by Scotty Cade
Brad stood and offered a hand to Mac. Mac accepted it, and Brad pulled him to his feet.
They started back to the cabin, and Mac reached out and took Brad’s hand. They walked hand in hand in silence for a portion of the walk back to the cabin, just happy to be together.
They both stopped and looked up as the first snowflakes of the winter started to float to the ground. Mac suggested they step up their pace, and it was a good thing because they just made it back to the cabin before the winds picked up and the snow really started to fall. They stood hand in hand on the porch for a few minutes as they watched the first blizzard of the winter season move in.
Chapter 20
NOW that he was back and Brad wouldn’t be alone, Mac opened a couple of the shutters to the windows that were protected under the porch, so they could watch the storm from inside. He figured if the winds got too strong, he could close them without any problems.
When the fire was blazing and a few oil lamps were lit, they both changed into flannel pajama bottoms, long-sleeved T-shirts, and heavy wool socks.
Mac poured them each a brandy, and they sat side by side on the couch, positioned so that they could both look out of the windows and watch the snow falling.
“Mac, I really appreciate you coming back up. I could have certainly made it alone, but I’m so glad you’re here.”
“I’m glad I came back too. It’s really strange… we were only apart for a few hours, but I felt like I’d left something really important behind, and I didn’t like the feeling,” Mac confessed.
“I was panicked when I woke up and you weren’t here. I felt this loss come over me again until… well, until I saw your note.”
“Brad, I’m so sorry. I should have thought of that. But you were sleeping so soundly, and I know how hard it’s been for you to sleep. I just didn’t want to wake you.”
“You’re a good man, Mac, and I don’t know what I would do without you.”
“I’m sure you’d be just fine, but let’s hope you never have to find out,” Mac said.
“And….” Mac said, “You’ve been holding out on me, Bradford.”
“What do you mean?” Brad asked.
“Where did you learn to use a VHF radio like that?” Mac asked. “I was planning on giving you a few basic lessons before I left, but I forgot. Now I see you didn’t really need them.”
“Oh that,” Brad said. “My parents had a small yacht when I was a teenager, and my dad taught me to use the radio in case of an emergency.”
“He did a great job. You’re really good at it,” Mac said.
“It just all came back to me,” Brad confessed. “And while we’re talking about the radio, it has really good range. I heard you radio air traffic control for a request to land at Lake Hood.”
“Really,” Mac said with a surprised look on his face. “What else did you hear?” he asked.
“Now, let me see,” Brad said. “I heard you asked to switch to channel thirty-eight, and… of course, I switched to channel thirty-eight.”
Brad looked at Mac, who was getting a little red in the face.
“I heard Dan try to set you up with a divorcée and….”
Mac really started to blush.
“I heard you say that you were seeing someone.”
“Okay, I’ve heard enough,” Mac said.
Brad started to laugh. “I didn’t know you were seeing anyone. When did this happen?”
“Very funny,” Mac said.
“No, really, where do you find the time?” Brad asked.
“Stop it, Brad,” Mac said with a slight grin. “I just didn’t want to be fixed up, that’s all.”
“Oh, I was hoping that ‘someone’ you were talking about was me,” Brad said.
Mac smiled. “You were?”
“Yep,” Brad said. “But if it all had to do with you not wanting to be fixed up, then I guess I was wrong.”
“No, Brad, you weren’t wrong,” Mac said. “But I don’t know where it came from. I mean, it just came out. I guess subconsciously I wanted it to be true, and I really wanted it to be you.”
“Mac, I want that too.”
Mac relaxed for the first time since this conversation had started. He leaned in and gently brushed his lips against Brad’s.
Brad put his hand around the back of Mac’s neck and pulled him further into the kiss. Mac pressed his tongue against Brad’s lips, and Brad opened up to him. Mac’s warm mouth tasted of brandy and breath mints.
