by J. M. Walker
I nodded, stepping in front of him when Embree closed the distance between us. “What are you doing here?” I asked her, gripping Xander’s hand tight in mine. At that point, Caiden stepped out onto the porch, frowning when he saw Embree. They knew her but I didn’t know how.
“You called me, asking me to bring you a bag of clothes, remember?” she said, handing me my gym bag.
“Right,” I took it from her. “Thank you.” But that still didn’t explain how they knew each other.
“Is this the ex you told me about?” she asked, nodding towards Xander.
“Yes.” I looked between them. “How do you know each other?” I asked even though I didn’t want to know the answer.
Embree chewed her bottom lip, glancing away.
“You slept with him didn’t you?” I released Xander’s hand and took a step towards her.
She nodded.
“She slept with both of us,” Caiden said, joining our little huddle.
Shaking my head, I crossed my arms under my chest. “Why am I not surprised?”
“I am so sorry, Hope. I had no idea Xander was your ex. I swear if I would have known, I never would have slept with him. Please believe me,” she pleaded.
“I…you should go. I need some time to process this.” I walked past her. “I’ll call you later,” I muttered and headed into the house.
“Hope,” Xander called after me. “Please stop.”
Ignoring him, I headed to his room and started packing my clothes. This was a bad idea. I never should have come back.
“What are you doing?” He grabbed my hands, stopping me and pushed me onto the edge of the bed. “Please, you can’t run because another wrench was thrown into this…this thing we have.”
“Another wrench!” I pushed him so hard, he fell back on his ass. “You fucked Embree. Did you know she goes to my AA meetings to pick up men? And women? She has a sex addiction. She’d be the first one to tell you that but did you ask her? No. Probably not because you were too focused on getting your dick wet.”
“I didn’t know you were friends,” he yelled. “I didn’t even fuck her the last time she offered. I couldn’t. And I didn’t know why until now.”
“Why? Why couldn’t you fuck her?”
“Because I couldn’t stop thinking about you,” he shouted. “And I felt like it would be cheating on you if I did. But that’s never stopped you, now has it?”
Before I could control myself, my hand landed against his cheek. My palm tingled, his skin going red from the impact.
“Hit me again,” he growled, his eyes going cold.
I geared up my hand but pushed him instead.
He grabbed my hand, pulling me into his arms and held me while I fought him.
Beating my fists against his chest, I broke. “I don’t know why it bothers me so much but knowing you were with her disgusts me.” I finally stopped struggling against him and let him hold me.
“She never touched me,” he said softly.
“What do you mean?” I asked, frowning.
“No one has touched me since you. I wouldn’t let them.” He pinched my chin. “I know that doesn’t make it better or easier but it’s the truth. You are the only one I allowed to put their hands on my body.” His mouth brushed along mine. “You are the only one I allowed to have any control.”
I sighed, leaning my head against his chest. “What is wrong with us?”
“We’re in love.” The way he said it, made it sound like a bad thing. But this lack of trust, this constant fighting was either going to tear us apart or bring us together. I just wished I could figure out which and soon.
“Guys?” Caiden said from the doorway. “Embree has left and won’t be back. Hope, your bag is in the hallway.”
“Thank you,” I said.
“Will you come to a friend’s recital tonight?” Xander asked Caiden, helping me to my feet.
“Of course.” Caiden’s gaze met mine.
I swallowed hard.
His skin was pale, dark circles forming under his eyes. He coughed, the sound crackling in his chest.
I opened my mouth to say something when he shook his head, warning me to leave it alone. But I couldn’t. At the moment I would but eventually, I would tell Xander everything if Caiden wouldn’t. No more secrets. And even though it wasn’t my secret to tell, Xander had every right to know what was going on with his best friend, even if it would end up destroying him in the end.
