by Ella Fields
My eyes stung as she looped it around my hair, tying it in a bow to sit on the side of my head. “I haven’t seen you in your bows since you arrived home last week.”
And if I had it my way, she wouldn’t. “I think I’ve outgrown them.”
She tsked. “Nonsense. We’re leaving in five minutes.”
Summertime meant charity galas we couldn’t use school as an excuse to talk our way out of. Though I wished Callum would leave the excuse-making to me. I’d almost slipped when my mother had called me to ask how he was faring after the stomach bug that had kept us away from his dad’s birthday. It would’ve been nice if he’d at least given me some warning, but I suppose that would’ve been too much to ask, considering he still acted like I was a ghost he needed to ignore on the rare occasion I got near him.
Today, Welsh Grant Holdings was holding a charity auction ran by our mothers and some of our fathers’ colleagues’ wives down by the lake. It felt like I’d been waiting for this since I drove back into town, wondering if Callum would text me about keeping the ruse up.
A part of me was terrified he didn’t want to bother anymore. And not because our parents would find out, but because it was my last line of fire to him. I couldn’t let it burn out.
There hadn’t been as much talk of his philandering ways as there was before Christmas. I took that as a small win and let it fuel me toward the finish line of our freshman year.
Also known as the worst year of my life.
Dramatic, yes. Whatever.
We arrived with a half hour to spare, and my mother spent that time checking all the arrangements and decorations. If there was one thing she excelled at, besides spending money, it was organization. She was there at dawn this morning with the other volunteers, setting everything up before coming home to get ready.
“Val, darling, it looks fabulous,” one of her friends said, air kissing her cheeks while clutching a glass of champagne.
I didn’t need to check the time to know it was still late morning. Time and alcohol didn’t much matter when it came to most of the women here. In fact, I was sure it was time that had most of them drinking.
I was next, kissing the air and giving sugary sweet hellos as more and more people flocked around us. All too soon, the auction was about to begin, and I still hadn’t seen Callum.
Finally, as everyone settled into their seats and the auctioneer stood behind the podium, testing the mic, I saw him standing in the parking lot, a look of defiance etched on his face.
His father was heading for his seat, and I knew he’d likely just chewed Callum out for something he’d done wrong. Whether it was for arriving late or something else, I didn’t know. I was just relieved to see him there.
Ignoring the stare I could feel coming from my mother, I walked over to him. He met me in the middle, out of earshot of everyone, yet still close enough that we needed to plaster smiles on our faces.
Mine wasn’t forced, but his looked as if it cost him severely to maneuver into place as his eyes looked anywhere but at mine.
“Were you late?”
He adjusted his shirt sleeves. “No, I just sat in the car for too long than is socially acceptable.”
I nodded, reaching out to grab his hand. He let me. He couldn’t not let me. My smile bloomed, and the effort it took him not to scowl at me was evident in his granite jaw.
“Wanna get out of here?”
His dry laugh made my heart falter. “Let’s take a seat and get this over with.”
We did, and I kept his hand in mine the whole time, fingers tracing the calluses. Some I knew from memory, and others were new enough to make my chest constrict. How many new memories was he making without me?
His hand was tense, as was his whole body next to mine, but he soon relaxed. If it weren’t for the way he got up as soon as the auction came to an end, and everyone dispersed, looking for food and more beverages, then I would’ve actually believed he didn’t mind it.
And maybe, he didn’t. Not as much as he wished he did.
I watched, standing with my mother’s group of chattering friends as he talked and laughed at all the right times with some of our fathers’ clients.
When he made a move for the shoreline, I struck, making my excuses and keeping my shoulders back as I followed.
He kept walking, and soon, we were far enough away from the event that it was barely a blip on the horizon. My sandals were starting to rub against my skin, but I gritted my teeth against the pain, knowing that he knew I was following, yet he didn’t stop me.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
“Go back. Your company isn’t wanted.”
