by Lindsey Hart
It’s the thought that counts. As long as they’re not half raw. Or burnt. I know all about your culinary skills.
Alix let out a huff.
If I fudge them up, I’ll stop at a bakery on my way and buy some real cupcakes.
Her phone went silent for a few minutes. It dinged when she was scooping out ice cream into the blender.
God damn cold and flu season. I feel like my throat is scratchy. You know we shouldn’t be making mom sick right now when her immune system sucks ass. If I’m coming down with something, I’ll text you. I’m going to have to get out of here for a few days.
She’d wondered why Ross still lived at home at all if he had a butt load of money. Sometimes she forgot that the boy she grew up with was now super rich. Rich beyond anything his parents would ever even have. Rich beyond anything she was capable of adding up in her head, or probably even on paper. When she got back home, she’d almost made fun of him for still living at home, which would have been glaringly hypocritical, given that she did too. She didn’t have a billion dollars though.
Now she knew why. She knew why Ross was still there. Why he’d chosen to spend as much time as possible with his family after the last cancer scare. Probably to help Evelyn out more than anything.
Don’t go check into a hotel. Come stay here.
She stared at the words she’d just written. She wished she could steal them back, but she wasn’t tech savvy enough to figure out how to do that, then the little read message appeared at the bottom. Dots flashed across the screen. Disappeared. Flashed again. Disappeared.
Okay.
That’s all it said. Just one word. Okay. She forced herself not to read into it. Ross was busy at the hospital at that very moment with Evelyn. He didn’t have time to write her a novel. Besides, it was a friendly invitation. He’d practically lived at their house the same way she and Chance viewed the Rivers’s house as a second home.
Her phone dinged unexpectedly, when she was slurping back what was possibly the world’s worst smoothie.
Scratch the cupcakes. Mom just felt my forehead in the parking lot and told me I’m definitely warm. Staring to feel like shit too. Achy and stuff. She doesn’t want me to leave, but I don’t want to make her sick. She’s too tired to argue with me at the moment. I’m putting her in a cab and coming over. Dad’s coming home from work to be there with her in case she needs anything.
It was the longest message he’d ever sent her. Her stomach tightened. She’d seen Ross sick a bunch of times growing up. One time, he’d literally thrown up all over their kitchen table in the middle of breakfast. She’d been so grossed out she couldn’t even sit at the table for weeks after without thinking about it.
Now, as she dumped the disgusting smoothie down the drain- she was pretty sure the pineapple was indeed rancid- she smiled at the memory.
Her smile faded as she realized Ross was on his way over. They’d have to come up with a reason he was staying at their house. Her parents were gone for a few days at a show, but it might be harder to sell the idea to Chance. He was nosy at the best of times.
She rummaged around the kitchen, checking the cupboards for chicken soup and Vitamin C. She and Ross had been to the hospital so much it was amazing that neither of them had come down with anything before.
It was another half hour by the time the doorbell rang. She felt weird, walking to the door, letting Ross in. He usually just walked right in and didn’t bother to knock. When she pulled open the door, she found him leaning against the house where the garage jutted out, like he needed it to hold himself upright. He had on his usual faded jeans that hung so low on his hips they were sinful, and a black t-shirt with a band logo plastered across the front that was soft looking, loose fitting enough to be casual, but still tight enough to outline his incredibly streamlined form just right.
He had an arm thrown up against the siding and the muscles in it bulged, even from the underside. His skin was always a darker hue than hers was, but it looked a shade lighter than the normal dark bronze. He hadn’t been out in the sun much. Then again, neither had she.
“You going to let me in or is there a secret password that I’m supposed to know?”
Her eyes flew to Ross’s face and she swayed back, but caught herself and tried to feign friendly indifference, whatever that actually looked like. She wouldn’t know. She’d never been indifferent to Ross Rivers in her life.