Mac pulled away and set his brandy glass on the table, and took Brad’s from his hand and did the same. He leaned back into Brad and gently laid him down on the couch. Again he put his lips on Brad’s, and Brad again opened up to him. They explored the inside of each other’s mouths as their tongues danced around in ecstasy. They could both feel their growing erections through their thin pajama bottoms, and Brad was the first to grind his erection into Mac’s. Mac responded in like, and they humped each other, both hesitant, but not wanting to stop. Brad ran his fingers through Mac’s thick, coal-black hair and caressed his neck and back. Mac had both arms around Brad’s back in a death grip, as if he never wanted to let go.
Suddenly, one of the open shutters slammed shut and scared them back into reality.
“Oh shit,” Mac said. “I’ll get it.”
He jumped off of the couch and opened the front door. Wind and snow filled the small cabin within seconds. Mac pushed his way outside to the porch and closed both sets of shutters. By the time Brad made it to the front door, Mac was already coming back in and pushing against the door to get it closed.
“You’re covered in snow, Mac. Let’s get you out of those wet clothes before you freeze to death.”
Brad pulled Mac’s dampened T-shirt over his head and stopped cold when he saw Mac’s chiseled pectoral muscles and washboard abdomen.
“My God, Mac, you’re beautiful.”
Mac smiled and shyly said, “Thanks.”
“Take your pants and socks off while I get you some dry clothes.”
Mac did as he was told while Brad went to his dresser and retrieved another long-sleeved T-shirt, a pair of pajama bottoms, and another pair of socks.
When Mac had the T-shirt and pants on, they headed for the couch.
Brad wrapped a blanket around Mac’s shoulders and gently pushed him down on one end of the couch and stretched his legs out the length of the couch.
He handed Mac his brandy and said, “We need to get you warmed up.”
“I’ll be fine in a minute,” Mac said as he took a sip of his brandy.
Brad lifted Mac’s legs and slid in under them. He rubbed Mac’s feet with his warm hands and one by one put on his dry socks.
“Thanks, Brad,” Mac said. “It’s been a long time since anyone has taken care of me, and to be honest, it feels pretty good.”
“I like taking care of you, Mac. It feels good and somehow right. Mac?”
“Yeah?”
“About what we were doing before the interruption.”
“What about it?”
“I was really enjoying it, and I want to do it again soon, but can we take things slowly? I mean, I know what I’m feeling for you, but I don’t know what I’m feeling about how I feel about you. Does that make any sense?”
“I totally understand,” Mac said. “I feel the same way. This is still all so new to me.”
“So we’re on the same page?” Brad asked.
“I think so, and when the time is right, I think we’ll both know it.”
Brad continued to warm Mac’s cold feet until they were again as toasty as they had been. Mac opened his legs as an invitation for Brad to join him on his end of the couch, and Brad gladly accepted.
Brad nestled into Mac and laid his head and back on Mac’s chest, feeling at home there with Mac’s arms wrapped tightly around him. They spent the day in that position, sipping brandy, snacking on junk food, and napping as the storm raged outside their little cabin.
Chapter 21
MA
C opened his eyes, and it was very dark and chilly in the cabin. At some point, Brad had turned over and was now sleeping with his head on Mac’s shoulder and his arm draped over his chest. He liked the secure feeling, and tightened his grip around Brad’s shoulders and back. Brad stirred a little at Mac’s movement, but snuggled in even closer.
Mac said, “Wake up, Bradford. We’ve been napping all day.” The winds appeared to have died down some, but were still howling at a steady clip.
“What time is it?” Brad mumbled.
Mac lifted his arm and looked at this wristwatch.
“Five thirty,” he responded.
“Wow, we have slept the day away. I don’t want to get up. It’s so warm, snuggled up here on the couch,” Brad said.
“I know what you mean,” Mac said. “But if we don’t get the fire going again, we’ll freeze to death.”
“My head knows you’re right, but my body is still saying no.”
“Okay,” Mac said. “You stay here, and I’ll get the fire going again.”
“No can do,” Brad said. “We’ll do it together.”
The shutters being closed made it seem like nighttime.
