by Scotty Cade
This attraction couldn’t be real; it had to be something else. He again thought of Lindsey. I can’t betray her with a man. I know she wanted me to move on and find love again, but I’m pretty certain she didn’t mean with a man. And besides, Brad just lost Jeff. The last thing he needs is a straight man coming on to him. What am I saying? I’m not going to hit on Brad. I’m straight!
Mac grabbed his head with both hands and squeezed his eyes shut. His brain was again on overload. He needed to stop stressing over this infatuation. Winter would be here soon, he would see a lot less of Brad, and whatever he was feeling would just go away. He convinced himself to give it up, hold up his end of the bargain where the cabin was concerned, and pray that winter came very soon.
Chapter 14
TIME was flying by. They were so busy with the cabin that Halloween and Thanksgiving had come and gone almost unnoticed, and it was now early December. Over the last six months, the two men had fallen into a fairly easy routine. Mac had done his best to deal with his infatuation with Brad by flying as much as he could and staying in Anchorage as much as possible without making Brad feel deserted. After all, he’d gone into this partnership with open eyes, and it wasn’t Brad’s fault he had issues. He owed it to Brad to pull his share of the workload. Most days he would fly his passengers to and from the lodge and pick up supplies, while Brad stayed behind and worked on smaller projects. When Mac had a day or two off, they tackled the larger projects together.
The day after Mac had burned his hand boiling water, they decided to make the upgrades Brad had thought about. They had the cabin rewired for an updated solar power grid that would accommodate a solar water heating system, a refrigerator, and a small washer-dryer combo. At the same time, they had the old generator rebuilt and rewired to come on automatically when the batteries on the new solar grid needed charging or if they simply needed a power boost. They also had the cabin’s plumbing updated to accommodate a shower and hot running water.
All the repairs were complete. They had hot water, more electricity, and enough wood chopped, split, and stacked to heat the cabin through the winter. Once winter set in, Brad knew that Mac would only be able to fly up weather permitting, so he made sure the cabin was stocked with nonperishable foods for the long stretches of bad weather.
Zander and Jake had decided to close the lodge for a week to visit family, and for the last week or so, they had buttoned up the lodge and prepared it for their time away. Mac had been up at the cabin with Brad during that time, tackling the chinking repairs needed on portions of the log cabin walls. It took them almost the entire week, but they were finally finished. When the workday was over, they sat in their new rocking chairs on the porch to have a glass of wine. With the trees now topped and the brush cleared, the view was even more spectacular than before. Not only could they clearly see the majestic mountains in the distance, they had a clear shot down to the lake and could see the lodge and the dock where Mac kept the plane.
Brad poured a glass of wine for Mac and poured one for himself. They rocked slowly as they looked out at the mountains. “Man, the view is spectacular now, isn’t it?” Mac asked.
“Hell yeah,” Brad said. “The mountains and the lake seem so close.”
“I love being able to see my plane,” Mac said. He looked over to the north and commented on how the clouds were starting to roll in.
Earlier in the day, Brad turned on the weather radio to get an update and learned that the first big winter storm was scheduled to arrive in three days. The blizzard was expected to drop as much as three to four feet of snow, with whiteout conditions and fifty- to sixty-knot winds.
Mac was flying Zander and Jake to Anchorage to start their vacation in two days and wouldn’t be back until the storm broke, which meant Brad would be alone in the cabin during the first storm of the winter season.
He was a little nervous, but when he thought about it, if he were being honest with himself, it had more to do with Mac leaving than the storm approaching. He had grown accustomed to being with Mac off and on over the last six months, but this past week or so with Mac was the happiest he’d been since Jeff died. They had discovered that they really had a lot in common. They liked the same sports teams, enjoyed many of the same foods, read many of the same books, and shared a love for adventure and, oddly enough, microwave popcorn. They had easily made their own place in the cabin and felt comfortable doing so. Many times they would sit in front of the fire with their feet up and read in a comfortable silence while chomping on their favorite snack. Or sometimes Mac would head up to the loft and read alone, or Brad would sit on the porch and read until the sun went down. But they both knew the other was just a call away, and there was a certain comfort in that. Through the pain of losing Jeff and buying and restoring this cabin, Brad had found a best friend for life.
After they finished their wine, they started the nightly drill. Although they now had electricity, they still liked to use the oil lamps as much as possible. Brad lit the oil lamps while Mac got the fire going in the large fireplace. Together they moved effortlessly around the little kitchen, cooking dinner and listening to the weather radio.
When dinner was ready, they ate at the kitchen table, as they did most nights, and talked about the storm and what they needed to do to prepare. They had one more day to secure the cabin before Mac flew back to Anchorage.
After they’d finished eating, and they were satisfied with their plan of attack for tomorrow, and the kitchen was cleaned, they each grabbed a book and headed to the couch. They read for a couple of hours in silence.
Brad closed his book, stretched, and said, “Mac?”
Mac looked up and closed his book.
“You never talk about your family other than Zoe-Grace,” Brad said. “Do you have any brothers or sisters? Are your parents still alive?”
