by Indiana Wake
“Yes, there’s always hope.” Grace chuckled.
“They were really cute though, Mama, weren’t they?” Katie said, straightening down her pretty blue check dress.
It was one of her favorites and she almost always wore it to church on Sundays. It was old enough that the fabric was nice and soft, but the white had stayed white and the blue had stayed blue, and it always looked so pretty with her long white petticoats.
Katie always made the effort with her appearance for church. It seemed to her to be the one place she’d be quite safe from the attentions of the more determined young men of the town. They were always much more reticent in God’s house and with her own daddy standing at her side, and so she always took the trouble to have her soft and wavy ash colored hair brushed to shine and neatly tied up with a ribbon in a full and somewhat lively ponytail.
As her ma and daddy continued to laugh about their grandchildren, Katie’s attention was drawn across the churchyard to the door. Her mouth fell open a little as she saw the man she had seen on the riverbank just days before.
She could see him more clearly now, given that he was so much closer, and his walk made him absolutely unmistakable.
He was making his way in through the door of the church, giving a brief nod to the Reverend as he did so. Katie could see that the Reverend wanted to have a few moments of conversation with him, but the man kept his head down and continued on his way, moving as fast as he could manage.
She turned back to her parents but realized that they hadn’t seen the man at all and so thought that she would keep her questions for later.
And she couldn’t help but think that the poor man had drawn enough attention already, for she could see that there was more than just herself staring after him.
Katie tried to imagine what it must feel like for him to be the object of such curiosity when all he wanted to do was attend the Sunday service. But surely, everywhere he went would be just the same, for people couldn’t help but wonder at such things.
Even the ones who meant no harm, people such as herself, must make life exhausting for a person who would give anything not to be stared at just for once.
And so, with a sense of guilt for having been one of those people, she slowly sauntered along the pathway through the churchyard.
Getting into the church and getting settled on the pew that Janet and Jimmy were already in was distracting enough to take her mind off it for a while. Kyle and Jane were already talking non-stop, excited to see Grandma and Grandpa and Aunt Katie.
“You know you have to be quiet now,” Katie said with a laugh. “You can’t be chattering your way through the Reverend’s sermon again this week.”
“It’s just such a long time, Aunt Katie. It’s too much to expect us to be quiet when the Reverend goes on and on and on.” Jane, at just four-years-old, held her palms out in front of her as if she couldn’t quite believe that everybody else didn’t feel the same way as she did about the Reverend’s lengthy sermons.
Her exclamation drew a titter of laughter from the people in close proximity in the pews to the front and behind them.
Janet lightly slapped her forehead with her hand and shook her head. She looked at Katie with humorous apprehension.
“You know, you mustn’t say things like that out loud,” Katie said, trying to help. “If the Reverend got to hear about it, I reckon it would hurt his feelings.”
“Oh,” Jane said with a shrug which suggested the idea of hurting somebody else’s feelings was a concept she hadn’t quite come to terms with yet.
All in all, the children behaved well throughout the service. They had chattered a little but had at least kept it to a whisper this time instead of the everyday loud voices they’d used the previous Sunday.
It wasn’t until they stood for the second hymn that Katie remembered the young man with the limp. As she sang the words she knew by heart, her mind drifted to the sight of him making his way in through the door of the church.
When he had stood for long enough to simply nod at the Reverend, he had looked like any other young man. He was straight-backed and tall, his shoulders broad and his muscles well developed.
He could be no more than his middle twenties, she was sure of that, and from what she had seen this time around, he was a very handsome man.
Instinctively, her eyes began to roam around the congregation, looking for him. She wanted to give her curiosity free rein while there was slim chance of the man knowing it. She wanted to look at him again, to see who he had chosen to sit with.
She knew, of course, that it was all none of her business, and yet she couldn’t help but be curious about the stranger she was sure she had never seen before. If he was new in town, she wondered where he’d come from and why he had chosen to live there.
And naturally, she wondered what had happened to him to make him walk with such a limp. Was he injured, or had he simply been born that way?
As her own questions tumbled about her mind, her eyes finally found him. He was easy to spot, standing just a little taller than the people around him in the pews on the opposite side of the aisle.
She could see that he was standing at the side of Mary and David Bryant, and she wondered if he knew them.
Mary Bryant was singing her head off, thoroughly enjoying the service and the hymns. But the man at her side seemed to be singing with less enthusiasm, occasionally peering down at the hymn book in his hands before looking up again and singing a few more lines.
Perhaps he didn’t have much to rejoice about, Katie thought sadly, or perhaps the ordeal of simply making his way into church with so many eyes upon him had left him somewhat subdued.
As she watched, the man stopped singing altogether and she could see him close the hymnbook and hold it in one hand down by his side. She peered at him with interest as his head slowly turned and his eyes fixed on hers.
From across the aisle, he had perceived her interest. But he did not look back at her with any interest of his own. Instead, he seemed a mixture of anger and dejection as he looked back at just one more person intent upon staring at him.
