Chain Reactions

by Lynn Ames

  “Uncle,” she said.

  “Uncle?”

  “I surrender. You take the couch.”

  “Okay. I’ll just grab an overnight bag and meet you in the driveway.”

  “Right,” she agreed. She took a deep breath. It’s not like they’d be sleeping in the same bed, or even the same room. They could do this without crossing any boundaries, couldn’t they?

  Brooke regarded herself in the bathroom mirror. Deep purple circles had taken up residence underneath her eyes, which were dull and glassy. You look as though you haven’t slept for weeks.

  That was not far from the truth, as she hadn’t slept an entire night through since taking over Nora’s care. Part of her wanted to fall into her own bed now and sleep for a week. The other part of her was grateful Diana accepted her solution and acquiesced to her sleeping on the couch.

  Still, the prospect of sharing space, even platonically, with Diana made her pulse race, and that was the problem. She wasn’t interested in a fling. What she wanted with Diana went deeper than that, and, given their rocky beginning, waiting until the emotional dust settled was imperative to ensuring any chance of anything else.

  You got yourself into this. Wrestle your libido under control and deal with it. She splashed cold water on her face and wiped it off, brushed her teeth, combed her hair, and dabbed on a little perfume. Because you always put on perfume before you go to bed. Yeah, right.

  She paused as she passed the open bedroom door. Diana was awake, lying in the bed, hair splayed on the pillow, arms folded on top of the covers. Brooke swallowed hard. The sight of Diana in her bed…

  “I’m not on your side, am I? Because if I am and it makes you uncomfortable, I can sleep on the other side—”

  “You’re not. On my side of the bed, I mean. I don’t have a designated side. I mean, I don’t have a firm preference. I mean…” She took a deep breath. “I think I should quit while I’m behind.”

  Diana’s eyes held mirth. “I get the idea.”

  “Thank God.” She wiped her brow in mock relief and motioned to Diana’s empty hands. “What? No journal article to memorize?”

  Diana pointed to her empty hands. “What? No book to read?”

  “Touché.”

  They were quiet for a moment.

  “I want to say—”

  “I wanted to tell you—”

  They spoke at the same time.

  “You go first,” Diana said.

  “No, you go,” Brooke insisted.

  “Okay. These past few weeks have been a blur. Honestly, I haven’t even begun to figure out where to put all of my emotions around Aunt Nora—the missing years, her re-appearance in my life…” She ticked the items off on her fingers. “The one thing I know for sure is that I never could’ve gotten through any of it without you.”

  “That’s not—”

  “Don’t interrupt me, please.” She propped two pillows behind her and sat up in the bed. “It’s true. You were my green wire—the one who grounded me when I felt untethered. Your compassion, your kindness, your caring, your steadiness… I came to rely on all of those things, and on you. Every day I knew Aunt Nora was in the best possible hands. And every night I looked forward to our exchanges like a kid anticipating her favorite bedtime story. So, thank you. Thank you for being there for me and for Aunt Nora. Thank you for everything.” Her voice broke.

  “You’re welcome. Thank you for entrusting Nora’s care to me, and thank you for brightening my days and evenings. As I told you at the outset, it was my honor and privilege to help you and Nora through this transition. Getting to know you has made this time even more special. With every interaction, I find myself wanting to know more.” She searched Diana’s face. Briefly, she allowed herself to imagine what it would be like to wake up to that smile and those eyes every day. “Well, I should…” She pointed in the direction of the living room.

  “Good night, Brooke.”

  “Sleep well, Diana.” Gently, she closed the door behind her.

  Brooke awoke with a start. Diana. Diana was crying. She could hear her even through the closed bedroom door. Without thought, she threw off the blanket and scrambled off the couch. She skidded around the corner and hesitated only for an instant at the bedroom door. When her quiet knock went unanswered, she opened the door a crack and peered inside, allowing her eyes to adjust to the darkness.

  “Diana?”

  “I-I’m sorry if I woke you. I’m fine. Don’t worry.”

