around chattering the whole time while I took care of the house. And she did her chores, and didn’t grumble a bit when I lugged her off to the hardware store.”
“I take it she doesn’t like to shop there?”
“She hates it. Says it’s ‘boring enough to die.’” It felt good to be talking to Meredith—probably because she was older than nine.
“So how’d you get from hardware to crepes?”
“They learned about French food in school this week and one of the mothers had made some for the kids to try. Apparently they had powdered sugar.”
“I make mine with fruit. She might not like the healthy kind.”
“We already bought the strawberries.” He lay back against the pillows. “So you’ll come?”
“Sure, I spent the day gathering the information you asked for,” she said. “I’ll bring it along.”
“Great.”
They were working. And taking care of Kelsey. They were friends. He was okay with that.
THE FOLLOWING FRIDAY Kelsey was invited to a slumber party, and she and Josie were going to leave together from Josie’s house. Mark finished up the last of the pending business in his office, made a couple more calls on Meredith’s behalf and headed down the hall to see if she’d left for the day.
With her back to the room, she was wiping a wet cloth along the blackboard. She had on one of her long cotton patchwork skirts with all the colors and a violet top that, when she lifted her arm, showed just a sliver of the skin at her waist.
Not that he really noticed.
Mark looked away. “You got plans this evening?”
“Oh!” She swung around. “Mark! You scared me.”
“Sorry.” He was. That had been dumb. Not like him at all. “Do you?”
“Have plans?” she asked, back at her desk, putting papers in a folder. “Just this.” She held up the folder. “Grading papers.”
Working. He had plans to do the same. Compiling the chart he planned to distribute to the members of the Bartlesville public school board. With Meredith’s help—as well as help from a surprising number of parents of previous students—he had compiled much more data then he’d expected to have. And he was kind of anxious to see the results. For her sake.
Susan had predicted a percentage in the nineties, in terms of correct assumptions from Meredith. He’d be glad to get fifty—a fair guessing average.
“Did you need something?” She was staring at him.
“Just wondered if you wanted to get some dinner.”
“Kelsey’s gone.”
“I know that, but how did you?”
“I’ve been making a point of seeing her every day, just saying hello. She mentioned the slumber party—seemed to be looking forward to it.”
“It’s only her second one.” But he wasn’t thinking about children’s parties. “Why have you been specifically looking for her?” The idea was pleasing—and made him uncomfortable at the same time. He’d spent part of the afternoon reading accounts of all the times she’d sensed troubled kids in the past four years. He didn’t want to be one of her statistics.
“No reason.” She turned for her bag. “I’ve grown fond of her.”
She said she’d made a point of finding her. As though for a specific reason. He watched her load her bag, wanting to push.
She glanced up. “What?”
“Nothing.” But he couldn’t let it go. “You sure there’s no other reason you’re seeing my daughter?”
She shrugged and his mood dipped a bit. She could feel people’s fears all she wanted, so long as she kept his daughter out of it.
“I was concerned about that nonfight she was in,” she told him. “I just wanted to keep an eye out, to make sure no one was bullying her.”
Mark relaxed. Felt like a damn fool. And smiled. “Thank you.” He wasn’t used to sharing Kelsey’s care. It was nice.
“So how about dinner?” he said. She was coming toward him, her bag over her shoulder. It was bright pink with orange-and-green trim around the pockets. Only Meredith could pull off carrying a bag like that—wearing an outfit like that—and appear completely mature and professional at the same time.
“Okay. Your place or mine? I have eggs. Or chicken in the freezer.”
“I thought we’d go out.”
She gave him a sideways glance as they stepped out into the late afternoon sunshine. “Not a good idea.”
“Why not? We’re working, for heaven’s sake,” he said, thinking about the portfolio they had to discuss. “And there’s nothing in policy that prevents us from being friends. Happens all the time.”
“I wasn’t talking about us, Shepherd,” she said. “I’m just not up to the stares and whispers tonight.”
“What stares and whispers?”
“The ones I’ve been getting every time I go out anywhere since Delilah White’s program. The parents of my students know what’s going on, or at least they’re giving me the benefit of the doubt because they know me, but everyone else in town seems to think I’m a witch or something.”