Looking a little uncomfortable, Mac closed his book and looked at the ceiling.
“What I know is a really short story,” Mac said. “I didn’t know either of my parents. I was told that my mother became pregnant with me while she was still in high school. She was forced to give me up for adoption by her parents, my grandparents, and I spent seventeen years in orphanages and foster homes.”
“That must have been tough,” Brad said.
“I survived.” Mac replied as he shrugged his shoulders.
“Do you have any siblings that you are aware of?” Brad asked.
“About ten years ago, I found out that I have a half sister, to whom I’m not very close, and she also has a daughter.”
Mac sat up and smiled warmly. “But to be honest, the only family I’ve ever known is Lindsey’s family. When we got married, they accepted me with open arms and made me feel like I’d been in the family as long as Lindsey had.”
Then his smile faded as quickly as it came. “Her father died of a heart attack a year before Lindsey died, and her mother died of breast cancer three years ago. Jack, Lindsey’s only brother, whom you’ve already met, was married and divorced at a very young age and didn’t have any children. So, Jack and Zoe are the only family I have, and we’re pretty close.”
“Wow,” Brad said. “That’s some story. I’m really sorry, Mac. It couldn’t have been easy growing up in those conditions.”
“It was all I knew,” Mac replied. “But from a very young age, I figured out I had two choices. I could take the high road, work hard, make do, and survive. Or I could take the low road and probably end up dead or in prison.”
“Seeing the man you’ve turned out to be, I can clearly see what road you chose,” Brad said with admiration.
By now, Mac was pacing in front of the fireplace, clearly not comfortable talking about himself, but fully committed to telling his story.
“Yep, I chose the high road, and as soon as I was old enough to work, I saved every penny I made and started preparing to leave that life behind. I was always a good student, so I graduated a year early and made my exit.”
“Were you eighteen
yet?” Brad asked.
“Not quite, but I would be in a few months.”
“Did they allow you to live on your own before you were legal?” Brad asked.
“My social worker knew me pretty well by then and knew I had enough money saved to live on for a while. She also knew that once I was eighteen, I was officially out of the system and she would have no say in what I did, so we kind of compromised. She allowed me to live on my own if I agreed to keep in touch with her and allowed her to visit me until my eighteenth birthday.”
“Got it,” Brad said.
“So, I found a little apartment and started working on my pilot’s license. While I was in pilot’s school, I worked at the small regional airport, cleaning, washing, and waxing private planes during the day, and working as a janitor in the airport at night. Once I got my license, I started flying floatplanes for Mountain Air, which is where I met Zander and Jake.”
“Did they have the lodge then?” Brad asked.
“Not quite. I flew them back and forth to the lake when they were building the lodge, and when it was finally finished, they offered me a job flying their guests exclusively.”
Brad nodded.
“So I rented a plane for the first year, and then, when I’d saved up enough money, finally bought my own, and here we are.” Mac sat on the hearth, very relieved to have the story come to an end.
“Mac, I’m sincerely impressed. You overcame some very difficult obstacles. I know a lot of people who have had many more advantages in life and did a lot less with them. You should be very proud of yourself.”
“Yeah, well. You do what you have to do to survive.”
Brad stood, walked over, and sat next to Mac on the hearth. He put his arm around Mac’s shoulder and said, “Your life could have gone in a completely different direction and the outcome could have been a hell of a lot different. You’re a hell of a man, Mac.”
For a brief second, Mac rested his head on Brad’s shoulder. When he realized what he’d done, he quickly stood and said, “Now your turn.”
“My story is not nearly as compelling as yours,” Brad admitted. “I think it’s pretty boring, actually, but with a couple of small similarities.”
Mac plopped back onto the couch and said, “I’m all ears.”
It was now Brad’s turn to pace.
“Okay. I’m an only child and grew up in San Francisco. My mother was a pediatrician, and my father was an attorney. When I was born, my mother became a stay-at-home mom and homeschooled me until the seventh grade. We traveled a good bit, and learning came pretty easy to me. I graduated from Stanford two years early and took a year off to travel alone. That’s how I found Hiline Lake. After my year off, I started medical school and specialized in oncology. When I started college, my mother bought a small clinic and went back to work. When I graduated from medical school, she offered me an office in her building, and that’s how I started my practice.”
Mac smiled and Brad paused and blushed. Suddenly he felt very guilty telling his story. Mac had worked so hard for everything he’d achieved, and here he was, handed everything on a silver platter.
Mac sensed that Brad was struggling with something and he thought he knew what.
“I know what you’re thinking Brad,” Mac said. “And that’s nonsense. We did things differently, all out of our control. We don’t pick our parents, and in most cases, they don’t pick us. You came from money and I didn’t. And you’re a doctor and I’m a pilot, not easily comparable,” Mac said through a smile. “Tell me more.”
“My practice started taking off, and I needed more space. After a year, my mother and I decided to add on to the clinic and that’s how I met Jeff. He was the architect we hired to do the plans for the building.”
