Raven sighed. “Oh, Destiny. You think too much sometimes. Don’t out-think your life and miss it. Brian is good for you. You’re good for him.”
It sounded like she had already given this a lot of thought, which for some reason pissed Destiny off.
“Why are we so good for each other?” she argued. “Because we’ve known each other forever? That doesn’t automatically mean we need to be together.”
“No, it doesn’t,” she admitted. “But you two are good for each other. You’re a lot alike, but you balance each other too. A relationship needs balance.” She paused. “What does Dorian say?”
“He doesn’t know,” Destiny admitted.
“Yeah, right. He knows, trust me.”
Destiny frowned. “No, he’d probably kill us for messing up our three amigo status.”
Raven sighed. “You need to talk to Brian, Tweety. You’ve known each other for way too long to let something as simple as a kiss make you avoid him.”
Destiny bit her lip and remained quiet. She was tired of arguing about it, tired of thinking about it period.
“So, Mark texted me earlier, talking about how he missed me,” Raven said, abruptly switching subjects. She knew her friend well enough to know she needed to drop it for now.
“Did you reply?” she asked, grateful for the subject change. She was praying she’d ignored his dumb ass.
“Nope,” Raven replied, confidently. “You should be proud.”
“I am.”
And she meant it. She couldn’t stand seeing Raven questioning herself the way she always did whenever she let that asshole back into her life.
They talked for a few more minutes, mostly about Raven’s student, Olivia. Olivia’s mom was an addict and Raven was scared she was going to end up dropping out of school. She usually vented to Destiny about whatever was going on with her students, which was unfortunately always a lot. She didn’t bring up her drama with Brian again, although Destiny knew that wouldn’t be the end of it.
After she hung up she laid there, thinking. It was funny how one day something couldn’t be further from your mind and the next it could be consuming you. That’s what this whole thing with Brian was doing. Consuming her. And she didn’t like it at all.
* * *
Someone was beating on her door. She rolled over, kicking at her comforter, which was tangled between her legs and got up, wondering who it could be. She must have dozed off. She glanced at the time on her phone as she quickly made her way to the door. It was eleven-thirty.
She peered through her peephole and opened the door, her heart immediately thudding in her chest. Brian stood there for a second after she opened it, staring at her. He was wearing a pair of gray sweats and a sleeveless t-shirt. His eyes were tired.
She released a breath and he stepped in, making his way to the futon, as she closed the door and turned to face him. He’d seated himself on the edge of the cushion and was studying her. She could lie and say she was surprised to see him, but she wasn’t. He’d never had a problem facing things head on. His life demanded it of him. She was the one with the confrontation issues. She felt stupid, and immature.
“Hey,” she said lamely, leaning her back against the closed the door.
He didn’t respond immediately, just continued studying her, his expression unreadable. “You disappeared on me,” he finally said, breaking the awkward silence.
She bit her lip and looked away, releasing another breath. There wasn’t any disappointment or anger in his tone. He said it the same way you’d tell someone that the sky was blue. It was a fact. Nothing more. Nothing less.
“I…” she paused, looking down at her hands before pushing out a breath. “I didn’t mean to.”
She looked up at him again. His expression was still muted. He leaned forward, placing his elbows on his knees. He finally broke their gaze and looked down at the floor, shaking his head slightly. His eyes were dark when he looked at her again.
“I don’t want to lose you,” he said, his voice low, causing her pulse to accelerate.
“You didn’t,” she answered immediately.
He got up and ran his hand over his head, pacing to the other side of her small living room.
“I’m sorry I didn’t answer your calls,” she said after a long minute. “I’m just… I’m scared.”
“Of what?” he asked. He stopped pacing and turned to look at her. She inhaled.
“Of losing you.” She exhaled and she felt embarrassment coursing through her but she didn’t look away.
His expression had shifted, and the ache she’d been experiencing the past couple of days was there, in his eyes.
“I’m not sure what this is, Brian,” she continued, waving a hand between them. “But it’s like, sudden. And new.”
“For you,” he said, meaningfully, staring at her. He was still standing at the far end of the room and walked over to the futon again, seating himself on the edge.
“What does that mean?” she asked, her heart thudding in her chest again.
“This,” he mimicked her earlier movement and waved a hand between them. “It’s new for you. Not for me.”
“Oh.” She bit her lip, studying the floor. That meant he’d been attracted to her for… how long? She looked up at him, her eyes questioning.
“I was trying to give you time to get used to the idea,” he answered. “But that didn’t work. Obviously.”
She felt like he was speaking in code.
“You mean you were trying to give me time to get used to the idea of us being attracted to each other?”
“I didn’t want to rush you,” he said, meeting her eyes. “I wanted for you to come to the conclusion on your own, I guess.”
“Come to the conclusion on my own?” she repeated, beginning to feel mentally challenged.
He sighed. “I knew you needed to be able to do that… and I didn’t want to push you. I wanted you to figure out that there’s more than just friendship between us on your own, in your own time.”
