by A. J. Harmon
“Hey, love,” a woman yells.
I turn around to find an older woman, probably in her sixties, refreshing the coffee in a carafe.
“Are you looking for Chad?” she asks.
“I am,” I nod.
“More than likely he’s with Anna in her trailer.”
“Thank you,” I smile, but I feel anything but happiness. With Anna? In her trailer?
I start the search again, this time looking for Anna’s trailer. I should have known it would be the biggest trailer, but at least I found it. I lift my hand to knock but out of the corner of my eye I see a movement inside, through the sheer curtain. I see Chad standing and I’m relieved to have found him. All I want is to be in his arms. And then there’s Anna. She grabs him around the neck and pulls him to her lips.
I blink. I see Chad place his hands on either side of her head and I can watch no more. I turn and run. I run and I run until I am out of breath and can no longer see through the trail of tears pouring down my cheeks.
How could he? How could he lie to me like that?
*****
The whole flight home I am throwing up, either in the tiny and cramped lavatory, or in my airsick bag in my seat, making the guy next to me gag repeatedly. I feel bad for him, but at the same time I couldn’t give a shit. My life is falling apart.
I managed to flag down an empty taxi and get back to the airport after I’d run for blocks, dragging my bag behind me, almost mowing down pedestrians in the process. I changed my ticket and got the next flight out, paying an exorbitant fee on my Visa, and having to sit in the very last row of the full plane, but it’s worth it to get home.
Home. Where the fuck is that? My first thought is my apartment where I lived for five years, but that’s not home anymore. Someone else lives there now and I doubt they’d appreciate me showing up and collapsing in hysterics on their sofa.
Chad’s house? That should be home – but it sure doesn’t feel like it right now.
I load my stuff in my car parked in the economy parking lot once the shuttle drops me off after picking me up from the airport terminal.
“Hey!” shouted the driver. “Didn’t I just drop you off this morning?”
“Yep,” I muttered and walked down the aisle to the very back and slouched in the seat. He didn’t say another word to me until I handed him a couple of bucks for a tip, and even then, it was just a quick “thanks.”
Now as I sit in my car, the question is where to go? Although, the real question is why Chad would do that to me. I don’t have an answer for either question. Right now, I feel numb. I don’t even want to stress eat. That says something.
I drive to my parents’ house. I know that I’ll have to answer a couple of questions, but I think I can get through it without breaking down… I hope.
“Of course you can stay,” Mom says happily when I ask if I can stay just a few days.
“The house is so big and Chad’s gone, so I thought a little trip home was in order,” I smile. If she suspects anything, she’s not letting on.
“Absolutely wonderful idea. Maybe tomorrow we could have a girls’ day and get pedicures and lunch. I’m sure Grace will want to come.”
“Only if she brings Jack,” I smile.
“Seeing as though I am her babysitter, I don’t think she has any other option. Are you hungry? I can whip us something for you to eat seeing as though you missed dinner.”
“No, I’m fine, thanks though. I think I’ll just go up to bed.”
“Sure, Kate. I’ll see you in the morning then. Sleep well.”
Yeah, there it is. She knows something’s up. It’s the tone of her voice – too high and far too happy.
I wash my face and climb into bed, dog tired, eyelids heavy, but unable to sleep. I toss and turn and cry into my pillow.
I feel incredibly alone in bed. I’m not used to sleeping alone – Chad is always right next to me, like a security blanket of sorts. The picture of him and Anna together flashes before my eyes and I punch the mattress with both fists as I cry some more.
After five minutes, or maybe it’s five hours, I have no clue, I reach for my phone on the table next to the bed. It’s still on airplane mode. I guess I forgot about it. It’s a little past midnight, and once I turn the cell service back on, I see I have a couple of voicemails… from Chad.
“Hey, babe. Just checking in to see how you’re doing and how work is for you. Only two more days and you are outta there. Call me. Love ya.”
The second one was about the same. I delete both, roll over, and cry.