“I was about to ask where Jeff came into the picture.” Mac said. “Now it makes sense.”
“We instantly fell in love and were almost inseparable,” Brad continued. “My parents were always supportive of my lifestyle, and they adored Jeff. And unlike you, Jeff had a family, but they disowned him when they found out he was gay. They never spoke again.”
“Are you serious?” Mac asked. “It’s stories like this that make me glad I didn’t have a family.”
“Very serious. In fact, when I called to tell them that he had passed away, they hung up on me.”
“Assholes!” Mac said.
“So, like you, my family became his, and life was really good for so many years. One Christmas, my parents took us to Switzerland on a skiing trip, and Jeff and I decided to stay in town and do a little holiday shopping while Mom and Dad skied for the day. There was an avalanche, and they were both killed, along with fifteen other skiers. Needless to say, Jeff and I were devastated. Three years later, Jeff was diagnosed with Stage IV colon cancer, and the rest you know.”
They sat in silence for several moments, and Mac finally broke the silence.
“Brad, I don’t know what to say. I’ve never had parents of my own, so I can’t say that I know what it must have been like to lose them, but I know what it felt like to lose Lindsey, and that nearly killed me. Then to lose Jeff a few years later… you are one hell of a strong man.”
“I don’t know about that, but I’m here and you’re here, and we survived the challenges we had to face. I guess that makes us both strong men. And Mac, thanks for telling me about your family. I know it couldn’t have been easy for you, but you are one hell of a friend, and I love you, man.”
Brad and Mac both stood at the same time. Mac took Brad in his arms, and Brad held his embrace.
“Same here,” Mac said. “I love you too.”
The embrace lasted a little longer than either of them was comfortable with, and Brad broke the hold and stepped back.
“I’m beat, Mac. I think I’ll turn in.”
Mac said, “I’m not far behind you. If you don’t mind, I’ll just sit in front of the fire and finish this chapter before I turn in.”
“Okay. Night, Mac.”
“Sleep tight, Brad, see you in the morning.”
“You too.”
Brad threw another couple of logs on the fire, put out most of the oil lamps, and went into the bathroom to brush his teeth. When he came out of the bathroom, Mac was lying on the couch with his eyes closed and an open book on his chest. Brad sat on the chair opposite Mac and studied him for a long time. He was very handsome, striking really, and such a great guy. He hadn’t realized how attached he’d become to Mac until he was faced with Mac leaving for an unknown amount of time. Mac had come and gone before, but only for a day or two at the most; this time felt different somehow. Neither of them knew when Mac would be able to get back; it all depended on the storm. He was suddenly struck with a feeling of loneliness and longing. Then the realization hit him like a ton of bricks.
Oh my God, do I have feelings for Mac? I can’t have feelings for Mac. That’s crazy. He’s straight, and Jeff’s only been dead for six months. Not only did I just lose the love of my life, I think I have feelings for a straight man.
Brad got up from the chair and walked over to his bed. He stood at the foot of the bed and stripped down to his underwear. He pulled back the covers, slipped into bed, and prepared for what he knew would be the worst night’s sleep he would have since he moved into the cabin. He propped his pillow against the back of the headboard and watched Mac sleep for the longest time. He saw Mac stretch and get up off the couch. He slid down in his bed and silently watched Mac stoke the fire, turn out the remaining oil lamps, and make his way up to the loft. Obviously Mac thought Brad was sleeping, because when he got to the top of the ladder, he stopped and for several minutes looked intently at Brad lying in bed. Eventually, Mac climbed the rest of the way into the little loft and out of sight. With Mac now in bed, Brad began to toss and turn until he eventually fell into a restless sleep.
MAC slipped into bed with somewhat of a heavy heart. He knew it was best that he was leaving for a while, but it still pained him to desert Brad, especially in
the first big storm of the season. But he did have to fly Zander and Jake back to Anchorage, and if they didn’t get out before the storm, no one knew when they would get out. His last conscious thought before he fell off to sleep was that he hoped Brad would be okay while he was gone.
Some time later, Mac was awakened by the sound of movement downstairs. It must be Brad putting more wood on the fire, he thought. He heard footsteps, then the creak of the ladder, and seconds later he saw Brad’s head appear over the floorboards of the loft. Mac sat up in bed and watched as Brad crawled into the tiny loft and sat on the foot of the bed.
“Brad, are you okay?” Mac asked.
“I just needed to be with someone; I hope you don’t mind.”
Brad looked so sad and lonely that Mac couldn’t turn him away.
“Come on,” Mac whispered as he pulled back the covers and invited Brad into his bed.
Mac was lying on his side facing Brad as Brad climbed into bed. Brad lay on his back at first, then he turned away from Mac and snuggled his back into him. Mac cautiously put his arm around Brad’s waist and held him lightly. A few minutes later, Brad turned over, and Mac looked into Brad’s teary eyes. He reached up and lightly brushed the tears off of Brad’s cheeks. Brad closed his eyes and put his hand over Mac’s and held it against his face.