“I’ve tried to read a couple of her other books. I highly doubt she suddenly improved.”
“Do you mind if I read it?” Zing asked.
“Knock yourself out.”
“I think that would hurt. I stubbed my toe and that really hurt. I can’t imagine my head.” Zing fished the book out of the trash can. She dusted the flour off the cover.
“We’ve got to find this Dove woman and expose her for what she is,” Carol said. “Something is definitely hinky with the whole thing.”
“What do we do?”
“I don’t know yet. I have to think on it,” Carol said.
“I’ll ask Miracle to help us.”
“Couldn’t hurt,” Carol said. “How is she, anyway?”
“She wants me to invite you over for dinner tonight.”
“Really?” Carol looked excited by the invitation.
“Will you come, please? We can talk about a plan over dinner. Then we’ll have three heads.”
“Three heads?”
“Three heads are better than one,” Zing said.
“I believe the saying goes: two heads are better than one.”
“I know that. But if two is better, then three must be better by another third. I was good in math class.”
“Angels take math class?”
“Who do you think invented calculators?”
Carol laughed. It was the first time Zing had ever heard her laugh. It was a wonderful laugh, the kind that resonated from deep within and made everyone around her smile.
“So, what should I wear?” Carol asked.
“I don’t think it matters,” Zing said. “Miracle said she thought you were hot.” She touched Carol’s arm. “You don’t feel so hot to me.”
Carol turned crimson. “All right, I’ll come for dinner. But on one condition: no spaghetti.”
“What’s wrong with spaghetti?”
“It’s messy and I always get it on my shirt. I don’t know why people think going to an Italian restaurant on a first date is a good idea.”
“Okay, I’ll tell her. No spaghetti.”
There was a knock on the front door. Homeless Tom stood on the other side of the glass. He waved at them. Zing opened the door and said, “Hi, Homeless Tom. I’ve got sixteen donuts for you today. But no ice cream. Sorry.” She handed him the donut box.
“Thank you, Zing,” Tom said.
“Here’s looking at you, kid,” she said back with her best Bogart lisp.
“My favorite movie!” He cleared his through and recited, “Louie, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.”
“I’d be honored to be your friend,” Zing said truthfully.
Tom smiled and tipped his hat at her. “Well, I must be on my way. I must round up the usual suspects and give them their breakfast.”
“Yeah, those donuts aren’t going to eat themselves. See you tomorrow,” Zing said. She watched him amble down the sidewalk humming the tune to “As Time Goes By.” She shut and locked the door.
“Why’d you give him your donuts?” Carol asked. “You worked hard for those.”
“So he has more to give out. He has a lot of friends.”
“Hmmm. You’re starting to grow on me,” Carol said. She turned and walked back to the kitchen before Zing could reply.
Chapter Six
“How do I look?” Miracle asked, twirling around. She was wearing a pair of tight jeans that she ironed to have a razor-sharp crease down the front of the legs, and a pink and purple cowgirl shirt with a paisley pattern. Her boots were a dyed pink ostrich skin. Somehow, it all worked on her.
Zing applauded Miracle’s spin-about and said, “You look great!”
“Yeah, but will Carol think I’m sexy?”
“I think you are, but Carol is cranky so I don’t know what she’ll think. Thinking for other people seems dangerous,” Zing said then added, “I try not to do it.”
“You can say that again.”
“I try not to do it,” Zing said.
Miracle laughed. “Remind me to teach you the difference between literal and figurative.”
The doorbell rang and Miracle went into freak mode. “She’s here! Oh, Zing, I’m so nervous. I haven’t dated since Rita. Giselle doesn’t count. That was just sex. My dating skills are rusty. I don’t think I can handle this.”
Zing patted her arm. “No worries. Carol will love you.”
“You really think so?”
Zing shrugged. “I have no idea. I just said that to make you feel better.”
“You can’t lie to make me feel better then tell me you were lying. It defeats its own purpose.”