He took a seat on a picnic table behind a smattering of overgrown trees. I took a seat next to him, making him sigh. “If you didn’t want me here, you would’ve told me long before now.”
“Don’t talk.”
“Why?”
“You really were the kid who asked why all the time, weren’t you?”
I tilted a shoulder, heeling off my sandals with a slight wince. Callum cursed, picking up my foot to inspect it before he’d realized what he’d done.
He went to push it away when I rushed to say, “Please don’t.”
Eyes on mine for what seemed like the first time today, he said, “Been a while since someone touched you?”
I smirked, and his eyes darted to my lips. “Wouldn’t you like to know.” I looked down at his pants, noticing the way he was bulging against them. My hand snaked down, brushing over him. “You do know that you can’t ignore me forever.”
His chest heaved, rough fingers trailing up my ankle, higher and higher until it felt like I had no breath left to exhale in my lungs.
The skirt of my dress lifted, and our eyes stayed locked. “Do you still get wet thinking about me?” he asked. “Do you even get wet for them at all?”
My face grew warm, my breathing labored as he reached my panties and ran his finger down the center of me, rubbing over the material and then pressing.
He groaned at what he found, then I was on his lap, his hands unzipping his dress pants to free himself. “Put me inside you and don’t make a fucking sound.”
Shifting my panties to the side, I did as I was told, hardly believing this was happening. The tip of him entered, and I winced. It’d been too long, but he didn’t know that and grabbed my hips, slamming me down on him and causing me to whimper.
He didn’t care, and when my mouth sought his, he grabbed my face, stuffing it into his neck as he effortlessly moved me over him.
I didn’t object or complain. Not when I was getting more of him at that moment than I’d had in months. His breath was heavy, blowing my hair as his hands bruised my hips. Punishing. He was punishing me. But he was also giving me something.
Hope.
All was not lost if he couldn’t touch me without wanting to fuck me.
And fuck me he did, lifting me up and down, milking himself in a heated rush.
The discomfort fled, leaving room for pleasure to roll down my spine. Quiet breaths sailed out of me, making him groan, and they only got louder the closer I came to falling into him completely.
He didn’t let me.
He came, filling me with a cadence of curses that seemed to tear out of someplace dark inside him. His grip on my hips loosened, then he lifted me off him, deposited me on the table, and got up, zipping his pants as he walked away.
I watched him go, tempted to slip my hand beneath my panties to finish myself off.
Callum might’ve been an egotistical prick, but when he actually cared, it showed.
He was trying to show me he didn’t care.
I stood, fixing my dress and inhaling deeply as he became a dark speck on the shoreline, moving farther and farther out of reach. All the while, he was still dripping down my thigh.
Tears pricked my eyes, but I ignored them, plucking my scarf from my head and using it to clean myself as best I could.
Letting the material fall through my
fingers, it flew toward the water as I slipped my sandals on and headed back.
“Where’d you go?” my dad asked when I found them near the makeshift stage.
Mom slapped his arm. “Leave her be. You were young once.”
He scowled at my appearance, and I quickly smoothed my hands over my hair, a wave of embarrassment slamming into me.
“Young, but not stupid.”
I frowned, feeling the sting of his words, but I refused to accept them.
I might’ve been desperate, and I might’ve let myself be used like some old toy Callum wasn’t quite ready to give away yet, but I’d allowed it to happen.
The smile I gave my dad was full of forced remorse. The kind a foolish girl in love would offer her father. “I’m sorry, Daddy. With finals, we’ve both just been so busy.”
He sniffed, then nodded, wrapping an arm around mine and my mother’s shoulders as we made our round of thank yous.
He could think I was stupid.
And Callum could think I was desperate.
But I knew exactly what I was doing.
It was going to be the longest summer of my life, I thought as I gripped myself and pumped the last of my orgasm from my shaft into the bathroom sink.
She was so hot, so ready, so needy for me, and fuck if I could ignore that.
There was no way I could ignore that. I’d been trying for the past week, and here I was, zipping up my jeans for the second time that day.