Katie’s mouth fell open and she felt her cheeks going red. She felt thoroughly ashamed of herself, although she knew she had meant no real harm. She had just been curious about the man, that was all, and she wanted more than anything to set down her hymn book and make her way to him there and then to explain that she was simply interested to know a little more about him.
But all she could do was stand and stare, unable to look away until he finally closed his eyes and slowly turned his head to face the front once more.
“Katie, you’re real quiet. What’s the matter?” Her mother said to her an hour or so later when they were back in the kitchen of the Lacey family home.
Katie was helping her mother peel and chop vegetables for dinner, but she was doing so in a lackluster fashion, as if it was truly a chore.
“Sorry, Mama,” Katie said, “do you know who that man was in church?”
“What man?”
“The man with the terrible limp,” Katie said quietly. She didn’t want her ma to think that she was no better than anybody else with a long nose that was shaped just right for poking into other people’s business. “He was standing with Mary and David Bryant. Or at least he was in the same pew, anyway.”
“Oh, no, he was with them,” Grace said with a nod. “Don’t you recognize him? He’s David’s younger brother. Arlen, I think.”
“I know the name,” Katie said, feeling a stab of recognition in hearing it. “Arlen Bryant.” she said to herself.
“He left town a few years ago. Maybe three,” Grace said and stopped peeling too as she peered across the kitchen thoughtfully. “Yes, I think it was three years ago. Maybe you’d never particularly crossed paths with him. You would only have been fifteen at the time and I don’t suppose you would have taken much notice of him and the rest of his family in church back then.” Grace shrugged. “And I must admit, I don’t know them
particularly well myself. I know Mary a little, but only because I’ve seen her in the diner with Connie now and again.”
“Connie Langdon knows everybody,” Katie said with a mischievous giggle.
“She sure does.”
“What happened to Arlen Bryant’s leg?”
“Well, Connie tells me that he was injured in the fighting.”
“What fighting? You mean he was in the war?”
“Yes, he’s been away fighting in the Civil War. He joined up with the First Oregon Cavalry, I think. It was quite a thing when he did, the whole town gave him a good send-off.”
“Why don’t I remember it?”
“Well, I suppose you were kind of in your own world, honey. You were always a quiet child, lost in your own interests. Kind of like you are now, honey.”
“So, he left here a fit and healthy young man with everybody patting him on the back and came back a wounded man subject to the stares of everyone who’s too awkward to make conversation with him,” Katie said, a little fiercely, knowing that she was quietly reserving the larger part of her disappointment for herself.
“I guess people are a little awkward, Katie. It’s not such an easy thing to know what to say to someone in Arlen’s position.”
“Not even the people who knew him?”
“Maybe it’s even harder for the people who knew him the best, Katie. I suppose they don’t like to ask questions.”
“But then his sacrifice goes unnoticed.”
“He’s still alive, Katie,” Grace said and resumed her peeling.
“Yes, but with a wound so bad he must have sacrificed some part of his future. I mean, he would have worked on the Bryant ranch before, wouldn’t he?”
“Yes, he worked there with his brother. It’s David’s ranch now, being the oldest; their daddy died a good long while ago.”
“But they worked together, the brothers?”
“Oh yes, as far as I know they are great friends. According to Connie, anyway.” She paused. “David is quite a bit older and I suppose he looked out for his little brother when their father passed away. Arlen was still living there when the time came that he joined up with the Army.”
“And is he still living there now?”
“I honestly don’t know, Katie.” Grace shook her head. “As I say, I only know Mary a little and I see her so rarely.”
“You could ask Connie, couldn’t you?” Katie said, and began to chop the vegetables her mother had already peeled. “The next time you see her, you could ask her all about them, couldn’t you? I’m sure Connie would know.”
“Yes, I could ask. But Connie, like me, would want to know why it is you’re so interested.” Grace laughed.
“I don’t know, I just feel for him, I suppose. I saw him a few days ago down by the river as I was riding along. He seemed so solitary, so intent on his own thoughts. And then he saw me, and he darted away as quickly as he could. I feel bad for disrupting him.”
“I suppose it will take a little time for him to settle back into civilian life, even if he only left it a few years ago. But I can’t imagine that you’ve upset him just by being there.”
“No, but perhaps I upset him today,” Katie said and remembered the look on his face as he’d turned to study her.
“How on earth did you upset him? In church?”
“Yes, I reckon I stared at him a little too long and he caught me at it.”
“Well, maybe he was flattered? A pretty young thing like you making a study of him.”
“The expression on his face was anything but flattered, Mama. He probably thought I was no different from the crowd who had stared at him as he tried to make his way into the church. I guess I want to tell him that I’m not like that, that it wasn’t just to satisfy my curiosity. I mean, even though it was, it wasn’t. Oh, I don’t know, I can’t explain it.”
“You don’t have to explain it, honey, I know what you’re talking about. You are curious but in a kind way. You have a big heart, Katie, and your curiosity is very different. It’s not idle, you just want to know that a young man in pain is managing in the world. There, I’m right, aren’t I?”