  But she wasn’t fine and Brooke knew it. She moved into the room and stood at the side of the bed. “You don’t look so fine to me.”

  “It’s just…”

  Diana’s shoulders shook, and Brooke couldn’t restrain herself anymore. “May I?” She pointed to the bed.

  Diana nodded.

  She lifted the covers, slid underneath them, and opened her arms, relieved when Diana fell into them without hesitation.

  “You don’t need to be strong, Diana. It’s healthier to let go and allow yourself to feel whatever you’re feeling. There’s nothing noble about being stoic in the face of death.”

  Diana buried her head against Brooke’s neck and let the tears flow. When she’d cried herself out, she fell asleep on Brooke’s shoulder.

  Gentle puffs of air cooled Brooke’s overheated skin. Poor Diana. Everything she thought she knew about Nora had proven to be a lie, and just as she and Nora had been making up for lost time, Nora passed away.

  Brooke raised a hand to stroke Diana’s face and let it fall away just short of making contact. She didn’t want to take a chance on waking her. Rest and time. What Diana needed was time to heal.

  And you. Isn’t that what she’d overheard Nora tell Diana? That she was the ticket to making her heart whole?

  Yet another reason to put on the brakes, she decided. How could she possibly know if Diana was acting on her own desires, or if she was following through on Nora’s dying wish?

  Diana moaned in her sleep, and Brooke brushed her lips against her temple. Diana settled down immediately and tightened her grip with the arm she had thrown across Brooke’s midsection when she’d fallen asleep.

  I will not react. I will not react. I will not react. Not now. She breathed in the scent of Diana’s honey shampoo and closed her eyes. It was late and she was exhausted. Her brain was on overload, and her body was warring with her common sense and defense mechanisms. How had life gotten this complicated? One thing was certain—in her current state she never was going to make sense of any of this.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  Diana pried her eyes open. Brooke faced away from her, curled on her side. Her shoulder rose and fell with each soft snore and Diana resisted the urge to wrap herself around her and go back to sleep.

  Vague snapshots of the night played in quick succession. Brooke showing up at the side of the bed. Brooke opening her arms to envelop her. Her arm carelessly tossed across Brooke’s belly. Brooke nuzzling the side of her hair. Breathing in lungfuls of Brooke’s intoxicating perfume. Awakening at one point with their mouths scant inches apart.

  The memory of that last bit thrust Diana’s imagination into overdrive and sent a bolt of warmth straight through her. Okay. Time to get up. Right now.

  Slowly, carefully, she extricated herself from the covers and crept into the bathroom. A cold shower. That’s what she needed. A cold shower would make all the difference in the world.

  By the time she emerged, the bed was made and the smell of bacon and coffee permeated the air. She followed her nose down the hall and stood, mouth slightly agape, watching Brooke glide around the kitchen like a ballerina commanding the stage. How was it possible that flannel pajamas could be so sexy?

  She should make a noise. She should do something to let Brooke know she was there, shouldn’t she?

  “Are you going to stand there all morning, or are you going to set the table?”

  “What? Oh. Sure.” Heat suffused Diana’s cheeks. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Of course. Brooke
could see her in the reflection of the range hood.

  “I’ll just…” She shimmied around Brooke to get to the silverware drawer. “That smells delicious.” As if to emphasize the point, her stomach rumbled loudly.

  Brooke laughed. “I’d ask if you were hungry, but I’m pretty sure I already know the answer to that.”

  “Sorry. I can’t remember the last time I ate.”

  “Lunch yesterday.” Brooke dropped two pieces of bread into the toaster. “Scrambled eggs okay? I don’t have any cheese for omelets.”

  “Fine. Are you kidding me? I could eat your arm and be satisfied right now.”

  “Please don’t.” Brooke spooned the eggs out of the pan, added three strips of bacon, and presented the plate to her.

  “Thanks.” She put the plate down and finished setting the table. “I’m sorry about last night.”

  “Don’t be. Are you feeling any better this morning?”

  “I am for right now. I can’t guarantee I won’t lose it again.”