His cobalt eyes were red-rimmed and bloodshot, his dark hair mussed all over. His skin was paler than normal, but his cheeks were flushed, like he’d sat out in the heat for hours and hours without reprieve. A sheen of sweat beaded his forehead. There were dark smudges under his eyes and his pillow soft pink lips- lips that really had no right to belong on a guy- were flattened into a thin, lifeless line. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d heard him make a joke or laugh or even smile.
“Hopefully you feel better than you look because you look like shit.”
Ross grunted, but he didn’t smirk and give her grief with some witty comeback like he would have in the past.
“Just tired,” he admitted, and god, he sounded like it. He glanced behind her, down the hall. “You sure this is okay? Chance here?”
“No. I have no idea where he is. Off with one of the many members of his harem.”
Ross’s lips curled at the corners. “I wouldn’t know anything about that.” He looked even sadder when he said it. Exhausted. He didn’t have time to catch up with Chance at the moment. He’d been blowing him off most of the time, something that pissed Chance off, but he found ways to cope all on his own.
Alix’s heart did the usual ache, swell, beat at her ribs furiously dance whenever she was around Ross. Over the summer, he really had become what she’d consider a friend. Her friend. She’d call herself his too. That gap they’d never been able to surmount growing up was bridged by disease, heartbreak and necessity.
Alix closed the door behind Ross and leaned against it for support. They were alone. Together. Him. Her. He smelled good, even if he was tired, maybe even sick. He might look like shit, but he was still the most gorgeous man she’d ever seen.
She gave her head a shake. “Do you want a bath? A shower? I can make sure the guest bedroom is made up. The sheets on there are probably a year old. I can’t remember someone ever coming to stay over. I’ll find fresh ones.”
“Do I stink?” Ross lifted his arm and literally sniffed at himself.
“No! Why would you say that?”
“I just got here and the first thing you’re trying to do is hustle me into the shower. That must be code for me stinking like roadkill in the sun.”
“That’s a disgusting analogy. Please don’t talk about roadkill. I hate that.”
“I forgot you’re sensitive.” Ross lowers his arm.
“I just thought it might feel nice. I like a long relaxing bath once in a while.”
“Do you have unicorn bath bombs that make the water all glittery and marshmallow scented and a plate of cheese and crackers too?”
“I’m not sure what kind of baths you’re taking, but I may want in on this,” she deadpanned.
Total. Silence. Total, static, radio silence filled up the house. Ross stared at her. She stared at him because she was too embarrassed to look away.
“I- I didn’t mean- not like- not like that,” she clarified. “Are you sure you’re coming down with something? Maybe you’re just tired. You don’t look like you’ve been sleeping well.”
Maybe they weren’t exactly good friends, because she’d been so busy worrying about Evelyn like everyone else had, that she’d pretty much forgotten to ask about him at all. Of course, he wasn’t okay. She didn’t even bother with that. Of course, nothing was fine, not when your mom might be dying. Not when she was suffering from the side effects of chemo and radiation. Not when you were helpless to do anything about it.
Ross shrugged. He ran a hand through his hair like he often did and ended by scrubbing it over his face. The s
tubble on his jawline made a hissing sound that echoed the sigh that ripped from the bottom of his chest. Her heart did that simmer, stutter step that she was used to where Ross was concerned.
“Nope. You’re right. I haven’t. I can’t remember the last time I got anything more than a nap here and there. I don’t want to- I- I was just… mom didn’t sleep well either. She was always up. We’d watch movies. Sometimes just sit there together in silence. Sometimes we’d talk. Sometimes I’d be able to get her to eat something or have a cup of tea. I hate tea. I’d drown the whole thing though, just so she’d have a sip right along with me.”
“I know it’s been hard,” Alix breathed. “Today was good news though, wasn’t it?”
She expected Ross to break into a smile and giddy laughter, but his face remained neutral. Guarded. Careful. He’d never been a serious person before, but the summer had re-shaped him. Remodeled him into the version of him she thought she’d always like better. It was painful to find that she didn’t. She didn’t at all. She’d much rather be with the Ross who poked fun at her, who once cut off one of her braids just because Chance had cut off the other. Who bugged her unmercifully. Who was vile and sometimes vulgar, who made her the brunt of jokes. She missed that Ross, the Ross who gave Chance a run for his money where being an annoying, asshole big brother was concerned.
