by Calinda B
She slapped his hand away, the powder falling like a tiny cloud, landing softly on her lap and the whiskey bottle. “What is wrong with you? Why are you doing this?”
“Because you hurt me, that’s why. You took off with Billy O’Reilly and a shitload of god knows what humming in your system. Do you even know what you’re doing?”
“Maybe.”
“I’ll bet not. I’ll bet you’re a virgin when it comes to drugs.”
Fire sparked in her gaze. “And you’re just the guy who can help me. Jasmine told me you’re an old pro at helping women through their first high.”
“Damn straight I am. We’ve already covered this topic.”
“Give me some of that shit.” She seized the little bag of cocaine. “Help me out, stud. Show me the ropes.” Her hands shook as she poured some of the powder on her hand in the same place Jace had. “How am I doing? Am I getting this right? Am I fun enough for you now? Wild enough?”
“What the hell, Zoé? I thought you were already perfect.” Jace’s mind tried to sort what she was saying.
She closed one nostril with her fingertip and bent her head down to her hand.
“If that blow goes up your nose, I’m going to break your goddamn windshield, then, I’m going to get on my bike and leave you here, with all of this shit as your friends. Because I sure won’t be one of them. You’ve already done the one thing in this fucked-up world that could break my heart. This runs a close second.” He spoke in a cold, menacing voice.
“You were testing me?” she said, incredulous. Her face drained of color as blood thumped through the veins in her elegant, beautiful neck. She slowly lowered her hand, then opened the door and brushed the powder onto the asphalt with her free hand. She pulled the bottle free and laid it behind her seat. “What did I do?” she whispered.
“You fucked Billy. You promised me exclusive rights and you fucked Billy O’Reilly.”
Her head began to shake back and forth, tears pouring from her eyes. “I didn’t fuck him. I didn’t. I swear to God, I didn’t. We smoked a joint when I got there. Then I was too drunk or high or whatever the hell I was. He told me to go sleep it off.”
Jace eyed her, wondering if he could believe his ears. “What about the smack? There were empty syringes on the dresser.”
“It wasn’t me! I would never do that! I saw that when I stumbled in the bedroom. I would never use that shit, Jace, never!”
“So why the blow, then? Why’d you snort cocaine? Zoé, the last thing I’d want is to date another user.” He dragged his hand through his hair.
“I got scared, all right? I listened to Jasmine and I got scared. I thought…” She shook her head. “I don’t know what I thought. I wanted to hurt you. I wanted to prove to you I could be fun and let go. I’ve got a bad track record with men. Men lie to me. They tell me they love me but they’re lying, giving their hearts to someone else.”
Jace searched his mind for comforting words. “Sweetheart, that’s not me. I’m not doing that. I promise.”
“I’m such an idiot! I hate drugs! My brother died of a heroin overdose,” she wailed.
Her sobs clawed and tore at his heart. He blinked back his own tears, his lungs heaving. “He what?”
“My brother died when he was nineteen! Denis overdosed on heroine. Now I don’t have a brother or a family anymore. He’s been replaced by a drug loss memory and my family’s been replaced with people I don’t even like! I can’t even remember my talented, beautiful brother without thinking of drugs.” She shook as she spoke.
“I’m…I’m sorry, baby. I had no idea.”
“That’s because you never asked.”
He let out a dry chuckle. “That’s not at the top of my list for getting to know a girl. ‘Hey, so, you know someone who OD’d? Because I sure do.’”
Her face reddened. “That’s not my point. I would have told you. I would have told you anything you wanted to know. Denis didn’t talk to us and look what happened. You don’t trust me to deal with the truth. You tell me nothing. It’s the same thing Billy did. And a guy named Jack before him. I fall in love. I give them safety. Meanwhile, they lie to me and tell me nothing, same as you.” She spat out the last sentence like venom before turning away from him, staring at space once more.
“I’m not lying,” Jace said. More like omitting everything.
“Prove it.”