“It’s pretty dark in here,” Brad said. “I’ll get the lamps going, and you get the fire going again.”
“Deal,” Mac replied.
They got up, Mac headed for the fireplace while Brad made his rounds, lighting the oil lamps. When the fire was roaring again and the cabin was starting to get toasty, Mac opened the front door to a wall of snow. He couldn’t really tell if it was just drifts or if it had snowed that much. He quickly closed the door again and ran back to the couch.
“We’ve got quite a bit of digging out tomorrow morning if we’re ever going to get out of here,” Mac said.
Brad was in the kitchen taking a mental inventory of food. “Tomorrow’s tomorrow,” he said. “How about lasagna for dinner tonight?”
Mac jumped off of the couch and walked to the kitchen. “Sounds good to me. What can I do to help?”
“You can get the stove going if you don’t mind,” Brad asked.
“Are you sure?” Mac asked. “You remember what happened the last time I loaded the stove with wood.”
Brad chuckled. “Yes, I do, but this time, just don’t put too much wood in the firebox.”
“Yes sir,” he said with a military salute.
Mac got the stove started, opened a bottle of red wine, and poured each of them a glass. He put Brad’s glass down on the counter beside Brad and sat down at the little kitchen table. Mac simply watched as Brad stood at the counter, silently building his lasagna.
I can’t believe the turn my life has taken over the last six months, but it sure does feel pretty good, he thought.
Brad turned around and saw Mac was deep in thought. “What’s going on in that head of yours, flyboy?” he asked.
Mac snapped out of his daydream. “Oh, nothing really. I just can’t believe where my life has taken me in the last six months.”
“I know what you mean, but is that a good thing or a bad thing?” Brad asked.
“A good thing, I think. I’m still sorting through a lot of questions about myself, but I like where I am right now. How about you?”
“I’m still missing Jeff, but you make that so much easier, and like you, I also like where I am right now. This feels pretty damn good.”
“So, we’re still on the same page. That’s good,” Mac said.
“And I think as long as we’re open with our thoughts and feelings and keep communicating, we’ll keep it that way,” Brad said.
“I agree,” Mac said.
“Oh, I forgot to tell you. When I was in Anchorage, I talked to Jack. He wants to come up for a few days when I pick up Zander and Jake in a week. Is that okay with you?”
“Sure, Mac, but you don’t need to ask my permission. This place is half yours too, remember.”
“Thanks, but you spend more time here than I do, and this is your only home right now, so I just wanted to make sure you were okay with it,” Mac said.
“I really appreciate that, and thanks for asking, but your family is welcome here anytime.”
“No thanks needed,” Mac said. “You know, I never really told you why I was so anxious to buy this place with you.”
“I thought it was because of my good looks and charming personality,” Brad said.
“Well, of course that was part of it—how could it not be?” Mac said through a big smile. “But when I first started working for Zander and Jake and flew the rented plane, occasionally Lindsey would make a trip with me, and we would spend the night at the lodge. We would hike up this very trail sometimes, and one day we stumbled on this cabin, just like you did.”
That got Brad’s attention. “This cabin?” he asked.
“One and the same,” he said.
Brad put the lasagna in the oven and sat across from Mac at the table. “That’s amazing, Mac.”
“Of course, it wasn’t for sale then, but we always dreamed of having a place like this. I had forgotten all about it until you mentioned that there was a cabin you wanted to buy. And I wasn’t really certain it was even the same cabin until we got here. So much has changed over the years. It didn’t have running water or solar power at the time, and there was an outhouse out back. It was so rustic, I fell in love with it that very minute. And I am so grateful to you for making me a part of it.”
“Mac, I am really happy I could be part of a dream of yours. I know Lindsey would be happy for you too.”
“I hope so,” Mac said. “I also hope she would be okay with this.” He gestured to the two of them.
“There really isn’t a this yet, Mac, but you know Lindsey would want you to be happy, and if and when there is a this and it makes you happy, then I think she would be all for it,” Brad said.