He hesitated and she bit her lip, her breath increasing as she looked at him uncharacteristically struggling to say the right words.
“But being around you and seeing you again…” he paused again, looking her directly in the eyes, “I have a hard time pretending like I don’t feel what I feel when I’m with you, Destiny. I definitely can’t stay inside of the lines anymore.”
She released a breath and tried to calm herself. He’d clearly been thinking about this for a while. She looked at him. Longing, confusion, hesitation, attraction—it was all there, stirring around in the pit of her stomach. The mass of emotions she was experiencing terrified her.
“I’m just not sure…” she started, shaking her head. “So, what now? We’re just attracted to each other and we’re going to… what? See what happens? Be casual about it?”
He stared at her with that penetrating look again. “We both know there’s nothing casual about this.”
Her heart was beating so hard now she was pretty sure he could see it through her t-shirt. She pushed herself off of the door and walked to the other side of the room, trying to breathe calmly.
“Come’ere,” he said, his voice low and undemanding.
She stopped in her tracks and turned to face him. She studied him for a second, then obediently crossed the room and sat down beside him. He leaned forward, placing his elbows on his knees again.
“We make our own rules, okay? Me and you,” he said, turning just his head to look at her.
“But… what if something happens?”
“We can spend days on ‘what ifs’,” he immediately answered.
She rolled her eyes, starting to panic again. “For real, Brian. This isn’t like, Love & Basketball or something. We could fall apart and then start hating each other.”
The thought of that made her stomach ache.
“I could never hate you,” he countered softly, pausing. “Besides, I’ve loved you since I was eleven and the shit won’t go aw
ay.”
He grinned at her and she couldn’t help but smile. He was obviously trying to lighten the mood by quoting her favorite line from the movie. She once made him sit with her all night while she watched it over and over again. That was in high school. It seemed like eons ago. She sighed and leaned back on the futon, her thoughts swirling.
“What’s the alternative anyway?” he asked, his eyes somber again. “I’m tired of being your friend, Destiny.”
He looked at her pointedly, his voice dropping. “I’m not even sure how to be just friends with you anymore.”
She stared at him, her entire body held captive by the look he was giving her. Heat began to slowly spread through her and she pushed out a breath, willing herself to calm down.
“Maybe we should try though, Brian,” she said, her voice shaky. She was starting to panic again. “Maybe we should try to ignore whatever is going on. Maybe it’s temporary, or you know… with you moving here and us not having seen each other for a while... maybe we should try to ignore these feelings…”
“You think what I feel for you is temporary? You think I would risk…” he stopped, and pushed out a breath, meeting her eyes. “Do you really think that after what happened the other day we could go back to being just friends?”
His voice was husky and the blatant hunger in his eyes was disconcerting as his gaze swept slowly over her, from her eyes, down the sweep of her neck to the curve of her breasts, to her thighs, which her little cotton shorts did nothing to hide. Her breathing increased and desire stirred in her stomach.
“Maybe,” she managed, breathily.
“Do you really want to?” he asked, gently fingering a loose strand of her hair that had escaped the ponytail that was hanging at her nape. His fingers brushed lightly against her cheek and her skin tingled beneath his touch. She sucked in a breath.
“I think it’d be easier,” she whispered, as he trailed his fingers lightly down the side of her cheek to the curve of her neck.
“You sure?” he asked again, his baritone deep and low as he studied her with hooded eyes.
She managed to nod again. He ran his fingers down her arm, barely touching her but igniting her skin. He rested his hand on her bare knee. Her breath was coming fast now.
“You think ignoring this would be… easy?” he murmured, as his hand inched slowly up her leg.
She bit her lip, her attention focused on where his thumb was teasing her skin, drawing slow circles on her inner thigh.
“Yes… I…” She closed her eyes when his hand moved up a bit further. A couple more inches and he would be tracing his thumb over her panty line. She opened her eyes and he was watching her response to him, his own breathing increased.
“You what, Destiny?” he asked, his tone dark and teasing.
His hand trailed further up. She sucked in a breath and met his eyes.
“I can’t really think very well when you do that,” she admitted, her voice barely above a whisper.
A half-grin played on his face and he ran his thumb over her soft skin again.
“Why do think that is, Destiny? Because we’re such good friends?”
He cocked an eyebrow at her and she couldn’t say anything, so she just shook her head.
“I’m not gonna push you,” he said deeply, forcing her to meet his eyes. He slid his hand back to her knee and she almost protested. “But I think you know what’s going on between us isn’t temporary. It sure as hell isn’t friendly. And it’s not going away.”
She bit her lip, and his gaze dropped to her mouth. She felt aroused and conflicted and she knew he was reading that in her eyes because he knew her better than almost anyone else. He released a breath.
“Think about it,” he said after a long second.
He ran a hand over his head before standing and crossing the room to the front door. She reluctantly stood up and followed him. She paused in the entranceway, hesitating.
“I gotta go to work in the morning,” he explained, reading her torn expression.