  “It’s okay and normal if you do, Diana. That’s to be expected.”

  “Well, for what it’s worth, that caught me by surprise. But then, I don’t have as much experience with death as you do.”

  “I’m glad for that.”

  “I hope I didn’t drool on you. It’s bad enough that I cried on you.”

  Brooke snatched the toast as it popped up and handed one piece to her and kept the other for herself. “You didn’t. You might’ve snored a little, though.”

  “You too.”

  “We’re even then.”

  Brooke turned off the stove and sat opposite Diana with her own plate.

  “Thanks for making breakfast. This is great.”

  “You’re welcome. You’re sure Mr. Fitzgerald said he wanted to see both of us?” Brooke buttered her toast and took a bite.

  “Yes.”

  “Why would he need me to be present?”

  She wondered the same thing but hadn’t thought to ask the question yesterday. “I don’t know. I guess we’ll find out.”

  “I guess we will.” Brooke scooped up the last bit of scrambled egg from her plate. “Speaking of which, I’d better get in the shower if I want to be on time.” She rose, rinsed her dishes, and threw them in the dishwasher. Next, she scrubbed the pans.

  Diana joined her at the sink. “I’ll finish up for you.”

  “I’ve got it. My hands are already wet.”

  Diana bumped her with a hip. “I said, I’ve got this. Hit the showers.”

  “Okay.” Brooke dried her hands on a dish towel and headed in the direction of the bathroom.

  Diana congratulated herself on not turning to watch her go. Instead, she buried her hands in the soapy dishwater and picked up the sponge.

  She should make a list of items that would need to be taken care of before she headed home. First, she would send an e-mail to her head of department to explain the situation and organize a few days bereavement leave to take care of Aunt Nora’s affairs.

  Would a few days be enough? It wasn’t as though Aunt Nora was a hoarder, but then again, Diana hadn’t spent time snooping through her things. And she’d only seen the cottage. What about the house in Cambridge?

  “Earth to Diana. Come in, please.”

  She blinked. “I’m sorry. Did you say something?”

  Brooke stood a few feet away. She wore a pair of dress pants and a button-down blouse. Her hair was blown dry and styled, and she wore more makeup than usual.

  “I asked if you were ready to go?”

  “Oh.” She glanced down at her own outfit and took stock. Should she change into something dressier? She really hadn’t brought anything appropriate with her.

  “You look fine.” Brooke smiled and her eyes twinkled.

  “Was I that obvious?”

  “Yep.”

  “I can’t help it. I feel like a slob compared to you.”

  “Well, you shouldn’t. This is the Cape. Jeans are considered formalwear out here.”

  She frowned.

  “If you feel that badly about it, I could loan you something.”

  “No. I’ll suck it up.”

  “I’m sure Mr. Fitzgerald isn’t going to care what you’re wearing. If you want, I’ll go back and change into jeans.”

  “No. It’s okay. We’d better get going. I don’t want to be late.”

  Brooke didn’t move.

  “What?”

  “One car or two?”

  “Oh.” She hadn’t given any thought to logistics. Truthfully, she hadn’t considered anything beyond the mental list she’d made a few minutes ago.

  Brooke picked up her car keys. “How about if we take two? Then you’ll have the freedom to do whatever you want afterward.”

  “Right.” She grabbed her car keys off the kitchen counter and stuffed her wallet into the back pocket of her jeans. “I’ll follow you.”

  She didn’t like the sound of her and Brooke going their separate ways. Hadn’t Brooke told her last night there was no place she’d rather be? Was that only for last night? Probably.

  While Brooke had made it clear she might be interested in exploring a relationship at some point, she’d also made it plain that that time was not now, in the midst of her grief.

  So, where were they, then? Diana couldn’t think of an excuse to interact with Brooke beyond the meeting, and Brooke had no obligation to help her now. In other words, you’re nowhere.