“I wish I could be sure,” Mac said as his eyes started to fill with tears.
“Mac, nothing is a sure thing in life, and we both know that better than anyone. Do you think I ever imagined, in my wildest dreams, that I would be thirty-eight years old and starting my life over, without Jeff in it?” Brad asked.
“Of course not,” Mac said. “Neither of us did, but this is the hand we were dealt. I was forty when I lost Lindsey, and I had the same fears that you have right now. But think about this. After dealing with the loss of my wife, I’m about to turn forty-six in a couple of months, and I’m just now realizing that I may be gay. How’s that for a life-changing experience?” Mac asked.
“I understand, Mac, but please don’t feel like anyone’s pushing you to do or be anything that you’re not. Take all the time you need, and the answer will come to you.”
Mac reached over and grabbed Brad’s hand.
“I hope you’re right, because it feels really good just being with you,” Mac said.
“I know how good it feels. I’m here too, remember? But we can’t live the rest of our lives locked away in this cabin. If we end up together, and that’s a big if… people are going to know about it. That includes Zander and Jake, Jack and Zoe-Grace, and anyone else that we know. You will be in a relationship with a man, and there will be no turning back. You can’t expect me to live my life as a lie. That’s not fair to me, and it’s certainly not fair to you,” Brad said.
“You’re right, Brad. And if and when I make a commitment to you, I don’t give a damn about what anyone thinks, except Jack and Zoe. Jack’s like my brother, and, well, Zoe-Grace, she goes without saying. I don’t want to lose either of them.”
“Mac, if Jack and Zoe truly love you, they will accept you as you are. What if it was the other way around, and Jack or Zoe was telling you that he or she was gay, would you care any less for them?”
“I hope that I wouldn’t,” Mac said. He stood and started to pace. “I’ve been around Zander and Jake forever, and you and Jeff for the last five years too. Have I ever given you any reason to believe that I had anything against your lifestyle?”
“No, you h
aven’t, but listen to yourself. You just said ‘your’ as in ‘our’ lifestyle. And now we may be talking about your lifestyle as well. Is it still okay?”
“I guess that’s what I have to figure out. I would love to say that it wouldn’t matter, but I just don’t know.”
Mac walked around the back of Brad’s chair and put his arms around his neck and buried his face in Brad’s neck. He whispered, “All I know is that I am here with you because I want to be. I don’t know what that means or what kind of label to put on it. I just know I want to be here with you.”
Brad reached over his shoulder and cupped the back of Mac’s head and ran his fingers through his hair.
“That’s enough for me right now, Mac. I can’t judge you. Hell, I don’t have anything better to offer you right now either.”
The kitchen timer Brad had set when he put the lasagna in the oven dinged, interrupting the tender moment. Mac straightened up to allow Brad to stand and take care of the lasagna. Mac prepared a loaf of garlic bread and placed it in the oven, and then moved on to the salad. When he was through tossing the salad and the bread was ready, Brad sliced and served the lasagna, and Mac served the salad and cut the bread.
Before they sat down, Mac lit a candle for the table and put on his favorite Dinah Washington CD. Brad poured them each another glass of wine, and they settled down to eat. During dinner the conversation stayed light and fun. Brad teased Mac mercilessly about his singing, and Mac gave it right back to him about running him down while Brad was skipping down the mountain like Maria Von Trapp in The Sound of Music. They laughed and talked for a couple of hours before they finally got up to clear the table and wash the dishes.
Brad was washing dishes, and Mac was waiting to dry when Dinah started singing “What A Difference a Day Makes,” one of Mac’s favorite songs. Mac started singing in a low sexy voice.
“‘What a difference a day made, Twenty-four little hours…’”
Mac moved in behind Brad and put his arms around his waist. He started swaying while he sang. Brad dried his hands and turned around in Mac’s arms. Brad took the lead as he attempted to dance with Mac. Mac stopped singing and hesitated for only a second, then followed Brad’s lead. Mac sang as Brad spun him around.