“Okay,” Zing said. She knitted her eyebrows and thought extra hard before saying, “I was actually lying about lying. Do you feel better now?”
“I don’t know. I think I’m more confused than anything.”
The doorbell rang a second time. And a third. And a fourth. And it didn’t stop ringing. “I better let her in better she breaks the doorbell,” Zing said. She trotted to the door and opened it, revealing a scowling Carol with her finger pressed firmly on the buzzer.
Carol was dressed all in black. She looked like Johnny Cash but with Converse sneakers and boobs. “What, you in the west wing and couldn’t get to the door?” she barked. She thrust a bottle of wine and a box into Zing’s hands.
“What’s in the box?” Zing asked.
“Cheesecake.”
“Sounds yummy. I like cheese. I like cake. But I never thought of combining the two.”
“I almost brought angel food cake, but I figured you ate that all the time.” Carol laughed at her own joke.
Zing politely laughed along.
“So, are you going to invite me in or what?”
Miracle appeared at the door. “Oh, yes, please come in,” she said.
Carol walked in and surveyed the living room. “It smells really good in here I love your house you look nice,” she said quickly without commas or periods.
“What?” Miracle asked.
“Nell told me I should say that as soon as I walked in the door. She made me memorize it.”
Miracle laughed. “Well, you did a real good job.”
Carol sat on the sofa and bounced up and down, testing its springs. “Nice couch. Must’ve cost a pretty penny.”
“Thank you,” Miracle said, “I guess.”
After that, Carol seemed at a loss for words. Miracle fidgeted. They both looked at everything in the room except each other. Finally, Zing came to the rescue by saying, “Miracle, why don’t you tell Carol about your house?”
“Well… I remodeled the house all by myself,” Miracle said.
Carol looked impressed. “Really?”
“It was a labor of love. My childhood sweetheart died right where you’re sitting and fixing up this house was my only solace,” Miracle said. “Unfortunately, my sweetheart’s ghost still haunts the house. She crawls into my bed every night and makes mad, passionate love to me.”
Carol looked stunned. “Are you shitting me?”
Miracle laughed and slapped her thigh. “Not really. That’s the plot of Dove Lance’s latest book. I actually bought the house from two gay men that fixed it up and then got a divorce.”
“You had me going there for a minute,” Carol said. There was another lengthy pause then she said, “Why is it that remodeling a house almost guarantees a divorce?”
“I know, right? That’s why I bought a house that was newly remodeled. Would you like a quick tour before supper?” Miracle asked.
“That’d be great. I love these old Victorians.”
“Zing, you can tag along, too,” Miracle said.
“No, thanks. I’ve already seen the house.”
“Right. Looks like it’s just you and me,” Miracle said to Carol.
“I’ll get the table ready with the food,” Zing said.
“What are we having?” Carol asked, giving a good sniff. “It smells delicious.”
&nbs
p; “Thank you,” Miracle said.
“And Nell didn’t tell me to say that,” Carol quickly added.
Miracle laughed.
Zing said, “We’re having Greek orzo salad, grilled Greek pork loin, Greek feta crescent rolls, Greek tea, Greek feta spread to go with the bread and tea, Greek salad, Greek baklava—”
Carol put her hand up. “Stop.”
“There’s still a few more things,” Zing said, “But I’m not sure how to pronounce them.”
“Doesn’t matter. It’s all Greek to me,” Carol joked.
Miracle laughed. Carol basked in the glow of Miracle’s appreciation.
“How’d you know I liked Greek food?” Carol asked. “Wait, don’t tell me—Nell.”
Zing and Miracle nodded sheepishly.
“I didn’t know what Greek food you liked exactly so I bought the works,” Miracle said. “Now come this way and we’ll start the tour in the kitchen.”
And end in the bedroom, Zing thought. She giggled at her own naughtiness. She’d obviously been reading too many lesfic books.