***
(Xander)
Once the three of us arrived at the school, it brought back memories of a time where I was at my best. I hated school but I was happy. Before my parents passed away, taking a piece of me with them, I would come home, leave them notes every so often about a passing grade. They were always proud of me. And I would give anything to hear them tell me how much they loved me one more time.
Seeing Shana with an older couple who I assumed were her grandparents, my chest tightened. She laughed, hugging them both and squealed when another couple approached her. “Mom! Dad!” she shouted, running into their open arms. They whispered something softly to her, her nodding every so often.
Shana pulled back, wiping under her eyes and caught my gaze. She waved us over. “I never thought my parents would be here,” she said as we approached her. “I thought they would be too busy.”
“I’m glad they could be here,” I said, my voice thick.
Hope kept her hand in mine, squeezing it encouragingly.
“So am I.” Shana surprised me by wrapping her arms around my middle. “I wish your parents could be here for you.” She motioned for me to bend down. “But you have Caiden and Hope. Don’t screw it up.” She released me and headed to the stage. “I’ll introduce you after,” she called out, making her way to a group of kids who were lining up.
I shook my head at her honest but refreshing words. Don’t screw it up. I had already done that a million times over.
“Let’s sit,” Caiden offered, clapping a hand on my shoulder.
We followed him to a row of empty chairs and waited. The lights dimmed in the auditorium while the first teen made their way up onto the stage. They ended up doing some slam poetry about love, crime and hate. It was powerful in the emotion he brought forth and received a standing ovation at the end. A couple more kids performed, some sang, some rapped, some even played instruments.
I tried to focus on the words and the acts they were doing, but all I could focus on were Hope’s fingers linked in mine and Caiden’s arm on the back of my chair. My friends. My two best friends and the only family I had. My parents may have passed away sooner than I would have liked but God gave me Caiden and Hope. He gave me a blessing in disguise and I tried so hard to throw it all away.
When Shana finally walked up to the center of the stage, she took a breath. “This is for my new friend. You know who you are. If you know this song, I hope you enjoy my version of the words I know you want to say to her but can’t. And if you don’t know it, sit back and just feel.”
I sat forward, a tingle shooting up my spine when the slow music flowed through the speakers above us. Once the words left her lips, I squeezed my eyes shut, letting them caress me.
I am addicted to you.
Your love. Your touch. Your being.
Everything about you draws me in.
I am captivated by you.
The heat in your gaze. The beat of your heart.
I am addicted to you.
It was a coincidence. It had to be for her to sing the one song I had dedicated to Hope so long ago. “Hope.”
“This song,” Hope said softly from beside me. Her breath caught, tears welling in her beautiful eyes. “Is this about us?”
I nodded, swallowing past the hard lump in my throat.
From the moment we touch, I crave you.
Your kiss. Your breath on my skin. The warmth of your embrace.
I am bound by the ropes of your love. Restrained by your powerful passion.
Y
our caress. Your hold on my body. The possession that seeps from your soul.
I am addicted to you.
When the words ended, Shana hummed out the rest of the melody. Her voice, much like the singer from the band that created the song, flowed effortlessly over the beautiful words.
I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t even know how to react.
Hope shifted in her seat beside me, grabbed my hand and held it tight in hers.
Caiden clapped when the song ended, squeezing my shoulder after. “Perfect,” was all he said.
I glanced at him, frowning when I saw the glassy look in his eyes. “Are you alright?”
He stifled a yawn. “Tired.” He rose to his feet and wavered.
I caught him as he landed hard in the chair. “Shit, man. Are you sure you’re okay?”
“Yeah.” He pulled from my grip. “I’m fine.”
“I’ll say goodbye and then we can head back.” I squeezed his shoulder. “Okay?”
Caiden nodded, rubbing his hands down his thighs.
My throat constricted, a slight twinge tightening in my chest but I ignored it and searched out Shana. Leaving Hope with Caiden, I couldn’t help but wonder what the hell was going on with him.
“Xander.”
I spun around and found Shana coming up to me. “Hi.”
