"Another one, look," said Ben, gesturing at the phone with the spoon he stirred the sauce with. A blonde-haired girl smiled at her from the screen. "Odd none of them have been found, huh? What do you reckon he's doing with them?"
Lorelei huffed at him.
Ben took a break from the stove, swigging beer from a can as he leaned across the kitchen counter, a sly smile on his face. "I know it stresses you...I think it's funny," he said in a quiet voice, glancing in the direction of Scarlet's room.
Lorelei's skin prickled. "You have no idea what frightens me." She walked away from him.
"Do you think I haven't seen how you react when you see the news? Why would you be so nervous? Scarlet told me about–"
"You know nothing about me," she snapped, turning back to the skinny, pale boy standing in front of her. "You're pathetic hiding behind your image, pretending to be something you’re not. Just because you have no personality, you have to create a false one."
Everything which annoyed her about Ben tumbled out of her mouth, as her anxiety exploded into frustration. Ben blinked in surprise at her response, then shrugged, turning to stir the dinner.
She stared at the back of his head wishing he'd come back at her with something and she could continue the argument and end this. Music from Scarlet's room played over the silence, and her scalp felt as if something crawled across it. Even more frustrated by his lack of response, she slammed her bag on the counter glaring at his turned back before stalking to her room.
"He's going to find you eventually," called Ben.
"Who's going to find who?" asked Scarlet, walking into the kitchen towelling her wet hair.
"Nothing—rice or pasta?" smiled Ben
What was his game? Was Ben teasing up or did he know something? She looked down the hall at the lanky goth spooning out pasta—he was harmless. He'd just found a sore spot to find amusement.
Chapter Nineteen
The scenario played over and over in Lorelei's mind; the constant repeat of the conversation in her head annoyed her as much as the exchange of words. Days later, Ben's quiet jibes continued, and Lorelei's patience wore thin. Why should she be uncomfortable about going into her own home because of him?
The end of term drew nearer, and Lorelei spent the majority of her time with Alex and his friends in order to escape the atmosphere at her flat. She preferred the company of those a few years older than her, still frustrated by the immaturity of the students her age.
Alex shared a house with a trio of other grad students. Nights out with them introduced her to the world she wanted; a world with people who enjoyed music and art, not only parties.
Lorelei preferred quieter places, but some nights she'd meet Alex at the student union after class. Early evening was a popular time—students indulging in cheap drinks before moving to more expensive places. Five o’clock, and night had already taken hold as Lorelei waited for him to arrive. She rubbed her hands together against the cold before tucking them under her arms, beneath the woollen coat.
Alex appeared and strode towards her with another guy by his side. Alex stopped but the guy walked past with a nod to Lorelei and goodbye to Alex.
Alex grinned at her and shoved his hands into his pockets. Sometimes she thought he might hug her when he said ‘hello’ and occasionally found him looking at her in a different way to usual. Not a bad way, but as if she captivated his attention and he couldn’t look away. They’d hugged a couple of times, and Lorelei had been happy to let the embrace linger, but the barriers were there—on both sides.
“Evening, beautiful,” Alex said.
“Hello, handsome.”
They both laughed at their usual jokey greeting, but as time passed the words felt as if they held more undertones. One night last week, she’d fallen asleep watching TV at his share house and woken up with her head slumped against his shoulder. Alex wasn’t holding or touching her, but the natural intimacy felt different to the times she’d fallen asleep on Jamie.
Inside, they managed to find a quiet corner. Lorelei sipped her drink as she watched the student union bar filling up and considered how things were gradually changing between them. They needed to have a conversation and, even though her and Alex were on the same wavelength much of the time, this was one situation where she couldn’t be sure how Alex would respond.
They spent the evening alone together and hours passed without her realising. How could she spend so much time with one person and lose track of time? She stole a look at Alex as he looked around the bar. He was everything she’d wanted when she dreamt about the guy she’d meet when she left Grangeton. Until the summer.
After a few drinks, Alex insisted on accompanying Lorelei home. Some days he would and others she’d walk or catch the bus. She was nervy after recent reminders about disappearing girls and appreciated his care.
"You’re quiet. Are you brooding again, Lorelei?" asked Alex, playfully nudging her, as they strode along the pavement.
“I’m fine.” She smiled at Alex, willing him to believe her. “Stop asking me all the time.”
“I worry about you.”
His eyes told her everything about how he felt—there was something more than friendly affection between them that she'd chosen not to acknowledge. One that confused and annoyed her, but the annoyance wasn’t towards him but to herself. She wanted to take things further with Alex if he was interested, but something stopped her.
The summer.
A conversation she'd had with one of Alex's housemates the day before gained new clarity. Olivia tried to talk to Lorelei about how Alex wasn't successful with girls and often ended up becoming best friends with those he liked. Lorelei smiled and told Olivia she needed to encourage Alex to open up to the girl.
How stupid did she feel now—Alex had a lot of female friends. He was popular for his relaxed empathy with girls. How could she know Olivia referred to her?
She looked at where he rubbed his thumb across the back of her hand. She’d not noticed him take her hand—that’s how comfortable they were together. But his touch felt like something more.