Jace clenched his jaw, not inclined to prove anything. “So, why’d you get high tonight?” So many feelings pushed through him he thought he was going to explode.
“I don’t know,” she sobbed. “I’ve gone crazy with you. You’ve changed me. You’ve affected me in ways I never dreamed possible. All I wanted to do was numb you out of my mind. I wanted to forget I ever met you.”
“But, why, baby? We were having such a good night.”
“Because,” she said, hiccupping through her tears. “B-b-because Jasmine and Simone said you’re a sex god and you have a reputation and you’ve done everything and you had sex with Kate two days ago. It’s the same as with Billy. And the guy before him. I had to give you rights and you didn’t give me anything!”
She cried out the last part, tears and spittle spraying from her mouth.
“Zoé, please don’t cry. I gave you rights, too. How could I have had sex with Kate? Why would I want to? All I can manage is dealing with my sister’s shit, going to work, and dealing with Billy’s bullshit, and seeing you when I can.”
She brought her beautiful brown eyes up to meet his and gave him such a tormented, tender gaze he thought he’d die. “You have a sister?”
He took a long, deep breath. Here goes. “Yes, she’s my twin.”
“What’s her name?”
“Jayna. Her name is Jayna.”
“It’s a pretty name.”
“She’s a pretty girl. Or, she used to be.”
“What happened?” Zoé gazed out the window like she’d like to be outside, away from him.
“Drugs. She’s an addict.”
“Of course she is,” she said in a flat-lined voice. She swallowed and blinked back tears. “Tell me more about your ‘used to be pretty’ sister and the trouble you got in. Wait. Let’s start with your past. Did you have a wonderful childhood marred by tragedy, like I did?”
Jace tried hard to contain all the feelings trying to escape. “Not really. My sister and I were raised by a couple of zealous, Bible thumping Christians.”
Zoé slowly nodded.
“Mom and Dad always prayed for our souls, preaching the ways of their wrathful god. I wanted nothing to do with a god who took glee over the suffering of others. I also wanted nothing to do with the belt they used to drive home their points about mercy.”
She turned to look at him, her face soft, finally displaying something other than well-deserved rage toward him. “Your parents beat you?”
“Yeah, both me and my sister, but don’t bother feeling sorry for me. I hate pity.”
“I don’t feel sorry for you. This is compassion. I can’t imagine anyone harming you.”
This time he had to look away. “Yeah, well, shit happens. Anyway, I took off at age sixteen and came west. Found my Aunt Molly and she took me in. My sister soon followed and we had a couple of years surrounded by warmth and kindness. I was already wild, getting into fights, skipping school a lot. I’m smart but my grades suffered. I was messed up, self-destructive, you name it. I played hard. Almost killed myself with my recklessness a couple of times. I finally dropped out of school, got my GED, and went to work for Neil. My sister was tragic. She started using, big time. I only dabbled. She’s been to rehab more times than I can count.”
“Oh, Jace, I’m so sorry.”
He ran his hand through his hair.
“Yeah. Me, too. I didn’t want to tell you all this shit. I wanted to resolve it. I worried you’d see me as a fuck-up loser. I worried Marni would get attached to you if she met you. The same way I am. She’s just a little kid, you know? I got freaked
out you were leaving me tonight. Imagine how she’d feel if she met you, got attached, and then her mom came back?”
She smiled at him in a way that made his insides feel strange and mushy.
His mouth began to work back and forth as he contemplated telling her the next piece. “I went to high school with Billy. It was part of his dad’s effort to ‘normalize’ his kid.” He laughed, bitterly. “Normalize a psychopath. Right.” He shook his head. “He was already a wealthy prick. He was always attracted to my sister but he kept seducing whoever he could get his hands on, so she never pursued it. Then he started dating my sister a couple of years ago. Knocked her up then left her when he found out. Tosses her a few dollars now and then. She puts them in her arm.”
He made a gesture like he was giving himself a shot with a needle.
“Did she keep the pregnancy?”
