Simon interrupted him with a held up finger. “Ah, but is he hallucinating?”
“Oh, man, it sucks that I’m not a faster reader, you know?”
“You’ll get there.”
He took another sip from his mug. “If you weren’t so wordy, maybe,” Mattie muttered with a small grin.
“Writers are supposed to be ‘wordy’,” he laughed softly. “Otherwise I wouldn’t have a job.”
“Kind of like an artist without any paint,” Mattie groused.
There was that uncomfortable feeling again. It always reared its ugly head when the subject of money came up. It rarely did, and he thought that perhaps it was only him who felt this way. He’d promised Mattie that he didn’t think any less of him for what he occasionally resorted to for extra cash, but that didn’t stop him from feeling jealous.
He’d offered once, choking out the uncomfortable words, to lend him some money, but Mattie had turned that down flat, and he hadn’t dared mention it since. They spent three nights a week together and more or less saw each other all day at the diner, but on the nights they didn’t see each other, he couldn’t help but wonder what it was Mattie was doing and with whom.
It was pointless getting himself worked up about it, though. He’d still insisted that they take it slow and keep it casual. It felt hypocritical of him to demand Mattie stop what he claimed did not disgust him, when he wasn’t ready to offer Mattie a commitment in return, no matter how basic. So he chose to assume that on the nights they didn’t see each other, Mattie spent studying with Ty.
There was one small indication that the hooking had stopped, however, in that it appeared Mattie had—for now—ceased painting due to his lack of funds. He didn’t necessarily think that was a good thing (he was trying to get into art school, wasn’t he?), but the hooking was a way of helping with the rent and paying for his art supplies, or so he’d come to understand. So surely if he wasn’t painting, then….
“Man, you can’t stop that brain of yours from ticking away even for a minute, can you?” Mattie smiled, bringing him out of his daydreams.
“Hmm? Oh, no. Apparently not.”
Mattie reached over and squeezed his hand. “It’s okay if you want to keep working. I’ll just grab a paper, or something.”
That was another reading exercise he praised Mattie for, but he shook his head. “No, it’s all right. I just got distracted for a second.”
Mattie raised one sneaky looking eyebrow. “Oh yeah, thinking about what?”
He could play this game. “Oh, just a certain telephone call that gave me sweet dreams the other night.”
Mattie smirked, playing it cool, but there was a telltale flush creeping up his neck. “Those damn telemarketers again?”
“Yeah. They’re becoming a real pain in the ass too. Like this one I had the other night, he wanted to know what I was wearing,” he droned, “if I was hard for him, if I was imagining riding him until—” He laughed and handed Mattie a napkin when he spluttered soup.
“Damn, those guys are really getting out of control. No wonder you were distracted.”
That’s what Simon wanted to see: Mattie’s cheeks a nice rosy pink. The phone sex had been getting a little heated lately. It wasn’t as if they did it every night. Sometimes they’d just talk for a few hours, but the fact that they couldn’t spend the night together was wearing a little thin. So… when needs must, and all that.
“Do you have a study date with Ty tonight?”
Mattie nodded. “Yeah, he picked up all these study guides, bless him. There’s actually an adult basic education program available and GED preparation classes I could take, but I just can’t pay for any other courses, and it’s only a few weeks until test day, so I’m cramming like a madman.”
“How’s it going?”
Mattie shrugged one shoulder, pushing his empty mug to one side and wiping his mouth with a napkin. “Not bad. Once I got used to the idea of actually studying, it stopped feeling so weird. Like… I’m picking up where I left off as a kid.” He shook his head. “It’s strange, and tough, but I don’t know… makes me feel a little more human, somehow.”
Christ. What does a guy say to that?
“I’m struggling in some parts, but surprising myself in others. I’m not bad at math, actually.”
“So… wait, what are the areas you have to cover, again?”
Mattie ticked them off on his fingers. “Language arts, reading and writing, math, social studies, and science. I’m struggling with science and social studies, and I’m so glad half of it is multiple choice. It’s the essay writing portion that’s really gonna kick my ass.”