“Did you—”
I pulled her into my arms and lifted her in the air, spinning her around in circles. “Thank you.”
She laughed, returning my hug. “You are welcome. Now put me down, big guy.”
I chuckled and did as she said. “Listen, I have to go but thank you so much. You have no idea what that song means to me.”
A huge grin spread on her face. “I have an idea but you can tell me about it sometime okay?”
I nodded. “I will.”
***
(Hope)
My body was vibrating, the need and want for Xander heating my skin on fire. We had said our goodbyes to Shana and left the high school. Something was up with Caiden but he shrugged it off, saying he needed some rest.
I didn’t know any more than Xander did but I couldn’t focus on anything else if I tried.
When we arrived back at the house, I quickly headed into Xander’s room, pacing back and forth. Those words. From that song. So beautiful and meaningful. I knew Xander had difficulty with words but to hear them in a song…it made me want to show him exactly how I felt in return.
“Hope, what did you want to do for the rest of the night?” Xander asked me as he stepped into the bedroom. He closed the door behind him and pulled off his black leather jacket. “Caiden’s gone to bed. I don’t think he’s feeling well. Want to watch a movie or something?”
“Or something,” I whispered, pulling off my sweater.
“What?” he asked, glancing my way. His nostrils flared as I continued stripping for him. “Tell me,” he said, his voice husky.
“I want you.” I removed the last bit of clothing, leaving myself standing naked in front of him. “I want you deep inside of me, bare and rigid.” I reached out for him when he closed the distance between us. “I want to feel you.”
He lifted me in his arms, crashing his lips to mine. His fingers dug into the flesh of my rear, squeezing to the point of painful. It brought tears to my eyes but the pain felt so good. Oh so delicious like he couldn’t get enough of my body.
“Lay on the bed, baby,” I said against his lips. “I want to ride you.”
“Fuck. Me,” he growled, placing me on my feet.
I pushed him back on the bed and cupped him over his jeans.
In a quick move, he had his pants undone and his cock free. “Hope.” The veins in his neck strained as he forced everything in him not to throw me down onto the bed.
Licking up his neck, I inched a hand under his shirt. “I’m on the pill.”
“Shit, Hope. Fuck. Please.” He trembled beneath me, lining up his thick length with my opening.
Moving down his body, I brushed my soaked entrance over the thickness between his legs.
He groaned, bucking his hips and squeezed his fingers into my waist. “Please. Fuck me.”
Wrapping my fingers around his cock, I leaned back against his bent knees. “Tell me.”
“Hope, damn it!”
I impaled him hard, igniting a yell to leave his lips. My body stretched to meet his size but I didn’t stop. My hips slammed against his pelvis as I rode him with everything in me.
“Shit. Harder. Hope, fuck. Please. Faster.” His back bowed off the bed, sweat coating his brow.
Undulating my hips against him, I took him deep, past the barrier of comfort. A slight pain erupted inside of me. He was hard and swollen. Deep and powerful as his thrusts quickened, bringing me over the edge of ecstasy.
He called out my name, pouring his hot cream inside of me, filling me with his essence.
I moaned, throwing my head back and whimpered, not letting up my movements.
“God, you feel so fucking good.” He groaned, sitting up. His hands massaged and kneaded over my body, pulling me tight against him.
My hips slowed.
“You didn’t come.”
“That’s because I was focused on you.” I placed a soft peck on his lips and rose from his lap.
He rose with me and inched a hand between my thighs, brushing a finger through the folds of my core. “I want you to always come for me.” He purred against my neck, inserting a finger into me. Thrusting once and then twice before bringing it up to his lips. The tip was red, showcasing a drop of blood. “Did I hurt you?”
I shook my head, watching his every move.
