by Marie Skye
"Even when you're quiet, you're funny, Emmalin." I stroked her hair, and she jerked away from me, scooting to the far corner of the bed. She looked so small and fragile. I was imagining that even if she wore my ring, it would slip right off with the amount of weight she lost. I lowered the side rail and climbed in next to her. She tensed when I wrapped my arms around her. Her breathing began to shudder, and my heart clenched. Beaten. Raped. Miscarriage. I didn't know too many people who’d gone through what she'd gone through in life. I held her while she cried. "We'll get through this," I whispered over and over in her ear, until she fell asleep.
Emmalin
Dr. Stiles made good on her word and released me three days later. Grayson stayed by my side the entire time, except when he needed a minute to compose himself when the sexual assault counselor entered the room. I didn't want any visitors, with the exception of the police and Grayson's lawyer present, asking me questions. I was briefed beforehand about what to expect and what to say. The questions were quick since everything was being deemed as self-defense, with Carson kidnapping Abigail, and the rape. I was just "defending myself from another worthless human being," the officers’ quotes.
The media went into a frenzy and had camped outside the hospital. The story that was eventually being written was that I was shot during an armed robbery. I couldn’t turn on the news without it mentioning me or Grayson, and the alleged attack.
"How's your pain level today?" Grayson jiggled the pain meds and came over, turning the TV off.
I looked at Grayson. He was doing everything he could to take care of me. "It's more tolerable today." He raised his eyebrows. He knew I was lying. In addition to being shot, I had three broken ribs, bruising all over, and half my face looked like a Mack truck hit it. I was the definition of sexy. We managed to keep me completely covered leaving the hospital.
He strolled over to me and lightly brushed his fingertips over my face. "The swelling has gone down a lot." I watched as he unscrewed the bottle of pain pills and took out two, then handed them to me with a bottle of water.
"Stop acting brave. I already know you're brave, but I also know you're in pain."
I took the pills and swallowed. "I don't like how they make me feel. They make me tired, and I'm tired of sleeping."
He nodded. "I know, but sleeping is good. It's allowing your body to heal without interruptions. Your diabetes delays your healing time, so it takes twice as long."
I leaned my head back against the pillow. I had maybe a half hour before I went back into dreamy land.
"Everyone's been asking when they can visit. I was thinking maybe invite people over tonight."
I shook my head. "I don't want to see anyone." I buried myself deeper into the comforter. I heard him sigh.
"Okay. Maybe in a day or two then." He crawled into bed behind me and turned on a movie. He always held me until I fell asleep.
"I love you, you know that right?"
I started to relax as he rubbed my back.
I nodded. "Thank you."
He momentarily paused. "You're thanking me for loving you?"
"And for taking care of me. You didn't have to. I didn't want to turn that gun on you. That was the hardest thing for me to do, but I needed you out of there. I needed to do that. I never would've hurt you; I need you to know that."
"I know, baby." He continued to rub my back.
“Abby said something. Right after the drugs hit my system.” Grayson, pulled me tighter against him. “She told them that I was diabetic, and that you taught her what to do.”
He nuzzled into my neck. “Of course I did. I’m working on Noah too, but he’s a little younger, so he hasn’t quite grasped all of it, but he’s getting there.”
God, I loved this man.
“And you totally called it,” I whispered.
“What’s that?”
“That I was,” I took a moment to swallow the lump forming in my throat. “That I was pregnant. I didn’t know, I swear I didn’t. I didn’t think it would ever happen.”
“You had a few symptoms with the nausea, and I noticed you were always tired. It reminded me of when Meredith was pregnant, plus the mood swings, but you were also losing weight. You were adamant that you weren’t, so I didn’t want to push.”
I felt the tears spill over, as I thought how even as I started to bleed from what I thought was from him kicking me in the stomach, it was from me miscarrying, and he still raped me again. I started to feel myself drift off with that last thought.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Four Weeks Later
Grayson
"Mr. Mandrake, your two o’clock appointment has arrived."