“Do you….” He bit his lip, again hesitant to broach the subject of money. “Do you have the entrance fee covered?”
Mattie nodded and glanced away. “Ty spotted me sixty dollars. I just hope I don’t have to pay to retake any parts.”
“And it’s at one of the high schools here in San Diego?”
“San Diego Union High School, yeah. I think there’s a way to do it all online, but I’d probably screw that up. I’m no good with computers.” He shook his head. “It’s gonna feel so freaking weird walking into a school after so many years.” He chewed the inside of his cheek. “Just makes me wonder… if I hadn’t quit, where would I be now? Who would I be?”
Simon cleared his throat. Most serious things Mattie said were difficult to take in. He felt foolish when those brief insights threw a light on how much depth lay just beneath that nice guy smile and happy exterior. “You’d still be a great guy, I think.” He smiled. “Perhaps working in a gallery somewhere.”
Mattie smiled sadly, as if his thoughts were far away. “Maybe,” he murmured quietly. He glanced up and leveled a soft look at Simon that practically projected his thoughts.
But then I wouldn’t have met you.
Simon glanced away, not quite uncomfortable but nonetheless uncertain as to how to deal with the unspoken but coherent words.
Letting him off the hook, Mattie took a deep breath and let it out with a sigh. He ran his hand through his hair. “Going back to school, man. Lockers, teachers, chalk boards….”
“Well, you’re going to have to do that with New York sooner or later,” he pointed out, feeling the bitter pill sliding down his throat at the thought of Mattie doing so well, but then moving away.
Mattie became quiet, giving nothing but a noncommittal “umhm.”
He carried on in an effort to see that smile again. “So… five tests. Are you doing that in one sitting or…?”
“Ugh, I don’t know. It’s an option, and part of me wants to just get it all out of the way, but I’m worried I might burn out and bomb the second half. I’ll probably do it over two days.”
Simon smiled gently. “You’ve come really far.”
A proud grin tugged at Mattie’s lips. “Maybe, still a long way to go, though.”
“How long do you have to wait for the results?”
“It’ll take three or so weeks to get the transcripts. So I’ll be an iddy bit tense.”
“I’ll see what I can do to keep you occupied.” He winked. Winking? You never wink.
“What did you have in mind?” Mattie grinned.
He was just about to suggest a few ideas when he felt his cell vibrate. He reached into his pocket and immediately flipped it open when recognizing the school’s number. He had another two hours before he was supposed to pick Jamie up, so something must be wrong. “Hello, Simon Cas—Sarah? What’s going on, is everything… what?”
In a panic, he began to gather his things: his wallet, his keys. He closed his laptop and was grateful when Mattie—who had quickly gathered that something was wrong—was already holding open his bag for him to slide his laptop inside while he finished up the call to Sarah. “I’ll be right there. No, no, please just, can you keep him with you? And keep her away from him. I’ll be right there.” He stood and slung the strap of his bag over his head.
“Is Jamie okay?” Matti
e asked, looking worried.
“He will be. He’s just a little upset.” He walked toward the entrance of the diner, Mattie following him. He gritted his teeth. “My mother just tried to take him out of school.”
“Oh.” Mattie’s hand touched his shoulder, knowing how Simon felt about his mother and the history there where Jamie was concerned. “Call me later, okay?”
Without even thinking about it, he put his arm around Mattie’s waist and kissed him quick on the lips. “I will. I’ve gotta go.”
“Go on,” Mattie urged with a gentle push to his arm.
HE RUSHED up to the reception desk, panting from his quick dash to the school. “I’m Simon Castle; there’s been an incident with my son, Jamie?”
“Mr. Castle?”
He turned quickly to see a familiar-looking man. He searched his memory bank and remembered him from his last visit. Adam. “Yes, yes that’s me. My son? Where is he?”
“Follow me. He’s with Sarah. The two of you know each other very well?”