“You are absolutely right, Mama. I don’t think I could put it into words myself.”
“Well, I’m your ma. Who better to know what goes on in that precious heart of yours?”
“I wish I could speak to him.”
“Well, there’s nothing to stop you from speaking to him. Maybe next Sunday in church you can make your way up and say hello. That would be a good start, wouldn’t it?”
“Yes, it would. Thank you, Mama,” Katie said and fell silent again, drifting off into her own little world as she always did.
Only this time, her world was filled with wondering if she truly would have the courage to approach Arlen at all.
Chapter 3
Arlen sat on the edge of his bed feeling groggy after yet another night without much sleep. It had been the same ever since he had returned home; he still felt like a man out of place.
But the war had never truly been his place either, however much he had believed in it. And the things that had been important to him, the very things he had fought for, had not changed one iota. He still wished that war had not been necessary, although he had never been able to see a way around it. The two sides were so entrenched, and the freedom of so many people rested on the outcome.
Arlen had imagined that there would be a great sense of relief in returning to the ranch that had been his home all his life. But even as he’d awkwardly climbed out of the wagon after his brother had picked him up from the stagecoach, Arlen had felt like a stranger.
Nothing had changed, not one blade of grass looked different. The vast ranch which had been in the Bryant family for generations was much as it ever was.
And yet it was different. Or more likely, he was different. Either way, he felt like a square peg in a round hole.
Arlen washed himself with cold water from the jug, looking down at his body as he did so. Everything about him was the same, his strong body always a source of quiet pride to him in his youth. But then his eyes strayed to his right leg and the devastation which had been wrought in the explosion.
At the time, he had thanked God that he had not lost his life when so many of the men around him had been killed. And then, just days later, he had suffered the guilt of survival, wondering why it was he had been spared when his brothers in arms had not.
Now that he was home again, he wished for all the world that he could have come back whole.
In the worst of battles, thoughts of returning to the ranch to ride side-by-side with his brother had kept him going.
But now he wondered if he would ever be able to ride a horse again.
By the time he was dressed, the sun was full up and he slowly made his way through the large ranch house to the kitchen. He found Mary there, as she was every morning, welcoming him to the new day with a bright smile.
“Good morning, Arlen,” she said happily, “sit yourself down and I’ll fix you some bacon and eggs.”
“Thank you, Mary,” he said and sat awkwardly down at the kitchen table.
“You don’t look like you slept any better,” she said as she set about laying thick slices of bacon into the skillet.
“No, I guess not,” he said quietly.
Arlen had always felt comfortable with Mary and was pleased that at least that hadn’t changed in the time he’d been away. His brother, David, at thirty-six was a decade older than Arlen, and Mary had been a fixture in their lives for twenty years, since Arlen was a little boy.
She had always felt like a big sister to him, even a young ma, and she had provided more comfort than anybody on his return home.
“I reckon it’ll take a little time, Arlen. You’ve been away for three years and I truly dread to think of what you’ve seen and suffered. I suppose none of it makes for a good night’s sleep, even in the most comfortable bed.”
“No, it doesn’t. But life goes
on, as they say.”
“I know that’s what they say. Sometimes I wonder if such phrases are born out of other folks’ awkwardness. It’s easier for them to say that life goes on than to contemplate the changes.”
“Funny, because David has said it to me more than once.” He laughed mirthlessly.
“Now, you know he’s not much of a talker, Arlen. Go easy on him, he’ll get there.” Mary poured him some coffee from the pot and set it down in front of him. “He never did know what to say, but I know what’s in his heart. It sure has given him pain to see you so hurt, and that’s the truth. And I know you’re being away at war cost him his sleep more than once, however proud of you he was.”
“I know, he’s a good man. I just reckon that we get along better when everything is just fine, you know?” He let out a great sigh. “If only I wasn’t as busted up as I am. I’d give anything to be out there with him now on the ranch, the two of us on horseback laughing and joking and setting the ranch hands to work. I used to love the life, you know?”
“I know, and maybe you’ll get right back to it one day. Have a little faith in Doc Brown; if there’s any extra healing to be done, he’ll find a way for you to do it.”
“You know, Doc Brown hasn’t changed a bit since I was a boy,” Arlen said, changing the subject a little. “It’s like he was always an old man with that wiry grey hair and big old eyebrows.”
“I don’t reckon he’d be too pleased to hear you say that,” Mary said and laughed.
“Well, while my health is in his hands, I reckon I’ll keep my mouth shut.” Arlen laughed too and felt it lifting his spirits as it always did.
The Bryant family ranch had always been a place of warmth and laughter and he wanted more than anything to get that feeling back again.
“Did he say what the chances of recovering are? I mean, I know the injury isn’t going to miraculously disappear, but does Doc Brown think that it might improve?” Mary asked, matter-of-factly, as she turned the bacon in the pan.