I looked at my phone, then checked my calendar. I didn't have a two o'clock meeting. Glenda had lost her damn mind again. Before I could hit the button to tell her exactly that, my door opened, and in walked what was presumably my two o’clock appointment.
Isabella came charging in through the door like she owned the place, blonde hair flying behind her, one hand on her hip. I could easily see why Chace was secretly in love with her, and why she was the best friend of the girl I was in love with.
"Ms. Rhodes, and what do I owe this pleasure?"
She stood in front of me, arms crossed, eyes narrowed. "Cut the shit, Mandrake. What did you do to my best friend? Why has no one seen or heard from her since she's been released from the hospital? It’s been a month. I call. She doesn’t answer. I text, she answers me back hours or days later, and says she’s not up for visitors. So, what is it?”
I ran my hand through my hair and got up, heading over to the bar for a drink.
"Are you deliberately keeping her from everyone, Grayson, because so help me, I will have her out of there so fast."
"She's refusing to see anyone!" I abruptly interrupted her. She paused.
"What do you mean?"
I sighed, motioning for her to sit down. "She's different right now. The doctor said this was to be expected, considering the rape and miscarriage." I rubbed my eyes. Even though it's been weeks, sometimes it felt like brand new information all over again. Like a kick in the gut. We were still coping. Still grieving. I finally looked up at Isabella. Her mouth was open and she had tears in her eyes. She didn't know. Fuck.
"Grayson," she whispered. I held my hand up. She wiped a tear away. "Grayson, I'm so sorry. We were just told it was a robbery."
I sighed. “It’s deeper than that. Way deeper. That’s the story we’re letting everyone believe, my family included. It makes her feel safer that way. She’ll talk to you eventually but, right now, she’s having a hard time facing anyone. Even me.”
Isabella stared at the ground, looking somber.
"She's having a rough patch right now. She'll get better. I'll tell her you stopped by."
Isabella nodded and stood up, and I stood with her, walking her to the door. She stopped abruptly and turned and hugged me, taking me by surprise. "I'm sorry for your loss," she whispered.
There was a knock on the door and Chace walked in. This couldn't have been more perfect. His eyes immediately darkened seeing Isabella in my arms. Memories of me walking in with his hands on Emmalin on what he called "the panty test" came flooding back. I decided to goad the bastard and flashed him a sly smile while her back was still to him. "Did you need something, Chace?"
Isabella turned around, looking between us. More so at Chace. I seriously might as well not have been in the room. Emmalin was right. There was something there. I let out a low chuckle. Isabella cleared her throat and finally acknowledged I was still there. "When she's ready, have her call me." I nodded as she turned to leave and watched Chace watch her leave. I started to laugh and Chace sharply turned to me.
"What?"
I held up my hand. "Nothing. Was just wondering if you were done eye fucking her, or if you had something intelligent to say?" He scowled, rolling his eyes, and started to leave. "Why don't you do everyone a favor and stake a claim before the wrong person does. Other
wise, shut the fuck up." I laughed as he slammed the door.
I sat back in my chair and picked up the picture of Emmalin I kept on my desk. We were in Florida, visiting my parents for the first time. The damn dog that was the size of a horse, yet he somehow convinced himself he was the size of a min pin, managed to crawl himself onto her lap, and Emmalin busted out laughing, trying to hold him up. She looked so happy I couldn't resist taking a picture. I sighed. These past four weeks have been rough, but we were getting through it. The first two weeks, she would barely let me touch her. She jumped whenever I laid my hands on her. She had to warm up to the idea that it was actually me before she calmed down, and wrapped her mind around it. She even went as far as suggesting sleeping in separate bedrooms. I shot that idea down right away. I made it very clear that I wasn't going anywhere, that I wasn't the one that hurt her, and I wasn't going to hurt her.