SIXTEEN
“Kate? I’m starting to worry. I’ve left several messages and haven’t heard back from you. Where are you? Are you okay? Please, please call me.”
It’s the fifth message Chad has left. I just can’t bring myself to talk to him yet. What am I going to say? Fuck you and your little whore? Well, yes, but what else? Do I even tell him I’m pregnant now that I know he isn’t invested in our relationship?
I’m still in bed, tired as hell, as I didn’t sleep much at all, and I’m feeling sick to my stomach. I should probably get up and go to the bathroom, puke my guts out and then try and sleep some more, but that seems like so much effort and I can’t be bothered.
I have no idea what time it is or how long I’ve been lying here feeling sorry for myself, my heart breaking and my rage burning hotter with each passing minute. Mom knocks on the door and asks if I’m awake.
“I am now,” I yell. “Come in.”
“Morning, sweetheart,” she smiles.
“Hi, Mom.”
“Um,” she pauses and looks at me, “Chad is here looking for you.”
“What?” I bolt upright.
“Chad is here… downstairs. I’m stalling him because, well, because I know something is wrong. What is it, Kate?”
“Shit,” I mutter as I bury my face in my hands. “Mom? What do I do?”
“Good question,” she replies. “But as I don’t know what’s wrong, I can’t really help,” she sighs.
What a dilemma! Fuck!
“Tell him I will be down in a bit.”
“Okay, she half smiles and closes the door behind her as she heads back downstairs.
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
I take my time getting up and dressing. He can damn well wait for me. I casually make my way down the stairs and on the third step from the bottom, the wood creaks and Chad jumps up from the sofa and runs to me, arms outstretched.
“Kate! You had me scared to death! Why didn’t you answer your phone?”
I take two steps upwards to avoid his reach and I see his instant reaction, one of confusion and then hurt.
“Why aren’t you in New Orleans? You are supposed to be working.” My voice is monotone and surprisingly calm.
“I left. I quit. I couldn’t stand being away from you for one more second.”
“What?” This makes no sense seeing as though he’s fucking Anna Baxter. Why would he leave the perfect opportunity to be with her under the guise of work?
“I had misgivings from the very start, but I was so blinded by the dollar signs that I didn’t listen to my better judgement.”
“Go home, Chad. Or go back to Anna in New Orleans. I don’t give a fuck what you do, but you need to leave.” I turn and head back upstairs.
“Kate! Stop!”
I don’t.
“Kate!”
I walk into my room and shut the door, clicking the lock to make sure he doesn’t follow me. I can’t let him whittle away my defenses. I love him so much that it wouldn’t take much for him to convince me to stay.
But I’m worth more than that. A year ago I would’ve been grateful for him in any way he was with me. I would have accepted a cheating bastard because that’s what I would have figured I deserved. But I’m not that girl anymore. And it’s partially because of him. He made me see that I was so much more than a fat girl existing in a skinny girl’s world. Damn him. Damn Anna Baxter. I throw myself back on my
bed and cry some more.
An hour or so later, Mom knocks on the door. “He’s just left, Kate.”
I roll off the bed and unlock the door. As I open it, Mom pushes her way in and follows me back to the bed. As I flop down, she sits at the end.
“Okay, tell me what’s going on.”
“I don’t think I can,” I sigh. “It’s all very complicated.”
“Why did he come home early?”
“Well, that is a very good question. I actually went to New Orleans yesterday to surprise him and he was… working hard,” I sneer.
“You flew all the way to Louisiana yesterday?”
“I did, to surprise Chad.”
“And?” Mom asks.
“And he was in Anna’s trailer. I turned around and caught the first flight back.”
“Oh,” Mom says, assuming the worst, except it’s not an assumption. I saw them with my own eyes.
“Did he see you?” she questions.
“I doubt it. He was… otherwise occupied.”
“I just have trouble believing that Chad would do that. I mean, he is completely devoted to you. He adores you, Kate.”
