Natasha did not try to stop him, and even encouraged him to go. She couldn’t stand the thought of Alyosha forcing himself to stay against his wishes, hanging around her place for days, getting bored with her. All she asked for was that he shouldn’t say anything in her name, and she put a brave face on it with a smile at parting. He was just about to leave, but suddenly he went up to her, took both her hands in his and sat down next to her. He looked at her with the utmost tenderness.
“Natasha, my precious, my angel, don’t be angry with me, and let’s not quarrel ever. And promise to trust me in everything as I trust you. This is what I’m now going to tell you, my angel. We quarrelled once before, I can’t remember what it was about. I was in the wrong. We wouldn’t speak to each other. I didn’t want to be the first to apologize, but I was dreadfully upset. I walked all over the town, hung around in various places, called on friends, but with a heavy, dreadfully heavy heart… And it crossed my mind then: what if you fell ill, say, and died. And when I imagined that, I was overcome with such despair as though I’d really lost you for ever. My thoughts got more and more morbid and frightening. And then little by little I began to imagine going to your graveside, falling on it senseless, spreading my arms over it and being lost in grief. I imagined myself kissing your grave, calling upon you to come out, if only for a minute, praying to God for a miracle, that you should rise for me from the dead, if only for a second. I imagined how I’d have hurled myself to embrace you, cuddle and kiss you and, I’m sure, have died on the spot with ecstasy that I was able, however briefly, to put my arms around you as before. And as I was imagining all this, the thought struck me: here I am asking you back from God just for a brief second, whereas you’d been with me for a whole six months and the number of times we’d fallen out with each other in those six months, the number of days we’d not spoken to each other! We had quarrelled for days on end and taken our happiness for granted, and all of a sudden I’m calling you from your grave and for just one instant am prepared to pay with my whole life!… When this dawned on me, I could stand it no longer and rushed to you as fast as I could. I ran in and you were already waiting for me, and when we embraced each other after our quarrel, I remember I held you so tightly as though I really was about to lose you. Natasha! let’s not quarrel, ever! I just can’t bear it! And, my God! Is it possible to imagine I could ever leave you!”
Natasha was crying. They embraced each other tightly, and Alyosha swore once more that he’d never leave her. Then he dashed off to his father’s. He was firmly convinced he’d settle everything once and for all.
“It’s all over! Everything’s finished!” Natasha said, clutching my hand convulsively. “He loves me and will never stop loving me. But he loves Katya too, and after some time he’ll love her more than me. But this nasty viper of a Prince won’t rest, and then…”
“Natasha! I can see for myself the Prince is not playing fair, but…”
“You didn’t believe everything I said to him. I could tell by your face. But wait, you’ll see for yourself whether or not I was right. I was just speaking in general terms – God knows what else he’s got in mind! He’s a terrible man! I’ve been pacing up and down the room these past four days and worked it all out for myself. The thing he was after most was to take the load off Alyosha’s mind, to relieve him of his depression, which was stopping him from enjoying life, to free him from the obligations of his love for me. He also came up with our engagement to worm himself into our confidence and charm Alyosha with his kindness and generosity. That’s the honest truth, Vanya! It’s Alyosha’s character all over. He’d have stopped worrying on my account, he’d have felt happy about me. He’d have thought, now that she’s my wife she’s mine for ever, and he’d involuntarily have paid more attention to Katya than to me. The Prince must have got to know his Katya well and decided that she’s a perfect match for him, that she’d be more of an attraction to him than I. Oh, Vanya! You’re my only hope now – for some reason or other he wants to meet you, to get to know you. Don’t turn your back on this and try, for God’s sake, dearest, to see the Countess soon. Meet this Katya, take a good look at her and tell me what she is all about exactly. I want it to come from you. No one understands me as you do, and you’ll understand what I need. Find out too how close they are, what is there between them, what they talk about. But it’s Katya, Katya I want you to have a look at ever so closely… Prove to me this one more time, my dearest, my beloved Vanya, prove to me your friendship this one more time! You are my one and only hope now!…”
* * *
When I returned home it was already after midnight. Nelly opened the door for me with a sleepy face. She smiled and looked at me cheerfully. The poor thing was most annoyed with herself for having fallen asleep. She had badly wanted to wait up for me. She said someone came inquiring after me and left a note on the table. The note was from Masloboyev. He asked me to call at his place the next day just after midday. I wanted to question Nelly, but put it off till the following morning, insisting that she should go back to bed immediately; the poor child was, tired as she was, waiting up for me, and had fallen asleep only half an hour before my return.