I woke up at least three times to her sitting up in bed, wide awake, staring at the door. When I asked her what she was doing, she said she was 'waiting.' After the third time, the next morning, I found the knife in her hand after she had fallen asleep, sitting up in bed, while she was still 'waiting.' That's when I realized she was getting worse, not better like she was trying to convince everyone. Carson was dead, but he was still haunting her. Threatening her. I needed reinforcements. I refused to see that scared look in her eyes anymore.
That was three weeks ago. Therapy sessions. Medications. She's even beginning to gain back the weight she lost. She's not quite there yet, but there's hope. I text her every hour, no matter what I'm doing. She doesn't always text back, but when she does, I know we're a step closer to getting her completely back.
The alarm on my phone beeped. It was 3:59. Before I could dole out a text, my phone beeped to an incoming text.
Emmalin: See you soon
I smiled. She beat me to it. That was a first.
Me: Not soon enough. I love you
I watched as the bubbles appeared on the screen then disappeared. I sighed. Her reaching out first was a start, so I’d take it. I shut everything off, determined to get home to see my girl.
Twenty minutes later, I walked into the door, and was immediately greeted by the smell of what I could only imagine was something on fire, and the annoying sound of the smoke alarm. I ran to the kitchen where Emmalin was frantically waving a towel over the opened oven. Meanwhile, whatever was on top of the stove started to spill over. I ran over and turned the stove off, moved the pot to another burner, and grabbed potholders to take whatever it was out the oven. Emmalin stood, looking like she was on the verge of tears.
She took a deep breath. "I wanted to make dinner for you, and I got distracted because I wanted to get that wine you liked down the street. And I guess I didn't time any of this right because I had the temperature higher than I thought, and now it's all ruined."
She took another deep breath, her eyes starting to tear up. She began to walk away and I pulled her toward me. Just the fact that she wanted to do something for me made me love her that much more. "Hey. It's okay. Thank you for doing all of this. Really, it means a lot." I kissed the top of her head and hugged her to me tightly. This was the most I've gotten to hold her in weeks. My dick began to stir, and I pulled back slightly, trying to compose myself. My cock needed some self-control, yet all I thought about was how it'd been over six weeks since I sank balls deep inside of her.
"How about Chinese with the wine?"
"That sounds nice." Emmalin gave me a small smile.
"Great. I'll clean up in here, and you go get out of those smoky clothes."
Emmalin joined me in the living room thirty minutes later, just when the food arrived. She was wearing a thin tank sans bra, and those damn cutoff yoga shorts. Her hair was slightly damp. I couldn't help but notice how her nipples hardened beneath the tank, and my dick was starting to harden beneath my pants. I wanted to say fuck the food and throw everything on the floor, but I wasn't an asshole. Okay, at least not all the time.
"You arrived just in time; the food just got here." I motioned for her to sit next to me, and began pouring us each a glass of wine. A few moments of silence went by. I watched with an amused grin as Emmalin struggled with her chopsticks, before finally putting them down and picking up a fork.
"How was work?"
I wiped my mouth. "It was good. I had an impromptu meeting today."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. Isabella stopped by. She's worried about you."
She nodded. "I know. I'll call her soon. I mean, I feel bad for not reaching out, but I'll call her soon."
I smiled. She always said that, but soon never came.
"I managed to convince her that I wasn't keeping you hostage. I think she understood. The best part was when she was leaving." I leaned back against the couch, taking Emmalin with me. "Isabella gave me a hug right when Chace walked in. He looked like he wanted to kill me. He had that same look in his eyes I had when I walked in on him touching you that one day." Emmalin let out a soft giggle. I tightened my grip around her. "I goaded him, of course. You were right. There is something there. They're both just two stubborn souls." She snuggled into me. This felt right. So right.
Emmalin
I muffled a fake yawn. Grayson kissed the top of my head. "You tired, baby?" I wasn't tired. But tonight was the night I decided I was going to sleep with my boyfriend. It was time. He'd been patient for so long, dealing with all of my crap. I couldn't ask for someone better. That's what this night was about. Making him dinner. Getting his favorite wine. My attempt at seducing him clearly backfired. I wondered if he even still wanted me.