“Yep.” His face softened as he thought of Marni. “She’s a beautiful little girl. She’s winding her way into my heart. Kind of like you.”
She narrowed her eyes at him. She cocked her head, studying him for a few seconds, as if he were speaking gibberish. “Billy’s sick genes are floating around in your family.”
“Yep.” Jace’s stomach coiled in knots. “Makes me violent inside.”
She stilled, seeming to contemplate her next words. “What’s the trouble you and your sister got into that Billy plans on using against you in court?”
“He won’t get away with it. He’s just bluffing and boasting, Billy-style.” He cocked his head and assessed her response to what he was saying. She seems to be taking this in okay.
“What is it? Tell me.”
“I was furious when he knocked her up. I broke into one of his love shacks and did some damage. Stole some shit. It was stupid but I was pissed. I was never caught —I’ve always been lucky that way but he knows who did it.” A bitter laugh escaped his lips. “I wrecked his pride and joy pleasure room. Destroyed it. I used to listen to him boast about the kind of nasty shit he did to women in there and pictured him doing that to my sister. I broke every sex toy, every piece of equipment he had. Ropes, swings, paddles, whips, blindfolds, nipple clamps, ball gags, dildos, cock rings —you name it, he had it. Don’t get me wrong. Sex toys can be fun, but not when wielded by a psychopath.”
He could have done that kind of shit to Zoé tonight.
His eyes closed and he willed himself to keep it together. “I piled it in the middle of the room, poured gasoline over it, and boom!” He splayed his fingers in front of his face. “Then I beat a hasty retreat, covering my tracks, making sure I left no traces of me for the cops to find.”
“Jesus, Jace, you are a wild thing. I’m in bed with a criminal.”
“You’re only a criminal if you get caught.” He smiled coldly.
“Is this something you’ll do again? Are you prone to criminal acts?”
“No!” he said. “I told you, I was pissed at Billy. I tried legal means to get to him but he’s got a wall of money at his disposal. The dude could get away with murder if he wanted. It was a last resort, angry as hell move on my part. I won’t be doing shit like that again. Just because you got lucky once, doesn’t mean you’ll get lucky again.”
He stopped speaking, letting the silence fill the car. Zoé stared at her lap, as if contemplating everything he had told her.
Finally, Jace said, “I told you Kate was an addict. Besides all her other drug shenanigans, ending up in the arrest, she also got hooked on some prescription drugs I had when I injured myself.”
“What did you do?” Zoé asked softly.
“I got in a motorcycle accident. Totaled my bike. She got strung out on my drugs and begged me to keep getting them for her, when I no longer needed them. When we finally broke up for the last time we did a ceremony up on Hurricane Ridge in the Olympic Peninsula. I told her I was through with her. I promised I’d do everything in my power to leave her and the lifestyle she lived. That’s when I got this.” He gestured to his tattoo. “It represents getting away from Kate Bethlehem and the lifestyle she personified. But then I slipped up, doing drugs on the yacht, much like you used tonight. I wanted to numb the pain. I used this tattoo as my touchstone and cleaned up my act. It was the hardest thing I’d ever done. Now it seems like child’s play. But this shows you the kind of determination I have.” He stroked his forearm absentmindedly with his fingers. “It’s the same determination that will see this through.”
He flipped his fingers between him and Zoé.
She nodded.
“I want you. I won’t let you go.” He said the words with absolute certainty.
Zoé shivered and looked away.
“Anyway, back to my sister. She overdosed a few weeks ago. I found her, at her house, lying on the floor, Marni — that’s her little girl — screaming by her side. I thought my sis was dead, the same way I thought you were dead when I found you tonight.” He gazed at Zoé, his eyes moist with goddamn tears. “We got her to the hospital, got her stomach pumped, then she took off. No one knows where she is.”
“Oh, dear God, Jace!” Zoé’s hand flew to her mouth. She pried it away and said, “Who’s got the baby?”
Jace looked away from her, pressing his lips tight.
“Is she…is the child all right?”