“And he apparently adores Anna Baxter, too,” I spit her name out.
“Oh, Kate, I’m so sorry, sweetheart.”
“Yeah, me too,”
We don’t go for pedicures, or out for lunch. Mom makes me Campbell’s tomato soup and a grilled cheese sandwich – comfort food from my childhood. She makes me up a bed on the couch, with pillows and blankets and a TV tray and turns on the Hallmark channel and the enormous assortment of Christmas movies to watch all day long. Ordinarily, it would be one of the best days of my life, but this is far from it.
John Stamos, Candace Cameron Bure, and even David James Elliott can’t lift my spirits, and when my delicious lunch comes back up an hour after eating it, I realize that nothing will ever be the same again. The perfect life I had only twenty-four hours ago was gone forever. I have to deal with that fact, and the sooner the better.
*****
I wait two days. I’ve left a message for Chad on his phone telling him to not call me… that I would call him when I was ready. He has abided by my request.
Unsteady and most definitely unsure of myself, I drive over to Chad’s house and let myself in with my key. I close the door behind me and listen for sounds. The garage door is closed so I don’t know if his truck is in there or not. I don’t hear anything so I venture upstairs to the master bedroom and begin to pull my clothes out of the closet and throw them on the bed. I hurry because I don’t know when Chad will be back and I don’t want to come face to face with him.
But with my back to the bathroom door, I don’t see him appear in the doorway.
“Kate.” It’s almost a cry.
I swing around to see him wrapped in a towel around his waist, his beautiful body on display for me. The knowledge that Anna Baxter had touched him… touched what I thought was mine alone, is too much to bear, my emotions take over and I sob uncontrollably.
I am instantly cocooned in his arms, his warm musky scent on his hard chest filling my senses.
“Baby, whatever is wrong, we can fix it, together. Nothing is so bad we can’t get through it… together.”
That snaps me back to reality. I push him away and use the back of my hand to wipe my nose. “Together?” I spit back. “All three of us?”
“Huh?”
“You know, you, me, and Anna fucking Baxter.”
“What in God’s name are you talking about?”
“I saw you. I came to New Orleans and I saw you and her in her trailer.”
“What? You came to New Orleans? When?”
He is an incredible actor. I almost believe he’s clueless.
“Wednesday.”
“You were in New Orleans on Wednesday?”
“I think a trip to a hearing specialist might be in order,” I smirk.
“But that’s the day I quit. That’s the day… Oh, God, Kate. Wednesday?”
“Yeah. Wednesday. I saw you with her.”
“Kate, it’s not what you think it is.” He’s flustered and drops to his knees at my feet. “I don’t know what you think, but…”
“You kissing her? I think that is what I think because I SAW IT CHAD! I saw you and that whore and you kissed her.”
“No! I didn’t kiss her!” he exclaims. “She kissed me and I pushed her away. You’ve got to believe me, Kate. I didn’t kiss her. I would never kiss her.”
“Chad, I saw you. I was right outside her trailer.”
“You saw something, yes, but it wasn’t what it must have looked like.”
“So tell me what it was?”
“I went to her trailer, like I did each day before she was due to go on set, usually three or four times a day, to get her stretched out and ready for whatever scene she was filming. If there wasn’t any action taking place, I’d just run her through some basic stretching. On Wednesday, she had her PA come and find me because she said she had a cramp. It was all a ruse to get me in her trailer. She came on to me and I told her in no uncertain terms that I was not interested and to back off.”
“Yeah, sure look liked she backed off,” I sneered.
“And then she apologized and I thought she was being genuine. She went to give me a hug, which I foolishly accepted, and she kissed me. The second her lips touched mine I was disgusted and pushed her away, but damn that woman is strong. It took a couple of seconds, but I got her off me and I told her I quit. Right then I said I was done.”
“Very well thought through explanation.” I was having none of it.
“I am telling you the truth, Kate. I would rather kiss a pig than Anna Baxter.”