5
In the morning, nelly told me some rather curious things about the visit that took place the previous evening. As it happened, the very fact that Masloboyev had chosen to call that evening was in itself curious. He knew full well that I’d be out – I clearly remembered mentioning it to him at our last meeting. Nelly said that at first she had been reluctant to let him in because she was frightened; it was eight o’clock in the evening. But he managed to persuade her through the closed door, insisting that if he did not leave me a note that evening, I would be in some kind of trouble the next day. After she had let him in, he immediately wrote the note, approached her and sat down beside her on the settee. “I got up because I didn’t want to talk to him,” Nelly recounted. “I was very frightened of him. He started telling me about Bubnova, that she was furious, that she wouldn’t dare take me back now, and then he started praising you. He said he was great friends with you and knew you when you were a small boy. I began to speak to him then. He brought out some sweets and asked me to take them. I didn’t want to. He promised me then that he was a good man and that he could sing songs and dance. He jumped to his feet and started dancing. It made me laugh. Then he said he’d stay for a little while longer, “I’ll wait till Vanya comes, he should be back soon,” and he kept asking me not to be afraid and sit next to him. I did, but I didn’t want to say anything to him. Then he told me he used to know Mummy and Granddad and… then I began to talk. And he stayed ever such a long time.”
“So what did you talk about?”
“About Mummy… about Bubnova… about Granddad. He stayed for about two hours.”
It seemed Nelly was reluctant to divulge what they had been talking about. I did not question her, hoping to find out everything from Masloboyev. Only it occurred to me that Masloboyev must have come deliberately when I was out in order to catch Nelly on her own. “What would he have wanted to do that for?” I wondered.
She showed me three sweets, which he had given her. They were boiled sweets in red and green wrappers, cheap and nasty, no doubt from a greengrocer’s. Nelly burst out laughing as she showed them to me.
“Why didn’t you eat them?” I asked.
“I didn’t want to,” she said seriously, frowning. “I wasn’t going to take them from him. He left them on the settee…”
That day I had to call at a great number of different places. I began to say goodbye to Nelly.
“Don’t you get bored here on your own?” I asked as I was leaving.
“I do and I don’t. I’m bored because you’re away for so long.” And her gaze was overflowing with tenderness as she spoke. All that morning she had been looking at me with that same soft look, and she appeared so cheerful, so sweet, and at the same time there was something confused, something e
ven bashful in her manner, as though she were afraid to irk me, lose my affection and… and as though she were embarrassed to reveal too much of what she felt.
“And what stops you being bored? After all, you did say, ‘I do and I don’t,’” I said, smiling involuntarily at her – precious and dear as she was becoming to me.
“I just don’t, somehow,” she said with a smile, and for some reason became bashful again. We were talking in the doorway. Nelly stood opposite me, her eyes to the ground; she was gripping my shoulder with one hand, with the other picking at the sleeve of my coat.
“Well, is that a secret?” I asked.
“No… not really… I… I started to read your book while you were out,” she said in a subdued voice and, looking up at me tenderly but intently, blushed all over.
“Oh, is that it! Well, did you like it?”
I experienced the embarrassment of an author who had been praised to his face, and I would have given God knows what for being able to kiss her at that moment. But somehow it seemed not possible to kiss her. Nelly was silent for a short while.
“Why, why did he die?” she asked with a look of deepest sorrow, darting a glance at me momentarily and lowering her eyes again immediately.
“Who do you have in mind?”
“That man, that young man, with consumption… in the book.”
“That’s life – it couldn’t be helped, Nelly.”
“He needn’t have died at all,” she replied, hardly above a whisper, but somehow precipitately, abruptly, almost resentfully, her lips pouting, and staring at the ground ever more defiantly.
Another minute passed.
“And what about her?… Well, the two of them… the girl and the old man,” she went on in her whisper as she continued to pick at my sleeve all the more persistently, “will they go on living together? And they won’t be poor?”
“No, Nelly, she will leave for a far-off place. She’ll marry a landowner, but he’ll be left on his own,” I replied with the utmost regret, really sorry that I could not offer her anything more comforting.
“Well… that’s too bad! What a shame! If that’s so, I don’t even want to read on any more now!”
And she pushed my hand aside angrily, turned her back on me abruptly, went over to the table and stood there facing the corner of the room, her eyes glued to the ground. She had gone red in the face and was gasping intermittently, as though in the throes of some dreadful sorrow.
“There, there Nelly, you’re angry,” I began, coming up closer to her. “You see, none of what’s been written is true – it’s all made up. So what’s there to be cross about! What a sensitive girl you are!”
“I’m not cross,” she said meekly, looking up at me so bright-eyed, so lovingly! Then she suddenly seized my hand, nestled her face against my chest and for some reason began to cry.
But she burst out laughing at the same instant – she laughed and she cried – all at once. I too was both on the point of laughing and experiencing a kind of… sweet gratification. But nothing would make her lift her head, and when I attempted to ease her face away from my shoulder, she clung ever closer and laughed all the more.
Finally this touching scene came to an end. We said goodbye. I was in a hurry. Nelly, flushed all over and coyly reticent, her eyes twinkling like two little stars, ran out after me onto the landing and begged me to be back soon. I promised definitely to return by lunchtime or even earlier.
I called first on the old couple. They were both poorly. Anna Andreyevna was quite ill; Nikolai Sergeich sat in his study. He heard me enter, but I knew he would not emerge for at least a quarter of an hour to give us time to chat together. I did not want to upset Anna Andreyevna too much and therefore toned down my story of what happened the night before as much as possible, but I told the truth; to my surprise, though the old lady was disappointed, she greeted the news of the possible split without undue surprise.