She’d pissed him off
again. On her behalf, this time. People didn’t have to believe her, but they damn sure should live and let live.
“I have steaks in the freezer. And a new propane tank on the grill.”
“Sounds good to me.”
BARBIE DIDN’T TAKE Kelsey to her house after she picked her up from school on Friday. She didn’t want Don to hear what they were going to talk about. But she worried about it anyway. Don was good to her, the best. He understood her. She couldn’t lose him. She wouldn’t.
She just had to have her daughter, too.
“How about some chocolate ice cream?” They used to have ice cream as a family every night before bed. Mark had been a freak about the flavors. Kelsey would only eat chocolate.
“Okay,” Kelsey said, her little hands resting on her thighs. She used to look at those hands sometimes and wonder how she could possibly expect them to handle all the jobs she gave them. “But cookie dough would be better,” she added.
Cookie dough? Resentment flared in Barbie’s chest. She hadn’t introduced her daughter to cookie dough ice cream. Someone else had done that. And bought the overalls Kelsey was wearing, too. And the little pink top. And put her hair in a ponytail.
Barbie reached for the meth pipe under her seat. And then pulled her hand back. Ice cream was just around the corner, and she liked ice cream.
“I saw my lawyer this week,” she said, forcing herself to concentrate. “He showed me the paperwork for filing a motion for joint custody and he’s going to do it as soon as I have the money for his retainer and the filing fees.”
“What’s joint custody?”
“You live primarily in one place, but your dad and I share all the decisions about your life.”
Kelsey glanced over as Barbie pulled into the parking lot of the ice-cream store. “Do I get to see you, then?”
God, she loved this child. How could she ever have left her? Barbie almost started to cry at the thought. She’d lost so much that she’d never be able to regain.
“Mom?”
“Yes,” Barbie said, thinking about that pipe. If she could just have a second to take care of business, life would be so good. “Yes, you will, honey, that’s the whole idea.”
Keep your mind on memories or activities that make you happy, that was what Don told her to do when she was feeling low. But when the dark thoughts came, nothing felt good. Except maybe ice cream. And Kelsey. If she didn’t feel so bad about how hard it all was. And complicated. If she didn’t panic.
“You want a cup or a cone?” She pushed open her door, feeling for the bills in her back pocket. One step at a time.
“A cone.” Kelsey followed her into the store.
Barbie hadn’t had a say about those cute blue-and-pink tennis shoes, either.
“THERE’S ANOTHER KIND of custody,” Barbie said, feeling better as, back in the driver’s seat, she licked her scoop of chocolate ice cream. She really should do something about her hair. She wanted to be pretty when she was out with Kelsey and ran into her daughter’s friends. She didn’t want to embarrass her. Barbie remembered what it was like to be a kid.
“What kind?” Kelsey asked, and for a second there Barbie wasn’t sure what she was talking about. And then remembered.
“Sole,” she said. “It’s where your father has you all the time and makes all the decisions, but I get to visit you.” Her lawyer had suggested that as her beginning option. And then later put in for another change of custody to ask for joint. Barbie didn’t have the money for two of these procedures.
“So I’d still get to see you,” Kelsey said.
Barbie bit back a sharp retort. “Yes, but I’m your mother, Kelsey. I should be consulted about the choices being made for you.”
Kelsey licked her ice cream. She didn’t seem to get it. But then, she was only nine. Maybe Barbie was expecting too much. And she needed more. Her ice cream was a bother because if she didn’t keep licking, it would drip. And Barbie didn’t want to lick right then.
“If your father fights this, you might be asked some questions,” Barbie said. “And we need to be very careful about what answers you give.”
There were moral issues. Her lawyer had been very specific about them. If she exposed her daughter to drug users in her home, she would not be granted custody of any kind. No one understood that she and Don weren’t really drug users. They were just getting by the best they could, coping with what life handed them.
“’Kay,” Kelsey said, watching as a car pulled up next to them.
Barbie reached for the little girl’s wrist as she raised her cone to her mouth. “This is important, Kelsey, or we won’t get to see each other.”
Kelsey stared at her. “Do I have to lie some more?”
“No!” Barbie hated the confusion of it all. “Lying is bad,” she said. “We just have to be careful not to talk about Don’s lab in the garage.”