Without speaking, she kept walking, mind in turmoil and hand still in Alex’s. They reached the steps to the building holding her flat and the easy-going atmosphere from earlier had been replaced by a tension new to them.
Lorelei turned to Alex and pulled her hand away. “Okay, I was brooding. I think we need to talk about what’s happening between us.”
“Agreed. What do you think is happening?”
“We’re getting closer, but I don’t know how you feel. Where this is going? What do you think is happening?”
Alex’s face was half-hidden by the evening, but his eyes shone. “You must know I like you more than just a friend. Seriously, how many times have I told you how amazing you are? How beautiful and kind and loving.” He sighed. “Sorry, that sounds over the top.”
She smiled ruefully. “A little. But you’re an incredible person and I feel something too, Alex. But I’m confused.”
“I'm confused too. I don't know what you want either, but I’d like to take this further." He reached out and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “If you want to give this a go?”
Her chest fluttered with butterflies as his fingers lingered on her cheek and his eyes captured her in the moment. Alex’s face moved towards hers and for a spilt-second she thought about kissing him. His warm breath touched her lips and her heart skipped as she almost took the step he wanted to take too.
Lorelei dipped her head and stepped backwards. “You're my best friend, and I’m scared I’ll lose you, if we try to become something more and I’m not enough for you. Do you understand that?”
He dragged his hands through his hair and sighed. “Sorry. I misread what you were asking me. I thought there was more happening between us.”
She blinked. “Alex, I feel more for you than just a friend, but I’m scared to get involved.” She took his hand and squeezed. “I understand if you don’t want to hang around
. I’m being unfair.”
Her relationship with Alex was becoming more, but her mind wouldn’t escape the past. Stupidly and pointlessly, Gabe still lived in her heart. She'd been in this situation once before with Jamie but that was different—they’d been younger, and Alex was a man, not a teenage boy.
She cared a lot—sometimes found herself wondering how his lips would feel on hers, how she could take the extra step and cuddle closer on the sofa. But there was a mental block, and she hated herself for it.
“We’re staying as friends?” Alex asked. “God, I feel stupid.”
“Don’t feel like that. I think I’m sending confusing signals. But if you can just be friends, I’d like that,” Lorelei replied cautiously.
Whatever more Alex wanted to say, he kept contained, while Lorelei uncomfortably waited for his goodbye.
Alex scratched an eyebrow. “I need to think about this.”
Lorelei’s stomach lurched and the butterflies disappeared. She couldn’t lose him—one of the most important people in her life. But all she managed to say was, “Okay.”
The hurt Alex felt radiated towards her, and he dug his hands into his pockets. “I guess we needed this conversation, and it’s probably good we had it now. Before things...” He waved a hand. “Yeah. I’ll call you soon, Lorelei.”
A lump formed in her throat. “Okay,” she whispered again.
She willed him to take touch her again, smile, anything to show she hadn’t broken everything between them. Instead he nodded at her. “At least your home safe.”
“Right.”
Where were her words? Why couldn’t she communicate how she felt properly? Her silence made things worse, and the awkwardness grew.
With a stiff goodnight—and another promise to call her she doubted would happen—Alex walked away. She watched him go, almost calling him back to her. But what was the point? Why subject him to her confusion and screw around with his feelings any further?
Her obsession with those few days over the summer interfered more than Lorelei realised, stopping her fully returning to her world, preventing her moving into this life she'd dreamed of. A life with someone like Alex.
All the spells in the world couldn't erase her memories of the events. And at the very core of the memories was Gabe, constantly tugging at the corners of her mind. While he still existed in her head, could she have room for anyone else?
Chapter Twenty
She remained on the pavement outside her flat, and Lorelei grimaced as the northern English drizzle started again, as if to reinforce her mood. Did the rain ever stop here? She pushed through the front door, dripping onto the building's tiled hallway floor. Wiping wet hair from her eyes with one hand, Lorelei turned the key in the lock to her flat and walked in.
Ben.
Exactly who Lorelei didn’t want to see.
Ben was sprawled lengthways on the sofa, his heavy black boots across one of the arms, a beer can in hand. She glared at him, daring him to speak to her, something they did little recently. A slow smile crept across his face.
"Good evening, Lorelei."
Something about his tone wasn't right. The way he looked at her creepier than usual, as he appraised her with a lingering look.
"Where's Scarlet?" she asked sharply.
"I think she went out with some friends."
"Not you?" She shivered slightly, wanting to get out of her wet clothes.
"Nope, I'm staying home tonight." He sat up and leaned forward. "Where's Alex?"
"Not here."
"Aww, lover's tiff?"
"Don't start. I'm not in the mood."
Ben's eyes glistened. "Ah. Definitely a lover's tiff. Oh well, never mind, if we're both free we can sit and have some beers. Fancy a chat?"
"Why would I want to spend time with you? You know I don't like you and only tolerate you being here because you're Scarlet's boyfriend."
"Fine." He sank back into the chair, nursing his bottle of beer.