“She is a pig,” I snapped.
“Yes. I agree. Do you believe me?”
I don’t answer.
“I’ll call Jill, her PA, and she can tell you what happened. She apologized for getting roped into Anna’s plan. Jill knew nothing until I stormed out of her trailer.”
“Because I am going to believe anything that fucking whore’s PA is going to say?”
“Your anger is clouding your belief in my love and loyalty,” Chad whispers. “Kate? Look me in the eyes. Believe me when I say I’m telling you the truth. Nothing happened.”
The problem is that if I do look him in those beautiful blue eyes, I will believe him. Should I?
He takes my hands in his and I kneel down so we are both on the floor.
“I want to believe you, Chad.”
“Then do it, because I am telling you the honest truth. I love you, Kate, and I always will. I quit and will never see her again. She repulses me.”
“I told you from the first time I saw her that she was trouble.” I had to get that in there, you know, the I told you so.
“You did. And I was a fool not to believe you, because… you were right.”
I bite my lips so I don’t smile.
“I flew home as soon as I could get a flight out and I raced home to you and you weren’t there. You scared me to death, Kate.”
“Good.”
His eyes lose their sparkle and is replaced with a desperate sadness. “I thought I’d lost you.”
Has he lost me? Do I believe him?
SEVENTEEN
His thumbs caress the backs of my hands, slowly circling with a feather-light touch. His soulful eyes search mine for an answer, his teeth biting down on his lower lip. I wonder if he’s trying to keep quiet, giving me time to respond. I am usually not quiet at all. This is a new experience for me, but then, so has the past few days, and I’d rather have skipped the education.
“Chad,” I whisper, barely audible over my deep breathing. I want to believe him. I desperately want to believe him. There has been nothing in his behavior to suggest that he has been involved with Anna fucking Baxter. My only, and pretty damn alarming, evidence of such behavior is what I witnessed in New Orleans, and truth be told, his explanation certainly sounds like something Anna fu
cking Baxter would pull.
“I want to believe you.”
“Then believe me and believe me when I say I will spend the rest of my life making you feel cherished and loved. I will never betray you. I will never hurt you, I promise.”
“You can’t make a promise like that,” I frown.
“I will never intentionally hurt you,” he rephrases with the genuine sincerity I have come to easily recognize.
“If I believe you, I put myself in such a vulnerable position that scares the shit out of me. Up until Wednesday, the idea of you cheating on me was so foreign, and now…”
“And nothing has changed, as far as I’m concerned,” he interrupts. “Since the day I met you, the idea of another woman has been as far from my mind as another man,” he chuckles.
I smile. I can’t help it. Chad is as straight as they come. My anger is slowly dissipating and my love for him is winning out. And that thought is scary as hell.
“I can see the battle you are having. But I need to tell you something.”
“What?” I ask, my curiosity distracting my internal war.
“The good thing that came out of that horrific… interaction with Anna is that I am committed to you more than anything in my life… ever. I know, without any doubt whatsoever, that you are it for me. You are my sun and moon and stars. You are my world. And if you aren’t by my side as my best friend, my lover, my partner, my business partner, my sounding board, my scrabble opponent, my everything, then none of it is worth it. Life isn’t worth living unless I have you to share it with. I see us growing old together, Kate. I see us having babies together and raising a family.”
My eyes well with tears at his declaration. Maybe I should just tell him now, but I don’t get a chance because he keeps going.
“What I thought about that entire flight home was you and how much I love you. Before I found you at your mom’s, I went and bought you something.” He jumps to his feet and rushes around the bed to his nightstand and opens the drawer. When he returns to me, back on his knees and gazing into my eyes, he opens the velvet box in his hands.
“What I knew I wanted was you… forever. Katelynn Georgia Evans, will you make me the happiest man in the world and agree to be my wife? My everything? And I promise that you will never have cause to regret the decision to become Mrs. Rockwood.”