Damn. She’d been so absorbed in her own feelings she hadn’t even bothered to ask him about how he was adjusting to his new job.
“How’s that going?” she asked guiltily.
He grinned. “It’s cool so far. Busy, but nothing unmanageable.”
She nodded, wondering if there was anything he would consider unmanageable. They stood awkwardly in the doorway. She studied her toes. They needed a new paint job.
“Hey,” he said, causing her to lock eyes with him again. “Don’t disappear on me again.”
She nodded. She knew she couldn’t stay away from him anymore.
“Promise?” he asked, with his half-grin.
“Yes,” she whispered.
“We make our own rules. Me and you.”
He stepped closer and looked down at her.
“Think about what it could be like,” he said, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “What we could be like. No fear, just… us.”
“Okay,” she said, because he was looking at her so intently she couldn’t say anything else even if she’d wanted to.
They looked at each other, absorbing the new shift in their relationship. He brushed his finger against the tip of her nose. Her entire body heated and chills bumps broke out on her arms. The gesture had officially gone from making her feel like a puppy to making her feel aroused. She didn’t even know herself anymore. She stared up at him and bit her lip.
“Do you know how hard you make it not to kiss you when you do that?” he asked, his voice low.
He stroked his thumb across her bottom lip as if he was wiping away the bite marks that lingered there. She inhaled sharply at his touch, her breath coming quicker. He leaned down and pecked the tip of her nose, then the corners of her mouth and her chin, heating every spot he touched with his lips, melting her insides.
“I’m gonna go,” he said, reluctantly pulling away.
His eyes were as dark as she’d ever seen them. She managed to nod. She bit her lip again then realized what she was doing and quickly released it.
“Destiny,” he said, his voice gravelly and low. “You are such a cutie pie.”
She laughed, surprised and tilted her head up. “Still corny,” she confirmed.
“Nope,” he declared, shaking his head, pulling her toward him again. “You’re sweet…” he corrected, his bass voice low in her ear, “…and edible. Cutie. Pie. Get it?”
“Corny,” she repeated laughing softly.
He nipped the side of her neck, then pressed his lips there. She sucked in a surprised breath, and tried not to melt into him. “Nope. It’d be corny if I told you that you taste like caramel,” he murmured playfully.
His voice was dark and low, his breath warm against her skin. He kissed her again, this time on the side of her jaw. “Or like chocolate…”
His pressed his mouth to the spot just below her earlobe. “Or a bag of Tropical Skittles…”
She burst into giggles, but her laugh faded into a soft moan when he nipped the spot before dropping hot kisses on his way back to her mouth. He kissed her top lip first, then her bottom. Her body was pulsing with heat, her breathing choppy.
She was breathless by the time he pressed his mouth fully to hers. She responded immediately, pressing up on her toes to meet him, molding her lips against his. He backed her against the door as he intensified the kiss. She pulled at his t-shirt, eagerly urging him closer. He ran his hand under her tank top to her navel, then back down to the waistband of her shorts, pulling at it lightly.
“Destiny,” he murmured again, forcefully.
He pulled away and released her, shaking his head. Her body was on fire and she mourned the loss of contact. “You are so…”
“Tropical Skittle-like?” she teased breathily. This time she deliberately bit her lip.
He grinned crookedly and her stomach tightened.
“You,” he said, simply.
He kissed her again and she knew he meant it to be a pec
k but she couldn’t help pulling him even closer and deepening the kiss. He groaned deep in his throat and pushed her back against the door again. The kiss was eager at first, but slowed after a few long seconds, like they were taking the time to learn each other, gauging one another’s responses. The way her body responded to him was unlike anything she’d ever experienced and it was exciting and scary.
“Okay,” he breathed, tearing his mouth from hers, pressing his face into her neck as he attempted to control his breathing. “You’re making it really hard for me to leave,” he murmured. “And I need to go...”
He pulled back and looked at her. The desire she saw there almost made her beg him to stay so they could finish what they’d started. But she knew she wasn’t even close to being ready for that. He grabbed her hand and pulled her away from the door, then quickly dropped another kiss on her cheek.
“I’ll see you later,” he promised, opening the door.
He walked out and she shut the door behind him and locked it. She headed back to her bedroom and lay down, her body still throbbing. She didn’t even feel like herself anymore. Her phone buzzed on her bed and she picked it up and read the text.
“…We’ll tiptoe to the sun and do things I know you like/I think I’m in love again/baby, you are the prototype...”
Her breath caught in her chest and she had to make herself exhale slowly.
“Outkast, Prototype.”
She released a breath and pulled the comforter over her, totally, utterly and willingly consumed.
Chapter 7
“Hey Destined, come check out this layout.”
Chuck, the offbeat graphic designer at UMusic, poked his head around her tiny cubicle wall, his eyes wide with excitement. He insisted on calling her “Destined” and she’d stopped correcting him.
Even after twenty years in the business, he still got excited about his finished product. She hoped she could say the same thing one day. At the rate she was going though, she would be happy if she were still excited about her job in twenty days.
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