Shaking her head, Lorelei went to her bedroom. Ben was creepy, but she wasn't scared of him. He’d turned himself into a cliché—pale skin, emaciated figure, piercings—the whole package. Maybe Ben scared small children, but he didn't scare her. He annoyed her.
The conversation with Alex played over and over in her head like the worst kind of song on repeat. Why had she let herself fall into something that could never happen? At first, he’d seemed interested in more than friendship, but if she thought hard, she could see when they started drifting. Had he stuck with her as a supportive friend and not a potential lover?
Probably.
She’d no close friends, only Scarlet. Never really had. Alex was right—she and Scarlet were drifting too. Lorelei prided herself on her strength and determination to be her own person, what was wrong with that? She was happy, so why change?
Her studies were going well, and she was where she wanted to be. An image of Gabe's face ran across her mind, gone almost as quickly but it didn't stop her heart rate spiking. Her preoccupation with the summer needed to end. She needed to pull herself back to the real world. Now. The idea of losing Alex upset her, telling Lorelei everything she needed to know. She was still tied to the world she discovered in the summer.
Returning to the kitchen, she considered all this as she looked blankly at the microwave, cooking the two-minute noodles she didn't feel like eating. But she needed to stay in the kitchen or lounge; otherwise Ben would think he'd succeeded in annoying her out of her own space. He wouldn’t get the satisfaction of edging her from the flat.
Once the bowl of unappetising food cooked, she sat in one of the chairs in the lounge, pretending Ben wasn't there.
"Did he finally see you were using him?" asked Ben.
Lorelei ignored him.
"Did you tell him it was because you were waiting for someone else? A mysterious man with a hint of danger?"
Her fork stopped short of her mouth. "Like you, you mean?"
"Not me. Not this me anyway."
"Oh, so there's another you? Is he a polite, normal person?" She shoved noodles into her mouth.
"Not really. But I do have another person inside."
"Have you told Scarlet you're schizophrenic?" she snapped, not in the mood for a verbal sparring match with someone who didn't deserve the breath. She switched the television on, focusing on that instead.
Ben said nothing for a few minutes. "Why are you waiting for him?
"Waiting for who? Alex?"
"You know who I mean."
There was only one person Lorelei could think of, but Ben couldn't know who. She'd never told Scarlet. No-one could’ve told him.
"Are you sure there's not somewhere you'd rather be tonight?" she asked pointedly.
"Nope."
More silence followed, and Lorelei finished her noodles and went into the kitchen to wash her bowl.
"Lorelei." Ben's voice startled her, coming from over her shoulder. She turned to face him, ready to respond. "I told you, the serial killer will find you."
"What stupid game are you playing now?" she growled at him. "Go and try your weird humour elsewhere. There’s no serial killer unless you’re telling me it’s you?"
Ben edged closer, and Lorelei backed into the sink behind her. "Not me, no. Well, sort of. I don't know. It's all a bit confusing..."
Something about how he spoke unnerved her, skin tingling as if spiders crawled across her scalp.
"I'm not good at this am I?" He leaned towards her.
"Good at what?" Her bravado faded as the sink dug into her back.
"Being human." He wrinkled his nose in disgust. "Especially this specimen, I mean... Ugh."
Lorelei blinked. "Pardon? Are you schizophrenic?"
"For all your learning, I find your definition of schizophrenia a little off, Lorelei. Would delusional be a better word? I do wish they'd found me a better body to fit into. This one is pathetic."
"Ben, I think you need to sit down," she said slowly. Was this drug induced? "Wh
at have you taken tonight?"
"Nothing. Yet." His eyes were bright, no suggestion in them he might be high. They were completely focused, and he was as lucid as he ever got.
She gripped the edge of the sink behind her, and the prickling in her scalp spread down her neck.
No.
Not here. Not in her new normality, please.
"Okay, Ben, what's going on?" she said calmly. "Who are you?"
The teenage guy standing in front of her was Ben.
But he wasn't.
His eyes—they were a different colour. Instead of a muddy brown, they’d turned bright blue with dark circled irises.
She'd seen those eyes before.
Her worlds crashed together again.
"You're not Ben, are you? Who are you?"
Ben took a step forward and held a hand towards her face, and she reached to the counter behind her for something to use as a weapon.
"Who do you think I am?" he whispered and brushed her cheek softly with his fingertips.
The sensation flew through her face and into her body, jolting against her spine. An image of Caleb's face holding her against the wall outside the nightclub seared across her mind, and she choked on her breath. "Caleb. No. No way."
A mocking smile played at the corner of his mouth. "I'm sorry. I know you wanted it to be Gabe."
"How can you be here? They told me I was safe. You can't do anything to me.” The words tumbled out of her mouth as her mind tried to catch up with the situation.
"Sadly, I can't encourage you to leave with me. But I do need something from you."
"How did you find me? They told me.” He breath shortened. “They promised me I could have a normal life.”
"Finding you has been difficult. That was a nice touch by the Council—finding a spell to protect you. Well, they thought they had. My friends helped me look for you—the human ones, that is."
The room constricted around her. No. This couldn’t be happening.
Hidden (Her Immortal Guardians Book 1) Page 12