Apparently, nothing was wrong with my cock anymore, so long as Renee was involved.
Shaking my head, I sighed, shucking off my jeans and replacing them with my gym shorts.
I’d go to the gym. Sweating it out was the only other option left.
Some of the guys, Pat mainly, texted me every few days, wanting to catch up. I wanted to, but it was knowing who was likely with him, and that Pat could potentially find out Renee and I had split, that stopped me.
That was, if Mike hadn’t already told him.
I knew Mike, or at least, I thought I did. It wasn’t his style to spread rumors. Then again, I didn’t think it was his style to set his sights on my wife.
Snatching my keys, I tucked my wallet into my pocket and made my way outside, then decided to ditch them on the porch and started jogging down the drive.
Fuck the gym.
Fuck it all.
I turned out onto the road, jogging for miles until the town center came into view, my thoughts hiding, my body too exhausted, too spent, to do anything other than what I was forcing it to.
A car honked, scaring the shit out of me. “Cal!”
I slowed to a walk, my breathing ragged as Steve’s truck approached, roaring and kicking up dirt as he pulled over. “Get in, man.”
Giving a halfhearted wave, I clipped out, “I’m good, need to keep at it.”
Pat leaned over him. “Get the fuck in the car, asshole.” He was smiling, but he was serious.
With not much else to do other than ignore them, I opened the door and climbed into the back.
The door shut with half a second to spare, Steve hitting the gas hard and throwing a U-turn that had me sliding across the seat. “Jesus, fuck.”
“That’s what she said.” Steve snickered.
Pat turned around as Steve sped down the backroad toward my place. “Where you been, dick for brains?” His brows pinched. “We’ve been trying to call you almost every day.”
Steve plucked a joint out of his center console, lighting it. “Yeah, woulda came round, but didn’t wanna seem too desperado. Thought maybe you weren’t coming home for the summer.”
“I’ve been tired and held up with charity shit.”
“That was a week ago.”
“Right,” I said, thinking that it felt like it was just yesterday. A long pause filled the truck, along with the cloying scent of marijuana. “You couldn’t wait until I was out of the car? I just ran fifty million miles.”
“Nine, actually.” Steve was a numbers man. He always knew the most uncanny shit when it came to them. “And my truck so I do what I want.”
Pat mimicked him in a whiny voice, and Steve flicked ash on him.
Never mind that this truck was worth more than some people’s houses—these guys didn’t give a damn. They’d never had to, so why start now?
“You seen Mike?” Pat asked, to which I shrugged and said a quick no. They thankfully didn’t ask any more about him.
“Anyway,” Pat started, turning back to face me. “We found you just in time. Party tonight at Steve’s place. His mom’s back in rehab.”
“No shit,” I said, my gaze flicking to Steve, who seemed unfazed. “She okay?”
Steve shrugged. “She’ll do what she has to in order to keep my dad happy.” He scoffed. “Meanwhile, he’s two towns over, fucking his side piece.”
“Smooth,” Pat said, sarcasm heavy in his tone.
Steve gave way at the stop sign. “It is what it is, brother. The main thing is, the house is stocked, and I’m ready to let loose. College can kiss my white ass.”
“Speaking of, how’s it been there with Renee glued to your hip twenty-four seven?” Pat asked me as we turned into my drive. “You’d be missing out on some fine tail, that’s for sure.”
I smirked to hide the twinge of guilt in my chest. “Thanks for the concern, but we’re fine.”
“She’d give it to him on the regular,” Steve said, inhaling a drag of his joint as he sped around the fountain outside my house, then slammed on the brakes. “You only gotta see the way she looks at Cal to know that.”
Pat cursed, slugging Steve in the arm. “Respect, asshole. Get a little some of that.”
“Whatever, Cal knows I’m right. See?” he asked. “Not even disputing it.”
My jaw was clenched shut, and I barely opened it enough to say, “Thanks for the ride, assholes.”