“I hope so.” Ross scrubbed at his face again and when he pulled his hand away, he looked even more exhausted. “I just- it came back once before. She’s not out of the woods yet. I feel like cancer is like what they say about addictions. It’s always there, even when you’re not drinking or whatever.”
“She’ll have to go for regular checks all the time?”
“Yeah. Her life isn’t ever going to be the same. It wasn’t after last time either. That’s why they were able to diagnose this so fast. If it was anyone else, they probably would have passed it off as something else and sent her home and told her to take some OTC medication and some chicken noodle soup.”
Alix winced. She had her vitamins and the can of soup sitting on the kitchen counter at the moment. It felt silly now. All of it. She had no idea why she’d ever told Ross to come over.
“I- well- if you want to shower… if not, I’ll make up the guest bed. You can sleep for as long as you want here. You look like you need it. No, you do need it.”
“Thanks. You’re making me think I should sniff myself again.”
“Did you ever think that your mom sent you over here so you’d get out of the house and have a break for an afternoon, not because you’re really fevered or sick?”
“I sent myself over here. She was protesting the whole time.”
“My guess is that she gave in pretty quickly without too much of the whole normal motherly protesting that she would have done.” Alix stepped closer before she knew what she was doing. She reached up and swept her hand over Ross’s forehead. Her knuckles came away warm, but not overly hot. “You said she said that you were burning up?”
“Something like that…” His voice was off. Strained. There was something in it that she’d never heard before. It made her lungs burn and her breath felt like a wrecking ball in her throat.
“I think she wanted you to go have a day for yourself. She’s your mom. All she has to do is look at you to see that you’re not holding up well. Even a good night’s rest would probably satisfy.”
Ross huffed out another ragged sigh. “You’re right.” He glanced around the small entrance to the house, like he felt out of place for the first time in his life there. Like he didn’t quite know what to do with himself. Or her. Or any of it. “So- the unicorn bath bombs? Do you have any?”
“No.” Alix let out a gasp of laughter, and even that felt good in the suddenly strained, charged silence. “I do have the regular kind though. Just purple fizzy ones. They smell like lavender.”
“What the hell is that? Who would want to smell like a dog?”
“A dog? You think lavender is a breed of dog?” This time the laughter, when it came, bubbled up and exploded from her throat. “It’s a flower, you dork.”
“Well, how should I know?”
“You’re a billionaire now, Ross.”
He almost grimaced. “What does that have to do with it? It’s not like my tastes became magically high class overnight. I took a gamble on stocks. It paid off. It doesn’t change who I am and that I don’t go around sniffing flowers or dogs and I’ve never purchased women’s perfume or any type of bath product in my life.”
“Right. Well, okay. I’ll get the bath set up, the sheets changed, and I’ll bake those cupcakes. Because you look like you could use one. I’ll give you the spa day that most women could only dream of.”
Ross couldn’t help himself. He grinned and it was the old, smirking, beautiful grin that she knew and remembered and loved so much because it belonged to him. She let out a sigh of relief. She hadn’t realized how much she’d missed seeing it, but it was like the sun coming out to shine on her after days and days and days of endless rain.
“If Chance was here, he’d tell me to hand over my man card and then he’d probably ask me to drop ‘em so he could see if my balls were still there.”
“I don’t doubt it.” Don’t think about him dropping his pants. Don’t think about his balls.
Alix liked their truce. She liked their friendship, even if it was tenuous and formed from necessity. She didn’t want to regress back to where they were before, barely civil to each other. She didn’t want to do anything or even think anything that could jeopardize what they were able to share at the moment.