Jace lifted his head to her and despised himself, shrinking back from the bewilderment in her eyes. She thinks I can’t take care of a child. She’s right. He bit his lip.
“You’re taking care of your sister’s child?” She gaped at him.
“She deserves better. She’s a good girl. But, yes.”
“Oh, Jace!” Tears streamed down her face.
“Please don’t cry,” Jace pleaded. “It’s hard enough telling you this shit. I think I’ll lose it if you keep crying.”
“I can’t help it,” Zoé said. “Why didn’t you tell me this before?” She wiped her face with her knuckles.
Jace wanted to suck the tears from her cheeks, to hold her, soothe her, but he stayed still. “Be real. What would you have done if I’d have laid this pile of shit at your feet when we started getting together? You’d have run like hell.”
“No, I wouldn’t,” she said defensively.
“I don’t believe you,” Jace said coldly. “You proved yourself tonight.”
They both fell silent again, watching each other like distant strangers across a vast chasm.
Zoé broke the silence, saying, “Thank you for telling me. So that’s why you didn’t want me to call you when you’re at home, or come over for that matter.”
“Right. I wanted to keep you out of my trouble, to keep you safe on your side of the pond. I’d hoped my sister would show up and assume responsibility. I didn’t want to drag you through my shit. I wanted to protect you, clean up my many messes, and show up for you as a stand-up guy.”
She chuckled. “Like that could happen, you keeping me out of trouble. Your kind of trouble has been seeking me out since day one.”
He smirked. “Yeah. I guess so.” He blew out his breath. “I’ve been running ragged for weeks, trying to keep it together, do my job, take care of a toddler which I have no experience in, I have to say. But shit keeps piling on top of shit, what with this latest Billy escapade. Still, I don’t know what I would have done if I hadn’t met you.”
“Oh, baby,” Zoé said in her soft, sweet voice. She reached out and took his hand in hers.
He brought it to his lips and kissed it. “You move me, Zoé. You stir something in me I’ve never felt before. It’s electric times a thousand.”
He gazed at her fiercely.
She shifted, licked her lips, and swallowed.
Good. My Zoé’s back.
“I feel the same way.”
“I know you do. Don’t run from it. Don’t run from me.” He brought her hand to his erection. “See what you do to me, baby? I loved Kate, true enough. But what I felt for her was nothing compared to what I feel for you.”
She focused her warm bro
wn eyes on his, stirring his insides into hard, tempestuous want.
“Are we done talking about this shit?” he asked.
“Yes. We’re done.”
“Good. Because I want to bury myself deep inside you and forget we ever had this conversation.”
“I don’t. I’m glad we had it. It makes me love you even more.”
His chest ached like he’d been battered with a two by four, bombarded by emotions struggling to escape. He stared at her, his breath chuffing from his lungs. “Are you for real? How can you say that?”
“It’s true. You let me in. That’s what matters to me. I’m big enough to deal with your troubles as long as you include me.”
He took a deep, shuddering breath. “Yeah, okay. I do feel better having told you. But I’m done talking. I have better things to do with my time.”
“Such as?” She tipped her head to the side and smiled sweetly at him.
His cock strained against his jeans, begging to be let out. “Next chapter in Jace Savage’s Art of Seduction, baby. Let me love you with all my heart.” This time he said the L-word with no hesitation at all. But what about the next time…and the next? He couldn’t fool himself into thinking he had anything mastered. This was only a start.
Chapter 24
Zoé
“The Jace Savage Art of Seduction, huh,” Zoé said, her core already starting to sizzle. Her gaze flitted toward the clock on the dash. “4:15 in the morning. What do you have in mind?” she asked. The purring in her blood stream seemed to replace her stupid high.
“I know a place,” he said, a slow smile spreading on his face.
“Of course you do. You have this whole region mapped out for your pleasure.” She rolled her eyes.
“Our pleasure, you mean.”
She shuddered as his dark, emerald gaze lazily explored her face, dipping down to linger on her shoulders and breasts.
“Where do we do it? Where do I get to be seduced?”