I jumped out, closing the door.
“If you’re not over by nine, we’ll send someone to collect you. Oh, and bring Mike,” Pat hollered out the window as Steve hit the gas, rocks and dirt spraying in his wake.
After collecting my wallet and keys from the porch, I went inside and headed straight for my room where my phone sat on my unmade bed.
Me: Party at Steve’s. Be ready by eight.
I tossed my phone down, ignoring the chirp it made as she responded, and hit the shower.
Renee was waiting outside on her porch, legs and hair glowing in the fading light of dusk. Judging by the slight tan and the new freckles on her nose that I glimpsed as she climbed inside my car, she’d been spending time in the sun.
Where and with who?
Her scent was everywhere, making it hard to breathe without wanting to punch something.
I hardly looked at what she was wearing, but I knew it was short due to the glance I got of her legs. My teeth ground together, and I feared if we kept this shit up for too long, they’d be nothing but chalk by the end of college.
“I was surprised to hear from you.”
“Really?” I asked, my tone snide as I turned out onto the main road.
“Okay, so I thought I might’ve heard from you before now, but I’m not going to be picky about it.”
Her confidence made my fists clench, anger coursing through me. Too bad it was no match for the way it made my blood hum with arousal. “Well, a deal is a deal.”
“A deal?” Her intrigue loud and clear, she shifted in her seat to face me. I kept my eyes on the road. “And pray tell, what is this deal exactly?”
“You know what I’m talking about,” I said in a low voice.
“Hmm, maybe. But …” Her hand reached out, straightening the sleeve of my T-shirt. My muscles seized at the purposeful touch of her soft fingers. “I think we should make it sweeter.”
“How so?” I asked before I could help myself.
“You don’t like me, that’s fine. I understand why.” Her voice wavered on those last words, then she cleared her throat. “But you don’t need to like me to
fuck me. And we both know you like to fuck me.”
“Renee,” I warned, driving down the dirt road that led to Steve’s house. She knew what hearing those words from those lips did to me.
“Callum,” she teased.
Ignoring her, I parked haphazardly on the sprawling lawn, getting out and slamming the door closed. “I shouldn’t have even invited you. It’s not necessary to continue with this bullshit in front of my friends.”
“Isn’t it?” she asked, closing her door and linking her arm through mine as her eyes darted over the yard. I followed their direction to where Mike was walking inside with a case of beer.
“Fuck you,” I spat, wrenching my arm from hers and locking my car. I knew what parties at Steve’s place could get like, and no one fucked anyone in my car unless it was me.
I pocketed my keys, walking ahead of Renee over the dry lawn and up the stairs.
If Renee was hurt by my words, she definitely didn’t act like it.
Theatre major. Right. She could say she couldn’t act as many times as she wanted, but I knew better. After all, I’d believed a lie for years.
We pushed between people, ignoring catcalls and shouts from old friends, stopping once we reached the backyard where Pat, Steve, and fucking Mike were reclining in deck chairs by the kidney-shaped pool.
Renee came to a stop beside me. “Surreal, isn’t it?”
I wanted to ignore her. I wanted it bad enough to drill a hole into my tongue with my teeth. “What?” I finally sighed out.
“How a year can pass and not much changes.”
I grunted, the sound followed by a cold chuckle. “Wrong, Mouse.” My eyes swung to hers, ignoring the way they sparkled with hope. “Everything that matters changes. It just takes some longer than others to realize it.”
Her shoulders sagged, but she was quick to square them and smile at Tara when she approached. Thankful for the reprieve, I sank into a chair next to Mike, smirking at the way he bristled as his eyes darted from me to Renee and back again.
“Problem?” I asked.
His raised brow made me want to punch him. He took a swig of beer. “Nope.”
The guys shot the shit for a while, Tara and her friends joining us and climbing over seats and laps. All except Tara, who stood beside me as I watched Renee talk to one of the guys who used to be in her drama club at Trellara.