“Alright. Honestly, I am tired. I’m exhausted. I feel tired right down to my bones, if that’s even possible. I feel like I could sleep for a week straight, so I’ll accept your bath and your clean sheets and your terrible baking if it means I can have a few hours. If you end up poisoning me, I guess I’ll get a trip to the hospital and I can rest there too, so it’s a win-win.”
“Hey! My baking isn’t terrible!”
“Remember the fall fair you thought you could enter when you were in grade eight? Chance and I were in grade twelve. You almost set the house on fire. Seriously. Your parents had to buy a new oven. Theirs was so destroyed. We ended up helping you bake a new cake on a new stove and the only reason you got fifth and not kicked out of the state for trying to kill those judges with your witch’s brew concoction was because we helped.”
She stuck out her bottom lip in a pout. “That’s not true! First of all, the oven was shitty and instead of baking at like four hundred it was more like double that, so the fire thing wasn’t my fault. Third, I was just following a recipe I found online, so I wouldn’t have been responsible for killing anyone. And you didn’t help me that much. Chance just acted like an ass the whole time and you stirred and measured things here and there. That’s not the whole cake.”
“I was the one that told you a pinch of salt doesn’t mean a whole handful.”
“I’m going to run that bath now,” Alix muttered.
She stormed off in the direction of the bathroom, leaving Ross standing there, laughing about the stupid cake fiasco. She wasn’t really mad. She wasn’t actually even annoyed. Hearing him laugh, that deep, fully belly laugh for the first time in what felt like years, was just about the sweetest sound in the world.
CHAPTER 11
Ross
It took months for him to pull his head out of his ass. Okay, maybe years. Maybe not. He couldn’t really decide where the line was.
He wasn’t one for deep introspection or even getting in touch with his feelings. He didn’t go on spiritual retreats and when he worked out, he hit the gym hard. No yoga or meditation for him. Maybe he needed it. Maybe he’d take it up in the future. He could see the benefits of it. At the moment though, he wasn’t that in touch with his inner goddess. Case in point, he really did think lavender might be some fancy new breed of dog.
Okay, he’d just said that to make Alix laugh. He didn’t like her standing th
ere, all awkward and uncertain, when he was sure they were past that. He wanted to see her smile. He wanted to hear her laugh. The past months had been downright damn depressing and she’d been there every single step of the way.
That night on the tower changed how he saw her. She wasn’t just the kid sister he liked to bug. The pesky, annoying little brat that he had to watch out for. She was a woman. A grown woman. A beautiful woman. A sexy, gorgeous, vital woman with an incredible soul. Kindness and compassion bubbled out of her. She’d put her life on hold, finding a job, moving out of her parent’s house, so she could be there for him and his family. He wouldn’t have asked her. He’d even tried to drive her away a couple of times in those first few weeks, but she wasn’t having any of it.
Little Alix Bear wasn’t so little anymore. She wasn’t little at all.
The past few months he’d been so focused on his mom that he hadn’t thought about much else. Except for Alix. He’d pretty much forgotten what it felt like to actually be a part of the world and function in it, the real world. She was his lifeline. She was the one who was always there, encouraging him and his family. She was there when he felt like breaking. When he didn’t want to be strong, she’d tell some stupid joke in an effort to make him smile and she’d pull him back from the brink.
She’d spent years- he saw that now- trying to get him to see her as a woman. As someone other than a bratty little sister. She’d done crazy things. Really crazy things. Well, maybe not done, but she’d said crazy things.
Was it the worst kind of irony that when he finally realized that all the weird sensations going on inside of him weren’t going to go away where she was concerned, that he actually might like her, she seemed to want to friend zone his ass so hard that his dick would probably get so old it would wither and drop right off before it ever got near her?
Yes. Yes, that was irony at its best. Karma. Payback. Whatever. He was getting a big heaping taste of his own medicine, even though he hadn’t meant to be completely oblivious or cruel, and he wasn’t sure he liked it. Okay, he fucking hated it. Not that he could concentrate on anything when his mom was so sick, but now that she appeared to be on the mend…