“The drugs, you mean.” The child’s voice was harder then Barbie had ever heard it.
“What do you mean? There aren’t any drugs.”
“Kenny told me.”
Damn it! She was going to kill him. She’d told Don they couldn’t trust a kid. But the money was good. And they needed the money. Don had just been accused of stealing from the company he’d been driving for and even though he’d said he hadn’t been, they’d fired him. He’d get loads of work other places, even with another trucking company. He always did. But in the meantime, there were payments to make on his rig, and rent and court costs. And she had to get her hair done and…
“I won’t say anything about the drugs,” Kelsey said. “But you’re going to stop them just as soon as all this gets done, right?”
Ohmygod. Harder and harder. “Right.”
“’Kay, ’cause I really, really hate it.”
Yeah, Barbie did, too.
MEREDITH AND MARK DID discuss the upcoming hearing over a glass of wine while the steaks were cooking. Meredith made sure of it. She felt safer that way. As long as they were working, she didn’t have to worry about being there alone with him. Until Mark dropped his piece of news.
“What does the governing board want with you?” She walked around behind him to the other side of the grill, the light from the porch bathing the darkness that surrounded them. And then strode back. “It’s because of me, isn’t it? If you speak up for me, your job is in jeopardy.”
“You don’t know that.”
“No, I don’t.” She slowed down. Took a sip of wine. “I mean, what can they get you for? There’s nothing in the Due Process Act about dismissal for supporting an employee.”
“No, but there is willful neglect of duty. If they perceive my duty to be supporting the governing board.”
She stopped pacing, stared at the back of his head. “So they are after you because of me.”
“I have no idea what they want,” Mark said. “I just got the summons today, and it said nothing except that they had a matter to discuss with me. I’m meeting with the superintendent next week.”
Before her hearing. Coincidence? Or design?
“I’m cooked if you aren’t there.”
He turned, fork in hand. “I’ll be there.”
His intention meant a lot. Probably more than it should. But she didn’t kid herself into thinking that intention would automatically become action. Particularly if it came down to her job or his.
“Mark, this is serious. I won’t have you losing your job because of me. I’ll quit first. You’re great at what you do.”
He turned, his eyes clear and sure in the dim light. “So are you.”
“The kids need you.”
“And they don’t need you?”
“You have a daughter to support.”
He watched her for another long moment, and she drew in a deep breath. She had him, but took no satisfaction in the victory. The thought of facing the school board without him there was too much to contemplate at the moment.
Turning back to the steaks, he said, “I’ll be there.�
�
“I SHOULD GO.” How many times had she said that to this man?
“You’ve got work to do, and so do I,” Mark said, standing with her in his kitchen. They’d just finished the dishes. Or rather, she’d done them while he shut down the grill, put away the candles and wiped the table on the porch. Together but separate.
“Let me know when you get the graph done.” Meredith pulled a strand of hair over her shoulder, ran her fingers down its length. And again. Two months ago, she wouldn’t have doubted the answers he was going to find. Today, she was nervous even thinking about them. “Funny, but I never thought all those times you called me into your office would come in handy.” The meetings, while not in her official employee file since he’d never issued formal warnings, had been noted in his own ledger. They’d used them to follow up on each incident.
And when he compiled the results, she might see that she was nothing but a fake with a fantastic imagination.
“Have fun grading papers.”
The door was behind her. She just had to turn around. And it would be easier if he’d look away. Set her free.
“Mark, have you heard from Susan?” The random question surprised her. She hadn’t had any conscious awareness of her friend.
“No.” He didn’t even blink.
Meredith wrapped her hair around her fingers. “How do you feel about that?”
“You sound like a psychologist.”
Her eyes narrowed at the way he’d sidestepped the question. “How do you feel?” she repeated.
Hands in his pockets, Mark gave a little shake. “Not as bad as I should, which makes me feel bad.” He grinned at her. “How’s that for messed up?”
Her heart was beating fast again. And it had no reason to do so. Except that Mark was scaring her. Or she was scaring herself.
“Do you love her?” The question was less audible then she’d meant it to be. And the answer was none of her business.
“I thought I did.”
Butterflies swarmed in her stomach. And lower. Accompanying the nervous energy that always seemed to be flowing just beneath her skin whenever he was around.
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