***
Sitting at the dining room table surrounded by heaping plates of food, wine, and dessert—which Zing liked best, especially the cheesecake—they discussed Nell’s love life.
“Now, tell me all about this author, Dove Lance,” Miracle said, licking the cheesecake off her fingers.
“She’s evil,” Zing blurted. “Us guardian angels know evil when we see it.” She gulped down the last of her wine. She liked how it made her feel warm and fuzzy.
Carol leaned in and whispered in Miracle’s ear, “You don’t really think she’s a guardian angel, do you?”
“Well honey, all I know is that she saved me from decapitation by a snow shovel,” Miracle said.
“I don’t even want to know how that happened,” Carol said, pouring herself more wine.
“It involved pizza,” Zing said. “If you look closely at the kitchen ceiling you can still see bits of hardened dough.”
“Only you two,” Carol said with a chuckle and a good-natured shake of her head.
“We do manage to get up to things,” Miracle said. “But that’s what life’s all about—taking chances.” She pushed her plate away and set her napkin down. “Hoo boy, I’m full as a tick. I can’t fit one more thing in my belly.”
“Me either,” Carol said, patting her stomach. “That was a great meal.”
“I’m glad you enjoyed it,” Miracle cooed.
Zing popped up and grabbed the dirty plates, saying, “I’ll do the dishes. You two can go relax in the living room.”
“You don’t have to do the dishes, Zing,” Miracle said.
“No, I want to, really,” she replied. Nell had told her it was a good idea to leave Carol and Miracle alone for a bit. Doing the dishes was the perfect opportunity.
“All righty then,” Miracle said. She smiled warmly at Zing. “Thank you, honey.” She grabbed the bottle of wine and her glass. “What d’ya say we move this party to the living room?”
***
One hour later, Miracle and Carol were sitting on the sofa and Zing was lounging in a recliner. Miracle and Carol had opened a third bottle of wine and both women were feeling very happy. Zing was drinking water. She didn’t have to drink the wine to feel happy.
Carol leaned back on the couch and said, “It’s not like we can just call up Dove Lance and tell her we’re on to her little game.”
“We could handle this the Texas way,” Miracle said.
“The Texas way?” Carol asked.
“Yep. We grab our shotguns and knock on Dove’s door. When she answers, we fill her butt full of lead.”
“I can’t do that,” Zing said. “I can’t hurt anybody’s butt. It’s against the guardian angel’s rules.”
“What’ll happen? You lose your wings?” Carol asked with a smirk.
“I don’t have wings, silly.”
“Why not? You have to wait for a bell to ring or something?”
“That’s just in the movies,” Zing said.
Carol asked, “So, no wings, or haloes, or harps?”
Zing shook her head. “We look human when we visit earth. That way we can blend in. When I go back to HQ, I’ll have to give up this body.”
“I miss you,” Miracle said.
“I’m not gone yet,” Zing said.
“I know, but I’m pre-missing you.”
“You really have to go back? Why can’t you stay?” Carol asked.
“My furlough is only for thirty days and Bertha—that’s my boss—would never allow an extension,” Zing said.
“Sounds like you’re in the army to me,” Carol said. She put her feet up on the ottoman.
“No, we don’t have an army, except that one time a long, long, time ago when Michael got all rebellious.”
Carol sighed. “How do we know you’re telling the truth? Maybe you’re just a sociopath.”
“Zing doesn’t lie,” Miracle said.
“How do you know that?” Carol asked.
Miracle put her hand on her heart. “I feel it here.”
Carol sat up straight and looked at Zing. “So tell me, do lesbians have their own separate guardian angels?”
“Yes. We all have our areas of specialty,” Zing said.
“You mean like departments?” Carol asked.
“Yes, I’m a lesbian guardian angel. Straight angels can’t protect a lesbian because it’s bad risk management.”
“Bad risk management?” Carol asked. She guffawed. She looked over at Miracle who was laughing, too.
“Lesbians have unique risks,” Zing said.