I cleared my throat. I was suddenly nervous. "I was hoping we could, um..." I focused on my hands. He lifted my chin up so I had to look at him.
"What?"
I took a deep breath. "I was hoping we could try again. To you know. Have sex. I mean, if you want."
Grayson was quiet for a whole minute and just stared at me. His eyes darkening. "Are you sure? I don't want to pressure you if you aren't ready. I understand if you're not."
I shook my head. "Make love to me," I whispered. I needed him. All of him. He looked at me with such lust in his eyes. Then, he slowly got up and reached for my hand, pulling me up to him.
"I want you so bad, it almost hurts. I ache for you. I crave you. We'll go slow, and do this my way, okay?"
I nodded. My breathing had already picked up at the anticipation. He slowly walked us into the bedroom, never taking his eyes off me. He was looking for that inkling of fear. As soon as we stepped into the bedroom, I lunged at him, digging my hands into his hair. He smiled when my lips met his.
"Easy, we have all night," he whispered against me. I eased up a bit, as he slowly unbuttoned his shirt. He let out a growl when I lifted my tank over my head and toed off my slippers. He pulled me to him and lifted me up, as I wrapped my legs around his waist.
He laid me gently on the bed, and slowly removed my shorts, taking my panties with them. I started to cover myself and he grabbed my hands.
"Let me take care of you."
I slowly nodded, looking him in the eyes. I moaned as he tugged a nipple in his mouth. It'd been so long since he’d touched me. He slowly made his way down my body, leaving a trail with his tongue.
"I'm going to savor every inch of you. This body is mine. All mine. You are mine. Don't ever forget that." He laid a gentle kiss on my inner thigh next to my mound, then blew softly over my pussy. I gasped from the sensation. "You're my beautiful angel."
Angel. That word. My heart started to race. I squeezed my eyes tight. It's Grayson. Not Carson. Grayson. My mind went back to that night. That night I worked so hard trying to forget.
"Let's see if you're a good fuck."
I was pulling against the restraints, trying to get away. I needed to get to the gun. All of a sudden, he fell on my back, knocking the air out of me. I felt his hand go up my dress, ripping my panties off. I screamed and tried pushing him away, but he held me down. He kic
ked my legs apart, and I screamed louder, hoping somebody—anybody—would hear me. He covered my mouth with his hand and thrust forward.
I was in agony as he forced his way. I wasn't prepared, which only pissed him off, and surged him on to go harder. Anything to hurt me.
"Come on, angel. I won't mind if you come. I'll love it. I'll be honored. I want you to think of me every time he fucks you.”
I opened my eyes again. It was Grayson in front of me. I blinked, and he turned into Carson, but I knew it was just my mind playing tricks on me. I felt myself shutting down. Everything I worked hard on these past weeks were all for nothing. The bricks started to layer themselves back up because I needed them for protection. The guilt and shame that I had. Me realizing that I hated my mother for marrying a man who raped and abused me. A stepbrother who raped and abused me. That same stepbrother who kidnapped Abby just to get to me. I can never forgive myself, or look at Grayson's family again after that.
I can't do this. It's not fair to him.
"Stop. Stop, stop, stop, Grayson, stop!" He backed away as I scooted up the bed and wrapped my arms around me, tears streaming down my face. "I'm sorry, I can't."
He nodded. "It's okay, don't apologize." He reached over and gently wiped a tear. "Look at me." I looked into his blue eyes. "I love you. You and me." He turned back the blanket, and we got underneath it. I took a deep breath, and willed myself not to cry as he rubbed my back until I fell asleep.
One Month Later
Grayson
“Mr. Mandrake, thank you for agreeing to be seen. It’s customary for the partner of a rape victim to also seek some sort of counseling as well. What they don’t realize is that this also affects them as well. We help with how to deal with the situation, as well as what to expect. The first step is reaching out to us, and we commend you for that.” She gave me a warm smile.
“Well, let’s start off then. How are you doing?”