“Well, my dear, I thought as much,” she said. “After you’d gone, I was left thinking long and hard, and decided nothing would come of it. We weren’t deserving enough in the good Lord’s eyes, I suppose, and besides he’s a pretty mean sort; what good can you expect of him! Imagine, he wants to take ten thousand roubles from us for nothing He knows he’s not entitled to it, but he wants it all the same. He’s depriving us of our last crust of bread. Ikhmenevka is going to be sold. But my darling Natasha is perfectly right and very wise not to trust them. And do you know something else, my dear,” she continued in a hushed voice, “what’s come over my Nikolai Sergeich! He’s dead set against this marriage. He can no longer keep quiet about it, ‘I won’t have it!’ he says. At first I thought it was just talk, but he’s serious. What will become of her then, the poor darling? He’ll curse her for ever then, do you see! Well, and what about that fellow Alyosha, what has he got to say for himself?”
And for a good while yet she persisted with her questions and, as was her wont, hemmed and hawed at my every response. On the whole I noticed that of late she had become quite distracted emotionally. Any kind of news was liable to unsettle her. Her grief over Natasha was robbing her both of her peace of mind and her health.
Ikhmenev entered, in his dressing gown and slippers; he complained of being under the weather, but glanced at his wife with tenderness, and all the time I was with them he was like a nanny to her, looking into her eyes and simply doting on her. His eyes were filled with ineffable tenderness. He was terrified by her illness; he sensed that were he to lose her, he would be bereft of everything on earth.
I sat with them for about an hour. At parting he saw me to the entrance hall and asked me about Nelly. He was seriously considering taking her into their home to fill the place of their daughter. He began to pump me for ideas how to persuade Anna Andreyevna to agree. He was especially curious to know if I had learnt anything new about Nelly. I told him briefly. My story impressed him.
“That’s something we’ll talk about later,” he said resolutely. “In the meantime… on second thoughts, let me come and see you myself as soon as I feel a bit better. We can decide then.”
At twelve o’clock sharp I was at Masloboyev’s. To my great amazement the first person I met on entering his place was the Prince. He was putting on his coat in the entrance hall and Masloboyev was solicitously handing him his cane. He had spoken to me before of his acquaintanceship with the Prince, nevertheless this encounter astonished me immensely.
The Prince seemed to be taken aback at seeing me.
“Ah, is that you?” he exclaimed with an exaggerated elation. “Imagine, what a coincidence! To be sure, Mr Masloboyev was just telling me you two know each other. I’m glad, glad, ever so glad I met you. I was particularly anxious to see you and call on you as soon as possible, with your permission. I’ve a favour to ask of you – would you help me, please, and explain our present situation. You probably realize I’m referring to yesterday’s events… You’re a friend of the family there, you’ve been following all the developments, you have influence… I’m terribly sorry I can’t stop now… Business calls! But in a day or two, or perhaps sooner, I shall have the pleasure of calling on you. As for now…”
He shook my hand rather too heartily, exchanged glances with Masloboyev and left.
“Tell me, for Heaven’s sake—” I began as I entered the room.
“Can’t tell you a darned thing,” Masloboyev interrupted, hurriedly grabbing his cap and heading for the hall, “business calls! I’m in a hurry myself, old chap, I’m late!—”
“But you said in your note, twelve o’clock.”
“So what if I did? Yesterday I wrote to you, today someone has written to me, came like a bolt out of the blue – that’s the way it goes! They’re expecting me. Sorry and all that, Vanya. All I can offer in compensation is to let you give me a thrashing for bothering you unnecessarily. If you want to get your own back – go ahead, but for
Christ’s sake, hurry up! Don’t hold me up, I’ve things to do, I’m running late—”
“Why on earth would I want to give you a thrashing? If you’ve got business, go ahead, the unexpected can happen to anyone. Only—”
“No, don’t give me only,” he interrupted me, rushing out into the hall and pulling on his coat. I followed his example. “I’ve something to discuss with you too. A rather important matter, which is why I called you over in fact. It concerns you directly and all your interests. But as I can’t possibly cram it all into one minute flat; why don’t you, there’s a good chap, give me your word that you’ll come tonight at seven on the dot – not before and not after, mind? I’ll be in.”
“Tonight?” I said, hesitantly. “Tonight I was going to—”
“Go and do now what you were going to do tonight, and tonight come to my place instead, there’s a good fellow. Because you’ve no idea, Vanya, the things I’m going to tell you.”
“Well I never! I wonder what it could be! I must say I’m dying to know.”
In the meantime we had passed through the house gate and were out on the street.
“So you’ll come?” he persisted.
“I said I would.”
“No, promise.”
“What’s come over you? All right, I promise.”
“Excellent, spoken like a gentleman. Which way are you going?”
“This way,” I said, pointing to the right.
“Well, I’m going the other way,” he said, pointing to the left. “See you, Vanya! Don’t forget: seven o’clock sharp.”
“Strange,” I thought to myself as I followed him with my eyes.
I was planning to go to Natasha’s that evening. But as I had given my word to Masloboyev, I decided to head for her place now. I was sure I would find Alyosha there. This was indeed so, he was there and was terribly pleased when I entered the room.
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