“Such as?” Carol sipped the last of her wine.
“I can’t go into that. It’s classified,” Zing said.
“I think you’re making all this up. I don’t know what you’re game is, but there’s no way you’re a real angel,” Carol said.
“I’m not making up anything.” Zing was offended. “Just because you don’t believe in something doesn’t mean it’s not real.” She stood. Color rushed to her cheeks and her eyes flashed brightly. “And just for the record, you make your guardian angel sad because you don’t believe in her. She did save you that time when you almost drowned in the creek the summer you spent out at your grandparents. The summer your parents were getting a divorce and you cried and cried every night. Her name, by the way, is Cathy,” Zing said.
“Cathy?” Carol asked.
“Yes. Cathy. And if you would stop being so cranky all the time, and open your heart to possibilities, something good might happen in your life for once. You always blame bad stuff on the world, but it’s really you who’s causing bad stuff to happen. So, put that in your thinking cap and smoke it,” Zing said. She raised her chin and marched out of the room.
There was a long pause. Finally, Carol said, “How’d she know about my parent’s divorce?”
“I think. . .” Miracle said softly.
Carol looked at her.
“. . . she’s the real deal,” Miracle said.
Carol blinked.
***
Zing went to her room and shut the door forcefully but carefully. She didn’t want to break anything in Miracle’s beautiful home. She was angry at Carol for not believing her. Being angry was an awful feeling. It was like she had swallowed a ball of fire and it made her insides churn and burn.
Zing flopped down belly-first on her bed and burst into hot, angry tears. She buried her head in her pillow and sobbed.
After a moment, Zing felt a hand on her back. She lifted up her head. It was Annabelle. “Carol doesn’t believe me,” Zing blubbered. “She thinks I’m lying.”
“Some people believe, though. People like Miracle and Nell,” Annabelle said, handing her a tissue. “Other people, like Carol, have to see things to believe them. Faith isn’t good enough for them.”
“How can I make her believe me?”
“You can’t. She has to do it herself. Give her time,” Annabelle said. “The
truth always wins out.”
“What did people do without tissues?” Zing asked. She blew her nose and wiped her tears.
“They used their sleeves.”
“That’s gross.”
“If I remember correctly you tried to do that once,” Annabelle said. “You seem to be adopting a lot of human mannerisms lately.”
Zing studied Annabelle’s face. “That’s not a good thing, is it?”
“Let’s just say there might be repercussions.”
“Like what?”
“Worry about that later. Right now you need to expose Dove Lance and save Nell’s heart. I talked to Ralph about how to do it.”
“Who’s Ralph?” Zing asked.
“He’s in the gay guy department. His human works at Google.”
“Oh.”
“He explained to me about Google’s face recognition software.” Annabelle pulled out a piece of paper and handed it to Zing. “He wrote down the instructions on how to make sure Dove’s Facebook photo is really of her.”
Zing studied the paper. “This looks way hard.”
“I think with your three heads it’s going to be a breeze and it might even help get Carol and Miracle together.”
“Because they’re meant to be together?”
“That’s right. Remember we all have our destinies.”
“I wonder what my destiny will be,” Zing mused aloud.
“Follow your heart. You’ll find out.”
***
Zing was asleep when Miracle softly tapped on her door. “Zing honey, can I come in?”
Zing’s head was killing her. It hurt worse than a brain freeze. “Only if you bring some aspirin. I have a ferocious headache.” She placed both hands on her head like a vice grip and squeezed.
“Your wish is my command.”
Miracle returned a couple of minutes later with a glass of water and two aspirin. She handed them to Zing and sat on the edge of the bed.
“Why does my head hurt so bad? Was it because I was angry?”
“Maybe, but I think it has more to do with the cheesecake and wine.”
“Too much sugar?”
“Yep.”
“Is this what you call a sugar crash?”
Miracle nodded. “Are you okay other than your headache?”
Big Love Page 8