  She watched the bleak scenery fly by. The trees were leafless now, and the wind-whipped dunes left scattered sand across Route 6A. The sky was papered over with dense clouds. The landscape matched her mood. Most likely Brooke would disappear from her life, at least temporarily, and Aunt Nora…

  Although she’d known from the first time Charles contacted her that Aunt Nora would pass away, her death still hit Diana like a two-by-four. How was that possible? It wasn’t as though the outcome was ever in question.

  “I miss you, Aunt Nora.” She swallowed hard and fought back tears. Now was not the time to fall apart again. There would be plenty of time for that soon enough. No, she would go, hear what Charles had to say about Nora’s wishes, say goodbye to Brooke, and focus on one task at a time.

  When Brooke turned into Nora’s driveway, Mr. Fitzgerald already was waiting. She glanced in the rearview mirror. Diana was parking her car on the street. Brooke was worried about her. She looked so fragile and lost.

  Mr. Fitzgerald opened the car door for her and helped her out. “I’m glad you could come, Ms. Sheldon.”

  “Call me Brooke, please, Mr. Fitzgerald. Honestly, I’m not really sure why I’m here.”

  “I promise to clear that up for you shortly. And please call me Charles.”

  “I’m sorry we’re late,” Diana said as she joined them.

  “On the contrary, I’m early; you two are right on time. Shall we?” He motioned toward the cottage. For the first time, Brooke noticed that he carried a well-worn briefcase. He was casually dressed in a pair of slacks and an open-collared button-down shirt. unbuttoned at the top button.

  Diana hesitated at the front door, and Brooke came up alongside her. “Are you okay?”

  “I-I guess I didn’t think even going inside would be this difficult.”

  “How about if I go first?” Brooke gently extricated the key from Diana’s grasp and inserted it in the lock. She stepped inside and opened the wood blinds to let in the daylight.

  Grief stabbed her in the heart. The house smelled like Nora. She half-expected Nora to call out, “It’s open.” But that never would happen again. Never again would Nora curse her “damned infirmity,” or ask Brooke to help her make toast, or…

  Diana handed her a tissue, and she offered her a pained smile. She hadn’t realized until then that she’d been crying.

  “Why don’t you both take a minute? I’ll get myself organized at the kitchen table.”

  She straightened up. “Thank you. I’m all right now.”

  “Let�
��s move forward,” Diana agreed.

  Brooke grabbed three glasses from the cupboard and poured them all some water. She used the time to regroup. This wasn’t about her grief. There would be time for that later. Right now Diana needed her.

  “Again, let me offer my condolences. It’s never easy to lose someone you love, and Nora, well, Nora was truly special.” He shuffled through several folders, re-ordered them, and laid them on the table.

  Brooke sat across from Diana with Charles between them. It occurred to her that she should ask if either of them wanted coffee, but this was not her house, and she wasn’t the hostess. Serving water was as far as she was willing to go.

  “I want you to know Nora loved both of you dearly.”

  Brooke raised an eyebrow. Nora appreciated her, of course, but she was being paid to do a job.

  “Yes, you too, Brooke.”

  Belatedly, she realized she should’ve schooled her expression better.

  “Nora confided in me the last time I saw her that, while she always admired you and your work at Dana-Farber, spending so much time in proximity to you these last few weeks showed her exactly who you were. She loved you for, as she said, ‘your beautiful soul and big heart.’”

  She squirmed. She never enjoyed being the center of attention, and both Diana and Charles were staring at her.

  “Diana,” Charles turned in her direction, “you were Nora’s pride and joy. I know you had many questions when you came to see me in my office. I assume you were able to get some of your questions answered.”

  “Some.” Diana crossed her arms, and Brooke recognized that she wasn’t the only uncomfortable one in the room. “But I realized too late that I had more questions than answers.” She shook her head. “There was so much more I wanted to ask. Now, I never—”

  “Uh-uh,” he cautioned. “Stop right there. Nora understood your curious nature more than you think. She anticipated you would yearn to know more, and she feared she wouldn’t be here long enough to fill in the blanks.” He tilted his head to read the label on one of the files. “She wanted me to give you this.” He reached into the file folder, extracted a sealed envelope, and slid it across the table toward Diana.