“Yes, Sarah babysits for me on occasion. She’s a good friend. Can you tell me what happened?”
“I believe Sarah knows the details. They’re just through here.”
He was led into a quiet room that was anything but quiet, and the scene that greeted him made his heart sink. Sarah knelt in front of Jamie, giving him his distance but speaking soothingly to him to try and calm him down. But Jamie was past that point. He was past the point of humming or reciting his numbers. He was sitting on a small couch, either thumping himself in his knees with his little balled up fists, or slapping the sides of his head and ears as he sobbed his heart out. Sarah spotted Simon and tried to tell Jamie that his daddy was there, but Jamie was already following his instincts and was trying to lie on the couch in an attempt to roll back and forth.
It was at times like this where he had to make a judgment call. If merely distressed but not at the point of having a full-blown fit, it was usually best to leave Jamie to calm himself down. Trying to touch him at that point would only escalate his anxiety. However, if Jamie were already in a full panic, then he needed pressure against his body. The pressure against his back and front would slow his heart rate and allow him to gradually calm down.
There was no doubt in his mind what to do, and though initially it would frighten Jamie further, he strode forward, and Sarah automatically moved out of the way, knowing what he was going to do and closing the door to give them privacy. He did the only thing he could at that moment, and pulled Jamie off of the couch and into his arms. Jamie’s cries instantly grew into a wail that tore his heart right open, but he held the full length of him against his chest, wrapping his arms tight around him and making soft shushing noises.
Eventually Jamie’s legs stopped kicking against him, and he rested his cheek underneath Simon’s chin and against his chest as his loud screaming became nothing more than an unhappy and downright woeful cry of a little boy who had been frightened terribly.
“Shh, we’re all better. That’s my good boy. Daddy’s here now, hey?” Eventually he was able to turn Jamie sideways and sit with him on his lap. He rubbed his back and rocked him gently. He looked over at Sarah, and even she looked harried from the experience and as if she might want to cry herself. “Are you all right?” he asked her.
She waved him off and sat across from him. “Don’t worry about me. I’m fine. It’s just, no matter how used to it you get, it’s still difficult to watch a child become that upset when you’re powerless to help them, you know?”
“Oh, I know, all right.” He nodded over to the table beside Sarah with a box of tissue on top. “Can you pass me a couple of those?”
She handed over the box, and he pulled a tissue out and craned his neck back to get a look at Jamie’s face. “Let me see, baby.”
Jamie looked up, and Simon swallowed hard around the lump in his throat when seeing his small face, red and blotchy from his crying. “That’s it, good boy.” He wiped at his damp cheeks and then grabbed another tissue to hold over his nose. “Give a big old blow now.”
Exhausted from his upset, Jamie did as he was told and blew as hard as he could, which wasn’t much. Still, Simon wiped his nose clean and kissed his forehead gently. “We’re going to have a little sit here, okay? Then we’re going to go home, maybe play with Gizmo, or do some coloring and drawing. Does that sound good?” Simon gave him a gentle bounce and was relieved to see him nod and then rest his head back against his chest.
Once he knew that Jamie was settled and that he himself felt calm enough, he turned to Sarah. “All right, start to finish, what happened?”
She let out a heavy sigh, her shoulders slumping. “I left him on the bench to go check on one of the other kids. He was perfectly fine eating his lunch. Next thing I know, I turn around to check on him and there’s a woman sitting beside him that I didn’t recognize. I immediately headed back, but before I could ask who she was, she tried to hug him and….” She trailed off with an upturned palm. “It was zero to sixty. She frightened him quite badly, I’m afraid.”
“Well, no wonder. God,” he bit off furiously. “She knows he’s autistic. Why the hell would she do something so stupid?”
“I don’t know, but… Simon, I had no choice but to pick him up. The other kids were getting scared. I had to pick him up and carry him in here. I think that’s what really set him off.”
“It’s all right,” he reassured her. “You did the right thing. Did she leave?”