“No?” He licked his finger, swallowing our mixed pleasure from the tip before backing me up to the dresser. He pulled off his jeans and the rest of his clothes, turning back to me a moment later. “I want to spend the rest of the night making love to you. I want you so sore that all you feel is my thick cock throbbing inside of your hot body.” He brushed his nose up the length of my neck. “Your pussy is going to swell for me. Your tight heat is the only liquid I want from now on. No more alcohol. No more drugs.” He wrapped his hand around my throat, tilting my head back. “You are my addiction.”
We stood there for what felt like hours, staring at each other. No clothes. Skin against skin and our scent mixing as one. I could still feel him inside of me as his warmth seeped down my inner thigh. “I want to pass out in your arms,” I whispered.
A wicked grin spread on his face. He lifted me, placing me on the dresser and pushed his way between my thighs.
His fingers dug into my skin, spreading my legs wider as he made his way back into my body. For the rest of the night, like he had promised, he showed me over and over again through his touch, how much he loved me. How much he had missed me. And how much he needed me. No words were said as we massaged, kneaded, caressed. He claimed me as his, marking me from the inside out. He ripped open my soul, forcing new feelings from deep within me.
I loved him and his rough touch. I couldn’t get enough of him. He was my addiction. He was pure, unlaced, dripping with lust and ultimate seduction.
He filled me with life, hope and dreams. He used me until I was sore and broken, submitting to the delicious pleasure.
Xander
I WATCHED her sleep. I watched her tanned back rise and fall with each soothing breath. Her leg hooked over mine, her core brushing against my thigh. Her dark curly hair, fanned out on the pillow, tickling my shoulder.
My dick twitched, hardening from listening to her breathe. I couldn’t get enough. Although I had spent the night buried deep inside of her warm body, my length swelled to the point of painful. I groaned, reaching a hand underneath the covers and wrapped my fingers around myself, trying to calm the raging hard on. But my touch made it worse. The soft skin was pulled tight, tender from the many times I had taken Hope throughout the night.
“Shit,” I breathed, my hand moving up and down the rigged length. The throbbing muscle sprung fr
ee from my body and I couldn’t control the actions I inflicted on myself.
“Are you thinking of me?” Hope whispered in my ear.
Squeezing my eyes shut, I nodded, gripping my cock tight in my hand. “Fuck. You’re going to be the death of me.”
She purred, sinking her teeth into my shoulder. “Make yourself come for me.”
“Baby, I need you.” My hips thrust forward.
“You have me.” Hope slid her hand up my inner thigh, cupping my balls. She gave them a light squeeze, massaging and kneading. “Come.”
Her soft command set me off as I spurted my release onto my lower stomach. A satisfied sigh left my lips. I rolled over, snarling into her neck and placed a soft peck on her mouth. “You make me come so fast like a prepubescent boy.”
She giggled, brushing her fingers over my forehead.
I deepened the kiss when a bang from outside the door made us both jump. I quickly rose from the bed, cleaned myself off and pulled on sweatpants.
Hope got dressed and followed me out of the room.
My heart raced, my gaze landing on a crumpled Caiden. “Caiden!” I yelled, running to him. He was shaking, his skin cold and clammy. His eyes rolled into the back of his head, his body convulsing hard against me. “Hope!” I screamed.
She had a phone to her ear, her mouth moving over words I couldn’t hear.
My life flashed before my eyes. A life without Caiden. A world without the man who had saved me. “Caiden,” I pleaded. Please, God. I sent up a silent prayer, asking for what, I wasn’t sure. I didn’t know what was going on. I didn’t know why Caiden was having an attack but I knew something was wrong as he stared up at me with a glazed look in his eyes.
***
“Hope, if something happens to him…” I couldn’t even get the rest of that sentence out without wanting to throw up.
“I know,” she whispered, holding me tight.
It had been an hour since the ambulance picked up Caiden. We were now sitting in the waiting room…waiting. And it was driving me fucking insane. We had no answers. No matter how many times I had asked the EMT what the hell was going on, they wouldn’t tell me.