“No. She saw her mistake right away, Simon. She explained who she was, and she’s been apologizing ever since. She didn’t want to leave. I think she wants to see you—”
“Not a chance.” He stood, pulling his bag strap over one shoulder.
“Simon, please, she’s your mother. I know she—”
“We’ve talked about this before, Sarah. And right now I don’t want Jamie to see her. It might set him off again.”
“I understand that, but can I at least give her a message?”
“Yeah, you can tell that if she pulls a stunt like that again I’m calling the cops.”
“Simon, please.”
“What?” he snapped and then closed his eyes in frustration and gently cupped the back of Jamie’s head when he began to hum. He needed to calm down; otherwise Jamie would pick up on his mood and the whole upsetting ordeal would start over. “I’m sorry, Sarah,” he began again, more calmly this time. “But I don’t think you fully understand the relationship I have with my mother.”
“You’ve explained the situation to me. I get that she let you down when you were younger,” she said softly. “And I understand that you haven’t forgiven her for trying to take you to court, and today probably hasn’t helped much either, but she’s asking to speak to you. Now I know she’s gone the wrong way about it, but couldn’t this be her backward version of an olive branch?”
“Sounds to me like she was trying to snatch him.”
She shook her head. “I really don’t think that, Simon. She said she just wanted to see him, that’s all. She absolutely did it the wrong way, but honestly? She just looks like a lonely old lady.”
Simon sighed. Damn it. “There’s a lot of bad blood between us, Sarah. I don’t know if it can ever be right between us again.”
“What about Jamie?”
“I’m trying to protect Jamie.”
“I know this isn’t my business, and that I’m taking liberties here, but it sounds to me like you’re trying to protect yourself.”
“That is not the case.”
“So what if you never see eye to eye with her again? Is your relationship with her to mean Jamie doesn’t get to have a grandparent, just like most other kids?”
“That’s not fair, Sarah.”
“No, it’s not. But Jamie’s entire family is you. He trusts only two people, and they are standing in this room. There is no downfall for him here; he would only gain. He could let another person into his life, and he could have a female influence aroun
d that isn’t his teacher.”
“We do just fine by ourselves, Sarah. He doesn’t need a female influence.”
“You’re right; you are a fantastic father, but what if I suddenly get a job elsewhere? What if I move or get married and can’t sit for you anymore? Then it’s back to just you in his life. One person, Simon. What if, God forbid, something happened to you? What would happen to him then?”
He closed his eyes tight, gently swaying Jamie in his arms. She had a good point. It was just difficult to imagine putting aside the anger he felt toward his mother, especially after today. “Fine,” he said in a low voice. “But I don’t want to see her now. I don’t want Jamie around when I speak to her.”
She nodded quickly. “I’ll come by around six tonight to pick him up.”
“All right, can you get the door please?”
She walked him out and through the gates of the school, away and in the opposite direction from where his mother was apparently sitting in the school’s reception waiting area, wondering if she were about to be arrested or see her son for the first time in nearly a year.
“Simon?” Sarah said gently. “You know that you have my support, don’t you? You know I’m on your side? I’m just thinking of Jamie here.”
He leaned close and kissed her cheek. “I know, and I’d be lost if I didn’t have you to push me in the right direction every now and then.”
“Good. I’ll tell her to come by your place around six thirty.”
Simon nodded, and watched as she turned to walk back through the gates. “Sarah?” he called, and she turned back. His brow creased with worry. “You’re not really moving away, are you?”
She smiled. “No, you foolish man.”
“OKAY….” Ty began. “So in the fourth stanza, what does the dark line cutting through the snow represent?”
“Give me the choices.”
“Come on, Mattie,” Ty groaned, frustrated. “Get with it. Just try to think it through first.”
“It’s a multiple choice test!”
“So what? Try and learn it this way. Then when you’re taking the test, hopefully you might be thinking of an answer automatically before reading the choices.”
The Coil Page 15